filza's not replying!!! argh. does tt mean tt there's no drama tmr? i feel stupid and irresponsible. okay mebbe shez sleeping, but still. confirmlah dulu kalau yepun. okay i'll juz wake up at 8 tmr to check my fone, then go back to sleep. k? okay.
i feel terrible. din noe itz been liddat for him.. and if he'd only just TOLD us what was wrong, i would have begged to let him leave! i swear! yargh. i feel terrible. i feel mean. i'm so sorry yah.. i am!!!
and i'm still confused about wat i'm gonna do with regard to my [extremely adorable and lawar] mortal. [ohyah juz now during extra chem i was sleeping ah.. haha.. and i kept having dream snippets of various guys.. including abovementioned mortal! hmm..] neway, these days i keep on thinking of the first time i noticed him. haha. i'm reading the entry now. 5 jan, 10.38pm. "was watching the 6pm storyline, or trying to.. and i found the first official cute j1!!! official as in, i diden know he existed before. hahaha. yes he's a vik. and yes he's poser. but hez so hot!!!" haha. that's so funny. it really is! haha. sorry. and i also rem watching him having his training while we met our junior class, and then later, that night, seeing him and hearing shaf talk to him.. and barely hearing the words as she sed he was in her class. we were outside lt 1 then. the little path to the canteen. and it was like night-time. and i remember screaming and jumping around and stuff, as the night breeze blew. sigh.. hard to believe more than a month has passed since then. and tt he might possibly be gone. i'm praying for yu, my mortal.. the "first official cute j1".. please stay..

hm.. juz thot of sumting.. fana muz be sunk in depression or smthg.. since her darling got BCD.. sigh.. feel better, fana!

lotsa little surprises today. this cute ns guy kalled dev in the train. haha. tilani's cuter but dev juz reminded me of latte. haha. and i was staring at him and thinking, "this is what latte will looks like when hez older.." hehe. i'm so sleepy! okay, i'll continue first. pe was great, i finally saw the strategy in frisbee.. and after tt i did a very slow 30 min run.. which included like 10 minutes of incline! i was seriously dying. haha. next week mebbe i'll up it. then when i walked out, nasi was rite there, juz outside the weights room! i was seriously dying [again].
i got an a2 for malay. i almost kan't believe it. really. but i AM glad, at least my year of taking malay when i really diden have to AFTER ALL wasn't a waste. and i got an a for chem test. 75%. haha. that was a pleasant surprise too.
and after skl juz now we were praying at the surau, and taufik was sitting outside after tt. so i decided to juz say hello. i was juz surprised, cos hez really friendly but it was like the first time we talked. neway, remember the time i ponned a wednesday and i went out with fana, and saw nasi? and i was wearing tk uniform and i went to eat at jon's salon and he was there with his police friends and they were discussing why i was wearing tt uniform. well neway, it turns out he thot i was my sister, cos it cldn't be me cos i was in rj. haha. well itz juz funny.
wahaha. ili braked when she saw lumut! ..okay sorry, i juz agree with what sya sed last year, about how you can never really stop liking someone once yu start.
swimming was great, there's now a visible tan! one gripe tho--no cute guys! haha. takpe. we had fun discussing ppl and stuffz.. and now i feel extremely moisturised, etc. why am i crapping? i shd stop.

jasmine is lawar. solid is sad. filza and i were feeling so sad and helpless. kiter tanyer pon dier tanak bilang. sigh. never seen him liddat before.. writing jiwang lyrics on the board, arguing with hadri.. it was skary.. wonder whatz wrong. and my mortal! i got the letter from him today. the last sentence made me cry, itz so.. nice.. and now i'm juz thinking of a way to like, give him the thing if he does leave. but i really hope it doesn't come to that, not because i don't want to give it to him, but because i'll juz be sad if he leaves. juz like i'll be sad if rempah leaves. or anyone lar, acherli. haiz. apaper lah eh. what kan i do, besides pray for the best..
what a sweet voice she has! jasmine, i mean. yu know what, i wanted to say alot more juz now, but i kinda forgot.. how sad. i really had alot to say.
ohyah. heard ex-fren talking in malay juz now. hilarious. in my initial words, it provided me with "pleasure". haha. i realised later tt i meant "amusement". hehe. and sya sed it was cos of our "legacy"! woohoo! our malay legacy! haha. i thot it sounded extremely cool, and anyway since i'm feeling friendlier towards him these days, it sounded great lar.
chatting with akil now.. so funny how we kan talk online but cld never talk face-to-face, 7 years ago.

i'm having the horriblest week of my life! fever on sunday AND monday, and now itz wednesday and i'm having a swollen mouth! or whatever those thingies in my mouth are. itz juz damn pissing, and now i kan't even swallow cos it hurts. which means i kan't eat cos it hurts. and therefore this.. disease has just taken away one of my favourite pastimes. weird things have been happening. amidst the horrible, i mean. for example, i juz got this msg from sum guy called darren. erm. do i know a darren? itz juz tt i'm skared if i ask "who r yu?" he'll get hurt or pissed or whatever. haha. the only darren i kan think of now is sya's mortal. and tt can't be right! well, any ideas, do tell.
also found out tt i kan't wap anymore. no idea why, but im too skared to ask my dad.
this morning i finally saw fariq again. haiz. since the info fana gave me on saturday, i feel veh offed abt it. which does not mean tt i dun think he's cute anymore. oh and my mortal missed the bus. kesiannye. yu shoulda seen me bisinging! sheesh.
lotsa hw to do, and no idea why i'm not, but.. well i think i juz need to give my throat sum rest. by sleeping. a vow of silence is kinda a tall order for me. i mean, then i wldn't be able to scream "OM!" etc. haha.
i like the way my cool plasters look. but i dun think i'll wear more tmr unless it really stings.
ain't nasi hot? haha. he was lining up behind me just now. heh heh. sorry, but he is.
i went home with hana just now after another excruciatingly painful meeting. i rem the first time i took 105 with her. i diden really know her tt well then, but now shez acherli a pms! and i have regular tuesday lunch with her and filza! so fun! and they always help me keep my sanity. i'm glad to be able to tell her stuff.. so i dun always have to write down everything here. since it cld potentially hurt. if we all spoke our minds, i'm pretty sure hearts would be breaking repeatedly everyday. every hour. every second. oh and that reminded me to go for my personal movie soon. like very soon. like extremely soon. i juz dunno where. acherli tampines wld be juz fine lar. i dun kare much anymore. who could i meet, besides primary skl friends rite?
speaking of that, i met akil on friendster! haha. i never thought i'd meet him again. apparently he's seen me in the train alot, with sum other gerls.. and he saw me wearing tk pinafore too.. hm i never noticed.. but ttz cos he looks how diff lar.. well.. i'll try to keep my eyes open next time. then i'll say hi instead.
i think i used to prefer being in skl to being at home. now, i'd rather be home. skl is almost as excruciatingly painful as just now's meeting. sorry, but i juz hate sitting round for too long. at least i home i kan baring2, watch vcds, or dance or sing, etc. ohyah speaking of which, i am going to geylang.. erm.. soon.. wanna get more tarian cds.. cos i juz realised tt if i sit around waiting for tarian to come to me, i'll never be satisfied. too little tarians in rj ah. i'm pretty sure shaf feels the same way too.
am i anti? sumtimes i feel tt i am, but i juz let myself be so. mostly cos i dun like being with ppl who make me feel rotten. cos i can pretty much succeed at tt by myself.

sheesh. every time i haf a long day, i haf lotsa things to write.. but i kan't wapblog cos when i haf a long day, i go back late, and tt means i go back with people, meaning tt as a person, i shdn't be anti and therefore not wapblog. sigh. meaning tt i'll always forget the finer points of my day. but i'll try my best now.
i am gonna give my mortal my sweater if he doesn't make it. but i hope he does. please, God.
tilani was in the train again!
tarian was cool. darn now pedas will prolly know his name. cos i call him sedap. haha. long story. but it involves righthandside. haha. hailah pedas, the way yu talk and act really freaks me out sometimes. itz like yu KNOW we think yu're pedas. btw he's now rempah. which means we kan acherli have him with nasi and lauk n air! hahahaha. we now also have actions for many ppl incl burger, batu, and even burger&batu, collectively! ohyah after tarian i was sitting at the top of the gate, enjoying the feeling, then i screamed, "OM, since yu dun love me, i'll jump!" and jumped. but my landing diden go as planned. the cat instincts kicked in and i landed on all fours [meaning i skinned my knees]. but tt means i get to wear cool plasters tmr!!!
i was cramming integrals for maths test at bamboo garden juz now when i heard a guy call, "ain!" and i turned, expecting sum ex-fren derivative, but it was fazly! so i screamed, and i was like, "itz youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!" haha. he withdrew from cj sey.. i guess he really dussnt like it there.. wish he cld come to rj though. haiz. hm vj or ac.. but how the hell do you samakan the two? anyway hez like freaking tall, or mebbe i juz haven't seen him for a long time, and his hair and his eyes r soooo much browner than i remembered..! hailah batch of 1987. asal korang sumer lawar-lawar? well speaking of maths test [originally anyway], i did all the qns except 1b!!! congrats to ain. that is not boasting. cos my answers r prolly wrong. but hey! method marks works all the time. i thot latte looked pretty cute juz now. haha. but ttz juz me.
what an extremely exciting post-pe period. batu sitting down rite next to our bags, talking bout everything in her life. us spying on spy n her. if this keeps up... our malay could become really really excellent! haha. oohyah and whytee kept walking around! and bouncing ard! and lazing ard!! congrats to sya, hez extremely cute in an extremely interesting manner. and watching cj get euphoric over his 3-pointers was sooooooooooo cool! as in, i've never seen a guy so happy before. i swear, he really looked radiant etc to me.. and cikgu was being really nice today so filza got skared. haha. apeee je. i juz count my blessings.. and hope not to annoy her anymore.. but i always succeed in doing so, inevitably. sheesh.
[and tt marks the end! cos i started and ended with the same word! aah watever. or shd i say, "kya-ever!" "kyu?" you ask? haha. i dunno. ohyah i'm supposed to put my kembar pic here. jap eh.]

i'm so tired. i'm suffering a relapse, acherli. horrible. i'm all shivery AGAIN. how annoying. anyway i guess i shd sleep soon, i juz wanted to like, say some things.
number one. i scribbled a i'll-pray-for-you-to-stay-in-rj-since-yu-haf-9-points letter to my mortal, on the back of a photo order list.. and i went out and bought him a dove hazelnut chocolate bar and passed it to shafia. and guess what she told me? apparently he was saying tt if he diden stay, he wldn't be able to write to me, and i wldn't be able to write to him.. and shaf asked him if he'd miss me, and he sed YES!!! i almost fell over the railing when i heard tt! hehe. yah ttz like so sweet. or so i think. well i guess i kan't help being nice to him.. hez so easy to be nice to.. like alot of ppl are now, acherli.. itz juz tt i'm in the perfect position to be nice to him. too bad i'm such an ass to my other mortal. but like.. wow.. i'd haf thot ppl like him wldn't be so into this angel-mortal thingy, and tt he'd juz stop writing.. haha. guess i was wrong! [i wld smile now, but i'm juz feeling too ill. bye bye, maths test.]
and number two, i was in the train home with filza juz now, and we met shaffique!!! he got in at like outram park or tanjong pagar or smthg, and we kept on staring at each other, then finally i remembered his name, and we xchanged basic news.. while i stared at his bag and his friend's soopa-off hair, and filza stared at his apparently-lovely eyes. haha. i think he looks really good now, and itz so cool tt he rems me! hm forgot to ask if he still keeps in touch with ahmad.. ohwellz..
alrite ttz all i kan muster up the energy for. cya.

