harloez! on the laptop again, meaning no clippie, of cos.. i just wasted one good hour collaging my new test pad. haha. itz now my favourite colour--pinkpurpleorange. veh veh nice, if i do say so myself. but seriously, itz nice. pity the white glue keduts the cardboard. wish i cld find a better way to preserve the glossiness of the collage. ohwell. anyway, itz really nice, check it out k? itz even better than the red-themed one. haha. and acherli the pink on it is abit too much, but i realised tt women's magazines feature alot, and i mean ALOT, of pink stuff.
ok that was just some mindless info, time for more. decided not to pon next wed, itz too leceh arh. i mean, i need to produce another parent's letter? no thanks. too much trouble for me. hm. ohyah today was like, the worst day of my life or something. i thot i'd be all well-rested after a nice children's day but nooo! OM wasn't here. ex-fren wasn't here. SYA'S FREN wasn't here. like, helLO! that is just too too mean. seriously. so i was grumpy the whole day ah. i mean, it is really painful to see lumut bouncing around [with tt really cool 3d bag] and knowing that ex-fren's eeky voice is NOT gonna reach your ears after tt. or seeing setan strolling around skl and hating his toiletbrush hair even more cos OM's not around. aiyah. it was just bullshit ah. even decaf wasn't around. who was? latte, acherli. haha. but latte doesn't work alone. he has to be taken with others, i just realised today. so like when econs lec came i acherli screamed in shocked surprise. sigh.
you know what? i hate the train. i hate people who try to squeeze in, insisting tt us big-bagged ppl should move to the centre of the carriage. itz like, relek ah! take the next train, why don't you? make life easier for all of us. sheesh. i just want a mode of transport with elbow room for me and my bag. i don't care how low the frequency is, as long as i can move around freely without my stupid bag on my lap. sheesh. whatever, man.
today during impromptu/spontaneous/lastmin mac's lunch we were talking about the sweater theory. hahah. i really think itz a great theory. will be even greater in practice. and the ain's twin brother theory. thatz even cooler. i kan just take any of his sweaters. or steal one of his friends' [who will be my friends anyway]. sadly, these theories will never be put into practice, although not by our choice.
oh but guess what? remember i sed my brother was a skater, and is now gonna be a biker? i think he cld possibly be a breaker too! i was just passing my COMP just now [which he was using], and i just happened to glance at the screen, and i saw this heeeuuge picture [obviously from a digicam] of a guy in a breakdancing pose. so my eyes did a little zoom-in, and it was my brother!!! i almost fainted there. but i just pretended it diden affect me at all. but it did, it did! it was one of those cool gravity-defying poses, see. so like yah! maybe he is a breaker too! alrite! keep it up, bro! [see, if you went to RI as you wanted to, you'd definitely not be this cool. {no offence, but you don't hear of RI breakers, bikers, or skaters rite? haha.}]
well enuff crapping. i'm gonna do ringkasan now, followed by some surfing around. haha. yes i know, stop procrastinating, rite?
later.

assalamu'alaikum. i am shitass sleepy man! i dun get it! i woke up at *ahem* nine and everything! i watched kelly's dream club, which was really cute [and i love chelsie]. and i just rested alot, basically.
anyway i was at the bp store outside jj and paying for my stuff when the cashier asked me, "any petrol?" i was really dazed then, acherli, cos i was soopa hungry. but when i came to my senses, i was kwite flattered. haha. i look old enough to drive? i look well-off enough to own a car? amazing! really lifted my spirits there. haha.
also found out that fana n diana know the jj guy i keep seeing at buona vista. he was just sitting there, like 4 metres away. completely distracting. but you know what? the more i go to jj, the more convinced i am that itz a really great school. there were just tons of wooden benches-and-tables around, EMPTY, i might add, with lots of wind and stuff. the school was empty. the benches were clean. sigh. rj cld never be like that. thatz why i've never studied in skl. tell me why you like to study in skl, sya's fren. [and while you're at it, tell me if you dyed your hair. what colour is it?] also saw chu bang, finally. he is really cute. as in cute cute. tall with rosy cheeks and very baik face. i lurve rosy cheeks. damn cute.
haha. unfortunately, all i have to show for today are 2 completed chem exercises. damn.

ohman! just read ili's blog! i'm so sorry babe! and to denise and all! to the other 8 people who turned up! did not know my pw group was THAT slack!

hey y'all! having a happy children's day?
i just had THE most unsettling dream ever. and i woke up with a horrible cramp in my left leg. it still hurts now. anyway the dream was about ex-fren, so i just HAD to write it down somewhere.
i think we were in school or somewhere school-like. there was a bunch of us in a ts-like place, having a lesson or a briefing or smthg. all the friends were there, including toot and non-. and they were sitting in the front row while we sat in the back. acherli it was basically a select combination of both our classes. anyway then ex-fren got up and went out ah. and i was like, "waddehell where did he go?" and then sya's fren turned round to us and told us that ex-fren had a performance in another ts. so i like, dashed out, with everyone's eyes on me, and barged into the said ts. and he was like, 25% through his performance ah. and everyone stared at me, but i eksyened bodoh and sat down to watch. and he was singing AND playing. alone. solo. he was totally absorbed so he diden see me until it was over. and get this. he sounded really nice. he had a really nice, on-pitch voice, which sounded totally unlike his normal speaking voice. [kinda like ziana zain rite?] anyway then he was done and he looked up and smiled at me. and he sat down next to me, and then *I* had to sing!!! it was a nightmare! [a nightmare within a dream? haha.] but he was like, smiling all the way. and when it was over, he congratulated me and shouted something as i walked out the door. dunno wat, then later i was walking with a classmate of theirs, and then we met him, and he started like, praising me or sum shit.
arrghh. yes what a stupid dream.

hi. i'm feeling really weird now. and today. all the things that happened today--they were so different from the norm! the book. the non-ex-friend. the no-bio, which i still haven't gotten used to yet. the lunch at tm. stuff like that. [ohyah on the laptop now, will put the clippie later.]
my mummy is reading qiraati book 1 now. itz really cute. i never thot 40-something-year-olds could still be cute. haiz. sometimes i just feel like crying. she's always trying so hard. working so hard. and look at me, i'm blogging!!! when there's actual work for me to do! please let me grow up to be like her. that stupid celebrity gp passage, itz totally untrue. here's an extension of my application question: in my household, i do not idolise any celebrity. no celebrity, local, foreign or international [you can be foreign by being restricted to the foreign market only, therefore not international], forms the only, or even a part of, the yardstick that i use to measure happiness/success/whatever. similarly, no celebrity shapes my identity. this is due to the presence of religion, ethics, principles and personal role models in my life.
so anyway, i bought 8.2 bucks of hair stuff today. haha. i totally blew away all my money man.. haha the dodo ad sounds like some pseudo eksyen-hindi song. or mebbe itz just me. ohwell. sorry for sounding disjointed, i'm watching tv acherli.. but tmr i'm having a nice children's day i hope.. airport, then jj to c chu bang. i doubt his cuteness though. but to each his own.
ohyah. i just HAVE to say this. i'm so happy for him!!! he looked so grumpy when i finally caught up with him. and totally misinterpreted my [noble and sincere and non-seductive] intentions. and after telling him to do what he was supposed to do, i kinda got skared that he'd like, reject the gift or smthg. but luckily he diden.. he was damn appreciative, apparently. and after that he totally brightened up and was restless or smthg. ttz so cool! and sweet! wish i was there to see it. sigh. if someone bothers to make you as happy as that, isn't it indicative of how much they like you? so shouldn't you then open your eyes abit bigger? maybe then you'll see what you disallowed yourself to see, and then maybe it'll make more sense for you to overcome natural inhibitions [e.g. shyness, skaredness, etc]. is that vague or what?
not in the mood to blog properly. received a huge shock today. still haven't recovered yet. bye all. have a great day tmr, and hope i will too.

suddenly i feel so off..
anyway, these days i realised that i feel as if i'm back in primary school!!!!!!!!! i'm not sure if thatz a good thing or the opposite. ok. i'll explain.
in primary school i was pretty much like i am now, crazy and crushing on lotsa guys. with less emphasis on the crazy. there was aermy in pri1, allif from pri 4-early pri 6, fathrul in pri 6, something like that. and the thing about pri skl is once you tell someone, ANYONE, about liking someone else, it kinda gets round the whole school by the next day. so the next day i'd find myself walking around to herizal teasing me or smthg liddat ah. haha. i still remember when allif used to take the bus home with me. that was really cool. and nice. and sweet. plus he was really cute too. in primary skl i already loved to read. especially sunday comics. and they used to be alot more, with little puzzles and a ripley's believe it or not section.
so you can imagine how i felt today when i opened lifestyle [shabnam melwani reis is sooooooooooooooooooo pretty!!! i wanna be her!] from the back and saw all these cool little puzzles, just like they used to have when i was in primary skl!!! and the comics stretched out over 3 pages, in colour! i took out a pen and started doing all the puzzles.. and it just felt sooooooo comforting. at least in primary skl, i knew who i was, or at least, diden care much if i diden know. sigh.
how i wish i could go on the playground again too.

hm. well. i've been a complete lazybones today can anyone tell me how i won't end up lyke this yellow pufferfish here? woke up at 8.30. now THATZ ironic. mandied. ate. watched tv. read. slept. ate. went to loyang point, picked up the pics. ate. went home. read. slept. and so on. hello?!?!? what is wrong with me? i just felt so rotten today i guess.
but anyway i realised where i get my kegilaan from. itz acherli my dad. he used to like, crack jokes, and i used to REALLY want to laugh at them but refuse to. and he'd taunt me until i finally laughed out loud. just now we were at mac's and this little girl asked her grandmother, "where's daddy?" and her granma replied, "sheng siong..!" except it came out as "sing song!" and so my dad was like, imitating her, and the three of us [incl my brother, who is, btw, a biker. or going to be one.] burst out laughing. and thatz when i realised, the laugher is in the genes.
ohyah forgot to write about my first latte nightmare. i was sitting in the canteen or somewhere with a bunch of people including him. but the two of us were talking to each other ah, within the group. and we were on our way to becoming friends. then in the middle of our conversation, i guess i got an sms or smthg, so i checked my fone, replied or smthg, and put it on the table after the phonelight went off. and latte was like, "hey, let me see." and snatched the fone off the table. i was abit too slow to get it back, and he pressed a button, and when he saw the screen, his face totally changed and he stared at me in disbelief. then he stood up and started screaming at me. "what's this? is this my face? what the hell is my face doing on your fone? when did you take my picture? are you nuts? how can my face be on your fone?" and it went on and on. and i was like crying and trying to explain and all. anyway it was really scary, and i guess i should change it soon, but.. i dunno. malas ah. that had to be a sign rite? wow it was just such a real dream, when i woke up, i expected him to continue screaming at me.
well. itz over now.

