i won't talk much today. really sleepy and im gonna study bio online after dis.
1. had angklung elections today. in running for president were shafia, shafq, fairuz and nadia. i voted shafia and nadia. and when i put my hand up to vote for nadia, faridol was like,"why are you voting for your friends? are u sure nadia can lead?" whatever. if she doesn't like nadia, juz say so. so i retorted,"well, if you haven't given her any opportunities to show her leadership abilities, how would u know?" yes i acherli sed that.and she din know what to reply ah, especially when kamilah was like,"yarh.." and quite a number of people supported me. but it was kinda futile. president, vp, secretary and treasurer, in that order, went to abovementioned people in that order too.. wait. acherli i dun think it's that futile. cos.. at least i made my views aired. after dat we passed on our "words of wisdom".. and.. i started crying when shafq hugged me, cos i knew i'd [and already have] miss angklung alot..
2. saw tua and an unknown fren [gerl] today.

1. went to watch PPG with fana at ps.. it was so cute.. and really funny.. i was laughing like crazy.. dun believe me, ask the the 2 vs-ij couples next to us.. haha.. i din expect it to be so funny.. i truly enjoyed myself..
2. unfortunately, that's all that happened today. bye.

1. started the day a little different.. i put sum weird bacteria-killing gel on my hands and i made my frens smell my hands.. and lyn took my hand like a knight that was gonna kiss it.. haha.. farnee..
2. for PE.. my favourite lesson.. we started tennis.. which i so kannot play.. so it has ceased to become my favourite lesson.. except for rgs routine sessions.. today it was with taiwan and bulu.. and my klass was sandwiched between theirs and keli's classes.. so it was really cool to get to do the routine with them.. u know, enthu sec 1s and all.. anyway, back to tennis.. it sucked.. i suppose i kan't play all contact sports.. [is that what yu classify them as?] u noe.. badminton--sec2.. softball--all the time.. and now.. tennis.. ohyeah and it rained.. so like.. yah.. my shoes and socks got all wet.. so i took them off later in klass.. wore slippers the entire day.. and diden get scolded! how lucky is that?
3. ponned prep.. around.. 1.15pm.. erm.. to watch bball c'div nationals.. went to toa payoh entertainment centre first.. ljs.. to eat.. saw lisa and julia and their fren.. so we weren't the only ones who ponned, obviously.. saw a couple of ij lims too.. and jena or dawn.. im not sure which.. taiwan and the other smps gerls were there.. watching bball, i mean.. and i sat next to fiona.. haha.. who is like, freaking enthu and all.. nemind.. i was too.. it was kinda sad.. cos we were so close to equalising and mebbe winning and all.. wanying.. serene.. they were all really good.. especially wanying.. ohyeah china was there too.. not playing, of cos.. juz watching and supporting.. after probably having secured the b'div title for her stupid skl.. hehe.. alotta lims there.. kinda fun.. ohyeah and scgs came.. and they supported us, instead of jurong! isn't that great? i guess they got placed third.. poor things.. oh and gigi was there too.. she's from SAC.. i had no idea.. she's like, a councillor or smthg.. cos she was wearing the uni that syahida wears.. anyway it was over.. 30-32, i think.. acherli serene scored a two-pointer in the last minute.. but blind officials didn't see it.. stupids..
4. went to toa payoh mrt to get the train to bishan.. and we passed the interchange.. bus interchange.. and fana glanced at one of the buses.. 238.. she commented how sum guy looked like fir.. so i looked around frantically.. and she told me it was the guy sitting at the backmost left corner of the bus.. he was looking out the window.. i looked at him.. and i was juz beginning to process the fact that he WAS fir.. and then he waved.. he waved. naturally, i waved back.. and i was really happy, of cos.. andden later downstairs, jane chan's bag lim was waiting for the train.. and we went to mac's@int.. and saw madaminah, of cos..
that rounded out a perfect day for me. thank you god, for giving me such a lovely day. amin.

