yesterday was just damn cool! firstly, it was on wednesday timetable, which i haf no complaints about. i mean, pw was relaxing cos miss wong has this illusion tt our group is damn advanced, so i spent a few minutes strolling around outside, alone.. heh. and bio lec is always relaxing.. ili and i were playing yet another future-predictions game, and apparently, i'm gonna be living a medium lifestyle with ex-friend, honeymooning in thailand, and have 9 kids after tt. 9 kids!!! i can't even bear ONE baby's screaming. haha. then it was maths and econs. yay and my day is over.
acherli no. then we went mac's.. on the way i saw BOTH my ghim moh crushes!!! woohoo! the upper sec one is just soooo.. perfect, except for the height. he's so confident and not poser and handsome and stuff.. and the lower sec one is REALLY good-looking. but blind ili refuses to look past his scruffiness into his deepdeep eyes and strong eyebrows, so she diden share our opinion. haha. den when we walked back we saw hl guy! woohoo! he's still adorable! den i went off for drama.. we took a thousand years getting a cab cos frappe's ct stole one from us! but it was a cool rehearsal, i had lotsa fun. alot! alot! then we went for dinner where poor broke me had to settle for 2 cheeseburgers. rrrrrRRRRARGHS. den we had a bitching session. it was sooooo cool! i was really surprised that having guys around actually enhanced the quality of the session, instead of whatevering it.. and then zhaf asked me, "who do you think is the cutest guy in j1?" .....aaaannnd.. i couldn't answer!!!! i was really shocked! and i still cannot answer now.. i really dunno.. so.. i'll just settle for ex-friend. hahahahaha. but seriously. he IS handsome. he should just not be so poser all the time, it ruins the effect. ooh then after our dress rehearsal, we watched the wiz, which totally rocked! the prologue was really really cool.. i mean, itz practically interactive! and the actual thingy was just bursting with energy and fun and happiness and all things positive, every single minute! subjectively speaking, my favourite part has to be the whole wicked-witch-and-her-man-whore scene. emilia and i were just dying the moment the black coat parted. sorry, i really don't mean to sound hormonal, teenage-angsty, or whatever.. but it was seriously very very nice to look at. i mean, people talk about six-pack, and how this guy has it, and this guy almost has it, and blahblah.. and we see it on tv, and maybe mags and stuff.. but [i dunno if i speak for everyone] *I*'ve never seen it in real life. until last night. i swear, that was the epitome of hot. wowwwwwwwww... itz all like, well-defined, and complemented by the pecs also.. so like, yah.. and even more endearing was the fact that he was so NOT-TRYING-TO-SHOW-THEM-OFF-AS-MUCH-AS-POSSIBLE.. we were going back downstairs thru the backstage, with emilia and i at the back, still dying, when she almost bumped into him!!! and he was like, "oh, sorry.." and as we walked out, he took off his coat and put on a tshirt. i could NOT resist turning around, sorry! haha. so yes, i had an excellent day yesterday.
today my dad bought me a new handphone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to die!!!!! why is he so nice when i'm a serious shitass half the time???? itz just about everything i ever asked for, btw.. and.. yarh! and vowing that i won't ever be a shitass will not work since i'll never change ah. not for the better.. aaarrggghh.. they're too good to me? and how do i repay them? by checking out the man-whore's abs!!
sigh. and another shitty thing? number's changed too, so i'm losing my entire inbox, which i've spent soooooo much time cultivating. the inbox with the msgs from nick.. and jeremy.. and ESPECIALLY that one from fir.. -bawls- now i have no more pick-me-up when i'm feeling sad. it used to be i'd just open that message and this happy feeling would just spread through me, slowly but surely. now i have nothinggggg!!!!!!!
acherli, i think i'd rather have my old fone with tt message inside, than this new fone which is totally devoid of memories. but how do i tell tt to my dad?

aaah econs essay screaming for attention! and i forgot all the cool things that have been happening!!!
okay yest and today were like, the coolest days of my life.
yest i rushed into the train as usual, hoping and HOPING samit would be there. of cos, he wasn't. i think there's a quota of oh, i dunno, ONE?--for samit sightings. takpe. i mean, you shouldn't get too much of a good thing too often. right? but anyway, his friend was inside, already sleeping. i just decided to sit in the same section as him, just so i'd have some kind of reminder of samit. anyway, i guess the bodyguard was really tired or smthg, cos he just slept and slept and diden wake up! so like, the train reached bv, and i was still sitting there, wondering, "is anyone gonna wake him up?" no one made a move. the doors opened. so i walked purposefully towards him and tapped his arm. he woke up ah, and yah. the day is saved. thanks to me. yah and i was in a relatively good mood for the rest of the day cos i really thought i'd made a connection there with samit, however indirectly. bodyguard is indebted to me ah! i'm sure this is a sign of better times to come. the whole issue of telajaking station in the morning is really bothering me ah, cos i find it a personal danger also. i'm not like that sleeping guy, who can sleep ternganga but still find it extremely natural to wake up at bv. so yah. i worry about it everyday man.. and what if no one wakes me up? like, damn maluating sia! how come no one wanted to wake bodyguard up? so mean! if they won't wake HIM up, they definitely won't wake ME up rite? ok sorry, but like i sed, i find it a real threat. hm. ohyah then during pe we played floorball! i was just dying of happiness and screaming and kneeling on the floor, combined. i lurvveee floorball! still! and i miss ms zhang! still! anyway i was the goalie again. it was quite cool. thatz not to say i was a good goalie. but i got more battle scars [crushed fingers, thinned knees, etc.].. and i truly believe that my place in life lies in defence. after that was tarian. i lurve tarian, but i hate the dirty yucky floor and all those shitty smokers. HELLO! girl with fragile lungs here!!! hm. saw izzat in the train. thatz abt it. did i mention i lurve floorball? and "harry" lim is really good, i was totally wow-ing every single move of his.. and ili is great too.. ha.. like a certain bowl-crowned male?
today was better, if thatz possible. there was.. OM.. a cool breeze was blowing in my direction and it seemed like such a nice romantic setting. haha. so i walked within a metre of him and.. hugged the pole/pillar/greenwhatever. then i was griping cos gp was gonna be replaced by pw and i really really wanted to go library again for gp and see the HL guy. but i had a really pleasant surprise when miss wong sed our grp worked so hard already, we cld just use it as a free period. which i did, to great effect. saw HL guy! whee!~ HL guy rox k. so cute! so short! so.. act pai! den.. before econs lec we went to mac's and got sustenance. did NOT acherli work cos i was hungry in the train. nvm. just before econs lec i went up to the photocopy shop to check for chem r tutorial. it was a complete waste of energy, cos there was none. so i went back down, and at the landing, i passed HL guy! wow! and thatz when i realised how short he was. very. about my height, cld be shorter, but letz not believe that. for his sake. mebbe parallex error. all i know is, he's so short i can see the top of his hair. then i went in and out again to put chem practs. not tt i minded. see, the friends decided to kidnap OM and impostor upstairs, so i had to tgk as much as possible. then it was pe, which rocked my socks!!!!!!! ee. so cliche. sorry. but it was cool. spent 10 mins watching latte looking like a female model and this sji guy saving goals in a really cool way. the ball just bounced off him in varying directions. cool sia. spent 15 or so mins passing the handball and stuff. i really suck man. i wouldn't wanna partner me ah. but anyway, to show the extent of my stupidity, ili passed the ball to me, so i ran forward to catch it, or whatever, and it hit me smack in the right side of my face! my cheek and some nose. did my face seem abit flatter? it probably is. i am SUCH a retard! after that i wasted about 50 seconds laughing ah. in total i wasted 25% of my time laughing. but the actual game was cool. like i said, my place in life is in defence. so i just spent my time at the centre of the goal line, preventing all those guys from scoring. it was cool. shah was just soooooo pleased with me and sabrina. see! even sucky ppl like ME can get praise. of cos i think the people of the match wld have to be sya and ili. ili who popped out of nowhere to catch what was clearly a yellow's ball. and sya who tried hard to do the whole slam-it-down-into-tha-ground thing. oooohh i just lurvvvvvvvvveeeeeee play-able sports! so farn!
okay i'm done. i wasted 20 mins on this!!!!