Tech Support: Yes, Ma'am.... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart, ma'am?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running, ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support : With pleasure. Go to your start menu and evoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components ." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry, ma'am. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non- technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you!

Ya ya ya, i shd b doing maths now but i'm juz so malas! Oh itz d 12pm bell. Neway, yest i reached wrl n got a fever, so din do anything at all. Met 'faezah' at bk. He lives in woodlands! Oh n tilan iz acherli tilani. Haha. He was in d train again. Ohno adzfar juz told me his appeal din get thru! Tt really sux! Shit sia. N now i'm sad again. (But congrats, hana n rajiv!)

Today's been such a weird mixture of shitty n great. I think i juz saw the 2nd hottest guy of my life. He was bandanged, n wearg a red jersey. Vik, i think. Soopa tall. Mebbe potential j1. Letz pray 4 him. Haha. Righthandside luks so adorable in tt! Hez eternally adorable larh. Oh n letz all together pray for my mortal to stay! Well bak to cip.

Hailah OM, even d smallest encounter kan freeze me liddat. N bfg iz an excellent indicator! D lunch was great, had lotsa fun. Forgot lotsa stuff. Met ili's mom at bishan tadi. Haha. N i lyke my buddy's pres, hope he/she lykes it too. Gonna slp now, tata! =D

Waitg for extra chem to start. This whole friend revolutn iz throwg me off. N to think it all stems mostly frm batu. But i dun lyke to ponder y they acherli lyke her, cos i think itz completely useless. I'm so sleepy. Ran 2 rounds n did lotsa leg presses. Ow. Isn't it cute tt our class iz being fitness freaks? Haha. Ok. I juz want to say again tt OM rox. N happy anniversary to ili n fidodido!

Yeah! Tilan was in d train again today! He has such cute funny big eyes. I feel so damn disoriented. Everything's diff today. Aiya i thot results anxiety ended for me laz yr.. I guess i was wrong. Still rem laz yr.. I miss bishan lotz.

D int was how freakin empty. Not tt late wat! I think tt was d best drama prac ever. Haha. I went off all happy n bouncy n stuff. Oh new developmt. Fariq was TOLD tt an rj gerl lykes him. So. Yah. Well wat else iz new.. Need to give rajiv a name. N filza n i were talkg abt our gullibility to solid's persuasive powers. Haha. Think abt it.

Hey babes. In bk now, n guess wat? Power 98 played 'here without u', 'frm F, going out to my loved one, norain, n all hu noe me.' I heard tt. I swear! Neway chem sucked, will fail horribly. Ooh n guess wat? Dis morng at bv i stood up n fariq n i looked at each other, n we SMILED! Who else tak caya? -raises hand- Cuden stop smilg aft tt.. =D

wow now tt i'm using wap, i won't be blogging in big chunks! another plus for wapblogger. neway, i really dunno wat to say. ohyah. skl is a drag, innit? i'm juz dying now. i never used to hate skl. ok, mebbe sumtimes, but that was like, once or twice a year, not once or twice a day! so. yah. i dunno. arh whateverlah. tmr's a 2-hr bio break, will do more studying then. tonite will be my tv nite. ok acherli the only tv thing abt it iz charmed, but i hardly watch tv these days so itz counted.
wat do i get for my buddy? since itz a sexless person at the moment.. hmmm.. well i'll sleep on it.
i was washing my face, and i remembered this song.
smile though your heart is aching, smile, even though itz breaking. when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by, if you smile through your fear and sorrow. smile, and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining thru for you. light up yur face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, altho a tear may be ever so near.. thatz the time you muz keep on trying. smile, what's the use of crying? you'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll juz smile..
well, nat king cole, i dunno. i smile and smile and laugh and laugh. so loud, others laugh too. but life still doesn't seem so worthwhile. and i always thought of crying as a way to let go of the tension inside. i dunno. maybe i'll try that smile thing again. or maybe it only works for you.

Yargh. I'm totally abusg this thing! Kan't wait to get home, itz been a long n pissy day. Haha. I think i'm on my way to bcomg a cradle-snatcher! Itz almost skary. Aah my new fav song iz playg. Ohyah im a team leader! Wah responsibility! Oklah bak to stong. =S

In bk now. I still have alkenes, half of alcohols, halogenoarenes n carbonyl left. Sigh. Library was full of ppl mugging chem juz now. I feel intimidated. We saw red kembar juz now! Hehe. Cute. Itz another of those rotten days. But i feel abit better now. Kan't wait to get home. Oh class 95 iz now my new fav statn. Haha. The songs r nice, lively or jiwang. Not horrible ear-killg rock. Tmr i'm ponning econs lec. I'll come here n do maths n econs tys. Well, wish me luck for chem tmr! Oops gtg. Bye.

My eyes kan't open! Itz been a shitty day thus far. Thank god for ili. Shez so cute! Oops bell.. Cya.

Went home w the night tarianers. In train now. We haf 2 new nicknames, pedas n mdp.. Haha. Pedas really lives up to his name. But dun worry, i dun like him. Pedas totally warned me outright against nasi. Sigh. Now i feel guilty for likg nasi. Well, let us then change no 1 to my mortal! Ok reachg pasir ris. Bye!

In ? gallery durg math lec. Bell juz rang. Will go bak in now. Thanx, wap-enabled fone!

i'm sorry i'm sorry.. why am i still blogging here when i haf lots to do? i dunnooooooo!!! i juz am! i kan't stop! there was smthg i wanted to say, but i forgot already. anyway i juz diden wanna tear myself away from the comp for sum reason.. so i like, explored all my folders and stuff.. and there was one particular folder tt really made me laugh.. it was all the minis.. the mini-mc, the mini-menu, the mini-nutritionlabel, etc.. i was totally dying at the double mini white slips..! but i think the funniest was definitely the mini-article, with the headline screaming "TWICE THE JOY FOR NATIONAL PLAYER". haha. i was juz laughing infront of the comp lyke nobody's business.. i mean, itz not even a year after all these crap, and i'm already laughing abt it.. it kinda shows how stupid and silly i really am, and i know it, but i juz kan't seem to change!!!
ohyah. had 2-in-a-row dreams about OM. on friday nite i dreamt tt OM was passing by and my mom caught me staring at him, and correctly concluded tt i liked him, and told me to go after him/tell him. on saturday night i dreamt that ili n i were walking to the surau, and 2 people were already there. juz those 2 ppl ah. and i froze in my steps, cos those 2 ppl were like, OM and BFG. they were basically praying at the surau. like, waddehell? firstly, tt isn't my first surau dream. secondly, neither OM nor BFG is muslim. juz a couple of objections to my dreams, ttz all.
juz now the cute acs boy was sitting at the next table.. his voice is so.. cute! and he's really funny.. i wanted to like, laugh at sum of his comments, but i kinda had to shut up cos i was, well, alone. and no one likes a crazy laughing freak. "you chief muggeress ah!" hehe. i wasn't aware tt "mugger" was a male noun.
goodnight. for the last time tonite, i hope.

why is it i can't feel the pain?
are we meant to share it?
if i told you it didn't hurt, would you hate me for it?
if i told you i could still smile easily, would you hate me for it?
how is it i knew, but it didn't affect me?
why am i not scared?
why am i not sad?
why am i not shaken?
is that what i should be feeling?
can i still laugh?
cos i already have.
can i still think happy thoughts?
cos i can't stop them coming.
will you forgive me this ignorance?
or will you hate me for it?
and if you could just tell me it's okay not to feel.

FIRDAUS: Laila.. Kau percaya tak dalam cinta pandang pertama?
LAILA: (thinks for awhile then meets his eyes) Ya.. Cinta yang mengharungi segala rintangan..
FIRDAUS: Cinta yang tidak mengambil kira darjat, umur dan bangsa..
LAILA: Cinta yang ikhlas dan sejati..
FIRDAUS: Bukan mudah ditemui--
LAILA: --tapi hanya hati yang mengetahui..

harloez. arman was sitting right infront of me in the train juz now! woohoo! [ok ttz cos i was the one who sat infront of him. but still. he almost never enters tt carriage.] and sya sez he's "universally cute", meaning i won't have any argument as to whether hez cute or not. woohoo!
oh and i was bored tadi, so i checked out the Rafflesians Alumni Hari Raya Gathering 2003 cd.. and guess whose photo is featured inside?!?!?!? guess!!!!!!!! itz............................ ME!!!!! haha. aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnndddddd... righthandside! and he looks extremely good-looking in it.. hez smiling, but somehow, he looks mature and not kiddy.. wow. really lawar. ask me for it online anytime.