In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?--Sharon Creech
i love that quote. it really helps to put some things in perspective. listening to michael buble now. he rocks! wow. muz burn a new cd soon. anyway, just finished another sharon creech today. acherli both books seem to follow the same pattern, and they share ALOT of common elements. but anyway, i like this one better. but both have nice quotes and thots so i don't regret reading them anyway. hm. dun think i've acherli regretted reading anything yet.. except for this horrible one called loving april. it was just full of nonsense, and thinly-disguised childish porn. whatever man.
hm today went well. no, wait, it didn't. i wouldn't call wanting to strangle her with that offbeat scarf a day that went well. it started out nice, tho. i like my new earfones, so i was enjoying them this morning, then fana called, so i was enjoying my newly-acquired ringtone, then we were talking, which i lurve to do anyway, so i was enjoying THAT. and of cos i enjoyed the rest of the journey to school, for obvious reasons. OM looks even cuter with that hair. whee~
ohyah on to the bad part. no not yet. some normal parts. btw can i just complain that lamlam is a freak and he keeps popping up every 20 minutes or so into my line of vision? is this an elaborate plot to unhinge me? there's no need for further unhinging, so you can stop now. ok anyway econs was horrible, refer to strangling line above. i was just feeling SO down during the whole hour! really, really rotten. luckily ili, with her super eyes [which we only discovered like, what, last week?] spotted latte and i got a nice but short gazing session before going back to draw a couple of stupid diagrams. then i raced off to my locker, for reasons which i was acherli unclear of until about 15 minutes later. i should have just told sya and ili, but i diden want them to think i was obsessing over ex-friend. [am i?] anyway then i got to see latte again, which helped heal the econs wounds, and then finally ili and sya got a clue and i kinda sprinted out of skl again. [this is the transition part, btw.] so yes, the stalking was lovely. and mac's was pretty empty as usual. and today's lunch was reallyreally nice somehow. i just started out feeling good and it got better and better.. and itz like every other minute was laughter. i really like that.
ooh then pe rocked! played lacrosse. we kinda spent the first 15 minutes of the game laughing at ourselves and each other. but it was so fun!!! sorry, as i sed, i'm a horrible keeper [or mebbe i diden say that here].. that was a baaaaaad goal i let in. darn. if i were fat, it wouldn't have gone in, i bet. ohman and i hit manda with the ball! right in the chest! she had to go off to the side and all! i really hope i diden kill her. and after tt the class played pseudo netball. diden join in, went surau and home instead. nice alternative, the way it turned out. and i went home feeling neutral instead of down. yes, i know i was endorphinny during friday lunch and pe, but like i sed, itz just a friday thing, for me to feel down at the end of the whole day, bio or not, ex-friend or not, etc.
okay okay walk two moons pearls of wisdom!
1. don't judge a man until you've walked two moons in his moccasins.
2. "well, this ain't our marriage bed, but it will do."
3. you can't keep the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair.
4. "this is what i like about [name]. she is smart, but doesn't act like she knows everything. she is cute. she smells good. she is cute. she makes me laugh. she is cute."
5. "i decided that bravery is looking Pandora's box full in the eye as best you can, then turning to the other box, the one with the smoothbeautiful folds inside.."
6. "roses are red,
dirt is brown,
please be my valentine,
or else i'll frown."
7. "dry is the desert,
wet is the rain,
your love for me
is not in vain."

in school now. first time sey! and the chair's abit the damn low. tak ergonomic! so anyway, just now pw sucked ass. really. itz beginning to suck more and more everyday. every week. whatever. itz just totally unproductive. some people are just real pemalases, or it seems tt way, at least. i know i'm a lazy asshole too, but at least i do SOME stuff. now we hafta do ppt presentation and we haven't even started. i just know i'm in trouble for this..
but like in every shitty day, there are nice wonderful thingies to spice it up. i was taking a toilet stroll with sya b4 pw started, [and bb was crying or smthg, and 2 nice gerls were comforting her, and i was complaining "how can people adjust their bras in public?"] and then sya's fren came along. with latte. that was fun. of cos sya sed hi while i had zero time to recover, and after tt latte appeared to be beating sya's fren up. that was cool. and i mean REALLY cool.
stuff ain hates:
-people adjusting bras in public
-people berasmaradanaing/bermesra-ing in public, otherwise known as PDA
-ugly people who eksyen lawar
-people asking stupid questions, thereby wasting precious time [however, people asking stupid questions in a CUTE way are excluded from this list]
-one girl surrounded by 5249737 guys, or vice versa
-being spied on
-time being wasted cos of idiots stalling, and other stupid reasons
-MC and her high opinion of herself
-derivatives of MC
-and the like

hehe. sorry. i was just inspired to do that today. ok letz do a counter-list or this will be an extremely negative entry.

stuff ain loves:
+comelcuteadorablefunnylawarhunky
+sitting peacefully watching a burst of activity
+aircon
+natural breezes
+53
+food
+sleep
+ex-friend!!!!
+listening to a working discman
+looking at lawar people's faces/features
+observing cute people
+taking pictures
+being in pictures
+those lovely ice-cream-filled chocolate-topped eclairs from anugerah mendaki. -mmmmmmm-
+and the like
+STILL ex-friend!

all 4 one's i can love you like that. say shava shava. ashanti's happy and rescue. aankhein khuli. alicia keys' fallin'.
just figured out a cool new way to have fun with my mp3s. when my brother isn't spoiling the effect by blasting linkin park, that is.
anyway. won't talk much [i think]. today was really nice. i'm not sure why. but i'm willing to bet that freedom was part of it. itz really peaceful, sitting in the bamboo garden with my screwed-up headphones and doing gp/copying econs notes. and once again i wish i'd done this earlier. but itz okay. i guess i'll enjoy it next year too. insya-allah.
acherli i think today's theme was peaceful or smthg. i was like, freezing my fringe off in lt3 today--i really wonder why she bothers to get the lt for us, i mean, at least SHARE it with another class ah, so we can generate more body heat to offset the sub-zero temp!--so i sprinted through my compre and escaped to "go to the toilet". i didn't know where i was planning to go when i stumbled out of the lt, icicles and all, but i just walked where my feet led me ah. and that was my locker, unsurprisingly. but i could see part of the field while i was walking and i saw guys playing soccer, so something clicked inside me. and i bypassed my locker and stood outside the band room looking out at the field. there was really no one around, i mean, hello, 3.30 p.m.?!?!?! so i went to sit down on one of the brown bench-and-table-thingies. and i just sat there, watching ex-friend, and looking for sya's fren, but not finding him. it was really cool. and extremely peaceful. what a great way to thaw. sitting half-submerged in the sun watching people NOT being cold. and i felt lost at first--i was foneless, walletless, source-of-time-less, etc. but luckily no one was there to watch me being stupid. so i think i spent about 5-10 minutes just sitting there watching. should have stayed longer. ohwell. it was nice while it lasted.
now, back to pw.

hey babes.. just checked out the promos timetable.. .. would it be too eksyen if i say that it looks pretty okay? i mean, besides friday the tenth, it looks like i have either totally empty days or one-paper days.. so yeah, i think thatz pretty amazing. may God grace me by letting me do really really well also.
aargh still kan't stop thinking bout him. stoppit, ain. stoppit. ohno now i'm singing along to soni soni.. nutso!!!
okay letz try and up the stress factor [what stress factor?] before i do maths. friday the 10th, gp papers and econs paper 2. monday the 13th is free. study at bishan? tuesday the 14th is econs at 3pm.. study at bk? mm deelish. wednesday the 15th, chem in the morning. thurs the 16th is maths. friday the 17th is malay, and monday the 20th is econs for 40 minutes!!! wahoo!
er. well tt diden work out the way i wanted it to. ohwell.

i remember admiring abang boy for being so close to mama, like 3-4 years ago.. he was like, in poly? ns? and he was like hugging and kissing mama in public! while MY adik refused to let my mom even come to his [primary] school.. and i remember totally scorning my adik and wishing all guys could be like abang boy.. sweet and loving and manja with their mothers.. hell, *I* wanted to be close to my mummy too! anyway i thot abang boy was the only one of his kind who existed.
until sya told me the "anecdote". hello, itz not even an anecdote! itz like.. a.. fairytale or something.. really! i mean, wow. i almost died when i heard it. i thot you were perfect. and that it doesn't get any more perfect than that. but how, how, HOW could you go a level higher to uber perfection? ohmigod. sorry. excuse me while i melt.
[on a lighter note, i went through a whole day without even clicking my camera! *snaps for ain* finally dropped bio, and as i sed to filza just now, "i feel so liberated!" God knows why i diden do this earlier. would have simplified things some. *more snaps for ain* and i lurve my impostor waterbottle! yeah! also, formulated another set of plans to follow through on last day of skl, next year. do remind me.]
now, back to my melting.

this is how i feel now. and i would love to be like this too, but my dad is around and i duwanna freak him out.
today was mendaki awards. ever since i got 7 points in prelims i've wanted to get anugerah mendaki for o's. thank you, God, for making my wish come true. and making it come true ten times better than i ever imagined it to be.
who thinks i wasn't as crazy as normal [oxymoron?] today? -raises hand- sorry, but i really believe i could have been nuttier. i could have screamed or gasped whenever ex-fren made any movement or anything, but i diden. i could have cheered and woohooed for ex-fren, but i diden. i could have sed yes, but i diden. i don't regret it though. i dunnolarh. i guess itz just that everything ex-fren did today kinda threw me off. how can someone be so incredibly nice to another? itz just not humanly possible! but seriously. acherli he's been doing weird things since yesterday. at least, *I* think they're weird. and it kinda made me wanna be cautious ah.. just in case he was acherli sindiring me or smthg. i will NOT let myself be sindired. what an insult. and i've been thinking and thinking the whole way home.. but it hasn't helped much. i'm still confused. like fana. but how can i samakan this with fana lyking/not lyking eeeskey? i can't. itz not possible. itz not.
anyway letz move on to other topics. saw yas again today. it was really great to see her again.. and i diden know she was at the wiz! but i should have expected it, i mean, she's in tsd and all.. but of cos i diden know tt then, and i only met huanling and tt was already a beeg surprise. ohwell. i'll look out harder next time.
ivan was telling me bout the whole networking thing. it was pretty funny.
i have an impostor waterbottle! i rock! itz a sign!
okay and lastly, i was listening to my discman just now and practically cried when this song came on. cos it seems to fit, somehow.
i could lose my heart tonight if you don't turn and walk away, cause the way i feel, i might lose control and let you stay. cause i could take you in my arms and never let you go. i could fall in love with you.. i can only wonder how touching you would make me feel. but if i take that chance right now, tomorrow will you want me still? so i should keep this to myself and never let you know. i could fall in love with you.. and i know itz not right, and i guess i should try to do what i should do. but i could fall in love, fall in love, with you..

