Juicy Veins

Midday Bus to NCCS is Cursed

Heading. Yesterday I took the bus at the same timing as last week. No Uncle Roti this time, but one lady boarded at the exit door at the stop opposite Gay World. Then she tried again and again to tap her card, but to no avail. The bus captain just signalled her to.. get off the bus!! I think he assumed she was an existing passenger trying to alight because why would he be so unhelpful otherwise? To my surprise, she got off instead of trying to seek assistance at the front door or even trying to tap there. But ya, what is up with this bus route?

Chemo Tings

I had lunch at Shake Shack this time, just because it's cheaper than any of the other brunch cafes. Yes I know I can go to the coffeeshop, but please don't. Am I from Police Cantonment? (By the way, I was asking Cutes, "Oh you went to the coffeeshpp opposite PCC?" and he gave me a withering look and muttered, "No one calls it 'PCC'. It's just 'Cantonment'." Err, baiklah. Am I police? I don't care LOL.)

After my post on the bruised needle poke sites last week, Dr Sady advised me to drink loads of water to ensure I have juicy veins. So I drank like a camel, resulting in three good pees before chemo, one during chemo, and one after chemo. But my arms look lovely and unbruised so it works, guys! Except for the bruises from last week which continue to linger.

Bruised cannula site (top) and burst vein (lower) from last week, taken today

The centre was extra crowded yesterday. They were having some sort of fun fair event I was malas to look into. But there were also loads of patients heading to different floors, including multiple wheelchair users. Despite having six lifts for the 20ish floors, we still had to wait damn long each time. Nary an empty lift. Some able-bodied people were taking the lift from Level 1 to Level 2 omg tolong guys, you can use the escalator or the other lift lobby for that!

Cutes has been having a high fever since Sunday night so sadly I was attending chemo alone. Normally I'd be cool with it, because it's not like I need him standing sentinel while I'm being Benadryl Sleeping Beauty, but there were some "meds" (face wash and cream for my acne problem) to be collected, and I can't do that while in the midst of infusion. Annoyingly, despite having a 2pm appointment, we only started pre meds at 3pm, and actual meds at 4pm, so it was 5.40pm when I finally got to leave. I guess I'll collect the meds next week then.

What I meant by "MRT style seating". I took this at 5.30pm when most of my suite had left.

Acne has continued to be horrible, spreading across my chest, most of my face, and half my neck. AND my scalp. It's painful and ugly and I can't believe I'm dealing with this puberty shit all over again. I used the Differin for two days but it seemed to make it worse so I stopped and I'm back with my Clinique Anti-Blemish Gel. I also have more boils/carbuncles on my stomach and thighs, which, fun. NCCS was supposed to make me an appointment with National Skin Centre since last week but when I checked yesterday, the status is still "pending"? Tak faham guys.

Chemo 'fit: Linen top I bought in Sydney with my favourite bucket hat and white jeans. Damn my hair really is cute. There was a makcik waiting for her chemo slot who smiled as I headed in, possibly surprised cos I look so juvenile.

Misc

I went for morning (well, 10.30am) ballet prac today! I love the Free Movement Kallang Studio, now that I'm used to travelling there. It's best when it's not raining. They have Harman Kardon speakers so even volume level 4 is intense! (Hint hint to Magical Moon. Love your location but I don't wanna keep bringing my own speaker.) Only problem is the unflattering, unadjustable studio light. It you don't mind uncles from the food centre watching you dance, you can open the curtains and turn off the light instead.

Gawd, ballet is hard. I'm terrible at jumps and my balance has shockingly deteriorated in the last five years. But it's fine. I'll get it back. Insya Allah.

Now blogging from Rustica! Way more chill than June Coffee, and the coffee's good too. I'm having Singaporean Mocha (Milo and espresso with those Milo cereal balls) and I'm like, how come I've never had this before? Hope they stay open cos I plan to eat my way through the menu!