heyheyheyheyhey!!!!!!!!!!!! i am acherli exuberant! on a sunday night! hahahahahaha. i wanted to blog yest, but i think i was too spent.
ANYWAY. hehehehe. sorry. itz been a pretty great weekend, i think. i got to wake up soopa late on saturday.. went to fun-o-rama.. i dun think it was as fun as the last one. but i got to fulfil both my reasons for going.
reason #1: to finish the coupons. we got a 15-dollar girl-power wood thingy, 2 root beers, a chocolate waffle, 2 gerberas and we had one buck left which we juz donated. haha.
reason #2: to check out the crowd, esp the viks. woohoo! erm letz see.. first up was like, my MORTAL!!! wheehoo!!! he was at the root beer stall infront of us.. and he kept turning to look at us, then finally he asked if we were from rj. wowz. he rems our faces?!?!?! excellent! then i think i started wondering where nasi was, and whether he left already, then he suddenly popped up! he was with 2 gerls, and he looked kinda out of place at times [cos we were like tailing him for abt 10 minutes. haha.].. well saw him 3 more times after tt.. lovely.. thenn.. oh saw khairul.. haha.. and.. ooh i saw anushka, and aizat, and suff, and aidil, and whoever elses ah.. and at the dunking place there was this helluva handsome vik.. he was wearing a red acjc tshirt and laughing alot.. with the customary earring, of cos.. haha. tall.. not tt dark.. veh veh handsome! i was dying. we saw a righthandside-cute kinda guy. hehe. nice.. and there was this annoyingly un-cute and heeuugge vik on the dunking platform.. i kan't really forget his face in a hurry, so i juz had to mention him. ohyah and we met yazid and aisyah as we were walking out.. i was like, "heyheyhey!" to yazid, then i saw aisyah, and i was like "heyheyhey!" to her.. haha. and thennnn... we juz walked out the gate ah, and i juz looked casually across the road, and i spotted this vik, and i saw tt he was with another guy, and tt they were both wearing jj uniform.. so i was thinking, "hey jj!" and the other guy kinda looked familiar, so i sed to sya, "sya, am i dreaming or is tt fariq?" and sya looked where i was looking and sed, "no, i dun think you're dreaming, ain.." and i juz died. and we kinda hovered around tt spot until they crossed the road.. and i juz couldn't stop staring at him!!! and it was only after he passed us that he started grinning and then he told the vik smthg and the vik turned to look at us too.
so yes tt was the best part of my saturday in a nutshell. TODAY i went to do hw at woodlands library with fana. we were juz hanging out at the children's floor, hoping we'd meet ppl we know.. [oh btw fana gave me the greatest present of my life too! woohoo!] neway.. we met decaf and caf there.. haha. so funny. they were juz touring the library.. out of boredom or smthg, i suppose. decaf looked extremely good, judging by the amount of fana's drool. they made one round of the children's floor, so they passed us, and i waved at caf, and asked, "what are yu doing here?" twice.. and decaf [!] answered, "studying.." and i was juz like "!!!" decaf knows me? how nice! haha.. yeah, duh he knows me, prolly as the-girl-who-likes-OM. anyway yeah they were acherli studying at the cafe downstairs. how nice.. they were the last people i expected to see there..
ohyah and today i found out tt OM lives in a condo in boon lay. wow. i am so gonna make jurong point my new hangout. haha. information courtesy of aidil, btw..
okay i think this entry has become too long. byez.

oohyah!!!!!!!!! forgot to comment on rajiv! okay.. he's fair. he's average height. he's handsome! hez extremely cool! hez such an amazingly nice guy!
ttz in chronological order of my thots as he walked into the hall with hana. the thing tt really hit me was that he acherli repeated our names!!!!!!!!!!!!!! warhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! ttz like so nice! you go, hana! i'm with yu all the way!

ohmigod! itz fate! it has to be! i mean, i almost skipped that train to wait for righthandside. i almost walked to the front end, juz out of habit, but i happened to be talking to qt. and somehow 4 adjacent seats decided to vacate themselves rite there in the green section. and i juz happened to look to my left and see his incredibly pleasant-looking face. we almost diden go to mac's. and lotsa almosts, and couldhaves.. but in the end, the little movements of the universe conspired to let me see fariq again tonite. okay not tonight. laz night ah. haha. watever. i almost died when i saw him. i think i gasped and stared, and ohmigodded. and that made him turn n look at me.. so i [really obviously] shifted my attn elsewhere. and he was juz being so cute! he kept on smiling to himself. den the corner seat was vacated so he like, hopped sideways and settled there.. and then he went to sleep and terlajaked bedok. he woke up, his eyes went *boing* and he slapped his forehead and smiled to himself summore. i felt horrible. like i was responsible for him terlajaking, cos i was supposed to wake him up rite. oh shit n i juz realised! there were no more trains out from pasir ris at tt time! he prolly had to cab home! shit, now i really feel horrible. sorry fariq, i think i was juz too paralysed by the fact tt i was seeing you in the train AGAIN at like 1130pm. so yah. i will apologise when fana finally introduces us, as she has promised to.
righthandside is sooooooooooooooo hebat! as in, how can one person look both mature AND childishly adorable? well righthandside has it down to a tee. and sya figured out the mystery. when he doesn't smile, he looks extremely mature. when he smiles, he looks like a kid! a 12 yr old, at most! his eyes crinkle up and his white rabbit teeth terkeluar and his face lights up somehow and it juz looks SO. CUTE.
nasi was there too. with lauk and.. and.. air too. air is basically the other guy who doesn't haf a name. nasi is still hot!
no sign of OM. hah gi mampoz dgn kau. tadi aku kena terserempak dua kali sey.. same location summore.. trapped summore. sheesh.
pe was extremely diff today. i dun seem to be recovering from my flu [in fact, i kan feel my throat acting up again now. muz be the 3 hr long aircon tadie.], so i was in the weights room doing assisted pull ups and leg presses. and then righthandside's crew walked past and made comments. hehe. best actor is so cute.
oh speaking of best actor, i think jireh rocks! hez so damn funny! i wanted to juz die there, he was juz hilarious. and my fav filler item was the genre change thingies.. the action thriller was the funniest sia! i was seriously roaring with laffter there.. so totally unlike laz yrz non-entertainment. and as for the plays themselves, i guess i'm really not one for complicated storylines. deep deep stuff juz isn't my thing. so for me, life is but a dream was really a nightmare i was dying to get out of. itz like, i dun see the real purpose, ttz all. as in, there wasn't really any impact for me. med's one seemed kwite characteristic of med, i guess. i liked it, cos there were basically like 2 scene changes, which really helped keep our attn.. i think itz really smart to use the shrink as the central focus.. makes the whole thing easier to tell.. i'm really sorry i missed arts.. heard the laffter frm outside.. ohwell. too bad. cps' one.. haiya y does it hafta be abt pw? i thot pw left me a long time ago, and i was happy thinking that.. i think the king is cool tho.. haha. i dun think batu is cool. oh i think theresa was cool.. hehe. altho i agree with her tt the character was totally un-her.
have i covered everything? i'm really sleepy. ohyah. my heart was broken like pagipagi buter.. when i saw arman hanging out at pasir ris mert steps with the stupid tk gerls. *tinkletinkletinkle* oh those r the pieces of my broken heart, falling to the tiled floor of my room. *clickclickclick* oh thatz the abovementioned pieces piecing themselves back after seeing fariq! at close to midnite! how cinderella-like! woohoo! fariq roqs! hahah. shit tt looks ugly. fariq rox!
ooh guess what. i got home at like 1220 midnite juz now. itz like 135am now. anyway, basically, i got home after my sister! wowee! on a friday nite! milestone in both our lives man! take note of the date: 21 feb 2004--ain gets home hours after ida has fallen asleep..
God i'm crapping. nites!

heyya. i'm not fully recovered yet, i do hope that udu doesn't make me run 20 rounds or smthg. i juz realised i haven't had udu pe for more than one week. sure die sia.
dunno why but i thot today was gonna be a shitty day. but i still got to see arman, and the jj guy.. and i even found out the jj guy's name! itz fariq. heheh. it was written on his file. ms. sharp-eyes here caught it, of cos. haha. OM was on the bus this morning, and ili, upon realising that he was the one i like, started giggling. i suppose she doesn't approve. haha. and i lied through my teeth to thea when i sed i was juz liking nasi from afar. i was also busy watching burger interact with kambing. hahaha. hey, that looks funny! burger kambing! haha. anyway, yah. dun worry ppl, like i sed, itz a strictly NON-LOVE attraction. ooh speaking of love, tmr rajiv is coming rite? i'm so excited and happy for hana. hehehe. i hope he drops by rj too..
saw lotsa lotsa nasi today. i was listening to oh my darling in the library, and about to leave, when he came in. [with lauk and the other guy, no less.] so of cos i stayed rooted to my seat and refused to move until he left, which was like 15 mins later or so. hez so... takder kerja, literally! he was just lying there listening to his mp3 player.. with his back facing me [so i cld look at him without interruption].. i dunno what he was doing there also. but i'm glad he was. then later we were going out of skl and i saw him again! woohoo! hot hot hot! the thing is, i see alot more of lauk than him. sheesh. yuck. and amir is so damn obvious lar. juz now munz and i were slacking in class after econs to wait for a kembar, but unfortunately the rest of his class came already, so we had to leave. then when we were walking out we saw him, and amir was like shouting, "ain!" and pointing to him. was tt a suspicious look i caught on lauk's face? shit! and to make matters worse, i left my impostor waterbottle in klass lar! stupid shit. itz like every wed, i'll inevitably leave smthg in class--sweater, waterbottle, or both. 3 weeks in a row already. i wonder whatz the problem. i guess i'm juz too eager to go home.
oooh! and i was juz walking to my block juz now, and i heard skateboard sounds, so i was like, "ooh, skaters!" and turned to look. well, it was singular--skateR. and he was chinese, so i was like, "haiyaa.." then i saw his tshirt and i was like woohoo! cos hez like, the permanent boyfriend i've been seeing since i was in sec 3 or 4! and i somehow stopped seeing him around, but now i'm seeing him ard again! and he'z a skater, ttz like how cool! think it'll go amiss if i start studying at the tables kat bawah block again? but itz like, one metre away from where he skates. i guess it'll look weird. darn!
my hot pink hairband broke!!! how tragic sia! i'm really sad! now i haf to go to montip and get another one! for the time being, i'm gonna use this glittery transparent pink one i juz got at bishan juz now. but the glitter kind of comes off on my neck. haha. itz okay, i suppose it'll look alluring to nasi and others. wahahah. oh God i'm crapping. bye.
and no, i won't be doing any homework today.
Tiada ku sangka bola-bola api
Yang sedulunya kecil telah menjadi besar
Begitulah jua harapan padamu
Yang sedulunya kecil telah menjadi besar

Biar saja aku jadi penggantinya di sisimu
Kau yang cantik, sopan santunmu paling comel di hatiku

Ku tahu kau diluka oleh teman lama

Oh pertama kali aku mengenalmu
Kau selalu tersenyum, tersenyum padaku
Dan seperti jua bola-bola api
Makin semarak cinta, cintaku padamu

Boleh saja kau jadilah penggantinya di sisiku
Kau yang baik, sopan santunmu paling comel di hatiku

this morning arman acherli sat in my carriage! so lawarrr.. he was like smiling to himself, like a secret smile.. so kiut! i was positively melting there. and filza diden come to the locker in time this morning, so i was juz inspired to bite the bullet and juz give the pres to burger b4/after assembly. well i was lucky, it seemed, cos he was standing detached from the rest, juz watching their conversation, and they weren't paying any attn to him. so i just went up and sed smthg like, "yo, this is from me and baba.." and hulurkaned the present. and he stared at me and sed, "oh.. thanks.." and i sed bye and left in a hurry. haha. itz okay, he woke up from his daze after assembly and came round to thank me. so yes, if yu're reading this, baba, he seems extremely grateful n surprised for the pressie.
saw much less of nasi today than i wld haf wanted to. haha. i unknowingly injured poor amir when i punched his leg when nasi strolled past chem tutorial. well. he was looking hot as usual. whatz a girl to do?
does it sound like i had a great day? well acherli no. it got progressively worse. i'd say the highest point was arman, then it all went slowly downhill frm there. anyway. yah. i was struck with flu germs during gp. horrible sia. i think i'm gonna skip hw tonite so i kan eat ubat n go to sleep.
ohyah. the script sounds extremely off. but ttz juz cos of the difference in language lar.