today was an awesome day. really. you know how they say you should haf a balanced diet, good exercise, all that? i think i got something like that today. my version, of course. see.. started the day rushing for the train as usual.. my legs were totally cramping up.. then i swooshed into the train and saw [well acherli i heard him talking first] samit and his bodyguard, so i instantly plopped myself into a seat opposite. and spent the entire ride pretending to read while really examining his longish face, uniform ratio, and perfectly curved thick eyebrows. ooh and hair. so yeah, that was A Second of Samit. dee� finally realised she's seen him around b4, so i guess i might find out his name someday. then.. ohyah diden c hichael but that diden matter, i was too samit-intoxicated. thenn.. no one on the bus cept for oilman. haha. cool. itz still OM no matter what language itz in! anyway.. ohyah diden see much of latte except his hair, and about 5 seconds of viewing during a VERY SLEEPIFYING maths tutorial. but i did see the HL guy alot. hair-library, geddit? haha. den.. ohyah. INCIDENT: we were walking past the canteen to bio pract when i saw sya's fren, whom she diden see, so i decided to do her a favour and i steered her round for a better view. then.. she was still looking fruitlessly [while his hair was practically ingrained in my memory by then] and we were still walking, then.. SHE DECIDES TO BUMP INTO FRAPPE! who immediately turned round and gave an apologetic smile and said sorry. i wanted to die. and scream. acherli i did scream. the worst part is, SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALISE THAT ANY OF THE ABOVE WAS HAPPENING! sorry to scream. haha. thot i got it all out just now. anyway, i waited about 2.5 seconds, and started screaming about how i wanted to pull down her skirt and tear it to pieces, then i went even more psycho and banged my fists on poor amir.. and then we reached the bio lab, half-dead from laughing, and i squatted down, and ms lee walks past and PATS MY HEAD! and if thatz not enough, she says, "someone give her some money.."!!!!
yes so that was my.. *ahem* relatively uneventful morning. anyway wat i meant by the balanced diet was i had about enough proportions of frappe, latte, samit, and HL guy.. and adam too.. dun need so much of others ah.. plus, physical exertion in the form of INCIDENT. but i was still SOOOOOO sleepy!!! and i was zombiefied in maths tut when my fone started vibrating, in the middle of mr. kan's explanation! so i answered it and hissed, "i'm having lesson! bye!" anyway it was shafa, wanting to meet up cos she ended skl already. so i sed yah. at first i thot i'd haf to pon econs lec, so i told sya.. then shafa sed she'd come to bv so i went into the lt and proclaimed, "i'm here-i'm here!" which i think the whole world heard ah. haha. sorry. i guess i was just so happy to get out of maths-and-chem sleeping session. anyway then i went to meet shafa and we went to bk at holland v, after a non-search for pizza hut. and we went upstairs and guess who we saw? ***HICHAEL*** i gasped. audibly. i couldn't help it ah. i mean, sleepy boring day, i was just expecting to like, hang out with shafa, and a larger-than-life hichael awaits at an empty table in an even-emptier bk? hello! i thot i was dreaming. dunno if he heard me gasp, because he diden look up, but being me, i'm sure i was very very loud. anyway he finally looked up and i almost died. he looks really great close-up. i swear. anyway he was studying there with another fren. a guy, fyi. fmi too. haha. then.. we went down to buy food, and 2 seconds later, he came down too! and i saw him smiling, so i just couldn't take my eyes off him! his eyes are heeuuuggeee! his hair is soooooo black! his presence is soooooo commanding! so i just kept turning back to look at him. i suppose i was soopa obvious cos when we left, i was still turning round to look at him, and i saw him look up at me, and smile to his fren. i.e. he knows. haha. so erm, frappe knows, and ex-fren knows [as well as all his derivatives and spies], and now hichael knows? great. who's next? latte? samit? the ghim moh guy? normally i'd say something along the lines of "i'm dead" but i just realised, i mean, now that they know, nothing happened what. as in, nothing good, thatz for sure.. but nothing bad either. i mean, he diden like, march up to me and say, "oi girl! i know you like me, but you are just so damn ugly and i'm too handsome for you, so you better stop liking me or else!" so yah i mean, the fact that they know, the fact that i'm obvious and not subtle like a certain ili hazwani [haha sorry i still think itz abit off to discuss the ways a person chooses to display that they like you..], has no effect on my life ah. so.. yah. itz okay for me to be obvious and all, the way i usually am. HA. stick THAT in your hair, spy!
ohyah yest went out with fana. i was halfway to afternoon dreamland at 3.30 when my phone jangled mercilessly. it was fana: "eh do you want to meet up" --today? "yah, around 4.30? asal takleh takper?" --OK! haha. went to citylink. kwite fun.. then went to funan to eat. we walked around city hall alot. but i didn't get tired, cos for once, i diden haf a bag with me. found a cute guy at taco bell at funan. he was amused by my laughter, apparently. aren't they all? haha sorry, didn't mean to sound eksyen, but just stating a fact. anyway he has a nose tt'z shaped like a kinked demand curve, and proportionately smaller eyes, but he's better-looking than bulbous nose [i think].. yah that was fun. i've been having fun these past two days, thanks to fana and shafa! and of course, all these other extras like samit!!! woohoo! sorry i'm kinda on a samit-&-hichael high. no, make that a hichael-&-samit high. yeah sounds better.
anyway sorry for all the screaming. the reason is stipulated above. nitez all!

sorry i'm just too tired to put a clippie today. i just wanted to put disconnected stuffs: spy song & more excerpts from tt book.
i did a spy song yesterday. itz to be sung to the tune of.. well i think itz quite obvious. eensy weensy SPY went up the water spout/down came NORAIN and washed the SPY out/out came SYA and cut off all his hair/and the eensy weensy SPY soon retired--YEAH!

"Karsh watched me as if he were gauging something. Then he reached back out of the car and took my hand and I tried not to wish he would never let it go as he turned it over, nodding to himself.
--Mmm hmm. Just as I thought, he said, pointing to a network of creases below my pinky. --You should be--and will be--with someone who knows that when he's with you there's nowhere else he'd rather be.
The buzz went off in his pocket now and he let go of my hand to check his cell again.
--Oh, man, he said glancing down at the little screen. --I've got to go.
When you meet someone like that, beep me, I thought.
After he'd gone, I noticed he'd forgotten to take back the cassette, still lying tumbled in my lap. I examined it now. It seemed he'd made the cover himself, a sketch of the sea and sand and some two-stroke boats.
I couldn't resist. I went home and dug up my Walkman.
The music slunk in slowly, a shimmering strum, and then tentative drumbeats, a hesitant knock on a submerged door playing off from left ear to right. And as it went on recognition struck a match in me.
I watched now as the first drops struck the pane. I pictured them as the shivery percussions, watched the storm shudder from my ears and out to all the inhabitants of the big girdling world disco as if what was inside my body could affect the outside like that, as if music really did make the people come together. But I suppose it did--that had been the point, right?
It was raining ropily now, the colors from the pines and porch steps and beaten grass all streaked and running. And one by one, the other instruments fell away until it was only these deep-end drums rising up in all their submarine clarity, like my overfull heart, into my own ears."

"--It's just then you got so busy, with school, your friends, your life, he continued now. It sounded like the way I felt sometimes about Gwyn. --And now you are all grown up. I know it took years, but I still can't help feeling it happened in the blink of an eye. Sometimes an expression will come to your face that I was knowing when you were only months old, when you saw a puppy for the first time, or when your diaper was ready to go. But now it is not for puppies and diapers. I suppose that's what happens; it is only natural, especially in America. But it's funny--if someone had told me before we left India that I might lose my daughter even more quickly in the process, I would not have budged one inch.
He grinned suddenly, and frantically rubbed his thigh, the itch that wasn't there that popped up at moments like these, embarrassed by his sudden display of emotion. He didn't usually talk like this.
--And been a farmer in Varad today...not!
He was trying to make a joke of it, but I knew it was no joke. I don't know why but I wanted to cry. I looked at my father and I saw for the first time, it seemed, the silver spreading at his temples, a wave breaking on a black sea of hair, and that just discernible bald spot creeping up reeflike underneath it all. The wiry strand curling out from his ear. There was a jaggery-colored cluster of spots on his forearm I didn't remember being there before. I saw that familiar smile stretching too tight against too many teeth and for the first time in what seemed like a long time it didn't irritate me. For the first time I saw that it was a beautiful smile, one that was trying to enjoy something so that somebody else could, to not say the wrong thing, to not spoil the moment, a smile stretched tight to not let the wish escape. Or maybe it had already escaped, that wish, and it was trying not to let on in again, to not let one grow again, like a dandelion gone gauzy to be blown bare by a passing wind."

"--How can I ever thank you? I said.
--How can *I*? she said. --Do you know Nietzsche's theory of eternal recurrence, Dimple?
I shook my head.
--Well, I hardly understand it myself, to be honest. But I have pulled out an easily applicable day-to-day rule from it that always gets me out of a jam: You must live every moment of your life in such a way that if you had to live it over and over again till infinity, this would be a good thing.
I couldn't quite wrap around that yet.
--I know, she empathized. --It's a tall order. But it's not a shabby thing to aspire to. And I just wanted you to know that thanks to you, my night has been just like this."
sometimes books can teach you cool things. or they can somehow say exactly what you're thinking but can't put into words.

i haf so much to say, so little time. so much to say, too little emotional capacity. so much to say, not power enough vocab to word-ise everything.
thurs. oh that was yesterday. guess i'm not as busy as i thot i was. dun really remember much, except tt spy and ex were there again. whateva. i ended up walking into skl alone and doubling back to the office table to get a copy of outlook. heh. guess what i did with that! it looks really good now. my locker, i mean. i'm extremely proud of it. pe was extremely fun. mr shah is damn funny, esp after the whole hair thing. i seriously cannot stop laughing now. and HIGHLIGHT: played floorball! it rocked! i didn't. but IT rocked. i somehow became goalie.. and the other team kept approaching me! so like, when the ball was within a 10-metre radius from me, i started screaming. hey! i was skared! the screaming helps to let it out! but it kinda made life abit difficult cos the girl attacking started laughing which made me laugh too. but i had fun! floorball is fun, has always been. i miss you, ms zhang! and adeline! who used to cheat! haha. anyway after skl i met up with fana and showed her my new locker [which, i now realise, is a collage representing me! in all my craziness and dreamer-ness and stuff.] and we went to mac's and tokked. went home feeling happier but sadder. immersed myself in the coffeehouse compilation.
today was a fps. i dunnolah. i guess it was a cursed day from the start or something. had OH-team briefing. saw my ghim moh crush when i was at mac's. sat/lay not 2cm away from adam's bag. heh. drank n dreamt n depressed at canteen. added my second doodle to lt 2.5. ohyah. listened to president's scholars in the morning. and mebbe itz my imagination, but after tt i found myself UN-sleepy in chem, and extremely attentive in chem and bio. and during the malay break i acherli finished my bio tutorial, a feat not achieved by me since.. well, since EVER, even counting sec 3 and 4. and walked to mrt very samit-ly with sya. thatz it. [thatz not it, sebenarnye.] ohyah and i drew impostor and a stylised posing orang minyak. whee.~

thots
1. it is VERY possible to be crying a world's supply of tears inside while laughing to rock-hard abs outside.
2. it is just as possible to feel even sadder when finally meeting an old friend, after a long period of wait that made you feel initially sad.
3. it is therapeutic to walk very slowly and deliberately, like each step means something special to you.
4. it feels surreal to be feeling lost and empty and suddenly walking into a tunnel where a busker sings there's a kind of hush on his guitar, at night. sometimes it makes you feel better. sometimes it helps you understand your feelings better.
5. there is nothing wrong with being completely different from the norm. it does not equate to off.
6. it is possible to be loud AND painfully shy.
7. there is nothing wrong with liking someone who will never like you back. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years.. time is immaterial. just liking someone may never be enough, but it's also better than not liking anyone. what have you got to look forward to then?
8. doodlefest rocks. the raymond guy, with his rose and all that... he rocks! congrats to him!
9. in negative mode? dancing helps.
10. telling someone "i love you" doesn't.
11. there's nothing wrong with liking someone. it does not justify teasing.
12. there's nothing wrong with appearing to like someone. it does not mean you do. and it does not justify teasing.
13. suaners belong in loveless hell.
14. spies too.
15. ditto for insensitive idiots.
16. if trying to forget someone is too hard, don't try. why upset the natural balance of things? just continue thinking of that person larh. at least you won't waste brain space or emotional capacity trying to subdue/eradicate thots of that person.
17. in friendship, there's no such thing as standing someone up. there's no such thing as ignoring messages. there's no such thing as fairweather. THERE ISN'T! and i give up. i stopped being sad yesterday. i started being angry.
18. drawing rocks.