Cereal fish bun with omelette, potato hash, and salad with an excellent dressing

Cutes is still having 38.5 deg fever so let's pray he recovers ASAP! For his own well-being and mine cos my immunocompromised ass has to avoid him while he's sick. Ameen!

Increasingly Hairy Carpet

Hair tings

My hair continued to frustrate me throughout last week. Every time I ran my fingers through my hair, I'd end up holding a clump of it in my hands. Then, bingit, I would just flick it onto the floor. But the increasingly hairy carpet would irritate me, so I ended up grudgingly vacuuming the carpet daily. I also had to sweep my hairy toilet, eee.

Confession: I didn't know how to empty the Dyson canister and Cutes, who is in charge of vacuuming because he's the Carpet Collector, refused to teach me (ya he's weird like that). But YouTube to the rescue! So now I know how to vacuum and empty the canister of my gross hair.

I also stopped washing my hair after Monday because it was super upsetting to be standing in the shower trying to clear endless handfuls of loose hair. I was just counting down the days to my appointment with Eugenie.

Wednesday: To prevent embarrassing hairfall in the office, I tied two teeny pigtails to anchor my OliveAnkara headband. It mostly worked because the two ladies I complained to about the issue said that they couldn't tell I was being Reverse Rapunzel.

All the hair that I fingercombed out after a night's sleep

Sunday was so great. I bounced into the empty salon and Eugenie took two passes to wash my hair cos y'know, unwashed since Monday. And it was mildly tangled at the ends OOPS. Then we got it chopped off which was surprisingly not an emotional event because I was busy chattering away about my life. We were also discussing hair styling because short hair like mine apparently needs to actually be blow-dried into submission. Otherwise I will end up "looking like Oppa but it's trendy now" because my bangs like to separate at the middle, giving what I feel is a Sailormoon lewk. Then I put my specs back on and Eugenie said, "Now you look like Harry Potter." Mm thanks.

I then trotted happily to Rustica for my dry laksa. Cutes and I went there once before, when its next door neighbour Tolido was too full. Rustica looked quite (sorry) cheena to me, because the menu was bilingual. But the actual menu items are pretty modern/fusion, and they're a local farm-to-table concept, and it's not babi-forward, so I think it's worth a try! We had the apam berkuah (dessert) and some coffee then, which was all quite yummy! So I stalked the menu last week and found they had dry laksa for lunch which I'd coincidentally been craving for a couple of weeks. It was amazing, very prawny and NO TAUGEH by default, with little quail eggs and two butterflied prawns, and therefore very convenient to eat. I just hate peeling prawns, malas sey. 

Had the laksa with the cold brew with vanilla bean cream, yums

Chemo Day

I took the bus to NCCS for my 12 noon appointment. At the OG bus stop, there was commotion at the front because one old uncle was having difficulty paying. The bus captain was miming how to tap your card on the scanner but the uncle kept offering/gesturing to his bag of bread?! It looked like he was trying to pay with his bread. Bus captain took out his own card to demo, but Uncle Roti just reached out his hand to take the card?! Then one passerby uncle tried to demo with his own card, which Uncle Roti thought he was offering to him. Meanwhile, the rest of the people in the front were just gawking away. (I was in the back so I took some time to process the sitch.) Finally, just as I dug out some coins from my purse, the bus behind honked, so our bus captain gave up and let Uncle Roti in. Kesian all round but I was also wondering how the uncle got to Chinatown in the first place and whether his roti bartering method has worked before.

At NCCS, the phlebotomist (do they still call them that?) greeted me with, "Oh, is that bag Beyond the Vines? I was just there yesterday with my girlfriend and I saw it!" Which, okay dude, this is the third time you're taking my blood and I've always brought a BTV bag to the centre, except for last week when I thought I'd bring my laptop and never used it. But I guess he hadn't seen the BTV shop before, so kita maafkan. Plus I'm anyways gratified when people are friendly to me. Or maybe I look more approachable with this cropped hair? Who knows.