hi. itz been pretty long. i attribute tt to my sebok brother and his seboker projects. but nevermind, i'm here now.
letz see.. something that was totally bothering me today--ex-friend. firstly, the bus stop thing. secondly, i practically sprinted to mac's when filza msged me tt bit of useful info [see? you need to know how to sift through the fakes.], and when i came in, i bumped off her bag to sit so i cld see him. and then toot fren saw me [i think] and sed smthg to ex-fren and then ex-fren turned around and i paid full attention to the mirror instead. aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhh! am i giler? i am rite? i am! and then later, for 30 minutes or so after tt, i kept melataring "ex-fren".. i was trying to talk about sya's fren and i said ex-fren!!! i'm sorry, but to me, that is just.... a sign of obsession which is NOT good.
physical exertion. played floorball. or rather, WATCHED people play floorball. it was fun. i felt very.. invincible.. but of cos, itz because of ili, who never stopped playing defence. as i said about a million times just now, "GO ILI!" for the whole first half the stupid ball diden even graze my fingers. yah. but i believe i was spectacular [for want of a better word] in the second half. yay! go ain! then after tt the class [at least 80%] played screwed-up netball at the bball court. i swear, if ivy singh-lim watched our game, she'd probably faint or smthg. but it was fun!
just now i was in 53, tired, pissed, etc. and then iskandar got in the bus! and for the first 2 seconds i thot he was omar, so i practically fainted.. and then i realised it was him, which made me still wanna faint.. and then of cos i composed myself in time to take a pic for fana. once again, go ain!
has everyone read the script on my foolscap? itz damn cool! tt'll be my short film, preceding the movie.. heh. i have beeg plans for myself. which should not be screwed up by having to take bio unneccessarily! okay? so there!
i cut my hair! it looks.. interesting now. at least it has some kinda character. even if itz abit off, well, at least itz not nothing. and i AM off, rite ex-friend? ohno him again. sorry.
does everyone like the clippie today? i think itz my best so far. you should see the original. i am a born PI. and this one is like, worthy of an exhibition, i swear. wow new idea: exhibition of pics taken by ain's fone. woohoo.
well sorry this is just a lot of disjointed shits. i'm going now. bye. oh wait another brainwave i had in wed [-muntah-] econs: when general conversation is going on, take the opportunity to spout out stuff you'd never normally say in public, e.g. "OM OM OM OM OM OM OM!", "latte rox latte rox.."
ta!

the infrared on my comp is screwing up so i can't upload the latest photos.. but i diden take such nice ones anyway. not too many cute guys roaming around, besides, when they do, they walk by doubly fast so they're like, in malaysia before i think to take out my fone. but don't worry, reflexes are conditioned over time. and samit? jangan harap. he's like, dead to me. physically only, of cos. i will always pray for his good health and happiness. ok what am i talking about? i'm not sure. anyway this morning i took a not-bad one of this geylang methodist guy. heh. oh and i cleaned out my locker just now so i took a pic of it. it looks amazing!!! always operate by this locker PLATINUM rule: make your locker look like what you want your room to look like. i mean, i've always wanted my room to be unmessy but homely and comfy and very ME with pictures all over. of cos, i can't exactly put latte pinups all over right? so the locker is a manifestasi of my ideal room. don't worry. visit me when i'm 21, and you'll get the real deal.
i'm crapping again. sorry. i'm supposed to be doing the malay production proposal. but nevermind. today was acherli cool. apparently sya's fren JUST got his glasses over the hols or smthg. wow. now he is no longer blind. i never knew he was literally blind these past 3/4 years.. now i can forgive him completely. so. you're forgiven, sya's fren! erm. and impostor has a gf!!!!! in his ex-skl! -heartbroken- -not anymore- who cares. adam also has wat.
speaking of whom, i totally tailed [it sounds waaaaaaay better than "stalked"] him to the mrt station. i was eating at mac's and he was already there. then he decided to leave, 80% through my meal. [btw they abolished my spicy CMC! NOW i'm heartbroken. how DARE you, mac's!] so i quickly gobbled down the other 20% and rushed after him. i thot i lost him for a good 10 minutes, until i saw him walking alone at the carpark, holding the new paper, just like beribu2 months ago, the last time i tailed him. wow. it was so cool, i tell you. he is too lawar for words. he IS the cutest guy in the west-district-schools, i promise you. anyway. I HAVE NOT GOBBLED DOWN FOOD since i knew the value of it [circa sec 3?]!!! and it feels so.. urgh. never again. unless adam/impostor/other listees present me with the opportunity, of cos.
oh and yest i took this natural gas for cleaner air 105.. and saw omar!!! and this extremely, and i mean UBER, hot vik. not lying! someone toss the cj yearbook to me! he is so. l.a.w.a.r. anyway itz quite a nice bus, and it hammered in the fact tt mac's is running a potentially successful ad campaign.
hm letz see what else happened. how about.. i failed my bio. i got 30%. i'm not upset. but it did leave a numb feeling. and just now on the way home i talked to filza about it.. and she sed something, i'm not exactly sure wat, that really clinched the decision for me. i just hope it does the same for those-that-matter.
oooh embarrassing incident!!! i was walking with ili to chem and we passed this grp of ppl, including the guy with my op bag. and i was grumbling under my breath to ili about it. and we passed them. then 2-3 metres later, his fren screamed, "hey same bag!" and we all stopped in our tracks [i'm serious] and stared at each other.. and i said something feeble like haha-yah.. and we walked away. i was sooooo embarrassed!!! i dunno why, but i was. itz like ever since i admitted i was "malu" and "takut" and all that [and since i discovered that i DO blush visibly], such malu-takut-blushing incidents are becoming more and more frequent.
OM is so cute, must do a graffiti for him soon. during maths lec, of cos.
okay everyone, this is an open invitation to visit my locker!!!! i'm too proud of it to leave it anonymous forever..
ermm.. wat else.. i kinda forgot.. ok nevermind. will remember and write some other time. nite.
ohyah i'll just cite how stupid i was last night, for general knowledge. i got home. got pissed at my bro for using MY comp. went into my room, punched holes in postcards. slept. woke up at 8.30. slept somemore. phone woke me up at 9. slept somemore. woke up at 5. slept somemore. woke up at 5.05 [yes, it IS possible to sleep for 5 minutes!]. my mom bisinged about how i slept so long already, y cannot wake up? realisation hit. raba�ed in my eye. confirmation: contacts were still in!!! from 6 a.m. to 5.15 a.m. wow. thatz 45 minutes short of a 24 hour cycle. pandai eh? ain, ain.
and all i gained from that eternal eye-damaging sleep was this stupid dream. i was somehow pulled into this musical at the last minute, cos the regular performers were tied up in something or other. sum of my other frens were in it too ah. it was sum dance item. and a whole mess of people were onstage, like, 20-plus ah. and my dance partner was... OM!!!! and during the dance, he was like, poking at my ass with this long galah-type stick.. he was like grinning lyke siao and we were ALL apparently really happy, riang, whatever. and i'm still not sure if that was a nightmare or just a dream.

hi. today was just filled with stuff. lots and lots of it. in other words, it was your typical bishan day. or MY typical bishan day. so let's do this chronologically. or as chronological as it is possible to be when you're dealing with my mind.
woke up. or rather, did a bad imitation of waking up. my head [or the setans in it] screamed at me to just go bak to sleep and wake up later, since i was gonna meet fana only at, oh, i dunno, 1? and it was, oh, maybe 6 a.m. then? so anyway we all know how that turned out. there was no one at bishan ah.. so i just sat down and ate and did more maths. then the cat high vik walked in with his friend plus a skateboard and i just died. really. i like, gasped. that was so off rite? but i dunno. i guess i was half-hoping he'd turn up but half-kicking myself for hoping that. of cos i couldn't stop staring at him again. that ahmad-azhari guy kept walking around with coffee/tea refills. i wanted to kill him, he looked so funny and i couldn't laugh to myself rite?
anyway at around 10-plus i looked up to see baba walking towards me and grinning. i feigned a heart attack, faked a [silent] scream. but the shock was real. and i just couldn't believe she was there. sitting in front of me as if we'd already arranged to meet beforehand. and i remembered wondering how i'd act around her since itz been so many months. but all that slipped away so easily. and it was as if those months of never seeing or talking to each other never existed. we just picked up where we left off. so easily. how come, i wonder? and you know how she greeted me? "i had a feeling you'd be here!" i thot she was kidding. i thot fana told her i'd be there. and i asked her larh. but she sed no, she just had a feeling and decided to come. and it was when i was in 156 alone later that i wondered, "did YOU do this, God?"
oh and guess what else? mc was baba's econs tutor in SA! now, WHY did she not STAY there?!?!?!? ooh and baba also has a bb-like classmate, from the same sec skl too! are they all like that then?
ooh and today wei ming came again. he looked really amused to see me lar.. and he is really really cute now! and yes, he IS in bball.. in zhonghua.. and guess wat else? muksin came! with his gf! at first he just walked in, and glanced in our direction, and back.. then he looked at us again and his eyes terbeliaked. i'm serious. i'm NOT kidding. he was also wearing some uniform so i assume he's in ite or an institute.. sum blue shirt ah. anyway since he already recognised us, i just waved at him, even tho he's not the waving type. haha. and his gf looked at us, so i had to look down and laugh with baba. why were we laughing? i'm not sure. must have been the expression on his face.
also, the deprived gatal girl i mentioned yest yest came too.. and my sk8er boi [heh] decided to leave so i took that pic as he was leaving. i KNOW itz a bad pic, but i was just too skared!!! he seems so confident and everything!!! btw he was studying amaths today. i want to ask his name! or number! or take a real picture! [dreams that will never come true.]
anyway then later i met fana and we went to orchard, where we met a whole load of ppl celebrating nita's birthday [how could i forget? sept 11!].. anushka, who greeted us with, "hey how are you?" which i thot was really cool but surprised me too cos it sounded so casual, as if she expected to meet us there or smthg. oh and sadaf, who was studying at bk liat towers/wheelock.. there's a cute vik working there. go look! he reminds me of frappe, except he's taller and a little thinner. but he's got the frappe style.
also watched legally blonde 2 at lido. it was hilarious. i liked the whole gay dog thing. but i still prefer the first one. ohwell. i think emmet is so cute and sweet!!! and the whole wedding-plans thingy is damn cool!!!
ohyah. did i mention that azhari talked to me and baba? he's so cute! as in funny-cute. his voice is hilarious. anyone who thinks ex-fren's voice is funny will appreciate azhari's voice. haha. but anyway he's really nice.. asked us if we were studying for 'A's.. and asked something about bahas and how he lost to us [who's us? i'm not sure, it cld be rj or tj or sa.].. anyway yah. he's damn nice.. oops i already said that. but i really like nice ppl so yah..
ermmm.. i shouldn't have anything more to say, i think.. acherli i haf lotsa comments on all the stuff baba told me today, but nevermind. malas ah. tataz! and wish me a similarly great day tmr!