oh remember i said i was reading born confused? this is a really nice excerpt from the book:
--Well, Kavs, I said. --If it makes you feel any better, I've been spending my summer finding out I'm not Indian enough, nor American enough, it would appear.
--How's that?
--I don't know. I guess I'm just not Indian enough for the Indians or American enough for the Americans, depending on who's looking.
--What if you are looking?
--What do you mean?
--I mean, you are saying that you don't feel like you measure up, isn't it? Depending on who is looking at you, heh? But what if you still all the voices and stares, all the things you think you're supposed to think or you think everyone else is thinking, and go to somewhere in yourself like when you are underwater, for example, or in an asana, that truly conscious silence--and look at you?
--Hmm, I said, thoughfully. --I guess I've been so busy feeling I don't fit so well into either place that I never really thought of it that way.
--But Dimple. Maybe that is because you are too big for one place; you have too much heart and home and information to be contained in one tidy little box.
--You mean I'm all over the place.
--You are...interdisciplinary, if you will. But you have to realize, there is no such thing as this tidy little box you think you have to fold up and fit into; it simply does not exist. That's what I'm learning, learning as we speak.
She was right. After all, if she herself had wondered whether she was Indian enough--she, who had always been to me a sort of epitome of Indian--then who could be? Who could claim the sole right of way to an identity?
--And you have to realize that you don't need that box, she added slowly, speaking as much to herself as to me. With every word the veil of tears burned off her face like sunned dew. --That there is something that connects it all, even in wide and open uncontained space. The way a constellation makes a shape.
I tried to picture it, and found to my surprise that I could. It was beginning to make sense.
--The way a silent room has a sound, I said.
She nodded, smiling.
--You, she said.--from Tanuja Desai Hidier's Born Confused

spies are abound. or SPY, anyway. haha. itz a long and sad story. get ready.
this morning i was just dying of sleep and boredom. sleep cos of obvious reasons, boredom cos samit wasn't around, but his bodyguard-friend was.. and neither was slrdlm. then fana called, as she sed she would, so we took turns complaining to each other arh. and i was complaining about ex-friend.. and his personal spy [acherli i think itz extremely perasan of me to regard him as a spy, but yah]. i was just bisinging ah, in code AND in names.. i diden think anyone was there to listen!!! i wasn't even paying attention when the train passed the stations, so yah. i was just feeling grumpy and sleepy and off. so there i was, complaining loudly. acherli not loudly, but more like my normal volume, which is a teeny bit louder than normal volume standards. so anyway, there i was, ranting and raving about ex-friend and all.. and listening to isky stuff.. then i got off and i saw the very subjects of my tirade! i wanted to die of stupidity. no, really. i think the entire train heard me bisingbising. itz just that i diden care at first cos i diden know THEY were in earshot! i am sooooooo dead now, i swear. if there was ever any doubt tt i liked him, that kinda cleared it up. aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh. feet so big, still can masuk mouth. ohyah then when we were at lockers or smthg, sya was saying how spy kept looking round so much she wanted to cut off his hair. haha. ttz pretty funny, but i'd really like to believe that he ended his spying stint yesterday. we are not that special.
anyway. while i was walking home just now i was just thinking about coffees and stuff. and i remembered my yearbook, the one i compiled from other yearbooks when i was in sec 2[?]. sooooo..... i found it ah.. and flipped through, hoping tt pics of those who matter are in there.. aaaaaannnnndddd.. i started laughing like crazy!!! itz really funny, i swear. esp. decaf's pictures. i wanted to die of laughter! muz show sya!!! sum mysteries also ah.. and sum regrets e.g. no pics of *******. but nevermind. i have the last year's yrbk to make up for tt.
well gotta go do pw now!

kaoz.. the girl is right! i'm damn off! forgot that i already wrote abt tues!!!

it's been 4 days. four days. and so much has happened since. i think i forgot some of the so much, but itz ok. well. here goes.
tuesday. i can't remember what happened at all, acherli. did i see samit? hm. ohyah i did. the moment i realised he was there i msged sya: "samit is in the train! brace yourself.." verdict? she thinks he rocks, and she loves his hair! woohoo!
wed. had players rehearsal at someplace in robertson walk. went to buy dinner at UE Square, where there was this nice guy who told me to "relek, relek.." when i screamed at him not to put tomatoes in my croissant. =D his name is shankar. and then my sister picked me up with yet another of her guy friends. this one is the nicest, funniest and friendliest so far. we all know i like friendly people, since i can't be friendly myself. so. yah. fana and i are sorta praying he's related to mugant so maybe if i see more of him, i might just ter-meet mugant and fana can finally be friends with him. ohyah just remembered. *I* diden see samit but sya and nurie did.
thurs. okay i definitely saw samit. he was alooooooonnnnnnneeeee!!! and i diden even know he was there, cos, you know him, he likes to slouch down in his seat and all.. so he was quite hidden until i sat down and glanced in his direction. woohoo! i wanted to die of happiness! those nice lightgrey-orange shoes.. the headfones.. the sling bag.. the hair! then.. the nose, and eyes, and lips. and his lumbering sort of walk. except that hez too slim and cool to look like a real lumbering elephant or something. when i got out of the train, i was trying to walk slowly also, so i could like, "walk with him".. but.. haiz.. i think he really walks damn slowly, so i was still about 4 metres infront of him at my slowest pace. haiyah. ended up "walking with" sluardlm instead. but dun worry, i met dee2 downstairs and i talked to her so i got to see abit more of samit. yay. had tarian also. spent 15 minutes in the toilet scrubbing the grime of 2-plus hours off my huge soles. tarian was cool! especially with sya's ronaldinho male/female to spice up the evening. hahahahaha. i swear, he really looked womanly from the back!!! and itz a great tarian, with a song of great memories. hm. den.. yahlah tt shd sum up my prettiful thursday..
friday. this was the king of the week. the king of fun. the king of meanness. of shittiness. no one was in the train.. no one who mattered, anyway. and assembly sucked ass. but ifg itself was soopa fun! having had enuff of the guy's lame commentating, i did my own. it was cool. then.. watched adam running around the netball court for awhile. but his team got eliminated before i got to see any real action. stupid. takper. then.. after that we hung out in the canteen waiting for each other. that was a real pain. but an interesting one. took picture with ahmad in his cps costume. with shades and all. the picture-taking process was extremely entertaining:-
me n sya: "ahmad, can we take photo?"
ahmad: "okay.."
5 minutes real-time pause.
me: "oi hurry up ah! ili! come and take photo!"
sya: "saper nak ambik?"
me: taps hon lyn on the shoulder "can you help us take?"
hon lyn: "ok"
sya and i flank ahmad.
me: "oi ili! hurry up! stand here!"
ili finally gets into position. picture is about to be taken when,
sya: "eh wait!" moves away from ahmad to stand on my other side. "okay."
picture is finally taken.
here i will mention the names of some mini-events, but no details. album screaming, hair-library-guy obsessing, latte-staring, tudung phase, bus kegilaan, incorporating partial album screaming and partial sya's camera screaming.
we went to ps.. watched cradle of life, which rocked. ignore the part where i slept soundly despite the gunshots and shouts and all. [i was tired!] i like the tribespeople the most. then we went to the mrt station.. where we took a picture against sum pillar. luckily ginny was there.. then.. ohyah had a great laugh over this loong lidi-sized guy with a loooooooonnnnng moustache, a tight blue tank top, long pants, and ladylike bag and footwear. then we split up in the train.. nurie went to meet silah and filza ili sya me went to pray. then we went to bishan, where we were the first people to arrive. waited a few thousand years for the rest, and took 156 to thomson 800.. i had a great time mopping. except.. by the time the mop arrived, everyone else had arrived too and i couldn't do the whole mrs. doubtfire thing with the mop. sheesh. then we went to pray. then we came back. nurie was already there. some of us felt really out then. and so i sat outside with shafa and the bucket overturned. then.. yah. then some ppl left, and we sang rgs skl song and dedication and well, the bucket overturned again. yipes. later when i was abit better i swept up the place. guess what? i realised tt i lurve sweeping and mopping! then i posed for pictures with azi on the couch. fun!
you know what? i think that party was as much a surprise for some of us as it was for nurie. i mean, i was surprised to realise how much i miss everyone. especially shafa and her like, gila "this-fashion" humour. and i will never forget that orang-minyak quip!!! plus he DID look very orang-minyakish in attitude when he was trying to scour under the sofa with his eyes. hahahah. shit lar.. why do the jcs have to be so far apart? we shd have a jc district or something. then even though we get the types of education and educational environment we want, we can still meet old friends and not have to miss them so much without realising and finally crying lyke siao when finally realising. sigh.
oh and i have a major announcement to make: ties with my friend have been severed. therefore i have no friend. yay. and i wrote this pantun berkait just now.
Pokok labu tumbuh menjalar
Orang-orang berdiri kaku
Mendengar lafazmu yang kasar
Sepahit hempedu hati daku.
Orang-orang berdiri kaku
Awan putih lalu gemawan
Sepahit hempedu hati daku
Tidak lagi kuanggapmu kawan.
and i thot only GIRLS bitched. but then again, he IS a girl.
OHYAH i forgot!!! remember that cute-cute ac cin guy who takes 105 with me? he happened to take the same 156 also!!! but.. he has a gf. ohwell. he's in j1, btw.
anyway then we took cab to sya's hse, where we talked for awhile before nurie fell asleep and i went home. thanks, God, for melindungi me all this while.
today was pw. it was as usual, not fruitful. but the coffee club express guy was pretty not-bad, and he was mobile and all, so it wasn't TOO bad. heh. see? i can find bright patches among dark cloud cover! even though i was still whatevering abt yest the whole of today.
this looks like a whole load of shit. ohwell. what do you expect, after 4 days of withdrawal?

