[Bonus] Going Nowhere

My Nowhere Baths experience starts with a warmup. In order to afford the entry fee, I have to scrimp and save and take the bus to Dempsey instead of calling a Gojek. Then I have to hike up the hill from the bus stop. I tried to go slowly, but I was still panting unattractively. Luckily, at 6.40pm on a Monday, there were barely any witnesses to my unfitness. 

It's not all bad, though! By the time you reach the jewelry shop, there's a slight downslope, allowing you (me) to catch your breath so you can enter the Nowhere reception area elegantly and fit right in with the cool vibessss.

This was my second time at Nowhere - Ishie brought me here the first time on a Thursday morning. It was quite buzzing that day. It wasn't crowded, but you had to share the room with someone else, at least. This round, I went on the women-only Monday slot, and I suppose since it was the latest slot of the day, there was only one other lady there with me!

The trade-off of going at night is that you don't get the calming little hutan view out the window. But it's just a tiny price to pay for the privacy. This other lady and I just took turns using the different pools, and sometimes we were in the sauna together for two minutes or so. 

My sequence was roughly cold shower > salt bath > cold shower > sauna > cold shower > cold plunge > cold shower > cloud bath/jacuzzi thingy. I'm not really into steam room tings. After two rounds, it's nice to take a mid-bath break.

I was a bit apprehensive to venture outside to the deck chairs for that break, because what if hantu? Or mozzies? But the area was well-lit yet inconspicuously so if you're peeking out the window from inside. No idea how they do it. I sat there and closed my eyes, half-expecting a mozzie to bite me, but none even flitted close, and when I opened my eyes again, it was somehow 10 minutes later. And no hantu that I saw/felt. Please, Nowhere, share your anti-mozzie secrets with me.

Unlike my first time there where I only had to pee once, I had to pee a total of four times while I was there! Sorry, I consider peeing to be one of my vital health indicators. So I guess I was better hydrated this round. 

Also, I managed the cold plunge for three rounds and the last round was for 20 breaths! Idk how long that is, but it has to be like 90 seconds right? Tak eh? Love the tinglies when I come out of the plunge pool.

My slot was at 6.45pm and I decided to start showering at 8.35pm because I take ages to get ready and they close at 9. And yay, thanks to my time management skills, I was outta there around 8.55pm! I saw the other customer sitting at the lounge. Like last kopek ah. I thought of doing that but I just wanted to get home and sleep. So maybe I'll try to do a 6pm appointment someday so I can get that sweet sweet lounge time.

Can't wait for my next bath time! I'm still planning it but it has to be soon!

Is this how I'm gonna die?

Update on 12 Sep, 5.34pm: The NCCS doc just called to say my oncologist wants to continue with Pacli for the next two weeks of this Cycle 3, just at a lower titration rate, so it will be a longer session. So, no Abraxas demon after all. //

This was a busy week - derm appointment on Wednesday, chemo on Thursday, breast surgeon appointment on Friday (today). I also squeezed in a lunchtime barefoot class with Wes Marx! His barefoot choreos are underrated, guys!

Billing Battles

These ended rather unclimactically. I just made the payment in full, then sent the receipt and invoice to my agent, and it was approved and credited on the same day. So now I'm like, did my agent just make me go through the rigmarole for nothing (a.k.a. she didn't wanna go through the hassle of a manual claim)? I mean, it can't have been much of a hassle if the claim was approved in less than one working day.

But I won't pursue it, I'm just thankful for any amount that can be covered.

Derm appointment

Since my chemo and oncologist appointments have moved to Outram, all my corresponding appointments like CT scan and dermatologist appointments have also moved to SGH. Which makes me feel disloyal to dear ol' CGH, but I guess that's dumb. I was also apprehensive about going to SGH for the first time in 10 years, plus it's on a bukit and all. 

I ended up being charmed by the sprawling layout of the hospital. It felt a bit like stepping back in time, albeit with more aircon. So I guess I'm not mad to be primarily assigned to SGH now. I am somewhat sad that they removed the cool ceiling cable boxes or whatever they are called, though. 

Anyway, the derm gave me doxycycline, Differin, and Clindamycin for my widespread acne vulgaris. Also, bisul = pustule, not carbuncle. Carbuncle is much larger, apparently. We are never too old to learn, eh? The doxy came with repeated reminders from both the doc and the pharmacist to take with a full glass of water and remain in an upright seated position for 30 minutes afterwards, to avoid gastric issues and the pill coming back up, which is somehow what doxy is notorious for. It's my first time taking oral meds specifically for acne! What a strange unwanted milestone!

Derm 'fit: I wore something easy to strip yet somewhat fashun-ish with this Anaabu top as a jacket.

Hawker Centre Breakfast

Cutes came along for chemo this week, which meant that we had to eat at a hawker centre instead of at an atas cafe. (Okay, not *had*, but you know what I mean.) After over a month of exploring Duxton area, we went to Tiong Bahru instead. 

Again, I was surprised because the hawker centre was quite chill, clean, and spacious! There was an uncle sunning himself (in clothes), having coffee while reading his newspapers. Two white-haired aunties chatting, flanked by their helpers. Families having breakfast while the stallholder shot the breeze with them. I don't know if this is just weekday vibes, or the weekend is also like this, but I lowkey loved it. We had Super Shiok Nasi Lemak, which is a perfect portion size for my chemo stomach, but Cutes says is too little for him. 