anyway hi. yest was cooler than i expected it to be. reached bishan mac's a couple of minutes before 8. so i got my 5 cups just fine. there was this cute vik [i initially dismissed him as "poser" when he walked in, all headphonny and sauntery] who was apparently from cat high.. studying physics with another fren.. hez really cute! as in, cute cute, not cute-looking. and then once i looked up to see that he pulled up the hood on his jacket. and of cos, that was when i melted. wahaha. his voice is nice too. he came up to his other fren who was studying at the table next to me and he was asking if he wanted to go for lunch.
yes so that was guy number one. the number 2 came in after fana lar.. with his gf.. he looks like an older firdaus or something, it was really hard for me not to die there, on the spot.
with respect to familiar people, i saw wei ming and that st. nick's gerl [whose name i still do not know] and i sed hi really gaily to them.. i really miss seeing them around and stuff. and wei ming looked soopa amused ah.. hez so cute now.. hah. he was always cute. oh and johnny, who dyed his hair back. ha. cos he's back in school now, apparently. acherli i dun understand these ppl. they shd just make lepaking an occupation and leave school space for those who really wanna go.
anyway there was this incident: this gerl who resembled a lion walked in ah.. she was wearing an orange tshirt. anyway, she made one big round, during which *I* made a few comments to fana, and then she came and sat at the table next to us.. as in, there was already a guy there [also in orange] and she joined him. anyway they sat facing each other at first, then she moved next to him and he taught her maths or something. fana was saying tt mebbe they're like, irc friends, and that was their first meeting ah, so they had to wear the same colour and stuff. it was really weird sitting next to them and observing her act around him.. seriously.. anyway shez in sec 4 and he's in uni.. so that kinda made it weirder too. aiyah it sounds veh innocent and all here but it was definitely much weirder being there.. she just seemed veh.. gatal.. at one point she was all like, "can i ask you a favour?" and then she practically whispered something while the three of us strained to hear what she was saying. and sorry, no, i diden catch what she sed.
then at nite we went for dinner at jon's salon, where we discovered that mada also dyed his hair back. and there was this cute vik/mim who walked past ah. so we both hissed, "comel!" and i guess he heard, cos he looked at me and smiled. haha. that was cool. ooh and there was this other vik sitting on the suspended chain near the road and swinging on it as he smoked. cute sey. not the smoking part of cos. i just think little things liddat are cute. anyway i had the most real laughter yest, it was just alot of fun..
the script is, well, on itz way i guess. itz halfway there. by next year, i promise. end of next year.
ooh did everyone hear my "action plan" yet? inspired by fana, once again. fana who keeps saying how adam is her ex and cb is now and mugant is for uni onwards, of cos.. so.. my action plan is cooler, and more packed. but acherli.. i dun think i shd put it here.. summary: OM, impostor, latte, ex-fren, olive-green guy. btw olive-green guy is only there cos i can't think of any of mugant's friends. so i'll find a better replacement lar..
sigh.. just rewatched 66.7% of mohabbatein.. and died.. hello, the opening scene is wow enough. the rest of the movie can only get wower rite? so yeah.. i especially love the part where jimmy shergill comes in wearing sum traditional baju AND the skl vest. it looks sooooooooooooo good! ahhhh!!! really!!! really!!!! and last time i cldn't decide who i liked best.. but now i know.. i lyke ishika and karan.. she's so funky and he's so.. mature plus sweet plus fun! haha. then my mom decided she wanted to watch tv so i had to stop. ohwell.
oh just now had tarian which appeared fruitful.. even tho spy was there and OM wasn't. adam was, tho, looking handsomer than ever.. and HL guy, studying in the library, i suppose.
well lotsa work to do. taz!~

itz really veh early to be blogging now.. but anyway.
i was watching as told by ginger just now.. it was her graduation from lucky jr high. and she made this speech.. which was like, really really cool.. something about when they first got into the skl, they walked funny, looked funny, all that.. and they made frens and lost frens.. and yah. then she was telling of some native american legend that if you make your wish to a butterfly, it'll fly up to the heavens and grant your wish. so, as she said, "wish away, butterflies!" it was really cool. and extremely sad. and her mom wished for her not to get too far away. sigh. i dunno. all these farewell-themed thingies really make me.. not exactly sad, but kinda lost yet knowing where i am.
anyway just now sya n i went to tm.. mac's.. and there was this REALLY funny guy called selvam who took my order and he was just so funny. "hello! good morning!" 'hi.. can i haf this [points to the new fish thingy meal]?' "the meal? coffee or tea?" 'tea' "[sets down the tea] tea.. [sets down hashbrown] hashbrown!" '[laughing]' "relek ah, wait awhile for your fish.." well it went something like tt but it was just super funny just now.. cos he was all chirpy and happy and singsongy.. and yah.
anyway on top is adam's car.. or rather, the car he's in love with.. and has been in love with since.. feb, i think.. or mebbe march.. so i couldn't resist taking a [acherli 2] pics of it.
ok bye..

okay. i'm resisting the urge to smash my head against this comp. u noe, 2 birds with one stone?
okay, ain, happy thots.
floorball during pe. fun. tiring. byebye mr. lim. you really do look like harry. and itz great to haf mr. low back too.
had semi-fun doing mld board. sum ppl are so funny.
HL guy is ADORABLE. and fat, i just realised.
impostor is really cute and pathetic-looking. i was trying to make a good impression on his frens. you know, networking? yah.
did i miss out anything? went to city hall and met fadhly at citylink, near hmv. so sya sed hi to him. he responded with a hi gesture [pictorial representation above] and made sum funny face. if you can decipher that picture above, you'll know why we started laughing like siao after that.
in the train i formulated yet another cool plot. brace yurself..
time: the last time we'll ever see sya's fren
characters: sya, sya's fren, OM, ain
sya: "hey my fren! letz take picture!" [grabs fren and poses for picture with him]
OM: [looks from sya + sya's fren to ain]
ain: [smiles and shrugs at OM]
OM: [smiles also] "eh sya's fren! wah not bad ah, you!" [whistles(?)]
ain: [laughs, takes picture]
sya's fren: [embarrassed, trying for a lose-lose situation] "eh why OM? jealous ah? you also wan to take photo issit?"
OM: [looks at ain] "yahlah! help me take!" [poses with ain]
sya's fren: [getting over embarrassment, replaces it with amusement, takes picture]
the end.

hihi! dunno why i'm so happy. i shouldn't be, considering i just wasted one hour transferring pictures between fone and laptop. but guess what? i have a new wallpaper now! and 2 pics each of adam and impostor.. and one cool profile headshot of cup of coffee.. and sum recordings also.. of ex-fren's voice.. and the latest one--this cat which was making an incredibly kiddy noise outside surau just now. okay sorry.. looks like the novelty of my fone has not yet worn off. now i feel like whipping out my fone everytime there's something vaguely camera-worthy or recorder-worthy. i am crazy. but then again, there was never any doubt of that. aaarrrrrgghh. i'm supposed to be studying and doing chem!!! i'm crazy!!! okay, okay.. after this. wait.
this morning was horrible. i woke up with conjunctivitis. i was crying and pleading with God in the toilet to take it away because i looked like a monster! so yah, itz gone now. virtually, at least.
hm. the econs test was not bad. i mean, totally nothing on market structure, or so it seemed. so i guess itz crappable, at least. and i had fun staring at impostor before that.
then.. it was pe, which i'd been waiting all day for. it was lovely. decaf was a total.. poser? nolah.. i guess ttz just the way he is. maybe just exhibitionist. haha. but it was hilarious cos he kept losing the ball. and me? i kept screaming and running out of the way of the ball. how stupid! ohyah one more stupid [yes itz a noun now]: i was coming out of the cubicle, headed for the dustbin, approximately 1.5 minutes after laughing at ili banging her elbow on the cubicle wall. ...and i rammed sideways into the door!!! so smart! after that of course i had to start laughing and laughing and laughing. i simply love pe now. i hope the feeling stays.
then i decided to go library cos i wanted to get another book. acherli i wanted to look for a baby-names book. so i spent a minute or so in the parenting section. but this makcik was looking at me weirdly, so i thot maybe next time lar.. but in my normal section i found a "melting pot of names" book, smiling at me lyke kerang busok!! so i snatched it up and SAT DOWN on one of those cushioned seats and copied down names. pandainye. that took, oh i dunno, half-an-hour? giler seh. i'm a serious time-waster. anyway i finally found a book ah.. so then i went home. the end.
oh wait i forgot.. at the walkway to mrt i met cikgu suryani. CIKGU SURYANI!!! i guess she lives/works around ghim moh or smthg. anyway i salamed her.. and thatz about all i had the energy for, but i was so happy to c her again..