itz back to the numbered list, i haf tons of work to do..
1. thank you, thank you, and THANK YOU, God, for campaking my dear samit in the train just now. i wanted to die of happiness. i almost sat at the same row of seats as him but decided not to push my luck. so i settled for looking at a cutoff of him in the reflective door pane. whoever decided to put reflective surfaces in trains and buses, has my eternal love and gratitude, i swear. woke dee� up from her stupor just now when i screamed "YO!" at her. haha. sorry man! i was just in a terrific mood, u know, seeing samit and all. he still looks as good as ever. then.. i managed to alert sya of his presence, like, 45 minutes in advance [the moment i saw him on the train], PLUS he walks slowly and all [in fact, i dun think he walks, itz more of an evening stroll. not even morning stroll, morning stroll is slightly more energised than his style of movement].. so she got a good look at him. and she agrees! alrite! alrite! alrite! alrite stoppit. she sed she loves his hair [wahoo!] and that he'z tall [or did I say that?] and that he looks generally good. thatz the idea i got, correct me if i'm wrong. -sigh-
2. i CANNOT believe we're doing a four-days-in-a-row semi-professional performance with a professional theatre company!!! i can't believe my luck [or unluck, depends on POV].. i mean, i joined as a costumes person initially. so who ever thot i'd wind up being an all-out bimbo? ohwell. life is unpredictable, innit?
3. like when we were at the surau and i heard this gross voice and i refused to turn around but it was my fren of cos.. ohyes the econs lecturer's name is mr. vadi [vady? wadi? wady?]. anyway we had this really cool impromptu brainstorming session there ah, with no help frm non-fren and my fren, but whatever. it was ivan ili filza sya me. and the ideas were just spilling forth, esp from ivan. good job all! at least i can have faith in some enthu and semangat [same thing?] people. kisah cinta sejati is gonna rock so bad, suria will cry over itz horrible cinta bollywood which does not just pale, but DISINTEGRATES in comparison. i'm so proud of myself. and ili. and sya. and ivan. and filza. and azi. and EVERYONE! everyone rocks! got the general production outline written down, but will not put it up yet. you know whatz my favourite part? itz the ticket in the form of a wedding invite.. i mean, how cool is that? i am so gonna dream of this wonderful love story man..
nitey!

yes i haf a brand-new crush! this is soooooo fun!
okay anyway today was the filming[?] of the raffles programme video. so i miss an entire day of skl!!! and i get to lek2 at home abit more.. ANNND take 53 also. i mean, what more cld i ask for? so anyway, it wasn't too bad. it was funny at some parts, and irritating sometimes, but also interesting cos i felt as if we were filming some sort of music video. i mean, i'm sure that's how they film music videos too, except they play music along with it ah. i had only one scene to do, so it ended around 10-plus for me and i went home.
but anyway, the point i'm trying to make is, there was a cute guy on set! okay, he's probably married, cos i saw a ring on his wedding finger. and he IS older than me and all. but he is sooooo cool! he gelled up his hair nicely, and he had a cool goatee too. like the one i think latte is trying to grow but not succeeding very well. his socks are ankle, and with orange lines on the bottom. hello, he screams cool all over! he was doing sound and abit of lighting. this is probably the first malay guy i've crushed on in a looooooong time! ohyah and he's handsome and funny and extremely capable. so. yeah, i had a nice time. but see, i won't see him again, so this is a totally no-strings-attached kinda crush. which is the best kind for me lar..
oh and just now, when i was walking out of ri, i realised i was actually doing something i've kind of wanted to do since ever. you know, to walk around in a guys' skl when itz in session? haha. but this time, they're kinda like, younger than me, and i did NOT see any remotely lawar ones, so it wasn't too fun. but i think the other ain would have given her front teeth to be where i was just now. haha. not bad lar, being a girl so obviously and all, they're bound to stare at you. if only the starers were more worthwhile.
now. should i go to school?
ohyah ili!!!! i finally uploaded my photos.. so.. here you are..

i have no idea if this'll ever get to you, but any port in a storm la.. it's been an absurdly long amount of time since we last communicated. and i mean really communicated, not smses with technical queries in them. those don't count. and because the time we've spent apart was and is so appalingly long, i find myself having hallucinations of you suddenly appearing in my field of vision. sometimes pleasant, sometimes nightmarish, like the one i had yesterday in the train as it passed yishun. i'm already crazy, and here i am, going crazier than ever. and yesterday as i was going to sleep, i remembered everything i have never forgotten.
remember our first-ever mixed tarian? the jumble of adil and helmi and nizam and fahrur and hirman and yazid? when we were getting ready, how we would watch the dikir guys practise with nizar? remember chatting on #malayfriends with PEOPLE? remember the actual phr? the green bajus, the blue mascara in the toilet, the tepung komak faces? remember the brownies and nang nak at your house? remember girlfriends? remember far east bk and mina? remember joanna phua? remember toa payoh entertainment complex? all the lims? remember all the photographs we took? the neoprint-cards? the one with us in our minah garb, after watching sri temasek or whatever it was? the one with us as "net and rugger"? remember when i stayed over? my parents "weren't in singapore", apparently. we took the train to toa payoh, took 105 to school, like om usually did. that was cool! remember running at bishan? and studying at bishan? remember gemuk, kurus, cermin mata and tinggi? remember yong chao, jonathan, and all the other little frens? remember pencil? remember soccer and kunyah, SLWIDAW, buffer zone??? remember playing basketball with wei and his friends? how about marie, tua, beast, jack? [notice i didn't mention beer.] remember romeo must die? and bring it on, and my sassy girl? remember how we hung out at bishan after i meanly excused myself from diyanah n iskandar? remember when we first met fir at bk, and then rushed back to school, and then rushed to ri? remember when we planned to meet up once a month, at least, after we saw that group of 3 gerls from 3 different schools catching up in bishan mac's? remember buying those boxers? [i think that was the most whatever thing we ever did.] remember woodlands library? ungu, fauzee, DAUN and how he used to stare at you? and the other cute guy? remember writing hari raya cards there? remember siglap? udin, sheik, etc? our performance at botanic gardens? remember hijrah seni? remember the mpcc dikir guys? all our angklung performances and tarians?
i remember. and i hope you still do. cos i miss you. we both do.

yes that's a powerpuff version of me. cool rite? okay, i know i don't have grey eyes, but the rest of it is pretty accurate.
anyway. had pw just now at causeway point. it was the most interesting pw i haf ever had! but more informative for the guys than for myself, i guess. haha. but it was fun. and funny. din know guys were so curious about the technicalities of being a gerl.
ohyah i was supposed to post sum poems here. thanks, cikgu said, for telling us how to write pantuns.. you totally inspired a pantun movement in ili and me.. and itz been sooooo much fun!
okay okay. this was one of the first ones i wrote. did it during chem. my chem notes are now entertainingly peppered with wedding invitations, wedding layouts, and the like. ooh and ili wrote the reply. we're gonna specialise now, as far as possible, since i appear to write better in the female voice.
Campur telur hingga sebati
buat kuih untuk si dia.
Izinkan adik luahkan hati:
wajah abang membuatku ria.
Pak ****** bertumpang tanya
jika dia boleh memetik lada
Hati abang riang rasanya
Mendengar kata-kata dari adinda.
isn't tt just completely swoonable? haha. okay and this is my second favourite.. the reply was by ili, of course.
Kulihatmu membaca akhbar
Latte, setiap kali kau lalu
perasaan ini sangat mencabar
kecomelanmu menghilangkan pilu.
Kau fikir aku tak perasan
kau fikir aku tak tahu
Kau menghilangkan rasa bosan
apabila aku melihatmu.
so sweet rite? and cute? anyway. my personal favourite pantun cannot be posted here for fear of discovery. but i think itz my best ever! itz sooooo meaningful and sweet and romantic and heart-tugging. and we have huge plans to turn it into an epic love story so we can stage it or something. we're up to 3 stanzas already. and i'm sure it'll be a success. so watch this space!!!