Chill vibez

Cutes gleefully enjoying the smoking area

This chemo stomach is wildddd. I can no longer have a main and a side anymore. It has to be a kid-sized portion, otherwise I end up super bloated after. (I usually lantak anyways, but ya.) r/breastcancer folks say they need to have 6 smol girl dinners a day instead of 3 square meals, which tracks for me too. 

Chemo

Unfortunately, chemo didn't go swimmingly this week. I had an allergic reaction to the meds.

It's partly my fault, because I had two previous episodes of feeling breathless with my face feeling hot, in earlier sessions. But I was.. wary? Of being overdramatic by calling the nurse during these moments. So I just tried to focus on slow deep breathing until it went away about 2-3 minutes later. I then mentioned this casually to the nurse in Cycle 2 Week 3, and she gave me this shocked face and implored me to please report it next time.

Okay, fine. But it didn't happen for the past three sessions, so I thought my body was over it, y'know? Then, while Amaarae was playing, I felt the familiar tightness in my chest and my face flaming up. I pulled out my earphones and pressed the call button. The (really nice, super efficient and calm) nurse, Michelle something, came over and that's when I started feeling a buzzing in my head, super giddy like I was going to black out.

Michelle stopped the Paclitaxel infusion and yelled, "Reaction! Pacli!" and three doctors rushed in to check my lungs (clear) and administer some meds and ask more about my symptoms. My blood pressure was super low at 70 over entah, so that apparently led to the giddiness. It all calmed down in maybe five minutes, but they still did an ECG to check my heart and be safe. Which involved pulling up my Lululemon bra top and exposing my boobs to the doctors (two of whom were men) in order to put the tabs (?) on my chest. ECG came back okay too. 

Initially they wanted to continue the infusion but at a lower %, so it would take two hours instead of one. But a couple of small rashes appeared on my infusion arm, so the doctors eventually decided to nix the infusion for the day. They also noted my admission of the two earlier incidents, so they'll be swapping me to Abraxane from the next session onwards.

It was really a scary experience for me because I've never been able to not breathe with a super hot face and then feeling like I'm gonna black out, even as I'm already lying down in the reclined chair. Michelle was being super cool and reminding me to not fall asleep or close my eyes, and I was thinking, "Is this how I'm gonna die?"

The doctors were being champs trying to figure things out then explain everything to me, but I guess I was still in shock, plus super groggy from Bestie Benadryl, so a lot of what they said didn't sink in fully until I was in bed at night and spiralling while reading r/bc and googling stuff. I mean, I heard her say "Abraxane" and I thought, "Abraxas? That's a Charmed demon kan?"

It's Abraxane, which is Paclitaxel but the ubat is albumin-bound instead of dissolved in castor oil. Based on what I read online lah. What the doc said is "yes some people have a reaction to Pacli because of one of its components, but Abraxane does not have that component."

Well then why not start everyone on Abraxane then? Because it's more expensive - like 5x more expensive so some insurance (in the US I guess?) doesn't cover it unless your allergic reaction to Pacli is documented. This is from online, not from asking the doc, because I was not in the right frame of mind then. 

I guess I'm somewhat traumatised, but I mean, you just gotta keep going. The staff have been nothing but helpful.

Chemo 'fit: Since you need to have a cannula and IV tube in one arm, I avoid wearing jumpsuits and bodysuits/leotards for these sessions because it's gonna be a bitch to pee otherwise. This Lulu top is a staple for me and these Uniqlo mens pants still fit my 90kg ass! I have sadly fatted my way out of the Uniqlo women's size chart.

Dr Melissa

Saw Dr Melissa, my breast surgeon, today. She was very happy that the tumour has shrunk from the original 5cm to 1-2cm now. She was also super soliticious about yesterday's allergic reaction. She's just great la. She gives me definite girls' school vibes. I'm glad I don't have to change breast doctors even though I'm tagged to Outram now. Cutes told me to ask her whether I have clearance to exercise, but I totally forgot, so I just gave myself clearance. 

I was done by 10.40am, so I booked into Wes' 12.15pm class! I'm really so happy I got to experience another barefoot class even though I was wheezing lightly by the 587th run with blisters on my palms. Because Wes looked at me miming the moves sitting on the floor and asked, "Do you have dance background? Because your musicality is very good. You can catch/hear all the moments on the song." or something but wowww I am holding this close to my heart. 

Hair and Skin

My hair has continued to shed like a Golden. I have an appointment with Eugenie at the end of this month to buzz it all off. I guess. We'll decide on that day. The amount of scalp shining through is really annoying me, but I still love my cute oppa bangs and they look great under a turban. So, entah. 

All my coarse armpit hairs are gone, which saves me a good hour a week in plucking! My leg hairs are still hanging on like a mutha, though. But I refuse to shave them, who cares? Dreading the time when I lose my nose hairs and brows. 

My skin has improved almost instantly from the doxy. There's definitely less cystic acne popping up daily now, which, yay!

I realise that with my chemo now on Thursdays, I'm too tired on the weekend, which is such a waste! I napped away half the weekend due to the tiredness (after my morning appointments). Hoping I can get through the evening classes this weekend!