yesterday was just damn cool! firstly, it was on wednesday timetable, which i haf no complaints about. i mean, pw was relaxing cos miss wong has this illusion tt our group is damn advanced, so i spent a few minutes strolling around outside, alone.. heh. and bio lec is always relaxing.. ili and i were playing yet another future-predictions game, and apparently, i'm gonna be living a medium lifestyle with ex-friend, honeymooning in thailand, and have 9 kids after tt. 9 kids!!! i can't even bear ONE baby's screaming. haha. then it was maths and econs. yay and my day is over.
acherli no. then we went mac's.. on the way i saw BOTH my ghim moh crushes!!! woohoo! the upper sec one is just soooo.. perfect, except for the height. he's so confident and not poser and handsome and stuff.. and the lower sec one is REALLY good-looking. but blind ili refuses to look past his scruffiness into his deepdeep eyes and strong eyebrows, so she diden share our opinion. haha. den when we walked back we saw hl guy! woohoo! he's still adorable! den i went off for drama.. we took a thousand years getting a cab cos frappe's ct stole one from us! but it was a cool rehearsal, i had lotsa fun. alot! alot! then we went for dinner where poor broke me had to settle for 2 cheeseburgers. rrrrrRRRRARGHS. den we had a bitching session. it was sooooo cool! i was really surprised that having guys around actually enhanced the quality of the session, instead of whatevering it.. and then zhaf asked me, "who do you think is the cutest guy in j1?" .....aaaannnd.. i couldn't answer!!!! i was really shocked! and i still cannot answer now.. i really dunno.. so.. i'll just settle for ex-friend. hahahahaha. but seriously. he IS handsome. he should just not be so poser all the time, it ruins the effect. ooh then after our dress rehearsal, we watched the wiz, which totally rocked! the prologue was really really cool.. i mean, itz practically interactive! and the actual thingy was just bursting with energy and fun and happiness and all things positive, every single minute! subjectively speaking, my favourite part has to be the whole wicked-witch-and-her-man-whore scene. emilia and i were just dying the moment the black coat parted. sorry, i really don't mean to sound hormonal, teenage-angsty, or whatever.. but it was seriously very very nice to look at. i mean, people talk about six-pack, and how this guy has it, and this guy almost has it, and blahblah.. and we see it on tv, and maybe mags and stuff.. but [i dunno if i speak for everyone] *I*'ve never seen it in real life. until last night. i swear, that was the epitome of hot. wowwwwwwwww... itz all like, well-defined, and complemented by the pecs also.. so like, yah.. and even more endearing was the fact that he was so NOT-TRYING-TO-SHOW-THEM-OFF-AS-MUCH-AS-POSSIBLE.. we were going back downstairs thru the backstage, with emilia and i at the back, still dying, when she almost bumped into him!!! and he was like, "oh, sorry.." and as we walked out, he took off his coat and put on a tshirt. i could NOT resist turning around, sorry! haha. so yes, i had an excellent day yesterday.
today my dad bought me a new handphone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to die!!!!! why is he so nice when i'm a serious shitass half the time???? itz just about everything i ever asked for, btw.. and.. yarh! and vowing that i won't ever be a shitass will not work since i'll never change ah. not for the better.. aaarrggghh.. they're too good to me? and how do i repay them? by checking out the man-whore's abs!!
sigh. and another shitty thing? number's changed too, so i'm losing my entire inbox, which i've spent soooooo much time cultivating. the inbox with the msgs from nick.. and jeremy.. and ESPECIALLY that one from fir.. -bawls- now i have no more pick-me-up when i'm feeling sad. it used to be i'd just open that message and this happy feeling would just spread through me, slowly but surely. now i have nothinggggg!!!!!!!
acherli, i think i'd rather have my old fone with tt message inside, than this new fone which is totally devoid of memories. but how do i tell tt to my dad?

aaah econs essay screaming for attention! and i forgot all the cool things that have been happening!!!
okay yest and today were like, the coolest days of my life.
yest i rushed into the train as usual, hoping and HOPING samit would be there. of cos, he wasn't. i think there's a quota of oh, i dunno, ONE?--for samit sightings. takpe. i mean, you shouldn't get too much of a good thing too often. right? but anyway, his friend was inside, already sleeping. i just decided to sit in the same section as him, just so i'd have some kind of reminder of samit. anyway, i guess the bodyguard was really tired or smthg, cos he just slept and slept and diden wake up! so like, the train reached bv, and i was still sitting there, wondering, "is anyone gonna wake him up?" no one made a move. the doors opened. so i walked purposefully towards him and tapped his arm. he woke up ah, and yah. the day is saved. thanks to me. yah and i was in a relatively good mood for the rest of the day cos i really thought i'd made a connection there with samit, however indirectly. bodyguard is indebted to me ah! i'm sure this is a sign of better times to come. the whole issue of telajaking station in the morning is really bothering me ah, cos i find it a personal danger also. i'm not like that sleeping guy, who can sleep ternganga but still find it extremely natural to wake up at bv. so yah. i worry about it everyday man.. and what if no one wakes me up? like, damn maluating sia! how come no one wanted to wake bodyguard up? so mean! if they won't wake HIM up, they definitely won't wake ME up rite? ok sorry, but like i sed, i find it a real threat. hm. ohyah then during pe we played floorball! i was just dying of happiness and screaming and kneeling on the floor, combined. i lurvveee floorball! still! and i miss ms zhang! still! anyway i was the goalie again. it was quite cool. thatz not to say i was a good goalie. but i got more battle scars [crushed fingers, thinned knees, etc.].. and i truly believe that my place in life lies in defence. after that was tarian. i lurve tarian, but i hate the dirty yucky floor and all those shitty smokers. HELLO! girl with fragile lungs here!!! hm. saw izzat in the train. thatz abt it. did i mention i lurve floorball? and "harry" lim is really good, i was totally wow-ing every single move of his.. and ili is great too.. ha.. like a certain bowl-crowned male?
today was better, if thatz possible. there was.. OM.. a cool breeze was blowing in my direction and it seemed like such a nice romantic setting. haha. so i walked within a metre of him and.. hugged the pole/pillar/greenwhatever. then i was griping cos gp was gonna be replaced by pw and i really really wanted to go library again for gp and see the HL guy. but i had a really pleasant surprise when miss wong sed our grp worked so hard already, we cld just use it as a free period. which i did, to great effect. saw HL guy! whee!~ HL guy rox k. so cute! so short! so.. act pai! den.. before econs lec we went to mac's and got sustenance. did NOT acherli work cos i was hungry in the train. nvm. just before econs lec i went up to the photocopy shop to check for chem r tutorial. it was a complete waste of energy, cos there was none. so i went back down, and at the landing, i passed HL guy! wow! and thatz when i realised how short he was. very. about my height, cld be shorter, but letz not believe that. for his sake. mebbe parallex error. all i know is, he's so short i can see the top of his hair. then i went in and out again to put chem practs. not tt i minded. see, the friends decided to kidnap OM and impostor upstairs, so i had to tgk as much as possible. then it was pe, which rocked my socks!!!!!!! ee. so cliche. sorry. but it was cool. spent 10 mins watching latte looking like a female model and this sji guy saving goals in a really cool way. the ball just bounced off him in varying directions. cool sia. spent 15 or so mins passing the handball and stuff. i really suck man. i wouldn't wanna partner me ah. but anyway, to show the extent of my stupidity, ili passed the ball to me, so i ran forward to catch it, or whatever, and it hit me smack in the right side of my face! my cheek and some nose. did my face seem abit flatter? it probably is. i am SUCH a retard! after that i wasted about 50 seconds laughing ah. in total i wasted 25% of my time laughing. but the actual game was cool. like i said, my place in life is in defence. so i just spent my time at the centre of the goal line, preventing all those guys from scoring. it was cool. shah was just soooooo pleased with me and sabrina. see! even sucky ppl like ME can get praise. of cos i think the people of the match wld have to be sya and ili. ili who popped out of nowhere to catch what was clearly a yellow's ball. and sya who tried hard to do the whole slam-it-down-into-tha-ground thing. oooohh i just lurvvvvvvvvveeeeeee play-able sports! so farn!
okay i'm done. i wasted 20 mins on this!!!!

today was an awesome day. really. you know how they say you should haf a balanced diet, good exercise, all that? i think i got something like that today. my version, of course. see.. started the day rushing for the train as usual.. my legs were totally cramping up.. then i swooshed into the train and saw [well acherli i heard him talking first] samit and his bodyguard, so i instantly plopped myself into a seat opposite. and spent the entire ride pretending to read while really examining his longish face, uniform ratio, and perfectly curved thick eyebrows. ooh and hair. so yeah, that was A Second of Samit. dee� finally realised she's seen him around b4, so i guess i might find out his name someday. then.. ohyah diden c hichael but that diden matter, i was too samit-intoxicated. thenn.. no one on the bus cept for oilman. haha. cool. itz still OM no matter what language itz in! anyway.. ohyah diden see much of latte except his hair, and about 5 seconds of viewing during a VERY SLEEPIFYING maths tutorial. but i did see the HL guy alot. hair-library, geddit? haha. den.. ohyah. INCIDENT: we were walking past the canteen to bio pract when i saw sya's fren, whom she diden see, so i decided to do her a favour and i steered her round for a better view. then.. she was still looking fruitlessly [while his hair was practically ingrained in my memory by then] and we were still walking, then.. SHE DECIDES TO BUMP INTO FRAPPE! who immediately turned round and gave an apologetic smile and said sorry. i wanted to die. and scream. acherli i did scream. the worst part is, SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALISE THAT ANY OF THE ABOVE WAS HAPPENING! sorry to scream. haha. thot i got it all out just now. anyway, i waited about 2.5 seconds, and started screaming about how i wanted to pull down her skirt and tear it to pieces, then i went even more psycho and banged my fists on poor amir.. and then we reached the bio lab, half-dead from laughing, and i squatted down, and ms lee walks past and PATS MY HEAD! and if thatz not enough, she says, "someone give her some money.."!!!!
yes so that was my.. *ahem* relatively uneventful morning. anyway wat i meant by the balanced diet was i had about enough proportions of frappe, latte, samit, and HL guy.. and adam too.. dun need so much of others ah.. plus, physical exertion in the form of INCIDENT. but i was still SOOOOOO sleepy!!! and i was zombiefied in maths tut when my fone started vibrating, in the middle of mr. kan's explanation! so i answered it and hissed, "i'm having lesson! bye!" anyway it was shafa, wanting to meet up cos she ended skl already. so i sed yah. at first i thot i'd haf to pon econs lec, so i told sya.. then shafa sed she'd come to bv so i went into the lt and proclaimed, "i'm here-i'm here!" which i think the whole world heard ah. haha. sorry. i guess i was just so happy to get out of maths-and-chem sleeping session. anyway then i went to meet shafa and we went to bk at holland v, after a non-search for pizza hut. and we went upstairs and guess who we saw? ***HICHAEL*** i gasped. audibly. i couldn't help it ah. i mean, sleepy boring day, i was just expecting to like, hang out with shafa, and a larger-than-life hichael awaits at an empty table in an even-emptier bk? hello! i thot i was dreaming. dunno if he heard me gasp, because he diden look up, but being me, i'm sure i was very very loud. anyway he finally looked up and i almost died. he looks really great close-up. i swear. anyway he was studying there with another fren. a guy, fyi. fmi too. haha. then.. we went down to buy food, and 2 seconds later, he came down too! and i saw him smiling, so i just couldn't take my eyes off him! his eyes are heeuuuggeee! his hair is soooooo black! his presence is soooooo commanding! so i just kept turning back to look at him. i suppose i was soopa obvious cos when we left, i was still turning round to look at him, and i saw him look up at me, and smile to his fren. i.e. he knows. haha. so erm, frappe knows, and ex-fren knows [as well as all his derivatives and spies], and now hichael knows? great. who's next? latte? samit? the ghim moh guy? normally i'd say something along the lines of "i'm dead" but i just realised, i mean, now that they know, nothing happened what. as in, nothing good, thatz for sure.. but nothing bad either. i mean, he diden like, march up to me and say, "oi girl! i know you like me, but you are just so damn ugly and i'm too handsome for you, so you better stop liking me or else!" so yah i mean, the fact that they know, the fact that i'm obvious and not subtle like a certain ili hazwani [haha sorry i still think itz abit off to discuss the ways a person chooses to display that they like you..], has no effect on my life ah. so.. yah. itz okay for me to be obvious and all, the way i usually am. HA. stick THAT in your hair, spy!
ohyah yest went out with fana. i was halfway to afternoon dreamland at 3.30 when my phone jangled mercilessly. it was fana: "eh do you want to meet up" --today? "yah, around 4.30? asal takleh takper?" --OK! haha. went to citylink. kwite fun.. then went to funan to eat. we walked around city hall alot. but i didn't get tired, cos for once, i diden haf a bag with me. found a cute guy at taco bell at funan. he was amused by my laughter, apparently. aren't they all? haha sorry, didn't mean to sound eksyen, but just stating a fact. anyway he has a nose tt'z shaped like a kinked demand curve, and proportionately smaller eyes, but he's better-looking than bulbous nose [i think].. yah that was fun. i've been having fun these past two days, thanks to fana and shafa! and of course, all these other extras like samit!!! woohoo! sorry i'm kinda on a samit-&-hichael high. no, make that a hichael-&-samit high. yeah sounds better.
anyway sorry for all the screaming. the reason is stipulated above. nitez all!

