En Pointe

I'm talking about going en pointe because it has been one of my most desired goals. Ever. 

According to my emails, I started ballet in 2018 (same year as pole? Hmm I thought I started ballet earlier but ok whatevs.) at The Ballet Academy in Thomson. This was in the heyday of ClassPass where everything was cheap and it was easy to pause your plan. Yes, I travelled from office to Thomson and then home to Pasir Ris to get to these ballet classes. It was really fun although my jumps sucked, even then. 

Then I went to BalletBody through ClassPass, including some classes at the Sonata temporary studio with its springy floor! I liked BalletBody enough to directly purchase their packages, and went for back-to-back ballet and stretch classes. I met Charmaine and Liangying and Amantha, and I told Charm I wanted to work towards going en pointe. She told me to do my releves and stuff, but we were both too busy to really pursue the goal. I was still deep into pole, after all. Charm left BB and I used that as an excuse to drop ballet and spend all my free time on pole.

But I still loved watching Liangying's IG stories, and over the years, more ballet studios started popping up on my IG. Not just that, many of them were offering adult beginner pointe classes! I was really itchy to get back into it.

So I told myself before last year's Exo Gen Mexico that when I got back from the comp, I would ease off the pole activities and really commit my time to ballet. Why did I choose Assemblé, when Ballet Quarter is one MRT stop away? Well IDK but Assemblé just seemed to exude the nice approachable vibes I wanted. (And indeed it met my expectations!)

I decided to start from the Absolute Beginner Ballet course because (a) I was too shy to DM the studio and ask whether I could start from Improver and (b) nothing wrong with relearning the basics, especially after spending years away from ballet. No ragrets - I met many lovely people in the course, and some of them are still doing open classes now!

After the 10-week ABB course, most of us went on to the 10-week Improver Ballet course, then continued in the open Foundation Tech classes. Totally struggled in open class at first, but I think I'm catching up better now! Then at the beginning of this year, the 10-week Pre-Pointe course opened and I immediately signed up! 

For Pre-Pointe, Jovin taught a newish set of exercises every two weeks and you're supposed to do them as homework an additional 2-3 times a week. I did diligently do my homework. For the first four weeks or so, and then I gave up, sorry! Life just got in the way. Or my laziness prevailed. I was really hopeful about passing the assessment in the last two weeks of term, but at the same time to protect myself from disappointment, I told myself that it prolly wouldn't be that easy to pass since I couldn't even meet the passing requirements of 3 out of the 5 assessment exercises.

But anyway! I passed, yay! Of course, I need to still work on every single one of those assessment exercises but it was still exciting! To have the opportunity to go en pointe! "Go", not "dance", because I'm sure I'm months away from that. 

I nearly died of heat at the pointe shoe fitting at Sonata because the spotlights are mercilessly trained on you. Then I died of shock as I went en pointe for the first time and was like, why is all this pressure on my big toes? Not sure why I envisioned a memory foam moulded to your toes inside the toe box. Nope. It's just an empty papier mache box. That's it. Anyway you just keep trying on shoes to see how they feel and look (fitter exclaimed, "You have such a nice arch!" Thank You Allah.) but in the end you have to choose the one that feels the least uncomfortable. It's hard because how do first-timers know the acceptable level of discomfort?

The first day of class, I was excited but also scared I would just wipe out and expose my lack of readiness. (Can you "wipe out" in ballet?) And putting on the shoes - you thought putting on pole shoes is leceh? Pointe shoes are way more leceh, especially if you have split nails which snag painfully on the satin and shoe trims as you try to put the damn shoes on. Nevertheless, I pleasantly surprised myself by being able to get over my box quite consistently. Relevés are fucking hard though, unless you're the kind of person who's always been able to do a proper non-hopping relevé even in flat shoes. At the end of class, I didn't even take a vanity pic because my toes were aching too much. Just ripped off the shoes. 

Instead, I went to the pole studio and took some nonsense pics!

