I have breast cancer.
No idea what stage I'm at yet, because we're doing a bunch of scans to determine how far it's spread. But I have a feeling it's spread to at least one armpit, judging from how painful and lumpy it feels.
For a known #gembengirl, I haven't cried as much as expected. Not sure why that is. I am, of course, scared, worried, confused, tired, all those things. But it hasn't translated into many tears.
I found the lump while in Playa del Carmen. I asked Cutes to verify that it was indeed a lump, then I put it out of mind until I was back in Singapore.
It was a pain trying to get a polyclinic appointment because somehow you can't book any slots on HealthBuddy anymore, even at 10pm when the slots supposedly release for the next day. And since I didn't want to attempt a walk in, I submitted a form requesting for an appointment because I found a lump in my breast. Et voila! They assigned me an appointment (a week out) within the day!
Annoyingly, the polyclinic doctor was a man. Even more annoyingly, he was quite handsome (based on the unmasked areas) - pan-Asian-looking with a British accent. But it was fine, we all managed to act clinical and professional with the exception of the nurse chaperone auntie who giggled at me a lot. Maybe she also had a crush on him, entah.
Anyway ya I got a fast-track referral to the hospital specialist, also within a week. We had to arrive at 8am for mammography and ultrasound scans.
Since I'm below 40, I've never done a mammography, never looked into the common complaints about how painful or uncomfortable it is, nothing. The tech did explain pretty clearly to me beforehand that there would be some discomfort, but my mind was still blown. The pre-scan briefing sounded like my boobs would hurt, but it ended up being the other auxillary fatty parts of my body that were in pain, from all the manhandling the tech had to do to get the non-breast tissue out of the way.
Then I still had to go back for another round of mammographs to be taken from other angles! (Don't worry, the tech had also preempted me on this.)
(Side-bar: I posted about the mammography on my IG stories and one lady told me how her discomfort is the other way round - much squeezing of her breasts has to be done because she has small boobs! Humans, we are so diverse.)
Ultrasound was super-relaxing, the room was dimly lit and she spent ages on each side so I basically dozed off.
There was one poor auntie (?) who was wailing loudly during her mammogram, though, and the five of us in the waiting area either glanced awkwardly at each other or avoided eye contact. Meanwhile another auntie loudly complained that she didn't even want to do this scan in the first place but they made her come because they found an anomaly after she was involved in a road traffic accident.
Humans, we are so diverse.
By the time I was done with the scans, it was 11am and my husband had had 3 coffees and 2 breakfasts while waiting.
The doctor saw us at 12-ish and confirmed that yes, there was indeed a lump in one breast plus irregularities in two other breast-adjacent areas. So I had to get a biopsy done RIGHT THERE for the lump, and schedule another biopsy for the other two areas, two weeks later.
Don't worry, they administer some lidocaine or whatever numbing agent on the biopsy area, so you don't feel pain, just pressure. It's like being at the dentist. It's just that you have to avoid physical exertion for three days afterwards, to avoid reopening the wound. And you can't change the dressing for 24 hours, so no showering either.
Anyway. Follow-up appointment was this week and ya the doctor said, sorry to tell you but it is breast cancer. Then of course I started crying, so she stopped talking, and I said, "No, I always cry, please continue." LOL. They scheduled a bunch of other scans for me these two weeks, to see how far the cancer has spread, before we decide on the appropriate treatment options.
I feel like it's an indicator of how serious this is, that my scans and next appointments are all crammed into the next two weeks, instead of being spread out over the next two months like my previous experience with the public hospital system.
So.. I just had my CT scan today where one of the techs kindly wished me all the best for my journey, and another tech asked me "Any side got mastectomy?" and I had to reply "Not yet." But don't worry, I didn't cry.
I haven't told many people, including my birth family. I kinda don't want to deal with the questions and concern. Sorry about that. But I had to write this now so I can look back from the future. Insya Allah.