WESSSS 💜

Ya, it's the hormones

Booming Uncle

My chemo schedule got switched from Mondays to Thursdays starting this week, because I requested to be permanently at Outram instead of Changi for chemo. So first, I had to see my oncologist on Wednesday, with a full blood panel to be done on the same day. 

Blood draw went fine. While waiting the required 5 minutes and putting pressure on the poke site, one uncle was being called for his turn. He was, I think, headed to the toilet at the time, so he yelled "Yes coming coming!" and the phlebotomist, an impatient tough love makcik, said, "Okay slowly slowly." (Wah part ni kau nak slowly slowly but when I didn't have the blood test form, you got testy with me eh. Anyways.) Then this uncle started booming out his name and IC number while he was still five steps away from the room! Thank God I was masked up so I could laugh freely. The stern makcik was also laughing. So thanks to the uncle for brightening my day. 

My Oddball Oncologist

The moment I entered the consultation room, my oncologist went, "Wow you look so different! You're all dressed up! Like you're going to the beach!"

Then 10 seconds later she was like, "Your hair, is that a wig? It looks really good!? I was trying to figure out what was different with your looks."

Me: "No, it's my hair. I mean, I've been losing hair, but I still have this left."

Her: "Wow that's pretty good! It looks great!"

And she went on and on about how great my hair is, and how it looks like hers used to when it was straight. (She has wavy hair about my current length, and I also suspected she was somewhat passionate about fashion from her past outfits lol.)

Anyway, I mentioned to her how I'm having horrible acne breakouts and how I missed my period for almost a week already. "Oh yeah, it's the hormones. If you had acne as a teenager, it's probably the same kind as now."

Me: "And this period thing? Has it stopped for good?"

Her: "No, the younger you are when you start this treatment, the more likely you'll get it back. But for the period of chemo, yeah it's stopped. Ya, it's the hormones."

Tak habis-habis dengan it's the hormones. But ya I guess I can stop wearing my period underwear as standby now. I'm going through both puberty and menopause now, it seems. Fun.

Oncologist 'fit: Had to wear my Popflex jumpsuit again! It's mostly comfy except because it's a dropped crotch, there's friction between my thighs, creating chub rub.

Pre-oncologist breakfast at Dearborn Granola! This dark choc granola was really good! I expected the dark choc pieces to be hard, but they just melted right in. The chilli whatever loaf was super good too! And they give you a personal mini-standing fan to enhance your dining experience. The only thing missing were the chickens. Because they were outside PCC instead.

Chemo

This time, they set my chemo appointment at 9.30am, probably because no blood test was needed since they already did one the day before. Mornings are hard, so I took a Gojek to the centre. The driver was a surprisingly chatty beng. He started off talking about my newish estate, then we went to bitching about people nowadays balloting for flats in their 20s, about how he hates exercising now, and about NCCS appointments at unearthly hours. It was entertaining and comforting, somehow exactly what I needed to start the day. 

Despite the stated appointment time, it was almost 10am when they called me in, and already 10.45am when they started the premeds. A bunch of the time was the nurse trying to find my vein for the cannula. Even with the help of the vein finder, she couldn't seem to hit the vein because there was no blood coming out. She called an ate to help. Fuck I really hate the needle poke part of the process. And before you accuse me of not having juicy enough veins, I had already peed twice since reaching the centre k. Anyway, they managed to hit the mother lode and there's no bruising today, so all's good.

Yesterday was Day 1 of Cycle 3 so it was Phesgo thigh injection time! This is my second most hated part of chemo. The agonising needle pressure for 10 endless minutes is a torture I wouldn't wish on anyone. Then the nurse telling me to breathe like I don't know like that. It just makes me feel better to moan and groan, can? To be fair, it seemed to go marginally easier than the previous two times. So maybe one can get inured to the discomfort.

Having morning treatment means you get free Milo and biscuits from the volunteers! I happily accepted a cup of Milo. Did you know that you can also volunteer to be a beloved Milo distributor? Or, you can volunteer your valuable piano playing skills and entertain bored chemo patients and caregivers while we're waiting to be called up! Find out more here: https://www.nccs.com.sg/community-care/volunteer-with-nccs

We ended at 1.30pm, got a fast Gojek home, then I slept for another 2.5 hours. It was kind of weird adjusting to morning chemo after so many weeks of afternoon chemo. I just watched some TV, ate an early dinner, and went back to sleep. 

Chemo 'fit was two of my favourite tops and my Lululemon flared leggings. The nurse wanted to pull down my leggings for the thigh injection and I was like, No?! Just pull it up ma'am.

Notable Uncles and Aunties

Eskew me: I was at a bus stop near the Telok Kurau landed estate after my asthma polyclinic checkup, minding my own biz, when someone called out, "Es-kew me! The bus how long ah?" It was a 60ish auntie with her helper and her husband. There are really people who unironically say "es-kew me?" Okay takpe. I pulled up the app and told her, "5 minutes" then I got up and let her sit down while her helper massaged her. The massage intensity had to be adjusted frequently before she was satisfied. 

After a bit, she looked at me accusingly and said, "5 minutes so long ah?" Excuuuse me madam, I didn't realise I was the bus control dispatcher or whatever you call them. Takpe. I checked the app again. "1 minute," I told her. Thankfully the bus did come trundling along a minute later. 