This was the first photo I took, which ended up being the best as I managed to balance for 1 second wowz Ain

The second class felt less painful on the feet. We repeated the same exercises from Week 1 and added a relevé drill (benci but necessary). I cannot wait for the next class which is tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to the day I can finally dance in these shoes. I will bring them to all the dance studios muahahaha y'all can't stop me!!

Cellulite-y but pointed AF

The Actual Chemo Content

Chemo was at 4.30pm today but I had to do my blood test at 1.30pm. There were two loudly-disgruntled uncles complaining about the long wait time. Indeed, I had to wait until 5.15pm before the nurse came to set up the station. They seem understaffed in the chemo suites today. Also they closed my favourite Level 10 garden for maintenance or cleaning or whatever, booooo. I had to wait inside with all the plebs. 

By the time chemo ended, it was 6.30pm. The pharmacy had closed so I couldn't collect my refill of diarrhoea meds. Besnye. "Luckily" I'll be back on Tuesday for a scan so I'll try then. Wish me luck with the next few days of sleeping upright (to keep the bloating at bay) and limb numbness (still going for class IDC)!

Having my favourite coffee milkshake at one of my favourite between-appointment places! It's so unbusy now, hope they stay open!

Me and my Claire's accessories and Frozen specs

Not really a cancer post

Wow, has it really been nearly two months since my last post? 

I've been fine but just lazy to blog and journal. I can't say I've been busy either, because there has been a lot of lazing around in the living room, watching TV or doomscrolling my beloved Reddit.

One day in the office I was wearing what I feel is one of my best outfits to date - an old Tujoh Kuntom white kebaya top with Oh Dayang kerongsang with a pistachio green Uniqlo linen midi skirt. I was so proud of it because I hadn't worn the top in years, so it gave me sustainable shop-my-stash feels. (Even though I'm not sustainable, clothes-wise, at all.) And it was comfy!

Anyway, my boomer boss said it was a nice outfit then commented that more people should try to wear eye-catching clothes so that bosses can remember them, or something along those bodoh lines. 

Boomer boss says lots of silly things, but that comment stuck with me a bit because I don't dress to catch people's attention or make them remember me! Maybe yes, in 2008 I did, working in Starbucks tryna look sexy in my white shirt (top 3 buttons unbuttoned) over a vermillion bra. Those were the days, eh? When we thought we were the shit, we were invincible, we were always right and no one could tell us any different. 

But now, I do actually dress for myself. It's very very fun for me to wear bright colours, because when I glance down at my bright green shirt or swish along the corridor in my bellbottom jeans, it feels good to have those pieces sitting on my body. Seeing beautiful prints and rainbow colours makes me happy. It would be great if more people wore them so I can be surrounded by gorgeousity, but they don't, so I just wear them myself lor. Especially at the office - I don't even want to be there in the first place, so I put extra effort into wearing colourful yet smart casual-ish 'fits to help encourage my sleepy self to get to work. 

So yes, maybe I'm known at the office for always wearing the eye-catching 'fits (and hair), but it's not to make bosses remember me plz. I malas k.

Gawd, I just love clothes so much. It brings me such joy when my outfit works. In uni, I used to plan my outfits in writing for a week. Earrings included. I did it during the chem lectures. These days I just mentally plan them - I plan way ahead for special events like dinners or shows, and for office days I just pull stuff out the night before. 

Unfortunately, this clothes passion for me leads to a lot of laundry work and an overflowing wardrobe. Plus a significant amount of handwashing. It's a necessary annoyance. 

Anyway, I've just completed Cycle 6 of this Enhertu chemo. Both cycles involved vomiting, and this latest cycle had me vomiting at Day 14 after eating a bite of tandoori chicken. I really think my body cannot stand strong Indian spices anymore because I was gagging when Cutes bought home naan and curries. And an awful mutton chop from Yaseem Nasi Kandar. (It was huge chunks of meat instead of nice thin pieces, and everything was swimming in sauce, sauce tasted wrong, and there was no tomato or peas! GTFO with that, Yaseem.) I'm missing Beach Road mutton chop, though. Maybe I'll try and see if the aversion applies to that mutton chop. 