hm. i think lofi suits me better anyway. the other one took a thousand years to get the scrolling bar up.
anyway. 3 topics of discussion. mates, dates and sole survivors. i-feel-like-dying dramafeste week. and i can't believe anyone would tie themselves down at 18!
1. mates, dates and sole survivors is the title of this girlie book i read a couple of weeks ago and never wanted to return to the library since. itz just so identifiable!!! AND recent. itz a 2002 book. i haven't even watched sum great 2002 movies! and this book is so much betta! itz abt this gerl whose frens all haf bfs and she feels out and she wishes she had one too. and suddenly, inexplicably, she meets this guy who seems to be everything she ever wanted in a guy. and he likes her too. then he turns out to be possessive and vain, etc. it takes her a while, then she breaks up with him. and out of her 3 frens, one gets dumped and another dumps. haha. so interesting.
2. okay. dramafeste week. on monday, i reached home at like, 10.15. i wanted to DIE. i did NOT expect to stay in skl so late, and for the first time, i wanted OUT. i was so tired and angry and hungry and behind in my work [which was, by far, the worst thing to be. although i still am behind.]. but i acherli had fun during the rehearsals ah. they were funny and interesting and all tt. thursday rolled around pretty easily. and somehow or other, we were all ready. i really dunno how. i dun feel i did much work doing costumes, but somehow, everyone's costumes were fine to every last detail, and we were just ready to act our butts off. and while getting ready in lt3 and all that, i had this really interesting positive feeling, which lasted the whole night, and all the way to friday night. and i was just wondering what that feeling was.. cos it was such a nice feeling. it was faraway, but familiar. like i felt it before, but a long long time ago. and i finally realised that it was the rgs nite feeling! it was the feeling of anticipationexcitementhappiness that i get while preparing for a big and important performance. i remember sitting curled in a chair at wtc starbucks with nadia rau rai baba nadzi and other ppl stoning and writing postcards and watching the people walk past, wearing a shirt [so i wldn't mess up my hair when i took it off] and almost-full makeup and a tight bun, not caring what others might think of my appearance, killing time before my first-ever rgs nite. i remember taking pictures all over wtc just before that, and all over the dressing room after that. i remember going home with zahirah that night, still feeling high. i remember stuffing myself into a red-cushioned seat in the heart of tchs, watching the self-penned play by elds, this time, not feeling so nervous about dancing infront of lotsa ppl, 3 times in a row, but the high feeling still abound. and how about hijrah seni? i remember getting out a taxi, wrapped in a sweater and already feeling excited about playing my favourite instrument and kak faridah's favourite song to a paying, completely public audience. in victoria theatre! been there, done that. i guess thatz why i felt off for the first part of this year. i missed performing. i simply LOVE performing. and i've had the fortune to be able to do that multiple times a year in rgs. and zero times a year, it seemed, in rj. and it must have been God's will that i performed last night and the night before and revived that feeling that kinda became a part of my entire being in rgs, such that i felt missing without it in rj. i mean, i was in costumes. diden expect to be acting what. expected to be watching. but they roped us in anyway, and i had a blast acting as half-myself, half-bimbo to laughs from the audience. itz great to be appreciated by the audience! it really is! and i found myself almost crying a couple of times, cos performances are great and all, but they have a knack of ending double-quickly, so by the time you realise, itz long over. and that was your last performance. and you know. itz just over and there's nothing you can do. and it made me miss rgs tarian even more! anyway. we were a success, i believe. everyone mentioned how funny it was. and the moment players kicked off, the audience laughed. so yah, i think it went extremely well. the second night was cooler, if possible. they modified the fight scene, and so i broke out the whatevers, which made the audience laugh. that was cool. it felt great. and i kinda think we deserve to win, although i would like to kill the judge for misleading us to think that arts was gonna win. yay. we rock! and i'll treasure that "template test paper" forever..
3. did i say i missed rgs tarian? well i rejoined it today. and i realised that i miss MY rgs tarian. the one with MY people and not all these new ppl. but of course i met sum of my ppl today, and it was a partial rgs tarian, if you will. i like the dance, so far, and it brings back nice memories of rj mld arts feste and phr 2001, of cos. or was it phr 2000? can't remember the year, but it was a great dance, and a nice partner too. for both. and so today we found out about a fellow schoolmate's engagement. yeeks! my blessings to them and all, but.. i dunno. i just find it weird, thatz all. but thatz not necessarily a bad thing cos i mean, people find ME weird. anyway. what i mean is, i think itz just too early to tie yourself down to one person so soon. but baba [hi baba, hope you're still alive, cos now i only hear news about you through 183573rd-party-news, and who knows how long it'll take me to hear newsbreaking news of you?] once sed she wanted to get engaged in jc2, i think. and i diden find it so shocking then, so maybe i'm just split into 2 camps. maybe the engaged thingy is fine. the off part abt it is the getting married next year. like sya sed, what if when you're in uni and some guy asks you out? you have to say, "sorry, i'm married." guy: "wad? married to whom?" you: "he's still in ns." yikes. look here, mugant, you better still be single when you and fana land in the same uni. yah.. anyway just thot it seemed weird. but it takes variety to make the world go round, i believe.

well i'm due to complete 1.5 karangans and 14 bio qns.. so.. itz back to numbers.
1. was walking to the bus stop at my hse.. heard some pattering footsteps behind.. really soft footsteps. after ignoring for about 10m, i whirled around. ... and found myself looking at this.. creature! which was trotting quietly behind me, not 15cm away! for a split second i was like, "oh, itz just a cat.." then the next split second: "what a big cat!" then reality hit. and bit. [no, don't worry, not literally.] it was a DOG! a DOG! at 6.05a.m.! the sun wasn't even out yet! the moon wasn't sleeping yet! do you call that justice? NO! i got a heart attack ah. i was so freaked. i wanted to scream, but apparently, my organs weren't working yet. except, as they proved, my eyes. and my heart, which was trying to break out of my ribcage. anyway, maybe it was a nice sensitive dog ah. cos 2 seconds after my heart attack, it stopped dead in its tracks and kept glancing behind. i'm not sure why. no, really, it kept turning behind. and it had a collar, btw, so when i convinced my heart to continue its prolonged stay in my body, i was ranting inwardly at the STUPID owner who dares to jolt ain so rudely on an early morning stroll. i take it as a personal insult. thank God it was a nice dog. what if it followed me??? i think i would have seriously died of shock.
2. i finished the princess diaries vol III: princess in love in the train on the way to school. i wanted to start bawling there and then [which, btw, i already did on my 3 helping of the 5th harry potter. again.], but it was a public place so i cldn't. but itz just soooooooooo sweet! roses are red, violets are blue, you may not know it, but i love you too... ?!?!?!? i would start crying if that suddenly popped out on a computer screen, never mind having enough time to run away from the scene!
3. was at the surau today and frappe arrived. i think itz a sign from God, saying i shdn't pon classes to see people. ok, God, i'm listening to you. btw, could you bring samit bak? please? i just want sya to see him and how great he is.
4. dramafeste iz oklah. gill n i are extras. really extra extras, if you get wat i mean. dun really like being so extra. but no choice, i guess. for the record--the "hot guy" they picked? not my idea of one. ohyah i just saw the handsomest guy in the world, at pasir ris int just now. wow. i'm really tired. dramafeste is too rushed for my [and its] own good.

why is blogger on lofi again? anyway. i'm really supposed to be doing maths/gp/karangan/bio now. but i couldn't resist. went to the library again just now. i promise it'll be a weekly thing. been down-in-the-dumps-y since friday, as friday was a crap day for us all. but i'll not go into that. so when i was in the library, i was just walking around enjoying the aircon and looking for cool interesting books.. aaand.. i found volume 3 of the princess diaries!!! and this other cool book which has "confused" in the title. itz born confused or something, so i felt an instant connection. seriously. coincidentally, both books are thick and pink. and i realised i'm reading girlie books now. this is sooooooo fun! i swear, girlie books are the way to go from now on. it was just girlie movies last time, but now itz girlie books too. life is gonna be sooo much better.
oh and i watched josie and the pussycats on friday, i think.. and there were 59274307 ns guys all over pasir ris just now.. so i couldn't help wondering if clemmy-memmy and mugant were among them. not a great possibility, of course, but still worth wondering about.
and i read the 5th harry potter AGAIN.. and i was just thinking of what dumbledore sed in the 3rd one. he said that "the consequences of our actions are so complex, so diverse.." that actually doing the what-if will have a totally different outcome from simply contemplating the what-if. i think ttz really interesting. i've always tried to live my life so that i would never regret anything, would never have to contemplate the what-if.. but lately i've been finding myself doing that. and i don't like it. so i better stop doing all these shitty shits. i promise.

i've always loved rhd in rgs.. but it was, of course, a totally different experience in rj. and needless to say, rgs has always done it better. hello! i mean, like, 80% of the school population were in skl uni!!! i dun get it! i mean, i lurve my uniform, but when you get a chance to GET OUT of the uniform and dress up and impress everyone during school hours, you would normally seize the chance. or so i assumed. i mean, okay, mebbe full ethnic costume is like, hot or smthg.. den wear a hybrid thingy larh! itz not tt hard what... and you get to wear dangly earrings and necklaces and bangles and stuff. i always thought dressing up was fun, and i don't get enough chances to, so i guess the 80% who were wearing skl uni get all the chances they want, to dress up. anyway i gotta go read my pw books soon.. so i'll stick to the numbers again.
1. day started well. wore fana's baju, of cos [thanks soooooooo much, fana!] with the earrings she gave me [thanks again, fana!] and the bangles carissa got for us [whee!] and my new hari raya 2003 sandals. as in, i haven't worn them yet. anyway it ended up looking pretty.. coordinated. although i diden really plan it that carefully. it was just a cool coincidence tt my sandals matched my outfit. i did feel like a genie, though, for the first hour i spent in public.. must have been the sandals.
2. thennn.. sya's father was late [thanks, mr. taha!] so she waited for me at the bv bus stop.. and frappe was there!!!!!!! my mouth literally fell open ah.. and i just couldn't stop dying there. haha. then when we were walking into skl, i looked into a car and saw a familiar face and got a seizure. it was... HER. i was just dying of laughter and the like.
3. sluardalam looked sooooooo cute! and happy! i, personally, have never seen him smile so much before! and.. well he just looks like he belongs.. yah.. seksa award goes to latte, though.. woohoo! and decaf gets a consolation for wearing something other than skl uni.. heh.
4. sum angmoh teacher: "this is much nicer than skl uniform, isn't it?" yeah it sure is! sorry, sir, for being very off just now.. i was just feeling abit hot and bothered. mr. kan: "why u dress like pop star today?" i'm sorry sir, but what pop star wears a punjabi suit? although if i ever break into the music scene, i PROMISE i'll make this my own personal style. best part is, i'll be able to afford it! vania: "you look like a diva already!" thanks, along the lines of j.lo, i hope. nizam/andee: "has cikgu said seen you yet?" i dun think so, or he'll probably get a heart attack and have a field day discussing my outfit during ALL malay lessons, as well as report me to MUIS [when he's recovered, of cos]. sum official-looking man: "if only can wear like this everyday ah?" yeah man! you could suggest it to MOE.. i'd back u up all the way...
5. took alot of fotos!!! my fav is the ili-hana-me foto.. itz veh.. full of the bamboo garden essence. took 3 batches of mld fotos. apeee je.
6. went to pasir ris library just now. itz kwite cool ah! i'll be going there every week now!! yay! cos itz pretty empty around 7.. so kwite nice ah.. full of aircon and books.. 2 of my favourite things in the world.. and checked out 2 books on political science.. which is starting to seem kwite interesting--could i major in it, maybe? ..and after trying to both tahan my pee and choose a nice reading-for-fun book, i gave up and grabbed the most eye-catching one. itz abt this girl who's single when all her frens are attached. har. talk abt coincidence.
7. what else happened? ohyah had alot of ppl staring.. hello? watz wrong with pink, a punjabi suit on a malay girl, etc? unfortunately, fana, none of them were army viks.. sorry.. there WAS a funny army/navy officer guy who was sitting infront of me in the train and tried to supress a grin. haha. hez damn farnee.
aaah. okay ttz all lah. bye!