If it were only possible for me to catch this wind
that blows my hair every which way
that carries these sheets of paper for miles about
that masquerades as a breeze
that dissipates the heat
breaks the day's monotony
I would.
If I could just catch this wind
Put it in a box, a locket, a baby's sock
Take it out whenever I wanted
Let it sing to me
Put it back again
I would.
And this moment will always remind me of me, forever.

~

i asked, "issit possible to like an ass?"
she replied a resounding yes.
i remember liking one a year ago.
the process of stopping was freakin' slow.
could it be you remind me of him?
that you're not true like, you're just a whim?
or behind that, is there something i see?
something real, like it's meant to be?

i had like a billion dreams last night. and i forgot most of them, as usual. but 2 of them sorta stick out in my mind. cos one was shitty, and one was damn nice.
the shitty one was about OM. i was in the middle of a group of people, and he was one of them. and i kept on staring at him for sum unknown reason. i was talking to sum ppl then.. and then i talked really loudly about how shitty sum guys are, how they ignore yu n stuff liddat. then i walked away ah. but i sengaje banged into him first. and he got mad and said, "what's yur problem? if you're angry just say so lah! no need to do all this!" yah so i like, shoved him and started insulting him and stuff.
eeps. wat a violent dream.

yest the PsMS went to anatolia [again] to check out "faezah" [except for dean, of cos] and eat. then we went to borders, where sum really kool books were discovered. then we went to orchard mrt, downstairs, and met the [current] birthday boy. haha. funny, the way things work.
today we went to east coast. ain the great spotted amir! woohoo! and there were little st. pat's boys, but i must have missed arman. had a deelish brunch at komala's. heheh. OM powerr! then kiter duduk kat breakwater, tanning, taking glamour shots, and checking out the 50 eligible bachelors 2004. we are all in love with haizad! then we taxied to eunos and i went to bugis with azlif. so many beeyootiful things to buy! but where is the money to buy them? miq was okay. i suppose it cld have been worse yah? at least the reason i decided to go came. hahaha. if anyone understands tt statement, congrats. ooh haha i also met harun there. he looks cool with celak! haha. and azlif, i know yu like him. no need to hide it from me. the boringest speeches of my life followed. i wrote 3.5 stanzas, each for diff guys.
after the quiz i went to orchard, changed, went to surau [prayed and pakaied mascara n eyeliner n gloss], went to borders [read a couple of chapters of the five people you meet in heaven, bought my bellydancing book while drooling over this extremely nice and not bad-looking vik cashier], went to starbucks [spied really convincingly], sat at the bus stop drinking my rhumba frappucino, and went to dhoby ghaut.
the class dinner? haha. after traipsing round ps fruitlessly, we finally went to eat at ljs macdonald hse. i'm still surprised tt amir was looking at me when i got josh's gift. haha. well. sorry. there was prolly a leetle beet of hurt involved. okay then we went home.
i dunno why i was so bloody ambivalent today. i juz was. i was getting really pissed at myself for being so pissy, but it diden help any.
juz thinking abt what happened LAST vday. i rem there was drama, cos i rem going to bk holland v after tt with azi and sya/nurie, can't rem. and met rach there. and aimee too, i think. and i was feeling completely rotten then. well at least THIS year, there were sum positive feelings involved yah?
okay my stanzas. here goes.
ucapan buat seorang lelaki:
wangi-wangian syurga yang sejati
selamat hari kekasih dan hari jadi
diharap dikau saling diberkati.

kepada jejaka di sudut hujung
kecomelanmu bagaikan anak kampung
kau membuat perasaanku melambung
senyumanmu kan selalu ku sanjung.

aku mempunyai seorang friend yang happy
dia berasal dari _jc
hidungnya kelakar, rambutnya curly
badannya besar, bermain rugby.

his name is nasi
he's freakin' hot
he's fantastic
i like him alot.

okay lame poem. and not entirely true. anyway i really have like 5 mins only, but i juz wanted to blog. all i haf to say is, i have a heeeuuuuggee crush that i wish wld juz go away! and also wanted to say how best actor is like, the best in the world. he rawks. he brings mikh to life like i never imagined. lovely. it was pure pleasure watching them act. all the way, mikh n laila!

ooh how cld i forget, we happened to step into hmv juz now, and i juz cldn't resist, i bought what women want and you've got mail for a grand total of 15 bucks. woohoo. kan't wait to rewatch them.

hey babes. i'm feeling so satisfied today. i guess i really needed the skl detox. all the non-OM interactions, the v-day/frenshipwk/TDD fever.. yah. so i ponned today, slept in, but ppl juz kept kalling. first ilham.. den ms wong.. and i acherli had sum sniffle thingy going on.. haha. so i woke up at 9, hung out, ate, went back to sleep at 10, woke up again at 11, went unconscious till 1145. so yah it was nice, 'cept i was still kinda blur n sleepy.. i was even sleeping in the train..
i was a tk gerl today.. i love being a tk gerl. itz nice.. heheh. i feel so girly in the uniform.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD.. i was at wisma with fana n diana and we saw nasi!!! woohoo! woohoo! woohoo! i mean, i was juz thinking of him.. and rationalising tt i wldn't get to c him today cos he'd be in skl, but nooooo.. he was there, shuttling back n forth between bits 'n' pieces and the wall infront of the toilets.. wow.. hez like so hot! and i juz kept pinching fana.. haha. that was hilarious. but anyway, fana initially thot he was really really lawar.. but i warned her tt sya doesn't agree tt hez hot, and sure enuff, when we passed him again later, fana decided hez not tt great after all. takper. tt means there's more nasi to go around. hah.
i smell of j.lo's new scent. still or sum other forgettable word. but nice scent. i lyke it. so fresh n lively. oh i met denise! denise pj.. hehe.. nice to c her again, she still looks the same.. too bad she won't be coming on friday.. oh and then fana n i went to eat at jon's salon, and guess who else was eating there? taufik! not that i acherli kare, or tt itz so crucial to my life or anything. i think he juz booked out or smthg. sum white shirt and navy bloo pants.. he is, of cos, botak.. haha. and he used to haf so much hair. anyway, he n his frens were like staring at me and discussing which skl i was frm. haha. u noe, the tk pinafore. apeee je. as in, he was the only one there i recognised. we haven't even talked before. so why wld he, or any of the rest, kare where i was frm? well yah. meybe they were bored. so i decided to clear all doubts and i put on my rj sweater. there. no more arguing.
ohyah i bought my mortal's vday pres already. and the box for burger's perfume. cuma i think i'm gonna chicken out for the latter. how m i supposed to give it to him?

i need a break. like a long long loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnggggg vacation. from life. or from THIS life, anyway. i was helplessly moodswinging just now. more in the negative sector, for sum unknown reason. asal ah? issit OM? or sklwork? or artsfeste? or maybe it was the cramps. the pain was seriously killing me. so i decided to distract myself from the pain with a mcspicy double MEAL *AND* an icecream waffle cone. arrrggh. i am psycho. ohyah. figured out another reason. v-day. haha.
_{sorry itz juz like everyone was writing on hearts to each other and seeing the one from batu diden help, plus like they asked me to write one and i realised i diden have anyone to write to so like it juz hurt.} yah.

well on to positive stuffs. i saw the jj guy today! he was even cuter cos his hair was all fluffy cos he diden comb it today. heheh. sho cute. kept on staring at him, except when i was sleeping.
aaaaand... i juz realised tt i haf a happy non-fren! hez called............ NASI! woohoo! okay i know hez like a genuine bad boy and all, but hez juz freakin' hot! and the best part is, he doesn't know i like him! hah! and the second best part is, i have like 80% of his name on my person! double hah!
i am obviously completely unhinged. tata.

darn. the stupid belly dance class is conducted in mandarin/english. i know i already promised myself, but it looks like i gotta back out after all. there is NO WAY IN HELL i am going to sign up for a dance class which is half-conducted in mandarin, ALONE, and also miss the first lesson. so yah. i'll get the hair dye tmr or something, and dye my hair instead.
skl is such a drag these days. really. i used to acherli LIKE skl. cos of OM, and the like. but since OM started ignoring me [no thanks to ex-fren], life's been tt much more painful. and the j1 draws juz aren't beeg enuff draws lar. plus all the politics tt are circling me.. and yah. ohyes. non-fren has a goatee!?!?! nice! so mature! hehe.
the first list of this year [other than 1. OM] is as follows:
1. nasi
2. one-side
3. kembar: red specs is cuter
4. mun yuk's bag
5. the short ac guy

ooh speaking of short guys, juz now at pasir ris mrt, i was with azlif, and we saw arman!!! woohoo! hez in st. pat's, btw. heh. he looks blardeefreakin' cute ah! -dies- and she agrees, which obviously means he's cute. heh. yay.
oh and tmr i get to wear my pink slippers and see the jj guy again, kan't wait. hm. ohyes. i lurve yu, fellow PerempuanS Melayu Sejati!!!!
-dean-

gpa eve. lovelylovelylovelylovelylovelylovely.

go away. i bite.

there's so many other things i hafta do. but i'm gonna have sum sorta internal explosion if i dun do this first. itz been such a fucking long week. no, make tt a fucking long 2004-so-far. and itz been raining outside and inside. and.. i dunno. everything's been going wrong. itz like i'm living in Murphy's world. haha. sorry. tt sounds dumb.
the drama has been killing me. really. itz emotionally, physically and mentally draining. i believe i'll be getting dvt in my ass within the month. so watch out for my death. sometimes most times, like today, i wish i'd never opened my big fat trap tt calls itself a mouth and shared my take on cinderella. then i wldn't be writing the script. and i wouldn't have to make the eternal revisions to it. hell, i wouldn't even call it a script lar. i suck ass. why do people still make me write it? i used to want to write a book. but now. ha. forget it sua.
once again, and correct me if i'm wrong, but there really is nothing wrong with liking someone. really. was having bus therapy just now [which diden really help much cos i'm juz too far gone], and i thought of something new to call myself. i'm the universal suaning subject. yu know, sya's fren, ex-fren, now OM. how lovely. speaking of whom, everyone shd check out the doodles on my script copy.. haha in an attempt to keep my sanity. whatever shreds of it tt i still have, that is. yah but basically the point i'm trying to make here is tt itz not wrong to like someone and tt only ri bastard-shites make a big deal out of it. juz a thot.
i'm gonna learn something new in a couple of weeks! can't wait man.
i hate bringing my bad mood home. but the thing is, i kan't NOT bring it home, cos i'm a kontrolledbymyemotions person. so. yah. then when i bring my bad mood home, my mom somehow notices and--no, she doesn't COMFORT/CONSOLE/HEAR ME OUT--she SINDIRS me abt it!!!!!!! so yah. tt just makes me even worse. and basically yah. right now the bad mood still prevails, and, if poss, itz bloody worse than ever. i know a great invention tt will make millions from me alone. an inflatable being with an LCD face and reverse speakers. the inflatable part means tt it will take the form of a person, or dog or cat or whatever. the LCD face means tt it will assume the face of the being we wld like to, er, communicate with. and the reverse speakers allow us to -ahem- communicate with the being, cos we just communicate our feelings into those speakers. they basically act as the ears. anyway, yah. then we just shout and scream and rant and, as an added bonus, we get to punchkickbeatmutilatestrangledisfigure abovementioned being. yah so. i'm sure it'll be a great source of help to my emotion-controlled self. dispels bad moods quickly, and all.
well. i think tt shd be all. cya.

i am so tired. and down. so i'll make this short. hari raya haji. ate tons. alternated eating and sticking my eyeballs to the comp screen. but i finished the script. with 15 minutes to spare before midnight. haha. sorry. i juz find the midnight deadline amusing. well, whoever wants to check out my script--here..

oohyah i watched someone like you again laz night. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

There once was a mad girl,
who was utterly devoted to a certain boy.
Eyes downcast, blushing, she wandered the streets
She would write letters in secret;
perhaps there was something she just had to say.
Who knows who she was afraid of?
Whenever she met me, she would ask me,
"What is love like?"
And I could only say this:

Chorus:
"Whether your eyes are open or closed, they'll only see the one they love."
How can I tell you, friends, what this thing called love is like?
"Whether your eyes are open or closed, they'll only see the one they love."