sorry i'm just too tired to put a clippie today. i just wanted to put disconnected stuffs: spy song & more excerpts from tt book.
i did a spy song yesterday. itz to be sung to the tune of.. well i think itz quite obvious. eensy weensy SPY went up the water spout/down came NORAIN and washed the SPY out/out came SYA and cut off all his hair/and the eensy weensy SPY soon retired--YEAH!

"Karsh watched me as if he were gauging something. Then he reached back out of the car and took my hand and I tried not to wish he would never let it go as he turned it over, nodding to himself.
--Mmm hmm. Just as I thought, he said, pointing to a network of creases below my pinky. --You should be--and will be--with someone who knows that when he's with you there's nowhere else he'd rather be.
The buzz went off in his pocket now and he let go of my hand to check his cell again.
--Oh, man, he said glancing down at the little screen. --I've got to go.
When you meet someone like that, beep me, I thought.
After he'd gone, I noticed he'd forgotten to take back the cassette, still lying tumbled in my lap. I examined it now. It seemed he'd made the cover himself, a sketch of the sea and sand and some two-stroke boats.
I couldn't resist. I went home and dug up my Walkman.
The music slunk in slowly, a shimmering strum, and then tentative drumbeats, a hesitant knock on a submerged door playing off from left ear to right. And as it went on recognition struck a match in me.
I watched now as the first drops struck the pane. I pictured them as the shivery percussions, watched the storm shudder from my ears and out to all the inhabitants of the big girdling world disco as if what was inside my body could affect the outside like that, as if music really did make the people come together. But I suppose it did--that had been the point, right?
It was raining ropily now, the colors from the pines and porch steps and beaten grass all streaked and running. And one by one, the other instruments fell away until it was only these deep-end drums rising up in all their submarine clarity, like my overfull heart, into my own ears."

"--It's just then you got so busy, with school, your friends, your life, he continued now. It sounded like the way I felt sometimes about Gwyn. --And now you are all grown up. I know it took years, but I still can't help feeling it happened in the blink of an eye. Sometimes an expression will come to your face that I was knowing when you were only months old, when you saw a puppy for the first time, or when your diaper was ready to go. But now it is not for puppies and diapers. I suppose that's what happens; it is only natural, especially in America. But it's funny--if someone had told me before we left India that I might lose my daughter even more quickly in the process, I would not have budged one inch.
He grinned suddenly, and frantically rubbed his thigh, the itch that wasn't there that popped up at moments like these, embarrassed by his sudden display of emotion. He didn't usually talk like this.
--And been a farmer in Varad today...not!
He was trying to make a joke of it, but I knew it was no joke. I don't know why but I wanted to cry. I looked at my father and I saw for the first time, it seemed, the silver spreading at his temples, a wave breaking on a black sea of hair, and that just discernible bald spot creeping up reeflike underneath it all. The wiry strand curling out from his ear. There was a jaggery-colored cluster of spots on his forearm I didn't remember being there before. I saw that familiar smile stretching too tight against too many teeth and for the first time in what seemed like a long time it didn't irritate me. For the first time I saw that it was a beautiful smile, one that was trying to enjoy something so that somebody else could, to not say the wrong thing, to not spoil the moment, a smile stretched tight to not let the wish escape. Or maybe it had already escaped, that wish, and it was trying not to let on in again, to not let one grow again, like a dandelion gone gauzy to be blown bare by a passing wind."

"--How can I ever thank you? I said.
--How can *I*? she said. --Do you know Nietzsche's theory of eternal recurrence, Dimple?
I shook my head.
--Well, I hardly understand it myself, to be honest. But I have pulled out an easily applicable day-to-day rule from it that always gets me out of a jam: You must live every moment of your life in such a way that if you had to live it over and over again till infinity, this would be a good thing.
I couldn't quite wrap around that yet.
--I know, she empathized. --It's a tall order. But it's not a shabby thing to aspire to. And I just wanted you to know that thanks to you, my night has been just like this."
sometimes books can teach you cool things. or they can somehow say exactly what you're thinking but can't put into words.

i haf so much to say, so little time. so much to say, too little emotional capacity. so much to say, not power enough vocab to word-ise everything.
thurs. oh that was yesterday. guess i'm not as busy as i thot i was. dun really remember much, except tt spy and ex were there again. whateva. i ended up walking into skl alone and doubling back to the office table to get a copy of outlook. heh. guess what i did with that! it looks really good now. my locker, i mean. i'm extremely proud of it. pe was extremely fun. mr shah is damn funny, esp after the whole hair thing. i seriously cannot stop laughing now. and HIGHLIGHT: played floorball! it rocked! i didn't. but IT rocked. i somehow became goalie.. and the other team kept approaching me! so like, when the ball was within a 10-metre radius from me, i started screaming. hey! i was skared! the screaming helps to let it out! but it kinda made life abit difficult cos the girl attacking started laughing which made me laugh too. but i had fun! floorball is fun, has always been. i miss you, ms zhang! and adeline! who used to cheat! haha. anyway after skl i met up with fana and showed her my new locker [which, i now realise, is a collage representing me! in all my craziness and dreamer-ness and stuff.] and we went to mac's and tokked. went home feeling happier but sadder. immersed myself in the coffeehouse compilation.
today was a fps. i dunnolah. i guess it was a cursed day from the start or something. had OH-team briefing. saw my ghim moh crush when i was at mac's. sat/lay not 2cm away from adam's bag. heh. drank n dreamt n depressed at canteen. added my second doodle to lt 2.5. ohyah. listened to president's scholars in the morning. and mebbe itz my imagination, but after tt i found myself UN-sleepy in chem, and extremely attentive in chem and bio. and during the malay break i acherli finished my bio tutorial, a feat not achieved by me since.. well, since EVER, even counting sec 3 and 4. and walked to mrt very samit-ly with sya. thatz it. [thatz not it, sebenarnye.] ohyah and i drew impostor and a stylised posing orang minyak. whee.~

thots
1. it is VERY possible to be crying a world's supply of tears inside while laughing to rock-hard abs outside.
2. it is just as possible to feel even sadder when finally meeting an old friend, after a long period of wait that made you feel initially sad.
3. it is therapeutic to walk very slowly and deliberately, like each step means something special to you.
4. it feels surreal to be feeling lost and empty and suddenly walking into a tunnel where a busker sings there's a kind of hush on his guitar, at night. sometimes it makes you feel better. sometimes it helps you understand your feelings better.
5. there is nothing wrong with being completely different from the norm. it does not equate to off.
6. it is possible to be loud AND painfully shy.
7. there is nothing wrong with liking someone who will never like you back. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years.. time is immaterial. just liking someone may never be enough, but it's also better than not liking anyone. what have you got to look forward to then?
8. doodlefest rocks. the raymond guy, with his rose and all that... he rocks! congrats to him!
9. in negative mode? dancing helps.
10. telling someone "i love you" doesn't.
11. there's nothing wrong with liking someone. it does not justify teasing.
12. there's nothing wrong with appearing to like someone. it does not mean you do. and it does not justify teasing.
13. suaners belong in loveless hell.
14. spies too.
15. ditto for insensitive idiots.
16. if trying to forget someone is too hard, don't try. why upset the natural balance of things? just continue thinking of that person larh. at least you won't waste brain space or emotional capacity trying to subdue/eradicate thots of that person.
17. in friendship, there's no such thing as standing someone up. there's no such thing as ignoring messages. there's no such thing as fairweather. THERE ISN'T! and i give up. i stopped being sad yesterday. i started being angry.
18. drawing rocks.