3. sorry for yesterday i forgot to add that my sis got me a cow stool.. it's amazing.. plus, yu know how you milk cows on stools? yeah, that could be my cow-milking stool.. goes with the entire theme too..=)
1. tomorrow's open house.. so we were setting up for it today.. finished at 6-plus.. then we went to mac's@int to have dinner.. and me and baba went home together.. halfway, at least.. phew.. it's really tiring, having to stand in the bus for 1 entire hour.. thank god for cute guys..
2. im dying of sleepiness.. i really am. so. i hate to do this, but i have to get offline now. -sobz-
til tmr then..

1. went to mac's@int again to study.. as usual arh.. and first i saw aishah.. at the playground.. but she din see us, i think.. then there were other people-people who were seriously funny.. like this group of 3 sadaf-ish guys.. one of them was wearing a bag with a built in radio.. so they walked through mac's once... with the radio blasting.. haha it was so funny cos everyone just stared at them.. they like, managed to silence the entire restaurant.. it was really funny.. and of cos, they made one trip back out of the front entrance.. hehe.. ohyeah and i was leaving at abt 5.. and i saw this really cute lim.. biggish in size.. cin.. hehe.. woww.. wearing a gigantic fubu shirt and berms.. and went to OP to buy a wallet.. a rich, and weirdish lim too.. hahaz..
2. went to meet my sis at orchard to get a new fone for her.. she got a 6510.. it's AMAZING! oh, but it doesn't have a composer, which is really dumb.. yeah.. i had a fun day..

im supposed to do 2 stupid malay compos by tomorrow.. argumentative summore!! ee. how boring and stupid. give me a narrative question any day. so anyway, i decided to give up on them. sorry, cikgu. but rest assured i'll do my best in the exams.
1. today before we went to study, we decided to go to bk to eat first.. as usual, SHE had to kol dat arsehole. but besides that.. it was kinda fun.. cos there was this group of about 5 guys.. in sum jc.. not sure which.. anyway.. at least 2 of them were cute.. one of them had floppy hair, dyed brown.. and the other wore glasses and looked decent.. haha.. and one of them looked like sum gangster.. haha.. anyway.. the 2 cute guys were meeting 2 cjc gerls for the first time, i think.. it certainly seemed like that.. the decent guy was so nice.. he paid for their meals.. hehe.. and he was sitting across the aisle from me.. and then 2 of the group left.. so it was gangster and the 2 cute guys.. gangster dragged a chair to join the 2 "couples".. and i dunno why, suddenly he started edging his chair away from his friends, and moving closer to us.. so i did what i normally do--i stared at him.. and decent guy saw me staring, so he sed to me,"dun mind him, he's crazy.." and i was like,"oh, it's okay.." while gangster protested cos before that i sed,"is he a snake charmer?" about this guy outside bk ah.. gangster sed,"nolah she's talking abt the snake charmer!!" hehe.. that was cool.. what nice, friendly guys.. we should make more of those here..
2. i went to mac's@int to study.. as usual, the guangyang boys showed up later.. but.. we were still too skared to make friends with them.. ohwell..
3. oh yah almost forgot, we saw mugant.. he was in the bus.. unfortunately, we cldn't get up on it..

1. if you've noticed, i've added new pics to my page.. aren't they cool? all thanks to the new nikon digital camera my dad bought.. =) i know i look shitty, but they're great pictures all the same..
2. today i went to have lunch at bk before going back to school for the leadership workshop followup thingy.. and.. then i saw this group of 4 guys in the near distance.. [oxymoronic?] wow.. so i looked at them arh.. and i realised one of them was raihan, so guess what i did? i shouted "raihan? raihan! raihan?" so he like, turned around and saw me.. haha. i bet he was acherli embarrassed, as are most people when they come into contact with me.. but luckily for me, he waved arh.. so i waved back.. den they went up the escalator.. the one that leads to the coloured mosaic walls.. but his friend like, turned to look at me, den 2 of them started "woh"-ing.. haha.. i wasn't embarrassed, but i really feel bad for dragging him into my nuttiness. and guess what? cute malay elective guy is one of them!! isn't that cool? i din expect him to be a friend of raihan's.. so anyway.. that was something totally unexpected.. that i truly appreciated.. cos other than that, nothing else happened today..