Chorus...

Today, once we've fallen for someone, we'll see for ourselves, friends
What is love like? We'll do it and see for ourselves.
Lost in thoughts of someone, we embroidered dreams about them.
Sleeping in someone's embrace, we made them our own.
Oh, friend, in love one neither wakes nor sleeps!
How can I tell you what this love is like?

Chorus

What is it? It's some type of magic, one that just takes you over.
Your heart breaks through a thousand defenses and escapes.
All these decisions are made somewhere in the distant skies above.
Who knows when, where, and how you might meet your soulmate?
Your heart is promised to the one whose name is inscribed upon it.
How can I tell you what this love is like?
--translated Aankhein Khuli

once again, dah lamer tak blog.. haiz.. i'm really tired. i KNOW i shd be doing the script now, but i juz wanted to like, drown myself in mp3s. unfortunately, brother dearest is watching cartoon network now ah. so. yah. erm. okay i last blogged on monday, so.. tuesday was like utter bullshit. acherli kan i juz say tt this week was utter bullshit? tuesday we had mock pft and of cos i failed everything but the run and the stand-n-reach. sheesh. wednesday was oklah. it was birthday dier.. they were singing in the bus. ee buat malu sey.. haha.. as in, malu for him ah.. then.. ohyah i went to borders after tt cos i had a 10-dollar voucher.. but i ended up spending 27-plus bucks anyway. haha. and oodles of time too. i dunno. itz like, i stepped in, found the fiction section, and checked it out, from Z to A.. and i think i spotted about 6 books i wanted to buy. really sad. i wanted to like, cry, cos i really wanted to get all the nice books.. anyway at the end it was between white oleander and this 27-plus bucks book. but i chose the latter. !!!! what is wrong with me? btw, itz kalled how to meet cute boys. haha. imagine reading tt in the train. thank God the title ain't tt big. and in cursive too. aaaaaaaaaaarhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i lurve books.. i really do!!!!!!! okay, next wednesday, or the earliest wednesday i'm free, i'll go there again, plop myself down, and read. until like, 4 or smthg. heh. so farn!
thursday.. thursday.. more OM.. and even more of ex-fren. i dun get it. why, why, WHY muz ex-fren keep appearing juz as i stop caring? ohwell. way of the world, i suppose. hey nasi is really hawt!!! hehe. i know no one else thinks so, but then again, no one else thinks OM is hot either. anyway. yah. i just lurve nasi's nose. itz.. funny. itz the total opposite of perfect. ttz why i like it. i mean, i used to like latte cos of his beaky nose wat. wahahah.
and today was friday with more horrible pe, and we also went to bodyworlds. can i juz reiterate how hot OM is. okay and the exhibition was cool. but not like, pow or anything. i know sya was totally affected by the deformed foetus.. but heh. i wasn't. also, si bfg seems determined to like, block OM from me forever. sheesh. and latte was bersubahating too. i'm skared of latte. his smiles can be so condescending. takyah suah. so niari i diden get to ambik the gambar. alah sampai aku dah bercucu pon takkan dapat nyer ah.
eeps i juz realised tt the person watching cartoon network iz my cousin!!!!!!!!!! sheesh! patutlah he looked fatter! hai kakak sendiri pon takleh recognise adik. hopeless. hopeless.
ooh. tadi i saw right's "10-yr-old" face. sho kewt!!!!!!!!!!!! -matis- like i sed, he's one boy yu kan like without being accused a paedophile. heh. and no, i did NOT claim him as mine!!! how can someone claim someone like tt? i just like him wat. one person kan be liked by an infinite number of ppl.. so.. yah. just making a point. but dun worry sya, i'll never like yur happy T fren. heheh. happy T fren. i'm so smart sumtimes. ooh tmr touch rug carn. kan't wait to see fana.

ooh.. dah lamer tak blog.. after the lull of cny day 1, things got busy again, i'm afraid.. anyway, friday was pretty cool. went to lido and, together with baba, got the whole scene breakdown done. and characterization also. there are 3 acts, and 7, 7 and 6 scenes respectively. anyway, it was really funny when we were eating at anatolia with ili.. the "faezah" guy, and the ice cream incident.. haha. and buying half-price cakes from jasini at cafe vienna.. [i still say mine was the nicest!] and the rg drama was pretty not bad.. like i sed, i lurve all the costumes and the cool dances.. really lively n stuff. our drama will prolly b quite subdued, with the exception of our saving grace, GodMat. den.. yah. the weird part was tt the storyline seemed a little too close for comfort.. sigh.. and it made me more nervous about the shaky possibility of the drama being a success. well yah. but it was a nice day anyhow.
saturday was alrite, i suppose. sats were.. not really how i expected them. i died during practically all the verbals except for the last one. but it was a pretty cool [temp-wise] day, so why shd i complain. then.. ohyah after realising i had nothing to wear with my pinknpurple pants, i threw on my 3-yr-old baju kurung combo and thankfully got a lift to skl frm kumara.. gpa sounds great so far. and thanks to filza playing evanescence songs on the piano, i d/led "my immortal" semi-reluctantly. sheesh. haha. then we taxied to kak ati's, where i had in-depth research into lumpurs.. and then.. ohyah we taxied to singapore post centre, where there were yet more lumpurs who i juz cldn't stop staring at.. then.. we trained to clementi.. haha. the train ride was how funny. shaf and i were doing total 6d bonding.. haha. hm and then we got a lift from hazwani's sister to the ucc.. where i only enjoyed sp's and ntu/nie's performances.. they also got 1st n 2nd respectively.. heh.
and today was juz a horrible day. the hoodies were great but dunch haf my size. aarrrgghhh. the 105 was how freakin full. but well. i got to do more research. and i did finish 2 scenes. wahoo.
now, back to econs essay. which i haven't even started, btw.

Hook: She was leaving you. Your Wendy was leaving you. Why should she stay? What have you to offer? You are incomplete. Let's take a look into the future, shall we? You fly to Wendy's nursery and... what's this? The window's closed.
Peter: I'll open it.
Hook: I'm afraid the windows barred.
Peter: I'll call out her name.
Hook: She can't hear you.
Peter: No.
Hook: She can't see you.
Peter: Wendy.
Hook: She's forgotten all about you.
Peter: Stop it. Please. Stop it.

----------------

Wendy: This belongs to you, and always will.

hey i'm home!!! kan yu believe it? like i sed, the last time i went home early [as in before 10] was like, on the 7th.. haha. and today i got home at around 7 ah.. it feels so good to have the luxury of baring2ing on my bed and watching actual good tv programs before going to sleep. haha. like so jakun liddat. but itz truelah. i really forgot wat itz lyke to get home early. early for me, anyway.
well today was fun. this whole week's been fun, if yu try and forget the whole mati-stealing-our-discmans incident. which is kinda impossible, but at times itz possible to forget it. like when i was dancing just now. haha. basically, i was just focusing on the neverending mistakes i made.. haha. seriously. i'm such a shite. sikit gitu pon boleh luper. takper. jgn stres. itz over anyhow. haha. and plus, at least OM wasn't there to c me look stupid and extra.. hm.. took lotsa lotsa pics.. veh fun.. and i was sitting there in the lt with my camera and remembering how it was last year.. with like, cup of coffee sitting there commanding my attention, and wanting to take a picture of him, but getting takot eventually.. haha. and this year it was sumone else, of cos. someone who looks totally different but doesn't command any less attention from me. wahaha. aper yg aku merepek ni.. yah so pendek kata, i got what i wanted today, except for the picture with OM. haiz. penat2 aku memilih baju to like change into if i was gonna take photo with him!!! takper. takper. my nose is acting up again anyhow. then after tt sya filza n i hung out at specs gall discussing gpa and artsfeste. tomorrow afternoon i'll restart the script lar. but i muz be allowed to wake up late!
a stroke of good luck caused kak ati to turn off her fone [both of them], so we went straight to orchard to meet ili. we also met the commonwealth gerl, who's in cross country, and whose name is isti or however yu spell it. haha. and well, she eluded detection so far juz cos she doesn't look malay. haha. it was funny when she suddenly asked sya, "are yu guys in malay society?" den.. we went to eat at anatolia, my first time ever. it was nice. the bynk rambut waiter was, of cos, a source of laughs for all. and of cos, meeting anushka there was really cool too. i thot the bob was a cool hairstyle for her.. she seems to talk different now.. yah.. but other than tt shez still the same.. hm.. i never thot she'd ever cut her hair short. always thot she loved it.. ohwell. i guess some things do change. well itz a nice change. den we went to livia, cos ili wanted her new scrunchie. and guess what i found?!?!?!?! my peenk jelly bracelets!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heh. acherli they look like they're discolouring now, but if they do then too bad. i'll just wear the orange ones. haha. then when we were going down the escalator to the surau, this group of lumpurs coming up started flexing their arms in and out at us, for sum inexplicable reason. hm.
oh and thanks to the wonderful power of w@p, we managed to catch the 3.35 peter pan at cine, without having to trudge into lido first.. wow. can i juz like die now? yes rite? cos jeremy sumpter is like how adorable ah. not hot. adorable. cute. still droolable. oohable. aahable. i-really-love-you-pls-dun-look-sad-able.. all tt ah.. i juz lurve it when he smiles. without showing his teeth. it has to be like the cutest face ever! i think all babies pon kalah.. so yah sya and i were just drooling, ooohing, aahing, and i-love-you-ing.. dunno about ili and filza.. haha. prolly not ah.. they're so much more level-headed than me. and i diden cry, all the way up till the parents part. ohhhh.. tink really sux. shez such a horrible character. she shd juz go n die. which she did, of cos, but unfortunately, tt diden last long, did it? anyway whatever effects they used, they were great. neverland looks soooooooooo beeyootifull.. and i like tt itz set long long ago, with all those grand party gowns and top hats and nightgowns and nightshirts n stuff. it makes everything so much more lawar and real, cos there's so much actual life in it.. no torchlights.. no stupid machines cluttering up space meant for human contact and human interactions.. well ttz juz what i think. all the bricks used to make one house.. and nana the cute nurse dog. basically, what i'm trying to say here is watch peter pan. cos we acherli wanted to watch it again. cumer we were all broke by then, so mebbe another day.
ili missed the tapered mats who passed us just now, so when they passed us again, i pointed them out.. and then we happened to be walking really near them.. and she was juz talking loudly about how shez never seen such mats before.. and stuff liddat. and they were juz there ah! for once, it was ili who was embarrassed and not me! haha. sorry. i'm not taking pleasure in another's misery. just feeling amused at the one-time role-reversal. but hey hazwani, dun worry.. ur not gonna see them again wat.. never ever again.. so no need to be embarrassed. anyway at least we managed to escape them thanks to meeting dee2 at the traffic light. haha.
well yah ttz abt all i have to say for today. no more one-side stuff, i think. since there'll b no more late-night tarian. ohwell. freedom of sleep comes at a high price. nitez!