I went to Dearborn for a packet of granola - what a nice chill place, I'll try to dine in next time. Then I went to Glasshouse for a beef burger, which was not bad and not too salty to dear ol' chemo tastebuds. I actually eat caramelised onions now, who am I?

The actual infusion process was a bit annoying cos the first nurse burst (?) the blood vessel when she inserted the cannula. We had to switch arms which, ugh. I try my best to alternate arms each visit for a reason, y'know. I also don't know if it was my body's fault, because all the needle-poked sites from yesterday are now bruised. The blood test prick, the failed cannula insertion, and the actual cannula site. I didn't even do anything yesterday except eat and sleep.

The nurses got a doc to come see me because I was trying to get a topical treatment for the cystic acne that has been spreading across my face and body for the past three weeks. I saw that another Redditor on r/breastcancer had similar reactions to Paclitaxel (Taxol in US) so sis cuba la kan. Annoyingly, the doc is referring me to NSC instead, so no hassle-free acne treatment for me.

Bestie Benadryl was really good to me yesterday. I was knocked out the whole time from 3pm till the nurse woke me at 5.30pm with "okay done, let's flush with saline then you can go". First time finishing infusion without a single kencing! Of course, I had a nice long pee after she released me.

We got a more private space yesterday, which was nice. Usually your chair is facing the next row, like riding MRT. So your choices are to sleep or stare at the uncle and auntie in front of you.

Chemo fit was this linen top over my CXIX pole top and my new Anaabu skirt which just arrived this week. It has pockets! I need more.

Misc

Ballet last Friday - new term, first time in the new level - *killed* me. I was terribly misaligned in all the jumps and struggled to balance in centre! I've booked a Freemovement studio for later to practise so I'm excited to try and improve. Can I work up to 3x weekly ballet? You can't hope to get on pointe with just once weekly prac, after all. We shall see. 

I'm enjoying the new hair so far, even though I need to spend a couple of minutes with the Dyson Supersonic ("free" with credit card promo) daily. Don't get me wrong, it's still shedding madly. I lint-roll it a couple times a day (Reddit tip), but when it gets too much, I'm going back to Eugenie to shave it all off! For now, loving how it frames my eyes and shows off my earrings to great advantage.

I just stopped by Guardian and picked up Differin for my acne. Am I 38 or 18 cos that's the last time I used it. Hope it works!

Shedding like a husky

My hair has been shedding madly since Friday. Aside from getting it dyed a fun colour once a year, I'm not really super high-maintenance about it, but it's still upsetting. It's just another part of my life I'm losing to this cancer. (Ya it's temporary, it will grow back after chemo, blah blah blah. But I still have to live with it now.) Thankfully I have thick hair by default, so Cutes says it doesn't look noticeable. So I'm still wearing hats as usual but I gotta go in to the office tomorrow so I'll wear a scarf? I guess? Note that I'm shedding my bicoloured hair like a Husky everywhere I go, and shampooing my hair took 3x as long yesterday UGH. I'm not gonna shampoo again already until my Sunday hair appointment.

Trying out scarf styles

I went for a little event on Friday on my own, because the topic was childbirth and Cutes didn't want to come, plus he had bola. I'm so proud of myself because I managed to make small talk with another lady who also came alone. I mean ya she said hi first but I continued the convo throughout so this is a win for me! Yay Ain! It was at Goodman Arts Centre which is both a 20-minute walk and 20-minutes via bus/train + walk from my home, so I decided to walk home by the longkang/park connector. I feel so blessed to live somewhere that I can walk home alone at 11pm and feel safe the whole time.

Then I went for a massage on Sunday where the aunty nagged me for being so stiff and having an old body when my face is so young. Fun. After she fixed my stiff neck, I walked 10 mins from there to Toa Payoh Public Library - I actually love walking as long as my body is happy with it. We're running out of standalone libraries - did you realise? We already lost Bedok and Tampines and now we're losing Geylang East and Toa Payoh. I suppose being in integrated buildings may lead to higher footfall, but standalone libraries have so much charm! Newspaper-reading uncles and all!