from collin raye's love, me:
if you get there before i do, don't give up on me.. i'll meet you when my chores are through.. i don't know how long i'll be.. but i'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.. and between now and then, till i see you again, i'll be loving you...
love,
me.

today rite...we went to bishan to pass fir his present.. and.. yarh. and all i did was pass it to him den i shut up and moved like, 5 metres away. eeks. den after dat he left ah.. and when he left.. i just found myself crying.. why? im not really sure myself. and i just cried and cried and cried.. and i couldn't stop.. and when i tried to stop, i found the image of his face like, popping into my head, and i continued crying even harder.. i couldn't stop, i really couldn't! i wasn't trying to get attention or anything.. i was like, biting my lip and digging my nails into my face.. but i still couldn't stop crying. [as a sampingan, dis lim.. whom i've seen before.. she was talking on her fone, about a metre away from us.. and u know what she did? she "paced up and down" the place.. in the process, moving really close to us.. she was just beside us, yu know.. and she paused.. for a really long time.. she juz stood there and talked on the fone.. cacat sey.. lim yang kepo..]
he looks so tembam.. not cos of face-fats or anything.. juz.. the shape.. aiyah whatever larh.. anyway about 15 mins later i thot i was over it.. but NOOOO. i was telling fana about what happened at hari budaya, 2 yrs ago.. and i started crying again. why am i such a baby. ?