eh? i'm blogging at about the same time i did last night. i bet yu MR is lyke sleeping now ah. which juz goes to show how warped the world is, how cld a tarianer get home later than a.. well a sports cca person or councillor or whatever..? neway, got home at 11.15 ah.. wow yu shd have seen the hordes of ns guys! i wanted to like hang out and check them out, manerlah tahu, boleh nampak si mugant or clemmy-memmy.. but sya's dad was already coming so we pretty much rushed past them. hm. i did see one cute vik though. and he was alone [i.e. takder gf picking him up], so heheh. ok watever. i haven't really had a chance to let out the tension of the weeks that have flown past since skl reopened. technically ttz just 2.5 weeks. but the tension building up is how great. why am i so freaking sibuk anyway? sheesh.
hm. today was like a mirror image of yesterday. extremely similar but with sum marked differences. there was OM. [by default, acherli. i was waiting for sya, cos i wanted to report the bags with her, so i let the bus go.. sudahlah exfren, nak senyom2 kat sini.. yah so OM happened to come after tt. heh.] smiled at OM summore, before chem lec.. skipped chem lec and sat at the gall enjoying the breeze and contemplating wat happened to the bags and mobilising the west-jcs bag-searchparty.. seeing the op-man and wondering why mati [suicide guy] was smirking at us.
econs tutorial and hana msging us to say tt slrdlm found our bags. tt they were at the same place as yest. well i ran down to check but takde ah. then econs lec ended and hana called and sed she found them. for the record, they were at the stairwell next to room 1-10. i couldn't stop hugging hana, and then i opened my bag, and my discman was gone. i dunno why it hurt. of cos they took my discman rite.. why wouldn't they? it was the only thing of universal value in that bag. sorry guys, shoulda left my wallet there too rite? AND my nice new camera fone. itz obvious they did it in a hurry, both the buckles on the left side were open. and while i was crumpled on the ground crying, si MC nak cam, menyebok-nyebok! hello!!!!!!!!!!! i did NOT invite her to share my pain! sheesh. anyway she got lost somewhere in the middle of my crying. oh and later before maths lec i spotted our hero, slrdlm. so i ran up to him and tapped his shoulder and sed, "you found our bags rite? thank you soooo much!" and he was like, "oh no, i just saw them.. filza told me.." i was thinking, huh? but i sed, "well thank you!" and left.. wow. filza told him about it like this morning ah! and he saw them.. tt means he found them rite? sheesh. modest. another hero quality. wahaha. slrdlm, our new hero. letz all stand up and hail him!
on another note, pe sux. dun get me wrong, i really like udu. she's really nice. and funny and all. shez just tough, and ttz basically why i feel like dying for the, oh, 1 and a half hours of pe? it was 3 rounds at supersonic speed, giler conditioning with around-our-height poles, and intervals or whatever yu kall them. for like, 4 rounds. well. when it comes to exercise rite, i hate the process but i love the results. i felt soooo soooo soooo hebat after tt. sooooo bloodrush.. [nak ckp bloody, but it would have come out the wrong way.] then it was auditions, where some of the people really awed me with their suitability as the characters. espesh hadri. or however yu spell it. he rawks. he definitely adds character to haikel. woohoo. then it was tarian. oh we got scolded by cikgu, cos of like late pracs and getting abang ram without telling her. basically it was juz cos we diden tell her anything ah. anyway then after tt, when she was done, jau sed to sya and me, "relax ah, dun take it too hard.." or smthg along those lines. i was just like, woh-ed by how perceptive he was. hebat man..
tarian wasn't bad, it definitely looks neater now. thanks to abang ram, of cos. hm. remember i mentioned pe just now? yah it caused my legs to feel like jelly halfway thru the dance. so i sat down on the floor during improvisasi. heh. sorry. sumtimes yu just gotta do what yu gotta do.
and the night rounded off beautifully with more one-side interactions. hebat sey! -grins takleh berhenti- but like i sed, no details here. skali ppl figure it out. i'm dead.
ohYAH. speaking of ppl figuring things out, after pe i was strolling alone to the lockers. then at the lt i lalued si lumut n exfren. pas tu si exfren sed hi, which i answered, and lumut sed hi, which i also responded to. then as they walked past me, exfren sed "nice earrings!" and i continued walking while the duer ekors continued their conversation. then after 2 seconds lapsed, i realised what he prolly meant by that, so i screamed, "shut up lar!" yah. i haf no idea what they reacted, if they even did. sorry. i think was juz too spaced out. too much exercise endorphins can make yu stoned as well as drugs do, i suppose. hey, does tt mean tt fidodido told him? and therefore, the rest of the "mats"? shit lar! i am so freakin dead! it cld only be tt. why? cos exfren doesn't come close enough to me to see my earrings. AAARRRRGGGGHHH. buat malu je! i swear, if fidodido was the one who told him, i am SO gonna like, break into the PA system and broadcast the three audioclips of his merdu-bagaikan-buluh-perindu singing.
ohyah. back to the bag part. if slrdlm sed it was at the same place it was yest, tt means he saw it yest!!! hm.. that really really means tt he IS the original hero who found our bags! terima kasih once again, sluardalam. love ya foreva. semangat pasir ris! whoo!
okay i think tt means itz time to turn in. nite.

i remember sumtime last year, or the year before that, i said tt everything happens to me and i was wondering why, basically. well yah. once again, i wonder, why does everything have to happen to me?
hm how did today begin? it was fine. i wore the vans shoes again. nice. the nicest thing about them is tt yu kan't slip and fall. haha. then.. yah. OM was there, which was kwite a nice start to the day, and all tt. i forgot tt when i have a nice start to the day, everything will start to go crazy from there. but i think i was on a plateau then ah. while walking to the assembly ground, OM passed and i juz gave this stupid smile. really. it was horrible and stupid. but he smiled back, so takpelah. i was like fainting on amir after tt. saw OM alot of times throughout the day too. heh. had lunch at mac's. it was an adventure getting back, cos it was basically raining like siao. nasib baik baru 3 of us ah.. then.. sya n i went in for econs lec late.. mona never noticed tt... and i just sat there fooling around and watching OM sleep. lepas tu was auditions. pretty alright, i'd say. the most interesting part has to be the one where i cried after watching yus and iylia act out a leila-and-mikh scene. while they were acting i was just gaping, but with one hand covering my mouth. then.. when they left i juz buried my head in my hands and started laughing, which soon turned into crying. it was how weird. and i couldn't stop. and i'm not sure why i cried. mebbe cos it was exactly how i pictured it to be. when i wrote that scene, the way they acted it out was the exact way i pictured it in my mind, in my heart, everywhere in me. and everyone knows i'm like in love with mikh's character rite? how lame is that? falling in love with someone you created. aper saje entah..
then it was tarian. but i skived around in the canteen for like, 45 mins or so.. with like shaf and yus and ili and tt st nick's gerl and tt pl gerl. btw, i must rem to ask their names. it'd make things easier. we were just exchanging code names and stuff. really cool, really fun.. haha. hm den.. we finally went for tarian. there was alot of people-staggering-in-and-out. so in the end, i dun really think we got very much done besides juz hammering the steps further into their heads.
and not forgetting the fact tt i lost my bag!!! and sya did too! i swear, whatever sins i've committed since i was born, nothing, and i mean nothing, equals the magnitude of what the giler-babi-setan thief has done to me and sya. after making stupid jokes about the situation, sya and i started laughing, which evolved into me crying. why was i crying? oh, i dunno.. maybe cos i lost my discman? my dad bought it for me! it was purple! i lost 4 of my burnt cds.. my kampung-mat/glamour-babe foto was in there. the script. the brainstorming. the bear fana gave me for a birthday. the nametags--my name, acgs, and lima jenises i think. not to mention the tasmanian devil from my mom and tt the bag is my matching bag with baba! and, as an afterthought, the tutorials tt i JUST did just now. tell me, what else can i feel now but despair?
apparently there's elation too. one-side is still cute. how can i resist senyuman dier yang secomel itu? itz juz sooooo blardee innocent and playful and.. aaaarrrggghhh. i'm juz basically having a heeeuuuugggee crush. unfortunately, i kan't divulge details here, skali sumer orang tahu.. buat malu je..
ohyah. the merepek zaman sec2/3 poem tt shafia reminded me of:
mat sesat bersiul-siul
entah apesal, giler aku bet
agaknya dorang sudah biul
kau pulak orrait, set!
wow ain, kau sudah berdarah sasterawan sejak muda-muda lagi. wahahah. ok nites.

