Sometimes the pain is so intense that I can't see past it, then the next moment it subsides and I scold myself for being so lembek. Or the fatigue kicks in and it's a battle to keep my eyes open, even if I'm watching something engaging with the mintiest mints in my mouth.
That's been what it's like since last Saturday (Day 4 of chemo cycle), and I'm just starting to feel normal today. I've had to beg off from work but then 15 minutes later feel quite normal and capable. Slept all day Sunday and still didn't feel rested.
/endofwhine
Chemo Cycle Entah
Last Wednesday was another chemo day. These days I still have chemo every three weeks, but I only see my oncologist every six weeks. So last week I did see her, and after complaining of my continued vomiting experience, she decided to decrease my dose from 100% to 80%.
Spoiler alert: The side effects remain unchanged from previous cycles soooo yea.
The dazzle has pretty much worn off my chemo days. I used to come in, guns blazing, ready to journal or read a book or blog, hit up a cafe, all the productive things. But now I'm just tired. I spent my Wednesday primarily staring into space. Reach Level 10, wait for blood test while staring into space. Get blood drawn. Sit for 10 minutes scrolling on Reddit while pressing on the blood draw site. Go for second breakfast, stare at junglefowl and a squirrel. Wait for oncologist, stare into space. See oncologist. Go for lunch, finish lunch, stare into space. Get back to Level 10, stare into space at rooftop garden while waiting for chemo suite to call me up.
It's fine. I like introspection and my mind never runs out of things to throw at me. This week we also hit a high score on the number of Interesting People.
1. Mother-Son Duellers
A 70-ish auntie with her 50-ish son. They had almost the same treatment path as me so I encountered them at blood test and the oncologist clinic. Nasib baik they weren't at my chemo suite. She was muttering a lot at first, seemingly to herself, then the son came along to speak loudly to her about how they should move on. But she hadn't taken her blood test yet.
At the clinic, the two got louder. The son kept yelling, "You are suaku mother ah! You Malaysia mother!"
Auntie: "I not suaku! You are going to kill me."
Son: "I not gonna kill you la that's a crime."
It was quite horrifying and sad and I can only imagine this is a fraction of their home life. The clinic was full and everyone was turning to stare but security didn't really seem to step in? It's really scary because I don't know how we will continue to deal with this in our ageing population.
But also, what kind of insult is "Malaysia mother"?!
2. Persistent Paul
This 50-ish uncle was already at the rooftop garden when I arrived. It's an open garden so you can hear the busy road sounds and stuff. Tell me why this uncle still felt the need to have his phone convo on speaker?!
He was on the line with a call agent (Claudia) trying to get an old issue resolved. Apparently the previous two agents had promised to get back to him, but didn't. So Claudia was placating him, then she got her supervisor on the line.
Supervisor: "Yes so Claudia has been helping you.."
Uncle Paul to supervisor: "Ya but what if Claudia gets into an accident? Who will follow up?"
Relax ah uncle, no need to jump to extremes.
3. Young Dude
I was just chilling in my chemo chair when I noticed this tall cool guy walk past me to the restroom. The nurse scurried after him and told him not to bring the chemo tag with him and my brain broke because he was so young and fit-looking. (And tall.) (And handsome. With the mask on, anyway.)
When he came back and recited his IC number, I realised he's five years younger than me! Strapping mid-30s dude undergoing chemo beside me.
I hope he gets through it. Not that old or ugly or unfit people shouldn't survive la. Just commenting on a rare cute guy at NCCS.
4. First-Timer
My chemo chair was facing an adorable uncle who seemed to be alone and undergoing the long Paclitaxel chemo regimen. He was super chill, didn't say a peep, declined the Milo and biscuits. I watched him get his Benadryl and waited for him to fall asleep but he didn't?! Hi, are old people resistant to the soporific effects of Benadryl or what? Please link me to studies.
Anyway here's how cute I looked on chemo day. Even though I trooped up and down the lifts 6-8 times, it was always full so I couldn't get a good lift selfie.