I and the other lady at the bus stop let her and the uncle board first cos kesian la kan? *But then*. Neither of them had their bus cards ready! Wtf were you waiting 5 minutes and looking askance at me for then, if you couldn't even standby your cards? Pengsan. Anyway, it was fine. I was mostly entertained by the gall of this auntie. And glad I'm not the one living with her.

Cool uncle: He was having chemo at the same time as me yesterday. He was alone and super self-sufficient! He greeted the nurses by name, he was aware of his appointments (another chemo today, follow-up tomorrow, and radiotherapy starting next week), and just totally no drama. I'm very inspired to be like him. There was also another chemo patient who interrupted the uncle's nurse twice to fuss about when she would be called up, and some other stuff. And the uncle was unfazed and just laughed about it with the nurse afterwards. Props to uncle.

Auntie who loved my Keens: This Chinese auntie was with her helper and they spoke in Malay. Auntie said how she really liked my sandals. I said thanks! I love my sandals too. 

Auntie who wore Keens!: In the lift down after chemo, there was an auntie wearing a pull-on turban and the same Keen sandals but in black! I am so on my way to becoming this auntie and I'm not mad about it.

Billing Battles

I've been having some truly frustrating billing battles with CGH about the bill for my bone biopsy and subsequent admission and discharge. The hospital kept insisting, over emails and phone calls with both the central billing contact centre and the CGH office, that they cannot e-file this particular bill because my admission was for less than 8 hours, and I supposedly signed off on this at the point of admission on the CCF. That it was classified as surgery requiring admission and not day surgery, so different rules apply, and that's why all my previous biopsies were covered but not this one.

I tried to point out that although the CCF states the dumb 8 hours rule under Medisave, it doesn't state the same exclusions under the Integrated Shield Plan part, but this didn't fly.

My insurance agent just called them today to argue further, and first they said they would try, but they later rejected her with this dumb 8-hour rule again.

This kind of admin shit, even though I'm really good at admin shit, is one of the most taxing things about having a medical condition, I feel. You're tired, you still need to work to fund your lifestyle, still need to wash clothes and clean house and shit, still need to take care of the multitude of appointments, and you trust in the hospital and insurance systems and then this happens and you have to make calls during office hours to try to sort it out. I'm lucky I have shirked some other responsibilities so I have time to pursue this, I guess.

And yes it's just a $2k bill which I can afford, but it's really the principle of the matter, innit? People who've just had a painful biopsy and are stuck in a ward with a noisy visitor need to be in the right mind to think, "No I cannot get discharged yet because this bill won't be covered if I'm in here less 8 hours." GTFO.

Small Wins 

On a positive note, I went for Zumba last Saturday and Salsation on Wednesday and I didn't die! Hope I can continue these cardio baby steps!

Also! I made spaghetti goreng last week although Cutes claims it was too salty because my chemo tastebuds are making everything taste bland pulak. I wore my turban to keep from dropping hair in the food. Love my turbans! I got them from a rec in r/breastcancer. Truly a lifesaver sub.

Juicy Veins

Midday Bus to NCCS is Cursed

Heading. Yesterday I took the bus at the same timing as last week. No Uncle Roti this time, but one lady boarded at the exit door at the stop opposite Gay World. Then she tried again and again to tap her card, but to no avail. The bus captain just signalled her to.. get off the bus!! I think he assumed she was an existing passenger trying to alight because why would he be so unhelpful otherwise? To my surprise, she got off instead of trying to seek assistance at the front door or even trying to tap there. But ya, what is up with this bus route?

Chemo Tings

I had lunch at Shake Shack this time, just because it's cheaper than any of the other brunch cafes. Yes I know I can go to the coffeeshop, but please don't. Am I from Police Cantonment? (By the way, I was asking Cutes, "Oh you went to the coffeeshpp opposite PCC?" and he gave me a withering look and muttered, "No one calls it 'PCC'. It's just 'Cantonment'." Err, baiklah. Am I police? I don't care LOL.)

After my post on the bruised needle poke sites last week, Dr Sady advised me to drink loads of water to ensure I have juicy veins. So I drank like a camel, resulting in three good pees before chemo, one during chemo, and one after chemo. But my arms look lovely and unbruised so it works, guys! Except for the bruises from last week which continue to linger.

Bruised cannula site (top) and burst vein (lower) from last week, taken today

The centre was extra crowded yesterday. They were having some sort of fun fair event I was malas to look into. But there were also loads of patients heading to different floors, including multiple wheelchair users. Despite having six lifts for the 20ish floors, we still had to wait damn long each time. Nary an empty lift. Some able-bodied people were taking the lift from Level 1 to Level 2 omg tolong guys, you can use the escalator or the other lift lobby for that!

Cutes has been having a high fever since Sunday night so sadly I was attending chemo alone. Normally I'd be cool with it, because it's not like I need him standing sentinel while I'm being Benadryl Sleeping Beauty, but there were some "meds" (face wash and cream for my acne problem) to be collected, and I can't do that while in the midst of infusion. Annoyingly, despite having a 2pm appointment, we only started pre meds at 3pm, and actual meds at 4pm, so it was 5.40pm when I finally got to leave. I guess I'll collect the meds next week then.

What I meant by "MRT style seating". I took this at 5.30pm when most of my suite had left.