So yesterday was Cycle 2, Week 1 of chemo, where in addition to the Paclitaxel infusion, I also get a subcutaneous injection of Phesgo. And they have to do a full bloodwork beforehand unlike in routine weeks, so there's a 3-hour waiting time between the blood draw and the chemo sesh. I semangat bawak laptop and charger all k, and booked a Cowork@Gov slot at HPB office. I'd planned to have lunch then buy Dearborn granola then go to the cowork space. But then. It rained at a pretty moderate intensity, making it more leceh to walk around the area. So I had to abort that plan and take the train to Great World instead. (I didn't realise Great World City changed its name to a more generic boring one!) I had yummy barramundi and half truffle fries (this is an option for greedy people like me, wow) at P.S. Cafe. 

I felt like I was waiting ages for my chemo tag and to be called to the suite, but some random lady went up to the piano on the next floor (which overlooks my floor) and started tinkling out some bangers! At first I thought it was a recording but then she played Madu dan Racun and I knew it had to be a human person. It was sooo good and I'm so envious of people who can use their artistic talents to bring joy to others. I was too shy to take a real video - I took a video of my legs, facing away from her, so there's only the faintest piano sounds - so y'all just have to take my word for it. 

Anyway, the Phesgo injection was as painful as I remember it being. The rest went fine. Knocked out as usual thanks to my bestie Benadryl. There was a standoff between two pharmacy robots in the corridor - they were blocking each other's way and chirping "Delivery in progress, please move" or something - and Cutes was gleefully watching them until a third robot came by and managed to unchoke the situation. 

My bestie Benadryl (the small bottle)

Me and random Missy in the lift. Wearing YeoMama Batik pants that are loose enough to roll up for my thigh injection and this Lululemon tee to cover my guasha marks in case the nurses bising.

We got home and made for the downstairs hair salon to try to get my hair cropped. But the lone hairdresser said his slots were full?! I didn't know this was a thing in neighbourhood hair salons. But fine. I texted my regular hairdresser Eugenie and she'll squeeze me in this weekend. I almost cried when she replied. 

My sister texted to remind me to call my mom and to keep sending her (my mom) money. I have never stopped sending money k. Even though I'm not rolling in it, what with private hire rides and food delivery and random GP visits. My medical copay at work has already been maxed out for the year. Who asked you to cancel your damn insurances anyway? Also it's so fucking draining to call or even think about my mom. It's just like, oh I'm so sad my young daughter has cancer and I'm worried about her. Ya okay and? I'm the one being poked weekly and still have to get back to work two days later. And might have to live with this cancer forever. I suppose I should be thankful I get to have this cancer while living in a different home. 

Sorry, but different people have different ways of dealing with tribulations in life and my way just doesn't match with my family's.

Short rant over. I had salmon with creamed spinach and gnocchi today at June Coffee. The sauce was a tad salty to my chemo tastebuds today, sobs. Service was still good but the other customers there are really demanding and noisy. I'm just gonna keep my earpiece in next time. Or sit outside. It always feels like a peaceful paradise when I reach pull.in for my coffee and blog sesh.

To end on a positive note, I've signed up for a new term of ballet classes at Assemblé. I love the studio because it's just beside TBB's old Queen Street studio, so there's beautiful memories to bask in. It's also near enough for me to walk to Tarik/Konditori/Mother Dough for post-class reward! And there are multiple direct ways to get home. Pray for me that I'll be able to finish the term in good form!

The final class of last term. The girl in white tee looks so much like my SIL Tania, I can't stop staring at her sometimes. 

