Chemo Tastebuds

Last weekend wasn't the best because I started getting diarrhoea on Friday morning. I spent the day listlessly working in between toilet runs (geddit?).

I hate diarrhoea so much because all my favourite types of food - pedas, creamy, coffee - are triggers, so I have to avoid them and eat what? Boring plain rice and shizz?

After waking up at 4am on Saturday for watery poops, I dragged myself to the GP for diarrhoea meds. That's three $70 GP visits in three weeks, isn't it fun and budget-friendly being a diseased person? 

Thankfully the meds helped somewhat so I got to go for pilates on Sunday and today I'm drinking coffee again at pull.in hahahaha sorry, bowels!

Yesterday's appointment (Chemo cycle 1, week 2) was at 11.30am for blood draw and 1.30pm for chemo so I proudly took the bus from home to NCCS Outram. Cutes calls me a bus otaku but I'm just a casual bus enthusiast. Like, I judge my colleagues for still not knowing which buses from go to Tang Plaza vs Paterson Road. Guys, you've been working here longer than a year, please don't be bodoh! Also Google Maps is really good at bus navigation. "Eh which bus to take ah?" Sepak kau baru tahu.

Oops I digressed.

Blood draw was really quick this time, because there were much fewer patients at that time of day. Then the PSA told me I could come back in 1.5 hours. Oh, okay. I went to the NCCS food court (Foodgle) and it was just cramped with no halal food so I walked back out. After 5 seconds of indecision, I started resolutely walking towards Shake Shack. Cutes laughed incredulously at me when he heard his update later. I know, it was scorching hot and it's an 11-minute walk and I'm still in light limping condition and there's a tiny incline. But Shake Shack is a safe and familiar space for me k! (I know it's not halal lol. I later found Muslim-owned The Populus on the map so I'm gonna check it out next week. But if it's full, you know where I'll end up!)

What's not familiar are my darn chemo tastebuds. All my comfort foods now taste too salty, which makes every highly anticipated meal a disappointing experience. This included my usual Shackburger with fries. The patty which has always tasted perfect was too salty. Just like the Mr Grumpy nasi ayam goreng, the organic corn chips, and all the other savoury food I had in the last week. Sweet food is largely unaffected, though. 

I was back at NCCS in good time and Cutes met me there. This time I got a suite with only chemo chairs, though, no beds. At first I was disappointed, but after going for my usual pesky pee breaks, I think chairs are better since it's easier to get up and down. They recline the chairs like you're flying first class, so it's still comfortable. I've concluded that the infusions make me pee because my bladder is just attention-seeking like that lah. Whether I'm drinking the fluid or it's being IV-ed into me, it's the same effect. 

This time went much faster - the actual chemo sesh went from 2pm to 4.30pm - because there's no thigh injection and no need for orientation lectures from the nurse, I guess. Then I went to the pharmacy to collect diarrhoea meds, thereby saving me $70 from a future GP visit woo! And the Grab ride home was really quick because we hadn't hit max rush hour yet, yay!

A pity I don't own many glam+comfy clothes, so this was some Uniqlo basics with my CXIX Medusa top. Mucho genial.

At home was just naps and an unsatisfactory salted egg chicken and rice from Tasty Wok. I don't blame the cook, once again my chemo tastebuds ruin the day.

I'm realising that the breast cancer subreddits aren't the most useful because they're super US-centric, so if anyone knows of SEAsian ones, do hit me up. 

Today on my way out, I was trying to clear the remains of a get-well hamper the office sent me. It was gobs of tape and a crapload of shredded paper which spilled out of the cheapo basket, including from the large holes in the basket! Then I tried to vacuum the detritus but the Dyson dust compartment was full and when I tried to empty it, the dust just rained on me. So I threw a tiny tantrum, cleaned up 70% of the mess, then tossed the hamper remains, cheapo basket and all. 

Don't send me hampers, guys, abeg. Unless it's from a very atas company with quality baskets and packaging materials. Why couldn't they stuff the basket with a nice throw instead of armloads of shredded paper? Wow I really can't get over it.

Or send me a cleaning service. I'd love for someone to put away my vacation clothes and dust the bed and ceiling fans. Sekian.

Fashion and cancer

I haven't posted in almost a month, because that's how long I've been having terrible right lower back pain. There's a jabbing in that area, coincidentally around the same place the bone biopsy needle went in. I went to my GP twice but they just gave me some marginally effective painkillers then told me to get the hospital to check it out. "Because it might be related to your cancer so it's best for them to do the investigations. I can do an X-Ray for you here but it will be lame if the hospital will be doing more." And also, "It's a nerve impingement but you need to be careful cos once it goes to the spinal cord, it will be worse and you can't even control your bowels."

Okay, thanks. I'm still adjusting to having doctors now be my age or younger. 

So, genetic test came back as negative for all the genes that increase likelihood of breast and ovarian cancer, so that was nice. It does mean that I've somehow caught this cancer below the typical age and without the genetic propensity, though. 