im listening to one of my rasuk songs now.. amazing.. they really have the power to calm me down.. everytime im upset.. like i am now.. i'll put on one of those songs and i'll feel so much better after that.. it somehow seeps all the way into my heart and helps to heal it.. for the moment, at least.. -sigh-
i'm very angry. today is a really terrible day for me. no, im not saying that the world mistreated me or something.. please lah, im not like X, ok? in fact, it didn't. the world was acherli fine to me.. today and the past week or weeks. anyway.. no it's just that i really get mad at my friends for being stupid. i know, i know.. im not so smart myself either.. but... u noe.. i dun care if they get mad at me for being stupid.. [ok i do, it's juz.. i mean, they won't tell me, will they? and im not telling them now wat.. and if they tell me den it's good, so i kan work on my stupidity.. so yeah i dun kare if they get mad at my stupid parts..] so im really mad at them now.
baba got mad at fairul today for talking to sum peicai gerls who chatted him up during his orals at their school.. haiz.. and then she was going on and on about how she kan't believe that she saw hirman yesterday after his third lang kat bishan mrt.. and all that crap.. whatever. if she regrets ever being fairul's gf, den break up larh. it's not too hard to do. i mean, yarh. if yu dun love someone, it should be easier to break up with them than to break up with someone you really love. and im not juz saying this without any personal experience or anything. ooh and yu know what else? when she's with him, she talks different. you know the way i talk is kinda rough and very very pasar? and loud? and no bunga2 all dat? warhh.. yesterday she kalled me on my hp from HER hp, which is in fai's possession now. and of cos fai was there with her arh.. and she sed crap like,"aiyoh, dun worry lah, fir won't mind.. it's just a present.. dun be skared lah.." and "we haf tarian tmr ah? 4pm issit? so are we going for lunch? oh yu haf extended lesson? oh hooray, i kan go for lunch.. oh i haf pe tmr, yu know..." [<--yes, i know, but what does it have to do with anything?] and she aiyohed here and aiyohed there.. and she sounded exactly like a younger version of lim BE.. she is crazy, i tell you. and she's never talked to me totally in english before.. LOOK what fairul has done to her, LOOK what she has allowed him to do to her!!! i was gagging like crazy, luckily i was only on the fone.
hirman wrote in HIS blog about terjumpaing baba yest at bishan mert.. why does he always write about her? if he met me, would he write about it? i think not. so please, just admit you like baba and do something about it. oh wait, it's too late now, is it? he thot fai was her pri skl fren or sum shit liddat.. im sorry, how naive kan one get? whatever sey. and baba was with fai, yu know.. yest.. and hirm went up to her.. whatever! and talked to her for a very long time.. and when she finally introed them both, hirm hulur tangan dier.. but fai was "stoned", in her words, so he didn't extend HIS hand to hirm.. whatever. when she told us, i practically jumped off the staircase. anyway, yarh. hirm, baba may still like you, but she already has a boyfriend. you're too late, so please. dun try to be all "i'm suddenly so friendly so i won't make yu upset"... it's kinda abit too late. i'm sorry. hirman's a great guy.. but im just angry that a friendship that could have turned into something more meaningful and VERY fruitful to both sides, well, DID NOT. why is the world so stupid?
this morning X entered the class.. and i dunno why exactly, but fana double-middle-fingered her. like, ok... even i didn't do that, cos she hadn't irritated me yet.. den she went out with her today, to look for fana's baju for RHD... AND... today fana told me that X is gonna stay over at her hse tmr.. u noe, for RHD and all.. -whatever- this very same morning yu're cursing and makiing her, and in the evening yu're all,"yeah, she's staying over tmr.." i kan't stand hypocrites. i was so appalled. and i told fana that it was kinda hypocritical. and she mentioned sum crap abt how she's gonna be decent to diyanah now. ok, whatever. just don't complain to me about her anymore. hey, at least if i complain about her, i DO do smthg about it rite? i may be a stupid girl, i may be a mean girl, but im not a hypocrite. i'll never be a hypocrite. im serious, yu know. she makis diyanah more than me, but then she turns around and sez,"oh yeah i'll be nice to her.." eeee it juz makes me boil, yu know. she's always changing her mind. less than 24hrs ago she was totally against diyanah and now she changed her mind yet again.
im not saying im perfect. far from that. i'm lazy.. i'm inconsiderate.. i'm mean. but i also kan't stand stupidity. unfortunately, i kan't see my own. so if someone would kare to point it out, i'd appreciate it.

hey. i'm in school now.. damn bored man.. haha.. i saw permanent boyfriend today... wow.. he turned around to like, look at me.. as i was getting into the bus.. it was all i cld do not to like, smile.. haha.. he's soooo cute.. the way he turns to look at me is sooooo cute.. cos he's so big and all.. i'm dying to talk to him... i wanna ask his name.. and his school... sumday... maybe dis friday after darul ihsan.. hope we take the same bus.. haha.. but i hope he will respond if i do ask him arh.. den sumday he can send me to my bus, and my dad doesn't have to send me down anymore!!! how cool will that be? and we kan go to the playground together and all.. hehe... i love playgrounds... i saw him on... monday too.. hehe... maybe he doesn't turn around to look at me [maybe he likes zac!! haha].. but i love to think he is, anyway...
so anyway, i gtg now... tata...

i went to the airport this morning.. around 7-plus or 8.. saw a couple of lims who acherli worked at the airport.. one was a ticket personnel.. wearing the weird pleated skirt and all.. another was a police officer.. ok, sorry, i meant security officer.. u noe, the kind that checks bags? yeah. and i saw raihan. as in the group. and there was a group of teenagers.. indonesian, but yu couldn't tell.. there were more than 10.. and they came just to send off their friend. who was going i dunno where. ONE friend. 8 a.m. wow what nice friends to have.
this might be wrong, so forgive me my mistakes..