Benadryl Sleeping Beauty

Last week was better than the previous, as I start to understand how the post-chemo effects work for me. Every breast cancer is different and every person reacts differently to chemo. Chemo day is always sleepy because that Benadryl knocks me out in seconds, but it's hard to fall asleep later at night. The second day is always good because the pre-meds from chemo day are still hanging around in my system, dulling my pain. Third to fifth days, when pre-meds have worn off, are annoying because I get tired easily and have to fight off the 10am, 12pm, 3pm need to nap. I'm working on those days because I need money for all these cancer-adjacent stuff, even if the main medical stuff is covered by insurance. (Also, I'm still shopping a lot haha.) Then Saturday and Sunday are pretty good and I can do light chores and go for one class. Then come home, eat my purchased baked goods, and nap. Haha.

Cutes made the omelette

Super proud of myself for cooking twice this week! Instead of living off Grabfood and Greek yoghurt for all my meals. I made farfalle aglio olio with beef guanciale on Friday and a large pot of kari sardin on Sunday. I'd like to make lauk lemak cili padi, but it's not a dish that Cutes will re-eat, and I can't eat day-old food anymore, and it's quite impractical to make a one-meal serving of such lauk.

My back pain has kinda subsided and my Thursday ultrasound did not seem to find any issues in that area. Fun. The pain has migrated to my right outer hip and leg though. It's a weird stiffness that makes me walk a bit funny. But I figure, since the doctors can't find anything, my next step is to use movement as medicine, i.e. pilates and ballet. I'll let you know how that goes, lol.

After the initial morning appointment, they've set all my following chemo appointments to afternoon. You come at early lunchtime for the blood test, then berambus and come back at 2pm for the actual appointment. There's always delays, though. Yesterday's infusion was meant to be at 2pm, but they only called me in at 2.40pm, and the nurse only started the process at 3pm. I mean, she did apologise for the delay, but ya just telling you how it is. 

I missed my direct bus to NCCS yesterday because I had a last minute poop attack. But I found an alternative route! You take the bus to opposite OUE Downtown then take TEL from Shenton Way to Outram Park. It would be perfect except for the fact that it takes bloody 10 minutes to get to the train platform from ground level. The escalator moves at a snail's pace and the platform is soooo deep underground and of course, off-peak frequency is every 6 minutes what is that?! Petition to change lunchtime hours to peak hours, plz. At least for the escalators. And y'all don't know how slow the NCCS lifts can be, even though there are 6 of them. Anyway, I still managed to register at 11.59am, score!

$90 lunch at The Populous

As promised last week, I had lunch at The Populous! Cutes was shocked that the bill came to $90, but it's because I was greedy and ordered a side dish (that I eventually didn't finish) and a drink (not coffee, we don't need to stimulate the overactive bladder). I chose a very healthy Roasted Halibut with Mashed Potatoes and it was yummy and not at all salty, yay! I didn't like the Maple Glazed Tater Tots though. I feel like the flavours don't work. Maple is amazing with brussels sprouts thoooo. The service was really prompt and friendly, and I was happy I managed to get a seat because the cafe was pretty hopping. Not sure where I'll go next week though. Isn't there somewhere cheaper that's not a kopitiam?

There was a depressing moment during my infusion as I realised that the rest of the suite was seniors and I'm like, Why the fuck am I here? I'm young! But it is what it is. At least I'm young enough for them to poke the cannula into my forearm and not the back of my wrist? Entah. 

The uncle opposite me was just happily peeing into his bottle (behind the curtains) and I was jealous. But at least I know I'm not the only one peeing gallons after all! 

I do seem to be the only Sleeping Beauty, though. The uncle was happily watching his shows and the auntie on his left was wide awake, too. And the BC subreddit seems to be watching Netflix and whatever during their infusions. So.. either these people are not getting the magic Benadryl or I'm very very receptive to its effects.

The lift was full at all times yesterday so no lift selfie! And yes, I got a new BTV bag in the sale! Also check out my lucha libre socks from CDMX!

Today I went to June Coffee (sister of September Coffee!) for brunch and it was pretty good! I had the crabmeat pasta or whatever and it was also not salty, yay! Noisy place, though, with all the chatter. Pull.in is better for blogging. There are people chatting here too but because the space isn't enclosed, it helps diffuse the sound, I think.