Acne has continued to be horrible, spreading across my chest, most of my face, and half my neck. AND my scalp. It's painful and ugly and I can't believe I'm dealing with this puberty shit all over again. I used the Differin for two days but it seemed to make it worse so I stopped and I'm back with my Clinique Anti-Blemish Gel. I also have more boils/carbuncles on my stomach and thighs, which, fun. NCCS was supposed to make me an appointment with National Skin Centre since last week but when I checked yesterday, the status is still "pending"? Tak faham guys.

Chemo 'fit: Linen top I bought in Sydney with my favourite bucket hat and white jeans. Damn my hair really is cute. There was a makcik waiting for her chemo slot who smiled as I headed in, possibly surprised cos I look so juvenile.

Misc

I went for morning (well, 10.30am) ballet prac today! I love the Free Movement Kallang Studio, now that I'm used to travelling there. It's best when it's not raining. They have Harman Kardon speakers so even volume level 4 is intense! (Hint hint to Magical Moon. Love your location but I don't wanna keep bringing my own speaker.) Only problem is the unflattering, unadjustable studio light. It you don't mind uncles from the food centre watching you dance, you can open the curtains and turn off the light instead.

Gawd, ballet is hard. I'm terrible at jumps and my balance has shockingly deteriorated in the last five years. But it's fine. I'll get it back. Insya Allah.

Now blogging from Rustica! Way more chill than June Coffee, and the coffee's good too. I'm having Singaporean Mocha (Milo and espresso with those Milo cereal balls) and I'm like, how come I've never had this before? Hope they stay open cos I plan to eat my way through the menu!

Cereal fish bun with omelette, potato hash, and salad with an excellent dressing

Cutes is still having 38.5 deg fever so let's pray he recovers ASAP! For his own well-being and mine cos my immunocompromised ass has to avoid him while he's sick. Ameen!

Increasingly Hairy Carpet

Hair tings

My hair continued to frustrate me throughout last week. Every time I ran my fingers through my hair, I'd end up holding a clump of it in my hands. Then, bingit, I would just flick it onto the floor. But the increasingly hairy carpet would irritate me, so I ended up grudgingly vacuuming the carpet daily. I also had to sweep my hairy toilet, eee.

Confession: I didn't know how to empty the Dyson canister and Cutes, who is in charge of vacuuming because he's the Carpet Collector, refused to teach me (ya he's weird like that). But YouTube to the rescue! So now I know how to vacuum and empty the canister of my gross hair.

I also stopped washing my hair after Monday because it was super upsetting to be standing in the shower trying to clear endless handfuls of loose hair. I was just counting down the days to my appointment with Eugenie.

Wednesday: To prevent embarrassing hairfall in the office, I tied two teeny pigtails to anchor my OliveAnkara headband. It mostly worked because the two ladies I complained to about the issue said that they couldn't tell I was being Reverse Rapunzel.

All the hair that I fingercombed out after a night's sleep

Sunday was so great. I bounced into the empty salon and Eugenie took two passes to wash my hair cos y'know, unwashed since Monday. And it was mildly tangled at the ends OOPS. Then we got it chopped off which was surprisingly not an emotional event because I was busy chattering away about my life. We were also discussing hair styling because short hair like mine apparently needs to actually be blow-dried into submission. Otherwise I will end up "looking like Oppa but it's trendy now" because my bangs like to separate at the middle, giving what I feel is a Sailormoon lewk. Then I put my specs back on and Eugenie said, "Now you look like Harry Potter." Mm thanks.

I then trotted happily to Rustica for my dry laksa. Cutes and I went there once before, when its next door neighbour Tolido was too full. Rustica looked quite (sorry) cheena to me, because the menu was bilingual. But the actual menu items are pretty modern/fusion, and they're a local farm-to-table concept, and it's not babi-forward, so I think it's worth a try! We had the apam berkuah (dessert) and some coffee then, which was all quite yummy! So I stalked the menu last week and found they had dry laksa for lunch which I'd coincidentally been craving for a couple of weeks. It was amazing, very prawny and NO TAUGEH by default, with little quail eggs and two butterflied prawns, and therefore very convenient to eat. I just hate peeling prawns, malas sey. 

Had the laksa with the cold brew with vanilla bean cream, yums

Chemo Day

I took the bus to NCCS for my 12 noon appointment. At the OG bus stop, there was commotion at the front because one old uncle was having difficulty paying. The bus captain was miming how to tap your card on the scanner but the uncle kept offering/gesturing to his bag of bread?! It looked like he was trying to pay with his bread. Bus captain took out his own card to demo, but Uncle Roti just reached out his hand to take the card?! Then one passerby uncle tried to demo with his own card, which Uncle Roti thought he was offering to him. Meanwhile, the rest of the people in the front were just gawking away. (I was in the back so I took some time to process the sitch.) Finally, just as I dug out some coins from my purse, the bus behind honked, so our bus captain gave up and let Uncle Roti in. Kesian all round but I was also wondering how the uncle got to Chinatown in the first place and whether his roti bartering method has worked before.

At NCCS, the phlebotomist (do they still call them that?) greeted me with, "Oh, is that bag Beyond the Vines? I was just there yesterday with my girlfriend and I saw it!" Which, okay dude, this is the third time you're taking my blood and I've always brought a BTV bag to the centre, except for last week when I thought I'd bring my laptop and never used it. But I guess he hadn't seen the BTV shop before, so kita maafkan. Plus I'm anyways gratified when people are friendly to me. Or maybe I look more approachable with this cropped hair? Who knows.