i am soooooooo tired!!!! does anyone realise tt with the exception of one wednesday, i haven't been home early since the year began? and here i was thinking tt a no-S, 3-subber, ccaless person like me wld be soopa free. but nooooooooooo!!! tarian decides to occupy my every waking moment. and sum sleeping moments too. and other teeny weeny moments are occupied by OM worrieswishesnhopes and artsfeste ilham-finding.
so today i went to SA in the morning. halim wears ALOT of deodorant/perfume. haha. i was totally reminded of adzfar. well, itz better than stinking. or smelling of flowers or smthg totally inappropriate. ok digressing. erm. ohyah. so i taught them the 3rd n 4th chapters.. and yah. left the fifth one je.. i saw stewart/stuart/whatever. com. reminiscent of nick. heheh. as in nick tiup. it was a productive tarian, i'd say.. although only 2 of the guys were there.. and i was also wondering if OM went for the combined skls tryouts.
OM, who looked soopa handsome and hot and meltifying today. the whole filling-up-the-doorway thing--kan i like, die? it took all my self-control, and then some, not to run up to him and ask to take the gambar today. and he juz kept turning up at the wrong moments, like when i was going thru the steps with rudy. sheesh. wad is his problem? bad timing betul sey! [although i'm not really complaining here. bad timing is better than none.] the rehearsal was fine, i suppose. i just felt bad tt rudy had to feel bad abt not remembering the steps. haiz.. so yah we had tarian remedial.. which pretty much completely took my mind off OM. haha.
some people juz gotta be so cute huh? i couldn't help but notice lar! and cair, rite? sheesh. you shd haf seen me cairing. everyone else did. yaaarrgh. anyway, after tt i had a really fun time at specs gall quarter-watching soccer and discussing artsfeste with ili, sya, filza and shaf. it was fun. really fun. and productive too, i'd say. lepas tu kiter gi sembahyang and makan, then we climbed back in and continued the discussion while listening to udu keeping fit.. and taking gambars.. and sya suaning me bout OM.. and me suaning her rite back abt MisteR. and me scoring a hat-trick. haha. not the sports kind, of cos. haha. oh and not forgetting what was prolly the best part of the day/night--the gang initiation. haha. had lotsa fun man!!! had no idea lepaking in skl could be funner than hanging out sumwhere outside.. yah so as a result, it was about 10pm when we left.
and here i am. at home. and itz like almost 1230. sheesh ain. what is wrong with yu. gi tidolah.
ooh tadi kat pasir ris a whole group of tapered-pants mats were there. haha. so i had fun researching stuff for GodMat. their gait, their colourful n patterned shirts, their shoes, the aforenamed tapered pants, the stiff and unmovable rambot.. they were all bagless, sebenarnye. but nemind. they kan still bawak tt gross checked bag. kool.

ohnooo! i haven't blogged since monday!!! horrible withdrawal symptoms, PLUS now this entry will be sum sort of a thesis on 4 days of my life or smthg. aarrrgghhh. i hate long entries. they really piss me off reading them. well anyway. i'll start now. since i basically forgot everything, i'll go backwards.

today was skl, and ohyah. i brought baba's hockey stick to skl. and thank God i was sleepy, so i managed to not feel embarrassed by sleeping deeply until redhill or smthg. haha. and even if i terbanguned, i refused to open my eyes. haha. but kaoz.. it was a horrible experience for my neck. i might just break it someday. from sleeping in the train. haha. i was praying and praying tt OM wouldn't be there to see, but he was there. and yah. eeee buat malu. i basically tried to avoid looking at him for the rest of the day. haha. oh we were eating at mac's tadi while talking about gpa [of course, i had more of my mini-arguments with nizam. haha.] and yus and ili and 2 of ili's tk frens came to talk to us, and one of them's from loyang!!! alrite! shez in sa.. ohyah forgot to tell baba. takpe besok also kan. ohyes. renji was at mac's too and he told us tt innocent ol' ME is in the friggin soccer video la!!!!!!!!!!!!! buat malu sia! i mean, at first i was juz whatever, but baba put a new spin on it juz now. since we were being portrayed as his fan club, he'll prolly get suaned by the rest of the world and he'll hate us ah for tt!!! argh. bodoh sey. y kan't frens support their frens? sheesh! and i mean actual frens. not frens frens. okay only certain ppl will get what i meant by tt. had tarian at sa. i "choreographed" another chapter. woohoo! go ain! haha. well it was mostly stolen from previous and current tarians, of cos. no one to see there today, unfortunately. but this time i finally met hirman again, and i think his specs r so cool. lyke harry potter. but in tortoiseshell. haha.
and no, i still dun believe OM was looking at me. maner tau, dier tgh fikir2 ke..
ohyah.. i was checking out the jau-teaching-the-guys tarian. haha. half the time they were juz fooling ard. but i had no energy to bising2. i was more like thinking, "my brother kan break better.." cos they were trying to break, basically. haha. klakar sey. all these efforts to be mat. one-side was being really adorable!!! argh! if i continue to watch him be himself, i'm juz gonna totally totally crush him ah!!! ttz crazy! but hez sooooooooooooooooooooo comelllllllllllll!
which reminds me. i haf a totally cool new hand gesture. inspired by ili, who was trying to "remind" me, the non-physics-past-present-and-future, of the right-hand rule. haha.

yest there was econs lec. OM looked frickin cute when he was sleeping. whee! haha. and taking pictures/filming was a blast! hahaha. hilarious and all tt jazz. then we had more tarian, at which jau was the only guy. well he seemed to perfect the dance so takpe. den when jau was gone, fairuz pulak datang. well takpe. the gerls taught him. shafia appeared to get a kick out of nagging him. haha. ohyah. sorry but i'm still amazed tt sya's happy fren knows me. and do i haf a happy fren? nolah takde. ermm.. ohyah then baba came. we were looking for the subject of our fan club, but takder. and we spent like 15 minutes at bv mrt trying to convince each other tt i shd/shd not bring home her stick. haha. the woman in the control station kept staring at us. i really think tt she thot we were gonna bomb the place or trash it or smthg. wahaha. oh and ivan gave me a huge fright yest when he apparently had smthg serious to talk to me abt. sheesh. as in, it WAS serious. but totally not what i was expecting. and i wouldn't have expected him to notice either. him, of all people? well i hope we kan solve this problem then.

wednesday was cool. after a short meeting at the concourse, i went to sa. i juz couldn't seem to wake up in the bus. haiz. well anyway, only irwan was there for tarian. and so i juz hung out watching. but there were billions of cute guys! u turn one way, ader 2 or 3. yu turn the other way, ader lagie! haha. i thot thinesh was cute. i was sitting with the rest at the hockey table and he walked up and stared at me, so i smiled at him, and he was like, "crasher!" and baba was like, "nolah shez in j2! rj!" haha. but peter was even cuter. woohoo! hez in cricket, baba sed. he's really lawar man. perfectly round face, without being tembam. anyway he juz rox. i was really melting there. then sum of us went for dinner kat adam road food court. haha i met jasmine there.. anyway it was juz really fun cos i've never been out with a whole MIXED group of malays like tt.. fun.. yup.. laughed alot. and of cos i got to carry baba's stick and feel spiritually connected. and in 53 home, i was sleeping and when i woke up it was raining.. wow.. nighttime, raining outside, aircon inside the bus, jacket keeping me warm.. i kinda felt like i was in rgs again and simply going home after a 5-7plus tarian with abang ram. it was cool. plus of cos i got to use my beautiful pink umbrella. heh.

tuesday we had a soopa looooong tarian. but since OM was partially around, who kares rite? haha. i think we left at 9-plus.. reached mrt at 945.. yah. i juz lurve climbing. itz so... unconventional. heh. and yah i spent alot of time getting pissed at certain individuals who haf become more gatal n playful since entering rj, and melting at cute individuals with adorable smiles and endearing determination to dance..
okay and before i cair now on the bed i'll juz leave.
ohyah one of the days, i was walking behind green fren, and i was like, complaining abt smthg, so i was like wailing, "green fren!!!!!!!!!!" and he turned around!!!! eeps. too close for comfort, tt was.

today wasn't really a great start to the week. but there was tarian, and i had fun watching sya teach rudy. haha. sorry. i wasn't feeling very teach-y then. haha. and it was hilarious when suraj hua maddham was playing and gaya did a double take and came to sit down and listen. haha. we shd do tt more often, i think. and then after tarian sya and i hung back and watched hockey trials for abit. interesting turnout. at least ttz what i think.
sigh. why do some people haf to be soooooo cute?

Hitam manis, hitam manis
Yang hitam manis
Pandang tak jemu, pandang tak jemu
Yang hitam manis, pandang tak jemu

Hitam manis, hitam manis
Yang hitam manis
Parasmu cantik, buah hatiku
Siang dan malam selalu ku rindu

Di waktu bulan terang cuaca
Ku pejam mata tapi tak lena
Yang hitam manis datang menjelma
Yang hitam manis datang menjelma
Kenangan yang menggoda
Aku teringat pandang pertama
Aku teringat pandang pertama

Hitam manis, hitam manis
Yang hitam manis
Pandang tak jemu, pandang tak jemu
Yang hitam manis, pandang tak jemu--a really cool old song called Hitam Manis

dunno if the d/l link will work but whoever's interested, try and read my unfinished script here.

i'm so tired. but i finally paid off my sleep debt to mr. sandman just now, after i came back frm geylang.. that also means tt i diden do any hw.. haha. alah. nanti ah. and plus, i diden pick up the chem practs!!! so yah.. i dunno what we're gonna do tmr la..
yest was how interesting. for the first time in my life, i was involved in a 14-people tarian.. at some points we were just lying around and stoning, and i wanted to cry cos i juz never thot i'd see so many people willing to dance!!! amazing how one year makes such a difference in people's attitudes. adzfar still dances the same way. haha. sorry. seeing him makes me laugh. oh and we shared our sluardalam story with anuja and halima.. and baba came over and i am also officially a choreographer! hebattt!!! haha. and then we watched the soccer match, screaming our support for raihan as usual.. haha. he diden play in the third quarter, and you could hear the deafening silence from us.. haha bodoh.. well i dunno why, we juz like to scream for him ah.. there was this reeeeaaaalllllyyyy short st. gabe's boy.. haha. how can i call him a guy, when it looks to me like he's still in nursery skl? so yah we were kalling him nursery.. anyway yah it was pretty fun but they were acherli filming the game so i juz hope our voices weren't caught on tape.. haha.
more tarian tmr.. for the hockey guys.. and the day after.. warh i juz wanna die now.. and guess what, itz only the second week!!!

i'm gonna sleep now. but i dun really want to. cos i'm skared i'll dream of OM.
no, i really AM skared of tt. i dunno why. i don't really understand how my own mind works when it comes to OM. how i'm paralysed and i refuse to like, senyom kat dier when he's around. how i'd rather die slowly. apeeee je rite? but i'm juz finding my mind an unsolvable mystery in tt aspect.