oops maaf shafa.. and everyone else.. for giving wrong info.. but itz in the disclaimer.. i claim no responsibility for implications of my thots.. okay? but i really am sorry..

ohyes if i'm not wrong itz fir's birthday today, so letz all wish him a happy birthday!!! =D

HIIIIIIII!!! i had a really cool time today! it was just soooooo fun! okay, it wasn't like, GREAT, but i still had a nice time.
met fana first, at rgs, and got my yearbook, which is, btw, no longer a cause of excitement. but anyway i'm quite satisfied with the range of pictures of me in the book. heh. then.. we went to eat at nyonya's wok, which is really not bad after all. then.. went to yio chu kang--touch rug nationals! it was so cool! it was all noisy and colourful, with like, m1 balloons everywhere. and people milling about.. and screaming and running and stuff. it was like some sort of YOUNG family day.. well, 90% of the people there were under 25, so yah. and the cool part was like, when we first stepped in, this cute guy like, handed me an icecream. haha. yeah. that was a nice entrance to make. then there was this nick-like guy, with the same sort of kemek face and floppy hair.. from ac.. his name is mark or smthg, apparently. oohyah and alot of really cool viks.. including this one from pj.. who has a really cute nose.. which, according to fana, is "bulbous". don't worry, i attempted to kill her after that. his fren is cool too. then.. ohyah sya's fren was there. i din know the guys wld be there ah. so when i saw badak i immediately started looking around for sya's fren. and don't worry, he wasn't blind, fortunately [for him]. saw daph also.. anyway it was really fun ah.. there was this particular game--jj vs nyj, girls.. it was soooooooo cool, cos they got like 7 whatevers [? sorry i dunno what u call them].. the last one was this interception summore.. she ran like, 90% of the pitch!!! with the nyj ppl in hot pursuit ah.. but she somehow broke away.. that was my favourite, it was just so cool.. that makes it like, 1 touchdown [?] per minute! ohyah by "they", i mean jj. the rj guys' games were.. funny.. it's like, when they touch, somehow they can knock the person over.. but interceptions are cooler with guys.. so it was really fun to watch. i like to watch only. since i suck. hmm.. yah. there were also all these small little boys from sec skls.. haha. so cute to watch them running around and passing and stuff.. really, it was just a huge rugby carnival.. and i'm so glad i went.. only horrible part about it was that it was frickin' hot! and no refreshments besides icecream [which the guy wanted to dispense with as quickly as possible] and 100-pluses.. had a pepsi twist which probably literally has a twist of lemon only. couldn't taste anything BUT pepsi.
ohyah fana lent me her pink baju punjabi! it rox! itz abit tight, but i still love it.. itz really nice.. just hope i dun look extra walking around all day in it, since i'm too malas to bring skl uni to change into. please. dun make my bag any heavier than it is.

'sup y'all! acherli i'm mildly pissed cos i've forgotten half of the cool things i've wanted to say since wednesday. so i'll be in the bulleted numbered mode again, to minimise that damage. okay here goes.
wednesday.
1. reached home soopa early [that was cool]. bummed around abit, ate alot and went to sleep. had a horrible/wonderful dream which left me feeling unsettled, as most dreams do. this one was about mocha. eeeuurgh. freaky!
thursday.
1. the journey to skl was fun.. got sum cute ppl.. this guy called jordan lim.. sum army officer ah. pls note, army OFFICER. not army boy. ohyah and that really cute vik frm ac.. woohoo! i love those reflective surfaces of mrt windows.. got an excellent view. until this aesthetically unpleasing makhluk decided to stand right in my line of vision. for the entire ride! i wanted to shoot him!
2. got bored [and extremely pissed] in chem lec. hello! iz he socially deficient? seriously. thatz just plain RUDE. i hope he never gets married. plus, i hope sum person hez in love with rejects him. cruelly. as cruelly as he sindired us. then he'll know how it feels. stupidstupidstupid. anyway i was just glancing around and caught sight of sluardalam. so i started drawing one on my notes. and started laughing. lyke siao. and continued laughing all throughout the day.
3. finished consolidated timetable during econs lec. outlook is not very good. darn.
4. apparently frappe was at surau again. next week, no pe for me! sorry, udu.
5. but don't worry, udu, i did enjoy soccer! it was damn fun! only the drills, though. i only enjoy drills. hehe. like damn fun man.. i lurrrrrvvvvvveeeeee stopping the ball. itz much easier than kicking it. ha. and i lurrrrrrvvvvvvveeee having latter around to watch. aiyah i juz lurve having stuff to look at..
today.
1. took the late train, cos filza sed she'd be early. [ain's train mechanics--extremely complicated, requires at least a day to understand, so it's easier not to try at all.] den met nydia at bus stop. diden know she takes the bus. latte was on it! woohoo! i got a great unobstructed view. yeah! and ili's fren, who saw me and waved. heh.
2. oh econs tut was damn embarrassing! i was like, waiting for the bell to ring. and then it rang. of cos we still had 20 minutes to go. but frappe was done, as the world knows, so i like, angled myself, and i was all set ah, for him to pass by. and after a few false alarms and about a century, he did. then i heard zhihan call my name [why??].. and anyway frappe passed without looking, and then i thot it was over, then he backtracked! and the people behind me were all looking at me, and i was just fainting on ili. arrrggghhh.. i know i do embarrassing things all the time, but that was just damn.. aaahhh.. it was just abit off.
3. ohyah another cool econs tut incident. i was collecting chem practs.. and i had most of them except pat's jessie's yu-hsin's and sum other ppl's arh. so i turned around to the row behind me [which consisted entirely of guys] and asked in general, "does anyone have pat's..?" and trailed off, cos i forgot what i was asking for. then julian looked extremely shocked and sed, "HUH?" and i was thinking to myself, "what huh?" then i turned back to my seat and mellie told me, "i thot u were asking 'does anyone have pads?' " and i started laughing, as expected.
4. pe was fun as usual. we played captain's ball. i'm a lousy captain, but highlight of the game: ain scores a goal! woohoo! haha. hey itz an achievement, considering we were playing with a FREAKIN' basketball! everyone knows my nose-being-flattened-by-a-bball-in-PRIMARYONE story. so yeah, i'm still skared of the stupid bball.
5. only sya's fren was in skl today. i guess ili's n my frens were busy cleaning that wonderful vik masjid or making bubur there or slaughtering sheep or smthg. anyway we talked to denise for awhile, and then had this cool impromptu mldcs meeting.. which was fun and funny and all that stuff.
okay iz that all? it betta be. i forgot everything else already. cya!

heyya! better be organised today, gotta rush off homeworking in half an hour.
1. gatal�ly decided to take the late train today. spent the entire ride panicking silently about being late. i wasn't late, after all. it was mebbe about 7.20++. still alot of ppl milling around. spent a less agonising period waiting for the bus. cos this time i realised i wasn't likely to be late. [i seriously have some sort of psychological late-phobia problem, among others.] i was just thinking i wasted time and brain cells worrying, but i changed my stand on that!
2. malay class. my hopes that cikgu fadilah wouldn't be around again so we could share the misery with 3B were unfounded. so i found myself sitting there with ili, getting a ceramah. which was pretty informative, really, and not boring at all. this was one of the better malay lessons. except i felt stupid cos i diden know ANYTHING of what he was telling us. of course our frens passed, and we were ready. i was positioned comfortably on my chair and everything.. they even made things easier by passing as a nice stack. haha. a stack of frens. sounds cool. and making lotsa noise too! sometimes i'm glad i get out of bed in the morning.
3. 5 minutes to go before maths lec and i realise i need to photostat chem tutorial from ili. anyway i have nothing more to lose since my friend already went upstairs. i thot i'd just put us on the same level by going to the photocopy shop. nothing more than that! so i spent a good 2 minutes standing at this retarded machine which was "warming up". i gave up and switched machines, and i was done. it was pretty fun. but i wish i diden hafta waste so much paper. den.. i was just pushing the door open when i caught a glimpse of this person outside and i instantly registered him a toot classmate. then i thot i was being stupid. then suddenly i was looking at my fren.
4. decided, after bio, to sorta make a new timetable by compiling a few timetables together. diden work out that well. but i shd have a perfect consolidated timetable within one month. and itz fun to make, too!
5. took the bus home. had a really good sleep in 105! dunno why. mebbe i was too exhausted. but somehow cldn't sleep in 53. ah whatever.
that shd be all. byez~

heyy! guess what? i got a C for chem! grades now stand at ABBCD.. can't form a word, but i'm not complaining! heheh. so.. even if i fail bio, i haf a pretty impressive [by MY standards] common test scorecard anyway. sorry to boast, but i'm really proud of myself. of course, itz not ALL my doing. i really don't believe so. for the entire month of june i was praying to "do well for common tests".. now, even if i fail bio, i think my prayers have been answered. again. my prayers were answered when i got 6 points... and now they're answered again! itz just so... so great.. i mean, even if all else is lost, including myself [which is a real possibility right now], i can always count on prayer, huh? i never thought finding direction was like this. but i think itz still really hard. really hard. but i think thatz what makes life worth living. trying and seeing if the try was good enough.
anyway my i-thot-was-out-of-point essay on the influence of music wasn't out of point after all! thank you, gp video and eminem.. i got 33! thatz a heeeeeuuuuuuugggeeeeee improvement over my 27 out of 50 [at best] essay marks. but i screwed up paper 2 as usual so i got a b4 in the end. but hey! i think itz still excellent. sorry if i appear to have low standards, but at least i'm satisfied with myself.. and you get what you work for.. which i did.
goodnight. [kristin kreuk roxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!]

ohyah today i realised even more, what a shitass i was in econs yest.. and what a shitass i AM when it comes to mc. so.. yah. guess i haf to buck up. and.. the pasir ris incident.. i feel so calm and unruffled today, itz like it never happened! so.. yeah, thanks, God..!

i cut my hair today! i think it looks good! really! but itz just a really big change from the old hair. she hacked off 3 inches of my lovely hair!!! it was pretty sad watching the locks of hair fall down to my lap. but i think the new hair looks good lar.. itz in a bouncy stage now so.. yah.. kwite fun.. i realised that every time i go for a haircut, i never know what itz gonna turn out to be. thatz cos i dunno what i want my hair to look like, so i dun really give the hairdresser specific instructions. and they end up cutting my hair according to my mom's, my sister's or their own preferences.. so.. yah.. itz kind of a surprise thing. but this time itz a pleasant surprise, i really like it lotz.. my only gripe? i'll need loads of pins to secure the falling fringe when i try to french braid my hair.. but thatz all larh..

chalte chalte! itz tearing my heart out!!!!!!!!!!

ohhhhhhhhhh! they're showing mohabbatein!!! on tvri! or rcti! or whatever it is!!!!!!!