I went to Dearborn for a packet of granola - what a nice chill place, I'll try to dine in next time. Then I went to Glasshouse for a beef burger, which was not bad and not too salty to dear ol' chemo tastebuds. I actually eat caramelised onions now, who am I?

The actual infusion process was a bit annoying cos the first nurse burst (?) the blood vessel when she inserted the cannula. We had to switch arms which, ugh. I try my best to alternate arms each visit for a reason, y'know. I also don't know if it was my body's fault, because all the needle-poked sites from yesterday are now bruised. The blood test prick, the failed cannula insertion, and the actual cannula site. I didn't even do anything yesterday except eat and sleep.

The nurses got a doc to come see me because I was trying to get a topical treatment for the cystic acne that has been spreading across my face and body for the past three weeks. I saw that another Redditor on r/breastcancer had similar reactions to Paclitaxel (Taxol in US) so sis cuba la kan. Annoyingly, the doc is referring me to NSC instead, so no hassle-free acne treatment for me.

Bestie Benadryl was really good to me yesterday. I was knocked out the whole time from 3pm till the nurse woke me at 5.30pm with "okay done, let's flush with saline then you can go". First time finishing infusion without a single kencing! Of course, I had a nice long pee after she released me.

We got a more private space yesterday, which was nice. Usually your chair is facing the next row, like riding MRT. So your choices are to sleep or stare at the uncle and auntie in front of you.

Chemo fit was this linen top over my CXIX pole top and my new Anaabu skirt which just arrived this week. It has pockets! I need more.

Misc

Ballet last Friday - new term, first time in the new level - *killed* me. I was terribly misaligned in all the jumps and struggled to balance in centre! I've booked a Freemovement studio for later to practise so I'm excited to try and improve. Can I work up to 3x weekly ballet? You can't hope to get on pointe with just once weekly prac, after all. We shall see. 

I'm enjoying the new hair so far, even though I need to spend a couple of minutes with the Dyson Supersonic ("free" with credit card promo) daily. Don't get me wrong, it's still shedding madly. I lint-roll it a couple times a day (Reddit tip), but when it gets too much, I'm going back to Eugenie to shave it all off! For now, loving how it frames my eyes and shows off my earrings to great advantage.

I just stopped by Guardian and picked up Differin for my acne. Am I 38 or 18 cos that's the last time I used it. Hope it works!

Shedding like a husky

My hair has been shedding madly since Friday. Aside from getting it dyed a fun colour once a year, I'm not really super high-maintenance about it, but it's still upsetting. It's just another part of my life I'm losing to this cancer. (Ya it's temporary, it will grow back after chemo, blah blah blah. But I still have to live with it now.) Thankfully I have thick hair by default, so Cutes says it doesn't look noticeable. So I'm still wearing hats as usual but I gotta go in to the office tomorrow so I'll wear a scarf? I guess? Note that I'm shedding my bicoloured hair like a Husky everywhere I go, and shampooing my hair took 3x as long yesterday UGH. I'm not gonna shampoo again already until my Sunday hair appointment.

Trying out scarf styles

I went for a little event on Friday on my own, because the topic was childbirth and Cutes didn't want to come, plus he had bola. I'm so proud of myself because I managed to make small talk with another lady who also came alone. I mean ya she said hi first but I continued the convo throughout so this is a win for me! Yay Ain! It was at Goodman Arts Centre which is both a 20-minute walk and 20-minutes via bus/train + walk from my home, so I decided to walk home by the longkang/park connector. I feel so blessed to live somewhere that I can walk home alone at 11pm and feel safe the whole time.

Then I went for a massage on Sunday where the aunty nagged me for being so stiff and having an old body when my face is so young. Fun. After she fixed my stiff neck, I walked 10 mins from there to Toa Payoh Public Library - I actually love walking as long as my body is happy with it. We're running out of standalone libraries - did you realise? We already lost Bedok and Tampines and now we're losing Geylang East and Toa Payoh. I suppose being in integrated buildings may lead to higher footfall, but standalone libraries have so much charm! Newspaper-reading uncles and all!

So yesterday was Cycle 2, Week 1 of chemo, where in addition to the Paclitaxel infusion, I also get a subcutaneous injection of Phesgo. And they have to do a full bloodwork beforehand unlike in routine weeks, so there's a 3-hour waiting time between the blood draw and the chemo sesh. I semangat bawak laptop and charger all k, and booked a Cowork@Gov slot at HPB office. I'd planned to have lunch then buy Dearborn granola then go to the cowork space. But then. It rained at a pretty moderate intensity, making it more leceh to walk around the area. So I had to abort that plan and take the train to Great World instead. (I didn't realise Great World City changed its name to a more generic boring one!) I had yummy barramundi and half truffle fries (this is an option for greedy people like me, wow) at P.S. Cafe. 

I felt like I was waiting ages for my chemo tag and to be called to the suite, but some random lady went up to the piano on the next floor (which overlooks my floor) and started tinkling out some bangers! At first I thought it was a recording but then she played Madu dan Racun and I knew it had to be a human person. It was sooo good and I'm so envious of people who can use their artistic talents to bring joy to others. I was too shy to take a real video - I took a video of my legs, facing away from her, so there's only the faintest piano sounds - so y'all just have to take my word for it. 