well basically, i know i won't be able to wake up tmr. so i shd juz stop now and sleep rite? but i know i won't be able to sleep if i dun relate the day's experiences. and somehow, today feels sooooo long. itz like so many things happened tt i dun think it all fits into one day. and my earlier elation is ebbing away. alot of things basically pissing me off rite now. including myself. acherli itz mostly myself. why kan't i juz be a normal person who doesn't like anyone? wouldn't life be so much better then? why kan't i be like.. i dunno, hana? SHE doesn't like people.. and it juz makes life a whole lot less complicated and a hell of a lot less embarrassing.
juz now was o-night. it was nice. i had lotsa fun watching the jaxoras idol thingy. but it got pretty un-funny and therefore un-fun towards the end. nonis was excellent though. reeaaaallllyyyy funny. really. deserved to be the jaxoras idol. and of cos, simon cowell. it was such a perfect opportunity to bising2 kat dia for all he's sinned towards us. so yah i joined in the booing with all my heart in it. alot of breezes, and the three of us had first-class seats sia.. right in the centre, with an overturned bucket infront of me so i cld rest my pretty feet with the orange toe. then we had first-class seats to the campfire, right there in the gallery, lotsa leg room, elevation, no smoke, no heat, plenty of nyaman breeze.. i thot the ivan music video was hilarious, they shd like make copies and sell, mesti ader profit.. and like i sed just now, i'll never look at those red flowers the same way again.
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i had this like, OM dream last night. i think it was a combination of night tarian and the beautiful missed opportunity mentioned in ili's blog yest. i dunno. i know i kan't really remember my dreams, but i can usually have at least the vaguest idea of what it was by the feeling i get when i wake up. there was this dream i had about syurga. and i woke up feeling really good, and believing tt it really happened. once there was this dream where this guy was bullying me [verbally only] and i woke up crying. yah liddat ah. so when i woke up frm the OM dream, i was sad/angry. which is acherli how i feel today so i dunno whether tt was a premonition or the determinant ah.
took the right train this time. sya even got a seat next to me. raihan's present is VERY NICE! the gang of 5 was there. and i wanted to like, run away. cos yest night i promised myself/sya that i'd seize the next opportunity tt arises. before i could take my next breath, the bus arrived ah. i dunno why, or maybe i do and i juz duwan to say, but sya and i melambat2kaned our steps. so we ended up masuking with the gang. pas tu OM was just there. and fido dido looked at me and indicated OM's presence. and grinned. ah buat malu!!! den OM sat down kat depan so kiter were at the back. and i assume i was tensioning, cos i kept laughing for absolutely noooooo reason ah. then bus berhenti. den orang2 turon. den sya n i nak turon last skali, as in really last, so kiter boleh juz tgk the ones tt kiter nak tgk without being tgked ourselves. and i was already singing as i got out cos i really believed bahawa kiter laz ah! but it turns out we landed in an air pocket, right infront of the ones. and somehow, sya's fren like, smoothly appeared next to her, so they started talking and guess who was left behind with me?
it was really horrible trying to contain ourselves after that. we screamed and died and died somemore. i dunno. itz like everything fell into place. like someone outside of the situation engineered it so tt the things happened at the precise moment they were supposed to. lepas tu it was like kiter asyik jumper dier je. kat assembly. kat mac's. kat tempat yang dim tu. and me melataring "oh mak terperanjat" cos i WAS. lepas tu kat luar class tu when we were going out [again]. and yes, bare feet looks so sexy on some ppl.
i don't understand why itz so important for me not to embarrass him. but it is.

on another note, there was a reaaaaaallllllllyyyyyy cute mim guy at starbucks just now. heheh. and i got a slightly prolonged encounter cos he was having trouble unwrapping the 5-cent coins. heheh. he was, as baba would put it, a "true blue lelaki comel". as in, the instant reaction is "wow cute!" not acquired taste. or anything. yah.
remember the "first official cute j1" i mentioned on monday? haha. he's in my junior class! woohoo! keep it up man! i will not put his name here to protect his privacy. and mine. haha. but i kall him espresso.

okay i know i'm supposed to be like, starting the script. haha. in a while.. yest was tarian. not bad, anuja and halima joined us and they're doing pretty well.. OM was nowhere to be found. today i think i got the right train, but once again, OM remained lost. took a lovely scenic route home today. 196 went thru chinatown and those funny rivers which i dunno the name of, and stuff liddat. it was a soopa bumpy ride, i really thot we might topple over sumtime. den i got down somewhere along the route and took 12 home. yes it was a long journey. but i got alot of sun.. espesh at the number 12 bus stop.. so yes, next wednesday i'll do this again. only i'll make time to put on my tanning lotion next time. haha.
i juz watched merlin on hallmark. itz cool. i was never familiar with the stories of camelot.. so it was definitely interesting.. the witch is damn cool.. hoarse voice and all.. haha.
okay i'll get started on the script now. i think. ohyah. got this in a forward. itz cool.
As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear. When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point you had to wait, fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me, but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip instead. I watched patiently all day long. With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.

I noticed that before lunch you looked around, may be you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables o! ver and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't. That's okay. There is still more time left, and I hope that you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV. I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spend lot of time each day in front of it not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal, but again you didn't talk to me.

Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said good night to your family you popped into bed and fell asleep in no time. That's okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you. I've got patience, more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well.

I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation. Well, you are getting up once again. And once again I will wait, with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a nice day!

Your friend, ALLAH

ohyah forgot.. juz listened to geniring party.. am proud to state tt i remember the tarian!!! woohoo! exciting sia!!! i lurve dancing.. can't wait.. and i juz d/led i wanna hold your hand... heheh.. totally reminded me of the ktving... and ili's fren, of cos.. haha.
Oh yeah, I�ll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

Oh, please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
and please, say to me

You'll let me hold your hand
Now let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you i feel happy, inside
It's such a feeling
That my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

well. today was.. not as bad as i expected it to be? on the academic front, maths was damn slack and chem was.. also slack. although he realised i didn't do the work.. ohwell. nth new huh..
wad was new? hmm. well not having bio was new. as in, i dunno. bio breaks juz feel more luxuriously longer this year. the library, as i commented, had a grand total of 8 people when i was there. haha. nice. juz sitting there knowing i was doing work.. and stuff. and i had sum sustenance at the upsized mac's. hehe. kesian kedai soyabean tu. wonder where THEY went. hm.. ohyah econs lec. it seemed longer. also cos it was colder ah. cos i din bring any warm stuff. and mc called on like beribu people, konon showing off tt she knows the whole lt.. and i had a shot of ambivalence when she called on OM. i mean, hello, why spotlight him? but then again, how nice to watch him answer and mebbe hear his voice. and she must have sed his name like a billion times in the 2 minutes she took to ask him qns.. like i asked fana, does she mebbe crush him too?!?! argh. den she called on me!!! and pronounced it wrongly!!! and sum asshole waay infront was suaning sya's fren! and non-fren snickered at tt! sorry to make such a big deal of it, itz juz tt i thot it was over. loooong over. but at least i've found one of the culprits la.. hm wad else was interesting. ohyes. was watching the 6pm storyline, or trying to.. and i found the first official cute j1!!! official as in, i diden know he existed before. hahaha. yes he's a vik. and yes he's poser. but hez so hot!!! haha. also, HL guy came back to watch storyline too! and he dyed his hair fire-brown and itz in sparse spikes.. so it looks like a calvin hairstyle [as in calvin & hobbes]. hehe. so cute.
yeah and tt shd be all.

today was the most horrible day of my life. killed my butt sitting here trying to do hw. almost went bald trying to do chem. maths was slightly better but power series isn't so reassuring to my hair either. i'm really pissed. i'm not sure whether with myself for not doing this last year or with syllabus-setters for giving such shitass problems.
i watched pretty woman again. i juz love the shopping scene. the one where she gets her back. also watched this ted bundy movie. itz reaaaalllly interesting.. for example, the term serial killer didn't exist until after ted bundy. wow. he started it all huh..
well ttz all for today. i'm really drained.

wahhh penat giler seyyy.. tapi acherli dari tadi aku cumer dudok kat sini je ah, type pegi type balek.. haha. ohyar. tadi lepas tgk si A2DC aku cam inspired sey. so yang aku type pegi type balek tu sebenarnye aku tgh carik the puisis yang dorang cakap2 dlm crite tu ah. hehe. dan... aku dah jumpe ketige-tigenye!! alrite man! lepas tu i finally gi buat si calendar bodoh tu ah. buat penat je sey. sebab in the end si bodoh nyer yahoo tu down ke apelah, takleh login. apeeee jeee.. den buat panic also ah. cam busy giler sey. pas tu aku blom blajar for sats lagie. nak mampoz gaknye. buang duit je sign up kan.. haiz.. oh Tuhan, dengarlah rayuan insan ini.. aku tanak dapat a horrible score plzzzz...
ohyah tadi yang aku gi carik2 tu.. aku jumpe beribu gambar nicholas saputra. so aku gi letak satu kat fone aku. woohoo! maaf, orang minyak.. kau terpakse take a break buat seketika. oh 'ah'ah. yang si anakmelayu.com, dier nyer word-of-the-day iz "wak lu" ah. abeh dier nyer sentence is cam "wak lu ah! muker macam orang minyak kau cakap hensem?" hahahahah. klakar giler eh? of cos, aku tak setuju langsong dengan sentence tak betol tu. aku nyer orang minyak hensem giler k, trim ban ban..
haiz. terpakse aku blah skarang. kene carik calculator ngan perm&comb tutorial/lec notes. konon cam hukuman ah, sebab niari aku tak buat sekentil homework pon.
oklah. jumpe besok.

hey. am watching ada apa dengan cinta again.. atau aku harus lari ke hutan, belok ke pantai.. trying to get sum inspiration to write the stupid sajak.. haha.. ok itz not stupid, itz just tt it will be if i'm the one writing it. also trying to avoid doing hw. alah. besok je buat eh.. haha. hm i'm still looking for cinta's shoes.. and ili's still looking for cinta's bag.. hahah. and of cos, i'm still looking for a nicholas saputra. heheh.
as we all know, yest was the first day of skl. it was the most slack skl day i've ever known. lotsa free periods, and no pe, and it all ended at 1230. ooh there was this interesting-looking ac guy, with longish blond-brown hair and a cekak. cute. heheh. tall too. den.. ohyah the tom yam instant noodles is not bad yar.. next time i'll bring my own cutlery. haha. den when i got home i made tom yam maggi and pandai2 taruk 3 chillies and makan with chopsticks. haha. i bought tanning lotion yest. yes another one. haha. the one i had didn't really seem to be working, so i got impatient. my last resort will be to find a bronzer. woohoo.
and to continue the spate of weird dreams involving guys, i dreamt abt isky laz night. now tt iz juz freaky.

had such a horrible nightmare last night. saw sya's fren kissing his masseuse. aarrghh. and i got all worked up and i wanted to kall sumone, haha..
went for lunch at airport terminal one swensen's with baba. i haven't had icecream cake for, i dunno, 7 years? or more.. and we shared fries and baked rice.. mm.. den we went to tampines.. some of the socks there were juz too irresistible.. haha. met sya in ice lemon tee and exchanged news.. haha. and met shafia too.. but i forgot to ask who else is going to rj.. and we met kak nadi also.
wow this is such an abridged entry. i'm juz kinda feeling low cos skl starts tmr.. doesn't seem too bad, though. civics and chem and pe and NO MALAY and gp i think. so not much lar.. but still. i haven't done an OUNCE of homework. and now i have to dig ard for my chem tutorial first so i kan acherli do it. but hey. maybe i could watch mona lisa smile tmr instead of monday.