oh remember i said i was reading born confused? this is a really nice excerpt from the book:
--Well, Kavs, I said. --If it makes you feel any better, I've been spending my summer finding out I'm not Indian enough, nor American enough, it would appear.
--How's that?
--I don't know. I guess I'm just not Indian enough for the Indians or American enough for the Americans, depending on who's looking.
--What if you are looking?
--What do you mean?
--I mean, you are saying that you don't feel like you measure up, isn't it? Depending on who is looking at you, heh? But what if you still all the voices and stares, all the things you think you're supposed to think or you think everyone else is thinking, and go to somewhere in yourself like when you are underwater, for example, or in an asana, that truly conscious silence--and look at you?
--Hmm, I said, thoughfully. --I guess I've been so busy feeling I don't fit so well into either place that I never really thought of it that way.
--But Dimple. Maybe that is because you are too big for one place; you have too much heart and home and information to be contained in one tidy little box.
--You mean I'm all over the place.
--You are...interdisciplinary, if you will. But you have to realize, there is no such thing as this tidy little box you think you have to fold up and fit into; it simply does not exist. That's what I'm learning, learning as we speak.
She was right. After all, if she herself had wondered whether she was Indian enough--she, who had always been to me a sort of epitome of Indian--then who could be? Who could claim the sole right of way to an identity?
--And you have to realize that you don't need that box, she added slowly, speaking as much to herself as to me. With every word the veil of tears burned off her face like sunned dew. --That there is something that connects it all, even in wide and open uncontained space. The way a constellation makes a shape.
I tried to picture it, and found to my surprise that I could. It was beginning to make sense.
--The way a silent room has a sound, I said.
She nodded, smiling.
--You, she said.--from Tanuja Desai Hidier's Born Confused

spies are abound. or SPY, anyway. haha. itz a long and sad story. get ready.
this morning i was just dying of sleep and boredom. sleep cos of obvious reasons, boredom cos samit wasn't around, but his bodyguard-friend was.. and neither was slrdlm. then fana called, as she sed she would, so we took turns complaining to each other arh. and i was complaining about ex-friend.. and his personal spy [acherli i think itz extremely perasan of me to regard him as a spy, but yah]. i was just bisinging ah, in code AND in names.. i diden think anyone was there to listen!!! i wasn't even paying attention when the train passed the stations, so yah. i was just feeling grumpy and sleepy and off. so there i was, complaining loudly. acherli not loudly, but more like my normal volume, which is a teeny bit louder than normal volume standards. so anyway, there i was, ranting and raving about ex-friend and all.. and listening to isky stuff.. then i got off and i saw the very subjects of my tirade! i wanted to die of stupidity. no, really. i think the entire train heard me bisingbising. itz just that i diden care at first cos i diden know THEY were in earshot! i am sooooooo dead now, i swear. if there was ever any doubt tt i liked him, that kinda cleared it up. aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh. feet so big, still can masuk mouth. ohyah then when we were at lockers or smthg, sya was saying how spy kept looking round so much she wanted to cut off his hair. haha. ttz pretty funny, but i'd really like to believe that he ended his spying stint yesterday. we are not that special.
anyway. while i was walking home just now i was just thinking about coffees and stuff. and i remembered my yearbook, the one i compiled from other yearbooks when i was in sec 2[?]. sooooo..... i found it ah.. and flipped through, hoping tt pics of those who matter are in there.. aaaaaannnnndddd.. i started laughing like crazy!!! itz really funny, i swear. esp. decaf's pictures. i wanted to die of laughter! muz show sya!!! sum mysteries also ah.. and sum regrets e.g. no pics of *******. but nevermind. i have the last year's yrbk to make up for tt.
well gotta go do pw now!

kaoz.. the girl is right! i'm damn off! forgot that i already wrote abt tues!!!

it's been 4 days. four days. and so much has happened since. i think i forgot some of the so much, but itz ok. well. here goes.
tuesday. i can't remember what happened at all, acherli. did i see samit? hm. ohyah i did. the moment i realised he was there i msged sya: "samit is in the train! brace yourself.." verdict? she thinks he rocks, and she loves his hair! woohoo!
wed. had players rehearsal at someplace in robertson walk. went to buy dinner at UE Square, where there was this nice guy who told me to "relek, relek.." when i screamed at him not to put tomatoes in my croissant. =D his name is shankar. and then my sister picked me up with yet another of her guy friends. this one is the nicest, funniest and friendliest so far. we all know i like friendly people, since i can't be friendly myself. so. yah. fana and i are sorta praying he's related to mugant so maybe if i see more of him, i might just ter-meet mugant and fana can finally be friends with him. ohyah just remembered. *I* diden see samit but sya and nurie did.
thurs. okay i definitely saw samit. he was alooooooonnnnnnneeeee!!! and i diden even know he was there, cos, you know him, he likes to slouch down in his seat and all.. so he was quite hidden until i sat down and glanced in his direction. woohoo! i wanted to die of happiness! those nice lightgrey-orange shoes.. the headfones.. the sling bag.. the hair! then.. the nose, and eyes, and lips. and his lumbering sort of walk. except that hez too slim and cool to look like a real lumbering elephant or something. when i got out of the train, i was trying to walk slowly also, so i could like, "walk with him".. but.. haiz.. i think he really walks damn slowly, so i was still about 4 metres infront of him at my slowest pace. haiyah. ended up "walking with" sluardlm instead. but dun worry, i met dee2 downstairs and i talked to her so i got to see abit more of samit. yay. had tarian also. spent 15 minutes in the toilet scrubbing the grime of 2-plus hours off my huge soles. tarian was cool! especially with sya's ronaldinho male/female to spice up the evening. hahahahaha. i swear, he really looked womanly from the back!!! and itz a great tarian, with a song of great memories. hm. den.. yahlah tt shd sum up my prettiful thursday..
friday. this was the king of the week. the king of fun. the king of meanness. of shittiness. no one was in the train.. no one who mattered, anyway. and assembly sucked ass. but ifg itself was soopa fun! having had enuff of the guy's lame commentating, i did my own. it was cool. then.. watched adam running around the netball court for awhile. but his team got eliminated before i got to see any real action. stupid. takper. then.. after that we hung out in the canteen waiting for each other. that was a real pain. but an interesting one. took picture with ahmad in his cps costume. with shades and all. the picture-taking process was extremely entertaining:-
me n sya: "ahmad, can we take photo?"
ahmad: "okay.."
5 minutes real-time pause.
me: "oi hurry up ah! ili! come and take photo!"
sya: "saper nak ambik?"
me: taps hon lyn on the shoulder "can you help us take?"
hon lyn: "ok"
sya and i flank ahmad.
me: "oi ili! hurry up! stand here!"
ili finally gets into position. picture is about to be taken when,
sya: "eh wait!" moves away from ahmad to stand on my other side. "okay."
picture is finally taken.
here i will mention the names of some mini-events, but no details. album screaming, hair-library-guy obsessing, latte-staring, tudung phase, bus kegilaan, incorporating partial album screaming and partial sya's camera screaming.
we went to ps.. watched cradle of life, which rocked. ignore the part where i slept soundly despite the gunshots and shouts and all. [i was tired!] i like the tribespeople the most. then we went to the mrt station.. where we took a picture against sum pillar. luckily ginny was there.. then.. ohyah had a great laugh over this loong lidi-sized guy with a loooooooonnnnng moustache, a tight blue tank top, long pants, and ladylike bag and footwear. then we split up in the train.. nurie went to meet silah and filza ili sya me went to pray. then we went to bishan, where we were the first people to arrive. waited a few thousand years for the rest, and took 156 to thomson 800.. i had a great time mopping. except.. by the time the mop arrived, everyone else had arrived too and i couldn't do the whole mrs. doubtfire thing with the mop. sheesh. then we went to pray. then we came back. nurie was already there. some of us felt really out then. and so i sat outside with shafa and the bucket overturned. then.. yah. then some ppl left, and we sang rgs skl song and dedication and well, the bucket overturned again. yipes. later when i was abit better i swept up the place. guess what? i realised tt i lurve sweeping and mopping! then i posed for pictures with azi on the couch. fun!
you know what? i think that party was as much a surprise for some of us as it was for nurie. i mean, i was surprised to realise how much i miss everyone. especially shafa and her like, gila "this-fashion" humour. and i will never forget that orang-minyak quip!!! plus he DID look very orang-minyakish in attitude when he was trying to scour under the sofa with his eyes. hahahah. shit lar.. why do the jcs have to be so far apart? we shd have a jc district or something. then even though we get the types of education and educational environment we want, we can still meet old friends and not have to miss them so much without realising and finally crying lyke siao when finally realising. sigh.
oh and i have a major announcement to make: ties with my friend have been severed. therefore i have no friend. yay. and i wrote this pantun berkait just now.
Pokok labu tumbuh menjalar
Orang-orang berdiri kaku
Mendengar lafazmu yang kasar
Sepahit hempedu hati daku.
Orang-orang berdiri kaku
Awan putih lalu gemawan
Sepahit hempedu hati daku
Tidak lagi kuanggapmu kawan.
and i thot only GIRLS bitched. but then again, he IS a girl.
OHYAH i forgot!!! remember that cute-cute ac cin guy who takes 105 with me? he happened to take the same 156 also!!! but.. he has a gf. ohwell. he's in j1, btw.
anyway then we took cab to sya's hse, where we talked for awhile before nurie fell asleep and i went home. thanks, God, for melindungi me all this while.
today was pw. it was as usual, not fruitful. but the coffee club express guy was pretty not-bad, and he was mobile and all, so it wasn't TOO bad. heh. see? i can find bright patches among dark cloud cover! even though i was still whatevering abt yest the whole of today.
this looks like a whole load of shit. ohwell. what do you expect, after 4 days of withdrawal?

itz back to the numbered list, i haf tons of work to do..
1. thank you, thank you, and THANK YOU, God, for campaking my dear samit in the train just now. i wanted to die of happiness. i almost sat at the same row of seats as him but decided not to push my luck. so i settled for looking at a cutoff of him in the reflective door pane. whoever decided to put reflective surfaces in trains and buses, has my eternal love and gratitude, i swear. woke dee� up from her stupor just now when i screamed "YO!" at her. haha. sorry man! i was just in a terrific mood, u know, seeing samit and all. he still looks as good as ever. then.. i managed to alert sya of his presence, like, 45 minutes in advance [the moment i saw him on the train], PLUS he walks slowly and all [in fact, i dun think he walks, itz more of an evening stroll. not even morning stroll, morning stroll is slightly more energised than his style of movement].. so she got a good look at him. and she agrees! alrite! alrite! alrite! alrite stoppit. she sed she loves his hair [wahoo!] and that he'z tall [or did I say that?] and that he looks generally good. thatz the idea i got, correct me if i'm wrong. -sigh-
2. i CANNOT believe we're doing a four-days-in-a-row semi-professional performance with a professional theatre company!!! i can't believe my luck [or unluck, depends on POV].. i mean, i joined as a costumes person initially. so who ever thot i'd wind up being an all-out bimbo? ohwell. life is unpredictable, innit?
3. like when we were at the surau and i heard this gross voice and i refused to turn around but it was my fren of cos.. ohyes the econs lecturer's name is mr. vadi [vady? wadi? wady?]. anyway we had this really cool impromptu brainstorming session there ah, with no help frm non-fren and my fren, but whatever. it was ivan ili filza sya me. and the ideas were just spilling forth, esp from ivan. good job all! at least i can have faith in some enthu and semangat [same thing?] people. kisah cinta sejati is gonna rock so bad, suria will cry over itz horrible cinta bollywood which does not just pale, but DISINTEGRATES in comparison. i'm so proud of myself. and ili. and sya. and ivan. and filza. and azi. and EVERYONE! everyone rocks! got the general production outline written down, but will not put it up yet. you know whatz my favourite part? itz the ticket in the form of a wedding invite.. i mean, how cool is that? i am so gonna dream of this wonderful love story man..
nitey!