qing fei de yi by harlem yu
nan yi wang ji chu ci jian ni
yi shuang mi ren de yan jing
zai wo nao hai li
ni de yan jing
hui san bu qu
wo ni de shuang shou gan jue ni de wen rou
zhen de you tian tou bu guo qi
ni de tian zhen wo xiang zhen xi
kan dao ni shou wei qu wo hui shang xin
zhi pa wo zi ji hui ai shang ni
bu gan rang zi ji kao de tai jing
pa wo mei she me neng gou gei ni
ai ni ye xu yao hen da de yong qi
zhi pa wo zi ji hui ai shang ni
ye xu you tian hui qing bu zi jing
xiang nian zhi rang zi ji ku le zi ji
ai shang ni shi wo qing fei de yi
sen me yuan yin wo jing rang you hui yu jian ni
wo zhen de zhen de bu yuan
yi jiu zhe yang xian ru ai de xian jing

today. i had english prelim orals. it was... lovely. i'm serious. maybe i hafta eat my words later, but i really feel as if i've done a good job on it.. it was a picture of three boys in flamenco costumes practising the violin.. and i sed how they were so hardworking to be practising while the entire orchestra was probably having a break.. and how the purpose of the picture was: to promote music appreciation in younger children from an early age through the playing of various musical instruments.. yeah anyway i hope it means i did fine and all. and for conversation i talked about a place of historical value which i recently visited.. i talked abt my field trip to china.. yeah.. it all went pretty fast, and im glad.. then i went for comm service which was great except for one small glitch. it ended pretty late, and by the time we got the bus it was past 7.. me and azi.. and well.. we just stood up for the entire 1 hr journey.. and when it finally reached my stop, guess who came down from the top deck??? permanent boyfriend!!! i was so shocked, i couldn't think straight. luckily azi managed to warn me not to hyperventilate and embarrass myself.. so i kept cool.. as cool as possible.. it's a lovely cloudy night.. i practically walked with him.. how nice it is to be able to go home all the way with someone.. even though i guess he wasn't thinking about it in those terms.. i still wonder wat skl he's from.. he still wears the same bloo nike bag.. and he was wearing that " i love [smthg] " tshirt with his white skl pants.. i cld swear he's from sji, but bcos he was taking 81, i don't suppose so, right? well. i dunno. im in a terrific mood now. and i have him to thank for it. one day. someday. i'll talk to him. haha. -sarcastic snicker- like when the sky turns silver with blue stars, maybe.

apparently the subject of my crap from the previous entry has started communicating once more with the object of my previous entry's crap. good for her.
anyway.. guess what.. yesterday i went to LJS at macdonald house.. and guess who was inside!?!?! jinling!!! it's been so long, i thot she was dead or smthg.. she was wearing skl uni.. with another fren.. gerl.. of cos, she din see me.. but it was nice to see her all the same..

netball carn was lovely. simply wonderful. and the "class dinner" at xuan's hse after that was even better!.. well anyway i think i've been writing kwite alot in TOD lately.. cos there were soooo many madhavi encounters.. haha.. so i won't be writing stuff liddat in here, i guess.. which also means i might not be writing much or often..so anyway..
question.
how can u hurt yurself by deciding to distance yurself from someone you kare about, and hurt that someone as well, even without realising it?
well..... you can. if you're totally disoriented by a need to be loved. so instead of waiting for this someone you care about to be ready, you settle for this other guy, who is totally wrong for you. although you know it, you don't care, or try not to, because you're so desperate to be loved by someone, you just don't have the strength or confidence to wait for the one you really care about, the one who could really be the right one for you... and yes, you settle for the wrong guy who dares to ask you first.. yes, the one who is bound to cause you more misery.. the one with whom you'll just grin and bear it. and you suffer forever. and when you distance yourself from that one you really kare about, either cause u know you can't have that someone or that someone can't have you....you end up hurting that someone too. yeah, you don't realise it, but does it make it any less hurtful for him? does it make it any less hurtful for you?
why hurt yourself, and why hurt that someone you care about???