Anyway, the Phesgo injection was as painful as I remember it being. The rest went fine. Knocked out as usual thanks to my bestie Benadryl. There was a standoff between two pharmacy robots in the corridor - they were blocking each other's way and chirping "Delivery in progress, please move" or something - and Cutes was gleefully watching them until a third robot came by and managed to unchoke the situation. 

My bestie Benadryl (the small bottle)

Me and random Missy in the lift. Wearing YeoMama Batik pants that are loose enough to roll up for my thigh injection and this Lululemon tee to cover my guasha marks in case the nurses bising.

We got home and made for the downstairs hair salon to try to get my hair cropped. But the lone hairdresser said his slots were full?! I didn't know this was a thing in neighbourhood hair salons. But fine. I texted my regular hairdresser Eugenie and she'll squeeze me in this weekend. I almost cried when she replied. 

My sister texted to remind me to call my mom and to keep sending her (my mom) money. I have never stopped sending money k. Even though I'm not rolling in it, what with private hire rides and food delivery and random GP visits. My medical copay at work has already been maxed out for the year. Who asked you to cancel your damn insurances anyway? Also it's so fucking draining to call or even think about my mom. It's just like, oh I'm so sad my young daughter has cancer and I'm worried about her. Ya okay and? I'm the one being poked weekly and still have to get back to work two days later. And might have to live with this cancer forever. I suppose I should be thankful I get to have this cancer while living in a different home. 

Sorry, but different people have different ways of dealing with tribulations in life and my way just doesn't match with my family's.

Short rant over. I had salmon with creamed spinach and gnocchi today at June Coffee. The sauce was a tad salty to my chemo tastebuds today, sobs. Service was still good but the other customers there are really demanding and noisy. I'm just gonna keep my earpiece in next time. Or sit outside. It always feels like a peaceful paradise when I reach pull.in for my coffee and blog sesh.

To end on a positive note, I've signed up for a new term of ballet classes at Assemblé. I love the studio because it's just beside TBB's old Queen Street studio, so there's beautiful memories to bask in. It's also near enough for me to walk to Tarik/Konditori/Mother Dough for post-class reward! And there are multiple direct ways to get home. Pray for me that I'll be able to finish the term in good form!

The final class of last term. The girl in white tee looks so much like my SIL Tania, I can't stop staring at her sometimes. 

Benadryl Sleeping Beauty

Last week was better than the previous, as I start to understand how the post-chemo effects work for me. Every breast cancer is different and every person reacts differently to chemo. Chemo day is always sleepy because that Benadryl knocks me out in seconds, but it's hard to fall asleep later at night. The second day is always good because the pre-meds from chemo day are still hanging around in my system, dulling my pain. Third to fifth days, when pre-meds have worn off, are annoying because I get tired easily and have to fight off the 10am, 12pm, 3pm need to nap. I'm working on those days because I need money for all these cancer-adjacent stuff, even if the main medical stuff is covered by insurance. (Also, I'm still shopping a lot haha.) Then Saturday and Sunday are pretty good and I can do light chores and go for one class. Then come home, eat my purchased baked goods, and nap. Haha.

Cutes made the omelette

Super proud of myself for cooking twice this week! Instead of living off Grabfood and Greek yoghurt for all my meals. I made farfalle aglio olio with beef guanciale on Friday and a large pot of kari sardin on Sunday. I'd like to make lauk lemak cili padi, but it's not a dish that Cutes will re-eat, and I can't eat day-old food anymore, and it's quite impractical to make a one-meal serving of such lauk.

My back pain has kinda subsided and my Thursday ultrasound did not seem to find any issues in that area. Fun. The pain has migrated to my right outer hip and leg though. It's a weird stiffness that makes me walk a bit funny. But I figure, since the doctors can't find anything, my next step is to use movement as medicine, i.e. pilates and ballet. I'll let you know how that goes, lol.

After the initial morning appointment, they've set all my following chemo appointments to afternoon. You come at early lunchtime for the blood test, then berambus and come back at 2pm for the actual appointment. There's always delays, though. Yesterday's infusion was meant to be at 2pm, but they only called me in at 2.40pm, and the nurse only started the process at 3pm. I mean, she did apologise for the delay, but ya just telling you how it is. 

I missed my direct bus to NCCS yesterday because I had a last minute poop attack. But I found an alternative route! You take the bus to opposite OUE Downtown then take TEL from Shenton Way to Outram Park. It would be perfect except for the fact that it takes bloody 10 minutes to get to the train platform from ground level. The escalator moves at a snail's pace and the platform is soooo deep underground and of course, off-peak frequency is every 6 minutes what is that?! Petition to change lunchtime hours to peak hours, plz. At least for the escalators. And y'all don't know how slow the NCCS lifts can be, even though there are 6 of them. Anyway, I still managed to register at 11.59am, score!

$90 lunch at The Populous

As promised last week, I had lunch at The Populous! Cutes was shocked that the bill came to $90, but it's because I was greedy and ordered a side dish (that I eventually didn't finish) and a drink (not coffee, we don't need to stimulate the overactive bladder). I chose a very healthy Roasted Halibut with Mashed Potatoes and it was yummy and not at all salty, yay! I didn't like the Maple Glazed Tater Tots though. I feel like the flavours don't work. Maple is amazing with brussels sprouts thoooo. The service was really prompt and friendly, and I was happy I managed to get a seat because the cafe was pretty hopping. Not sure where I'll go next week though. Isn't there somewhere cheaper that's not a kopitiam?