yes i haf a brand-new crush! this is soooooo fun!
okay anyway today was the filming[?] of the raffles programme video. so i miss an entire day of skl!!! and i get to lek2 at home abit more.. ANNND take 53 also. i mean, what more cld i ask for? so anyway, it wasn't too bad. it was funny at some parts, and irritating sometimes, but also interesting cos i felt as if we were filming some sort of music video. i mean, i'm sure that's how they film music videos too, except they play music along with it ah. i had only one scene to do, so it ended around 10-plus for me and i went home.
but anyway, the point i'm trying to make is, there was a cute guy on set! okay, he's probably married, cos i saw a ring on his wedding finger. and he IS older than me and all. but he is sooooo cool! he gelled up his hair nicely, and he had a cool goatee too. like the one i think latte is trying to grow but not succeeding very well. his socks are ankle, and with orange lines on the bottom. hello, he screams cool all over! he was doing sound and abit of lighting. this is probably the first malay guy i've crushed on in a looooooong time! ohyah and he's handsome and funny and extremely capable. so. yeah, i had a nice time. but see, i won't see him again, so this is a totally no-strings-attached kinda crush. which is the best kind for me lar..
oh and just now, when i was walking out of ri, i realised i was actually doing something i've kind of wanted to do since ever. you know, to walk around in a guys' skl when itz in session? haha. but this time, they're kinda like, younger than me, and i did NOT see any remotely lawar ones, so it wasn't too fun. but i think the other ain would have given her front teeth to be where i was just now. haha. not bad lar, being a girl so obviously and all, they're bound to stare at you. if only the starers were more worthwhile.
now. should i go to school?
ohyah ili!!!! i finally uploaded my photos.. so.. here you are..

i have no idea if this'll ever get to you, but any port in a storm la.. it's been an absurdly long amount of time since we last communicated. and i mean really communicated, not smses with technical queries in them. those don't count. and because the time we've spent apart was and is so appalingly long, i find myself having hallucinations of you suddenly appearing in my field of vision. sometimes pleasant, sometimes nightmarish, like the one i had yesterday in the train as it passed yishun. i'm already crazy, and here i am, going crazier than ever. and yesterday as i was going to sleep, i remembered everything i have never forgotten.
remember our first-ever mixed tarian? the jumble of adil and helmi and nizam and fahrur and hirman and yazid? when we were getting ready, how we would watch the dikir guys practise with nizar? remember chatting on #malayfriends with PEOPLE? remember the actual phr? the green bajus, the blue mascara in the toilet, the tepung komak faces? remember the brownies and nang nak at your house? remember girlfriends? remember far east bk and mina? remember joanna phua? remember toa payoh entertainment complex? all the lims? remember all the photographs we took? the neoprint-cards? the one with us in our minah garb, after watching sri temasek or whatever it was? the one with us as "net and rugger"? remember when i stayed over? my parents "weren't in singapore", apparently. we took the train to toa payoh, took 105 to school, like om usually did. that was cool! remember running at bishan? and studying at bishan? remember gemuk, kurus, cermin mata and tinggi? remember yong chao, jonathan, and all the other little frens? remember pencil? remember soccer and kunyah, SLWIDAW, buffer zone??? remember playing basketball with wei and his friends? how about marie, tua, beast, jack? [notice i didn't mention beer.] remember romeo must die? and bring it on, and my sassy girl? remember how we hung out at bishan after i meanly excused myself from diyanah n iskandar? remember when we first met fir at bk, and then rushed back to school, and then rushed to ri? remember when we planned to meet up once a month, at least, after we saw that group of 3 gerls from 3 different schools catching up in bishan mac's? remember buying those boxers? [i think that was the most whatever thing we ever did.] remember woodlands library? ungu, fauzee, DAUN and how he used to stare at you? and the other cute guy? remember writing hari raya cards there? remember siglap? udin, sheik, etc? our performance at botanic gardens? remember hijrah seni? remember the mpcc dikir guys? all our angklung performances and tarians?
i remember. and i hope you still do. cos i miss you. we both do.

yes that's a powerpuff version of me. cool rite? okay, i know i don't have grey eyes, but the rest of it is pretty accurate.
anyway. had pw just now at causeway point. it was the most interesting pw i haf ever had! but more informative for the guys than for myself, i guess. haha. but it was fun. and funny. din know guys were so curious about the technicalities of being a gerl.
ohyah i was supposed to post sum poems here. thanks, cikgu said, for telling us how to write pantuns.. you totally inspired a pantun movement in ili and me.. and itz been sooooo much fun!
okay okay. this was one of the first ones i wrote. did it during chem. my chem notes are now entertainingly peppered with wedding invitations, wedding layouts, and the like. ooh and ili wrote the reply. we're gonna specialise now, as far as possible, since i appear to write better in the female voice.
Campur telur hingga sebati
buat kuih untuk si dia.
Izinkan adik luahkan hati:
wajah abang membuatku ria.
Pak ****** bertumpang tanya
jika dia boleh memetik lada
Hati abang riang rasanya
Mendengar kata-kata dari adinda.
isn't tt just completely swoonable? haha. okay and this is my second favourite.. the reply was by ili, of course.
Kulihatmu membaca akhbar
Latte, setiap kali kau lalu
perasaan ini sangat mencabar
kecomelanmu menghilangkan pilu.
Kau fikir aku tak perasan
kau fikir aku tak tahu
Kau menghilangkan rasa bosan
apabila aku melihatmu.
so sweet rite? and cute? anyway. my personal favourite pantun cannot be posted here for fear of discovery. but i think itz my best ever! itz sooooo meaningful and sweet and romantic and heart-tugging. and we have huge plans to turn it into an epic love story so we can stage it or something. we're up to 3 stanzas already. and i'm sure it'll be a success. so watch this space!!!

hm. i think lofi suits me better anyway. the other one took a thousand years to get the scrolling bar up.
anyway. 3 topics of discussion. mates, dates and sole survivors. i-feel-like-dying dramafeste week. and i can't believe anyone would tie themselves down at 18!
1. mates, dates and sole survivors is the title of this girlie book i read a couple of weeks ago and never wanted to return to the library since. itz just so identifiable!!! AND recent. itz a 2002 book. i haven't even watched sum great 2002 movies! and this book is so much betta! itz abt this gerl whose frens all haf bfs and she feels out and she wishes she had one too. and suddenly, inexplicably, she meets this guy who seems to be everything she ever wanted in a guy. and he likes her too. then he turns out to be possessive and vain, etc. it takes her a while, then she breaks up with him. and out of her 3 frens, one gets dumped and another dumps. haha. so interesting.
2. okay. dramafeste week. on monday, i reached home at like, 10.15. i wanted to DIE. i did NOT expect to stay in skl so late, and for the first time, i wanted OUT. i was so tired and angry and hungry and behind in my work [which was, by far, the worst thing to be. although i still am behind.]. but i acherli had fun during the rehearsals ah. they were funny and interesting and all tt. thursday rolled around pretty easily. and somehow or other, we were all ready. i really dunno how. i dun feel i did much work doing costumes, but somehow, everyone's costumes were fine to every last detail, and we were just ready to act our butts off. and while getting ready in lt3 and all that, i had this really interesting positive feeling, which lasted the whole night, and all the way to friday night. and i was just wondering what that feeling was.. cos it was such a nice feeling. it was faraway, but familiar. like i felt it before, but a long long time ago. and i finally realised that it was the rgs nite feeling! it was the feeling of anticipationexcitementhappiness that i get while preparing for a big and important performance. i remember sitting curled in a chair at wtc starbucks with nadia rau rai baba nadzi and other ppl stoning and writing postcards and watching the people walk past, wearing a shirt [so i wldn't mess up my hair when i took it off] and almost-full makeup and a tight bun, not caring what others might think of my appearance, killing time before my first-ever rgs nite. i remember taking pictures all over wtc just before that, and all over the dressing room after that. i remember going home with zahirah that night, still feeling high. i remember stuffing myself into a red-cushioned seat in the heart of tchs, watching the self-penned play by elds, this time, not feeling so nervous about dancing infront of lotsa ppl, 3 times in a row, but the high feeling still abound. and how about hijrah seni? i remember getting out a taxi, wrapped in a sweater and already feeling excited about playing my favourite instrument and kak faridah's favourite song to a paying, completely public audience. in victoria theatre! been there, done that. i guess thatz why i felt off for the first part of this year. i missed performing. i simply LOVE performing. and i've had the fortune to be able to do that multiple times a year in rgs. and zero times a year, it seemed, in rj. and it must have been God's will that i performed last night and the night before and revived that feeling that kinda became a part of my entire being in rgs, such that i felt missing without it in rj. i mean, i was in costumes. diden expect to be acting what. expected to be watching. but they roped us in anyway, and i had a blast acting as half-myself, half-bimbo to laughs from the audience. itz great to be appreciated by the audience! it really is! and i found myself almost crying a couple of times, cos performances are great and all, but they have a knack of ending double-quickly, so by the time you realise, itz long over. and that was your last performance. and you know. itz just over and there's nothing you can do. and it made me miss rgs tarian even more! anyway. we were a success, i believe. everyone mentioned how funny it was. and the moment players kicked off, the audience laughed. so yah, i think it went extremely well. the second night was cooler, if possible. they modified the fight scene, and so i broke out the whatevers, which made the audience laugh. that was cool. it felt great. and i kinda think we deserve to win, although i would like to kill the judge for misleading us to think that arts was gonna win. yay. we rock! and i'll treasure that "template test paper" forever..
3. did i say i missed rgs tarian? well i rejoined it today. and i realised that i miss MY rgs tarian. the one with MY people and not all these new ppl. but of course i met sum of my ppl today, and it was a partial rgs tarian, if you will. i like the dance, so far, and it brings back nice memories of rj mld arts feste and phr 2001, of cos. or was it phr 2000? can't remember the year, but it was a great dance, and a nice partner too. for both. and so today we found out about a fellow schoolmate's engagement. yeeks! my blessings to them and all, but.. i dunno. i just find it weird, thatz all. but thatz not necessarily a bad thing cos i mean, people find ME weird. anyway. what i mean is, i think itz just too early to tie yourself down to one person so soon. but baba [hi baba, hope you're still alive, cos now i only hear news about you through 183573rd-party-news, and who knows how long it'll take me to hear newsbreaking news of you?] once sed she wanted to get engaged in jc2, i think. and i diden find it so shocking then, so maybe i'm just split into 2 camps. maybe the engaged thingy is fine. the off part abt it is the getting married next year. like sya sed, what if when you're in uni and some guy asks you out? you have to say, "sorry, i'm married." guy: "wad? married to whom?" you: "he's still in ns." yikes. look here, mugant, you better still be single when you and fana land in the same uni. yah.. anyway just thot it seemed weird. but it takes variety to make the world go round, i believe.