SO many things happened today. i'm still reeling. but i'm glad i still kept the faith. how important faith is at times of need. anyway. i just remembered how weird it is that when i get angry at someone, i'm totally livid, but all the person has to do is say sorry and somehow the anger evaporates into embarrassment. i dunno, i guess i'm just weird like that.
i was a real shite in econs just now. i'm sorry, but i'm really a horrible person at heart. so. yah. i guess it just came out today. i can't understand why she treats us like little kids. itz really not the kind of teaching style we enjoy or benefit from. she really reminds me of umbridge. i knew at one point when i was reading the order of the phoenix that hogwarts life was somehow fusing with my own. but i guess itz going abit too far when i see a teacher in my own life as umbridge. i really hope i'm somehow hallucinating. anyway, i refuse to go into details of what she does, cos it would probably crash the entire internet with its sheer volume. but i was a total attituda [read: person with an attitude problem]. i can't believe myself. but that's not to say i regret being an attituda. i just.. i always looked down on those sorta people and suddenly i'm one myself? itz pretty skary, itz like losing myself all over again. every 5 minutes she was telling us, "jot down these notes.." which was otherwise unnecessary cos everyone else was feverishly copying. yes, everyone ELSE. yes, OTHERWISE unnecessary. i was the attituda who simply sat and there and refused to take down notes and ignored her completely. and playing with my bloat ball. and making faces. and sitting there looking out of both sets of windows, instead of at her. and openly defying what she sed. ohmigod. i'm horrible! i hate myself! but i don't love her either! i dunno how i'm going to survive further econs lessons! i must not be an attituda again! why am i such a bitch? ohnooooo... i'm a freakin' rebel! i'm losing myself again! i detest people like that!!! how could i be one myself? i'm really skared. really confused.
oh den somewhere in the middle of econs, frappe and coffee walked past arh. and they were, um, looking at us. [i already cued sya to look out the window cos they just finished class then..] yah. and. then frappe sed smthg to coffee. and then they went up the stairs. and while going up the stairs, coffee turned to look at us. it might be concerning the you-know-what. they may know!!! or suspect, at least. how??!?!? acherli itz not such a bad thing cos it wasn't a bad thing we did. so yah. itz just.. unreactable to, thatz all.
i surprised myself again today, pleasantly this time, when i voluntarily decided to join them for captain's ball after non-exertion pe. it was fun! and tiring! but fulfilling! no, really! i had alot of fun! it was munyuk pat daph gill jessie ili yanling and me, and later julian and jiahan joined us. woohoo! it was really fun. but the consequences.. i dunno if it was all that worth it after all.
decided to take the train home cos i wanted to walk to mrt with pat gill and yanling. so. i took the train. nice lim, who got in at tm, got off at tampines. it was raining buckets! really! [359 was at a traffic light, and i was next to the window, and i was looking at the window, water was just FLOWING down, not spattering the window, as if someone was slowly pouring a giant bucket of water over the bus. it was cool. cos the window was clear ah, can see outside. saw a cute vik running in the rain. heh. ok enuff digressing.] so i was listening to my coffeehouse compilation and just having fun walking under the shelter, maneuvering [sp?] myself around the people walking past. and then towards the end of the shelter, i noticed this group of people. relatively short ah. and i was like, "hey, that one looks like matlim!" but with slightly longer hair and who knows if i can trust my judgement since it has been a couple of years since i last saw matlim. anyway. yah thatz it. further details are not for public viewing.
and i just threw a tantrum. i swear i'm losing myself. and if were not for prayer, i would have completely slipped away a long time ago. OHNO! i'm turning into harry [potter]!
oh and to my lovely door, sorry for slamming you. i love you soooooo much. itz just that i forgot that in the face of rage. please forgive me, and continue to serve me as well as you have done thus far. and i will treat you with kid gloves. i'm really sorry k?
pray for me, y'all.

today we played soccer during pe. it was so farnn!!! seriously. or mebbe that was mostly due to the fact that i was the goalie. wahaha. but it was fun ah, i loved the drills and the passing practices and stuff. it was really cool but still damn tiring even though i wasn't running up and down the field. and i like to cool down in the toilet afterwards. itz kwite satisfying. haha.
oh. latte's hair is growing [literally n figuratively] worse. it really does look like a pillow attached to his head. haha. oh and apparently frappe decided to pray today. sheesh! takpe. kalau itz not meant to be, i shall not fight fate.
anyway i'm being really merepek today, so.. bye. ohyah there was this really cute and EXTREMELY tanned ac guy in 53.. wow! seriously! hez sooooooo tanned! but not black! but tanned!
ohyah i realised in MC's civics class that i'm really extremely superficial. talldarkhandsome and sweet? haha. as if! dream on, ain.

i'm losing my mind, i really am. see.. i was going home just now.. and i saw infront of me this group of people. for 5 glorious seconds i thot one of them was latte. i swear, i saw latte, with floppy hair and lanky build and funny walk and all! but u noe wat? it wasn't! it wasn't him! it was like, one of sluardalam's classmates.. it was just a whole group of sluardalam and his classmates.. no latte! no nothing! and there i was, panicking cos i thot latte somehow vaporised when i wasn't looking.. so yeah, that kinda confirmed to me that i was losing my mind.
btw, mrs chee, remember you said, "you don't miss what you don't have.." or never had.. ? well, i beg to differ. just because you haven't had something, you can still miss it. yeah, you don't know exactly what constitutes whatever that something is, but you do have some kind of idea, whether itz mostly supplied by your imagination or by others' information. but because you can acherli visualise the something, itz very possible to miss it ah. the only difference is maybe for these people, you don't miss the something as much as someone who once had it. you either miss it more or less. but you can miss it, nevertheless.
i'm sorry. i'm rambling. but i believe i'm right.

heyya! went for class outing today, against my better judgement. but guess what? it was fun fun fun!!! well.. we went for lunch first.. at breeks.. i was freaking full.. had an iced hazelnut latte.. just cos i was thinking of the coffees.. then we went to swensen's at crown prince for ice cream. den.. ohyah met about a thousand people! ermm.. after swensen's we--not, not WE, THEY--decided to split up.. so the guys went LANning [whateverr.] and us gerls [mellie gill me munyuk jessie pat] went to cine, where i saw zac and sed hi to wei ke [yipes i dun think she even remembers me!].. and then we went to annex.. ALOT OF LIMS ALOT OF LIMS! okay.. den taka.. in the middle of the road i met sadaf.. diden see shan2 cos it WAS the middle of the road, but apparently she was there too. ohyah saw peiying ard crown prince.. can't remember anyone else.. OOHYAH.. i was waiting outside this weirdish skary piercing-and-tattoo place.. and then i saw fathrul.. so i called out to him.. he looks even better now, if thatz possible. so i was wondering why i diden notice loong before pri 6.. den i realised it wouldn't have made much difference, would it? anyway hez in ngee ann now, doing mass comm.. for info purposes.. den.. ohyah pierced my ears again! so now itz 3+2 holes. i lurve it! i'm having such a great time with multiple holes, now muz get more earrings plak.. yah. so yeah, i had alot of fun today, and i'm glad i listened to amir and went for the class outing.. oh did i mention we saw cup of coffee and her? ee. dun like her. sorry. but i think shez abit extra. as in, extra in general, not extra as his gf. den.. ohyah saw shafa also, for a fleeting moment. sorry my thoughts are abit haphazard today. munyuk mellie gill pat got tattoos.. henna ones. not bad lar, but i wasted kwite alotta money today so i thot i better opt out. ohyah met diyanah with huifang. and trish! and rach and nurse. stupid zhaf i just realised i absentmindedly donated alot of my coins to him. haha. takper, they were just 10-cent coins. i hope. ohyah. i just reminded myself. at swensen's, stupid QT brought up stupid [ok, LOVELY WONDERFUL] orals and my fren and my sitting position. dammit larh! hahah. so everyone else at the table was like, "eh, who are you talking about?" dolmat. nevermind. they forgot about it soon enuff. hahah.
ok thatz it. bye.