Bone biopsy came back showing that the cancer has indeed spread to that part of the bone. This means that doctors have to classify this as early Stage 4 cancer. And that surgery may not be on the table anymore, because at this advanced stage, there would be limited benefits. 

I've been placed on three months of weekly chemotherapy, starting yesterday! It involves weekly infusion of.. something, I forgot the name, and an injection of Phaesgo every cycle (i.e. every three weeks). 

I expected chemo to be rough, so I was planning to squeeze all my pilates and ballet classes plus pole prac in that final pre-chemo week. But this nerve impingement thingy just killed all my plans. Even walking was torture, so I couldn't go for my solo coffee jaunts and therefore, no new blog posts.

Anyway.

The first few cycles of chemo are at NCCS Outram because NCCS Changi is too tiny to squeeze me in. Outram is better actually, because it's a new building with loads of space, and right beside the bus stop and MRT station! But I'm lazy to try to ask for a permanent transfer. 

Annoyingly, I snoozed through all my careful alarms and ended up waking up at 7.07am for an 8am appointment. Bodohnye! I couldn't eat breakfast, which is my most important meal of the day! 

And the Grab cost me like 26 bucks, when I actually have a direct bus service to Outram. Ugh bodoh. Interestingly, my home is nearer to Outram than CGH - 8km vs 9.6km - so the car ride was under 15 minutes long. 

Blood test was fine, I had trouble finding a toilet because apparently I can't read signs, then we (Cutes and I) were called into one of the suites. Which is a room with the cancer bell that made me want to cry, a reception counter, and a bunch of beds. Just a mini hospital ward, essentially. (But don't expect this at Changi. They only have chemo chairs there.)

It took a couple of hours for the meds to be sent up by the pharmacy, I guess because it was my first time idk, so in the meantime the nurse and the PSA took turns lecturing me on the different procedures (registration, hotlines to call, etc). Cutes was falling asleep in his chair. 

The nurse did the Phaesgo injection into the thigh first. She was pleased that my Olive Ankara pants were wide-legged and suitable for rolling up to administer the injection "because some aunties ah, they only want to wear tight pants, then they have to take off the pants, very troublesome."

It was again, pain beyond pain, my friends. Or some pain and a whole load of discomfort, because it has to be injected under the skin so it's slooooow and everything is accumulating there and it sucks. It still hurts now, especially when walking. 

Next was the Benadryl administered through the IV drip or whatever it's called. It immediately made me sleepy but I also had to pee badly?! In fact, throughout the whole process, I had to get the infusion paused twice in order to go and pee, and I didn't see any of the other patients with the same issue! It was some substantial pee too, as if I'd had three glasses of water in between pees. Also the toilet was being cleaned during one of my pee attacks, so the nurse brought me to the next toilet which was in the last 30 secs of cleaning, then they couldn't get the auto-door closed so I was just standing next to the jamban like a loon while they troubleshooted (troubleshot?) the doors. Besnye.

And this Cutes pun satu. Nurse said he could go buy me some food ("must be fully cooked, no salad no half-boiled egg") so I could eat before the Benadryl kicked in, but he took bloody ages to come back. Thankfully, a couple of volunteers came by with hot Milo and crackers, and I gratefully accepted. But then! The needle was in my right arm and I wasn't supposed to move that arm around! So I had to eat with my left hand. 

Then Cutes walked in a minute later with iced mocha, a croissant, and a scone. What?! I wanted fries! And who can drink coffee when you're having inconvenient pee attacks?

Okay whatevs, it was just a blip. The actual infusion went fine, I was asleep during most of it and I was actually surprised when the nurse woke me up to say it was done. This was around 1.30pm so yeah a whole morning and half an afternoon there! We took another Grab back home, I had Swensen's fish and chips for lunch, then continued my nap.

Fashion, the last fun activity I can participate in. Post-chemo in my adorbs Olive Ankara set I just received on Saturday? How long more will I be able to style fun chemo 'fits? We'll see!

So far the main side effects I've had are tingling and numbness in my hands and ankles and some stomach discomfort which isn't nausea (yet). And lots of fatigue yesterday too, of course.

I found a couple of breast cancer subreddits which also said that some people felt fine after the first cycle of chemo, and the severe side effects only kicked in at later cycles, so I'm hoping to get cleared for ballet and pilates by the doctor. I'll go mad if all I can do is sit at home and knit. (I don't knit.)

While the subreddits are great (I spend like 4 hours a day on Reddit), I can't read too many posts before I feel like crying, so there's that lol. Then going on IG isn't too great cos all I can see is people dancing when I can't. I'm pretty sure the doc will clear me to exercise, so I can't wait to see her this Thursday and ask.

I'm still working until I feel I can't anymore. I've taken today off so I can see how bad the side effects are. So far I'm fine cos I've been sitting at Supernova for the past couple hours. But food doesn't seem to taste as yummy now, sobs. That's another of my joys of life being taken away.