There was a depressing moment during my infusion as I realised that the rest of the suite was seniors and I'm like, Why the fuck am I here? I'm young! But it is what it is. At least I'm young enough for them to poke the cannula into my forearm and not the back of my wrist? Entah. 

The uncle opposite me was just happily peeing into his bottle (behind the curtains) and I was jealous. But at least I know I'm not the only one peeing gallons after all! 

I do seem to be the only Sleeping Beauty, though. The uncle was happily watching his shows and the auntie on his left was wide awake, too. And the BC subreddit seems to be watching Netflix and whatever during their infusions. So.. either these people are not getting the magic Benadryl or I'm very very receptive to its effects.

The lift was full at all times yesterday so no lift selfie! And yes, I got a new BTV bag in the sale! Also check out my lucha libre socks from CDMX!

Today I went to June Coffee (sister of September Coffee!) for brunch and it was pretty good! I had the crabmeat pasta or whatever and it was also not salty, yay! Noisy place, though, with all the chatter. Pull.in is better for blogging. There are people chatting here too but because the space isn't enclosed, it helps diffuse the sound, I think. 

Chemo Tastebuds

Last weekend wasn't the best because I started getting diarrhoea on Friday morning. I spent the day listlessly working in between toilet runs (geddit?).

I hate diarrhoea so much because all my favourite types of food - pedas, creamy, coffee - are triggers, so I have to avoid them and eat what? Boring plain rice and shizz?

After waking up at 4am on Saturday for watery poops, I dragged myself to the GP for diarrhoea meds. That's three $70 GP visits in three weeks, isn't it fun and budget-friendly being a diseased person? 

Thankfully the meds helped somewhat so I got to go for pilates on Sunday and today I'm drinking coffee again at pull.in hahahaha sorry, bowels!

Yesterday's appointment (Chemo cycle 1, week 2) was at 11.30am for blood draw and 1.30pm for chemo so I proudly took the bus from home to NCCS Outram. Cutes calls me a bus otaku but I'm just a casual bus enthusiast. Like, I judge my colleagues for still not knowing which buses from go to Tang Plaza vs Paterson Road. Guys, you've been working here longer than a year, please don't be bodoh! Also Google Maps is really good at bus navigation. "Eh which bus to take ah?" Sepak kau baru tahu.

Oops I digressed.

Blood draw was really quick this time, because there were much fewer patients at that time of day. Then the PSA told me I could come back in 1.5 hours. Oh, okay. I went to the NCCS food court (Foodgle) and it was just cramped with no halal food so I walked back out. After 5 seconds of indecision, I started resolutely walking towards Shake Shack. Cutes laughed incredulously at me when he heard his update later. I know, it was scorching hot and it's an 11-minute walk and I'm still in light limping condition and there's a tiny incline. But Shake Shack is a safe and familiar space for me k! (I know it's not halal lol. I later found Muslim-owned The Populus on the map so I'm gonna check it out next week. But if it's full, you know where I'll end up!)

What's not familiar are my darn chemo tastebuds. All my comfort foods now taste too salty, which makes every highly anticipated meal a disappointing experience. This included my usual Shackburger with fries. The patty which has always tasted perfect was too salty. Just like the Mr Grumpy nasi ayam goreng, the organic corn chips, and all the other savoury food I had in the last week. Sweet food is largely unaffected, though. 

I was back at NCCS in good time and Cutes met me there. This time I got a suite with only chemo chairs, though, no beds. At first I was disappointed, but after going for my usual pesky pee breaks, I think chairs are better since it's easier to get up and down. They recline the chairs like you're flying first class, so it's still comfortable. I've concluded that the infusions make me pee because my bladder is just attention-seeking like that lah. Whether I'm drinking the fluid or it's being IV-ed into me, it's the same effect. 

This time went much faster - the actual chemo sesh went from 2pm to 4.30pm - because there's no thigh injection and no need for orientation lectures from the nurse, I guess. Then I went to the pharmacy to collect diarrhoea meds, thereby saving me $70 from a future GP visit woo! And the Grab ride home was really quick because we hadn't hit max rush hour yet, yay!

A pity I don't own many glam+comfy clothes, so this was some Uniqlo basics with my CXIX Medusa top. Mucho genial.

At home was just naps and an unsatisfactory salted egg chicken and rice from Tasty Wok. I don't blame the cook, once again my chemo tastebuds ruin the day.

I'm realising that the breast cancer subreddits aren't the most useful because they're super US-centric, so if anyone knows of SEAsian ones, do hit me up. 

Today on my way out, I was trying to clear the remains of a get-well hamper the office sent me. It was gobs of tape and a crapload of shredded paper which spilled out of the cheapo basket, including from the large holes in the basket! Then I tried to vacuum the detritus but the Dyson dust compartment was full and when I tried to empty it, the dust just rained on me. So I threw a tiny tantrum, cleaned up 70% of the mess, then tossed the hamper remains, cheapo basket and all. 

Don't send me hampers, guys, abeg. Unless it's from a very atas company with quality baskets and packaging materials. Why couldn't they stuff the basket with a nice throw instead of armloads of shredded paper? Wow I really can't get over it.

Or send me a cleaning service. I'd love for someone to put away my vacation clothes and dust the bed and ceiling fans. Sekian.