"you have beautiful eyes."
tonight is romantic movies night. not consciously, of course. i finally finished d/ling she's all that, after like, a week. and being ol' impatient me, i decided to just start watching it straightaway. aaaarrggghh! itz just so much nicer than bridget jones's.. and much better quality, of course.. this time i decided to get divx, no matter how long it took... and it paid off! i'm never gonna delete this movie, it rox too much. freddie prinze jr looks really good, and i lurve tamara mello and rachael leigh cook.. anyway, yarh. and i'm watching the wedding planner [again!], on sum indonesian channel. reception will suck, but this looks set to be a nice romantic movies night, so who am i to argue with fate?
ok i'm crapping. just need to pee real bad. so. seeya!

hi. itz been like, 3 days since i was last online, and my mailbox is full again. i really appreciate all these entertaining forwards, but seriously. i'm a pack rat, remember? so my room is always messy, not to mention my handphone inbox and my email inboxes. yarh.
anyway, finally finished watching mohabbatein yesterday. itz sooooooo.. well, itz just really nice. one of them reminds me of decaf, another of my fren, and the other is just good-looking on his own. sigh. baba is right about stories based in schools.. they're the best kinds..
well. i've acherli been stalling my goings online, cos i diden really wanna give a blow-by-blow account of my encounter with my fren. haha. so yeah, i'm still not gonna do that now. but yah, orals on friday were fine larh.. stupid moment, though: ili and i were at mac's then sidekick walked past and paused and like, grinned at a person offstage, and ili was grinning at ME, and i was trying not to laugh while shivering lyke siao in mac's.. incidentally, person offstage was decaf.
oh and "fir" wasn't there during my last day at the tuition place.. ohwell. seeing him once should be enough for me larh.. wat to do.. itz not fated, apparently.
till the end of my life, i'll be waiting. waiting.. waiting.. waiting.

ok this is my second real gif, made from scratch. really proud of myself. anyway, today was my last actual studying day at the airport. diden stay long this time--left at 12-plus, cos i was getting really crampy. anyway. den.. ohyah i've started doing something worthwhile with my life. helping out my sister with her tuition. itz not bad lar.. if nothing else, it should help me realise if i DO wanna end up teaching. there's this guy at the jurong west branch.. i was teaching sum gerls sum maths and he walked in ah. he was like, freakin' tall! i swear! and i was like,"omigod firdaus!" but it wasn't, of course. he is probably the same age, though, cos he's retaking o's.. and yah. but he seriously looks like fir! i wanted to die. then he had to write a compo about music and he plunged right into dikir barat, and started talking IN DEPTH, all about it! i was just dying. i mean, hello! firdaus clone! or mebbe itz just my imagination that all these people look like fir. whatever it is, itz freaky!
ohyah speaking of freaky, last last nite i had this horrible dream about baba having a bf who's plump and fair and short, and abit too friendly. and [in the dream] i had the impression he was fairul, so i was like, talking about him to a fren and the fren sed, no thatz not fairul, they broke up a long time ago! thatz another guy! then i was soooo shocked and pissed with the new guy and i was like, slamming him and saying how sorry i felt for fai. watever. stupid dream rite?
oh another one. just last night. involved latte telling me, "acherli, i'm skared of you." and me replying, "please lah, stop lying!" scathingly and watching his face fall.

actual blogging on my head; my heart will be temporarily suspended due to technicalities. blogging should resume by the end of the month.

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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hahahahaha

dependent


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Blue Eyes


What Color Eyes Should You Have?
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Christian


What Moulin Rouge Character Are You?
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You come from the Future. Your soul came from a
different time, far in the future. You're just
a little bit a head of everyone else and you're
constantly wondering what lies ahead.


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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Attached At the Hip - you and your locker are very
needy of each other. Your locker is your crutch
and your friend. Go hug it today!


How Dependent on your school locker are you?
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How Much Freshman Do You Have In You? HIGH SCHOOL STEREOTYPE QUIZ (for girls, with images!)
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whatever.

1950's Chevy Bel Air is the classic car you should
be Sportin'


What Classic Car Should You be Sportin'?
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Raver Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
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Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
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You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.


What Kind of Smile are You?
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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yeah! quiz spree!

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

yeah the great news is that i finally passed my pft!!! i'm so happy. thank you God, for your grace. i have a cool blow-by-blow account, but first..
i was talking on the fone with fana.. so i could just watch the ac ppl walking past without feeling stupid.. saw shamima.. and a sandwich of the cute ac vik-with-cool-cropped-at-the-sides-hair-and-adam-sportsbag, a lim and hichael, who looks as if he cut his hair. haiz. haiz. den my fren came ah.. and other normal ppl.. and sluardalam also.. then frappe came!!!!!! so i started singing to fana, "oh rahmat allah, kau telah tiba.." and stupid shit liddat. den of course i purposely sat kat depan [anyway itz easier for me and my big bag].. so like, my fren sat perpendicular to me and his fren sat beside me. and then fana, once again, asked who it was sitting next to me cos his voice was nice. haha. den frappe was like, listening to his earfones and he shared it with sluardalam.. they were like, kwite happy-looking, but im not sure why. wow. i mean like, frappe is just too good-looking to be walking around in public! anyway my fren sed hi to me, of cos.. and he, as well as other ppl around me, seemed amused by my half of the conversation. maybe i talk louder than others, but hey. do you know that you reveal your true self when you're talking on the fone to a fren? so yah. meet the real ain, everyone. den.. reached skl and i was still dying over frappe. i thot he was going to the canteen, so i was launching into this i-love-frappe-hez-so-hot expose... den i realised he was behind me! yikes. haha. we walked about 100m together. so farn! hehe. he was going to his locker, btw. 6th from the right, kat bawah. [hey syurga, stop signing in and out!]
oohyah and we took about a thousand pics of frappe cos he happened to be sitting at the bamboo garden in full view of the world.
anyway we were going for pe then mellie sed, "no pe today." so i was like, "are you lying cos i'm gonna punch u if you are." and she was like, "really.. pft retest will be rescheduled.." or smthg liddat. so i screamed. in happiness of cos. the entire gym looked at me. ha. so i got ready to go home, and i was all ready when i met ili who told me that retest was still happening. so i was like, waddeshit. and i diden wanna go, so i looked around for a second opinion. so i found denise and asked her, and she confirmed it. so i was just so pissed off ah. and i was seriously considering not going ah. but i thot, hey, i'm given a chance to pass before the hols, might as well give it a shot. so i got changed and went to specs gall. fortunately mun yuk and gill were just walking towards me so i diden haf to look stupid running around looking for them. we transited through the indoor gym to go for shuttle run. and i saw.... a few of our classmates.. sum random guys.. and LATTE!!! he was rite in the middle of the place, barefoot, tshirt out, hair unkempt, with his shoes sitting beside him. i diden know whether to smile or cry. i mean, i diden wanna embarrass myself infront of... a hot coffee. anyway. adamz class was playing bball on the same court as our shuttle run. i had fun watching him. my time improved too--11.9 instead of 12.0.. den.. situps were oklah. duh. i never had a problem with them, thankfully. and gillian passed. then it was sbj. and thatz when the guys came back in from their shuttle run. and i saw latte walking in holding his shoes. u mean he ran barefoot? he looked kwite alone for once. then i was really skared about having to pass sbj, with latte in the house! but i passed. thank you, God. and then while the rest were jumping, i watched latte do his situps. he was totally breaking the hands-in-contact-with-your-ears rule. summore hez so lanky and stuff rite.. so i was kwite amused ah. and i was just watching him do his situps, and smirking. cos i was really amused.. and glad to have him around. the boys finished first.. and so latte left.. i wonder about the whole barefoot thing, but to each his own. i passed the rest too.. so.. yah. the atmosphere was really different this time. it was quiet.. peaceful.. kinda carefree.. and i guess thatz why i generally performed betta.
ohyah forgot to mention, there was this weird moment where i was exiting the lt with sya and met my fren and his classmates who included toot classmate and alot of gerls. and my fren smiled at us ah, and i smiled back, and he was like, "this is the richest girl on earth." i was like, HUH? sorry, wrong number, i kinda didn't catch you there.

itz funny. when i see some things on tv, i feel like i can smell them. there was a clip of peach-coloured roses.. and i somehow imagined i could smell their sweet scent..
anyway.
the day was.. weird. it was ok with plenty of horrible bits. it left me numb eventually. i had an ok time, colouring my beautiful 2 pages of bubblegum kids during bio lec.. and cooling away in ts 5.. and doing sum of chem tutorial and maths tutorial at the bench depression.. and there was this weird peristiwa where mocha was like, walking across the lt and i was sitting down watching him and so i was like fainting.. skali i opened my eyes and saw latte, walking past me!!! aargh. i really embarrass myself sumtimes. yah den there were horrible parts.. like the hothothothotHOT day. and the absence of frappe cos of the common test. and stupid cup of coffee n his gf parading ard infront of me. and others. and there was this baaaad empty feeling in me. again. it felt so so so tragic. den yahlah. but i had a nice calming time at the airport. and maybe i'll go back sumtime.

took the bus today.. sat RITE behind frappe. i wanted to die. haha. he smells really good.. seriously! haha. he smells of sum nice soap or powder or smthg.. sighh.. den.. he really does look good ah.. he has a great profile, and nice hair, and stuff.
and i shd go, b4 i melt now..

I wish....
You happiness on a cloudy day.
Blue skies to chase your cares away.
A breath of fresh air when you are feeling down.
Anything to get rid of that frown.
A sprinkle of rain,
And a life free of pain.
I wish you warmth from the rays of the sun
And a lifetime of joy and fun.
Just keep your eyes to the sky.
And know I am always nearby. stolen from some forward

wat a shitty day. plus, i switched on my comp, i stress again, MY comp, only to discover that my sister totally changed it! i wanted to cry. no, really. i wanted to cry. wat a shit. my really nice rhd wallpaper was gone, and replaced instead by this stupid baby who has nothing to do with me or my comp at all. and there are these really irritating baby sounds being played when alerts pop up. fucking annoying sia. i did not come home to meet a strange baby-obsessed comp larh, please. gimme a break. no one modifies my brother's comp, which, i must state, makes much more noise than mine does, so don't come and modify MY computer! since itz mine and all.. itz not that hard to understand. i mean, my dad uses my comp too, but he doesn't violate my rights by changing the wallpaper and adding fucking irritating sounds. whatever man. and all the fonts and sum icons have changed. i want my carebears, if you don't mind. go and put your babies on your laptop larh. and stop bothering my comp. i feel violated. this is the last straw. next time, i complain. i've been shutting up all my life, so nowz the time to make some noise. people in bad moods are not to be trifled with. people in perpetually horrible moods should not even be looked at in the eye.
anyway, just wanted to add smthg. smthg less angry and angsty. was in ghim moh mac's and found a new person.. he cracks me up the way sluardalam does.. haha. will look out for him.