I've tried Granisetron and Ondansetron for the puking but nothing has really helped.

Also I'm having annoying indigestion for the entire cycle now. So every meal I eat, no matter how small, leads to abdominal discomfort from the maximum gassiness, and I only feel better after I manage a painful burp or two. Eating isn't as enjoyable anymore. (But that doesn't mean I've stopped eating. The number of times I've been to Konditori this month - LOL.)

I wore my kimono pants to today's chemo and one patient stopped in her tracks to compliment the pants while my oncologist raved, "You always wear such bold stuff. But bold in a pleasing way, not jarring." Wow thanks guys!

Baseline level of pain and discomfort

Thank you to the coupla sweet friends who check this blog regularly and then checked up on me after not seeing any update since December!

I'll preface this by saying I'm fine. In fact, I had the most productive day of this chemo cycle yesterday! I did a load of laundry, cooked Thai green curry chicken, and went for ballet class, in addition to doing a bunch of work. Of course, I had to fight the internal "Do I really have to go to class? Maybe I can skip it, I can afford it" monologue and I came home aching to high heaven. But dance, for me, is always worth it. And I got to hear Raquel say, "Good timing, Norain" during the tricky plié combination, which I kind of live for.

Actual infusion

I had my fourth round of Enhertu infusion on New Year's Eve. Yes, what a fun way to end the year! As NCCS was on half day for NYE, I had to also appear on 30 Dec for my blood test. (It's cool because I took the afternoon off and went to Muse after the blood draw.) So on NYE itself, I saw the oncologist to complain about my soft nails (they now split really easily, even with a bump against anything solid, and snag on most fabrics and continue to split), then hung around for my chemo sesh. The "rooftop" garden is a really nice place to chill because it's quiet and shaded with a nice water feature. Watch out for the handwave-activated doors though, because they open quite violently.

Anyway, I was called up around 1pm and done by 2pm because Enhertu infusion is just that fast. Then I took the bus home and cooked karuvattu kulambu (dried fish curry) for the first time ever, and we rang in the new year at the 9th floor carpark rooftop!

Chemo 'fit

Pain and suffering

I knew that days 4 - 10 of the cycle would be the worst, with the nausea, acid reflux, bloating, and actual puking. But it didn't help me enjoy the week more or anything. I ate seulas durian (a piece of durian), then started eating chicken rice and started puking halfway, so that was fun. I just oozed through the days as best as I could, counting down to the end of week 2.

But then.

Week 3 was spent with jaw pain, bloating, stomach pain that doesn't go away with massage or medicine, and a very odd ache that I can only describe as a muscle tear feeling which attacks every time pressure is applied to any part of my body. On this last issue, it hurts my head to even pull on a t-shirt, as the collar part grazes my head. There are no cuts or bruises though so it's super mysterious. 

I did go to the polyclinic to complain about the first three issues after a week of suffering, by the way. The doctor diagnosed it as "maybe you grind your teeth while sleeping, I'll give you ibuprofen" and "gastritis, I'll give you omeprazole for that". She did read through my NCCS notes - that's why I went the poly route instead of a private GP - and initially remarked, "Oh, bloating, but you normally get that right?"

Ya-huh but this bloating is different and that's why I dragged myself down hellloooo.

Anyway I feel it was a wasted trip health-wise because the meds did nothing. Maybe these are just new Enhertu symptoms and I have to operate on this baseline level of pain and discomfort. 

But it wasn't a total loss because I popped over to Cata Coffee and The Egyptian Baker after that and got some coffee and yummy bakes! That's one great selling point of Eunos Polyclinic, that it's so near these great places.

Schedule

My oncologist recommended 4 - 6 Enhertu cycles before we do a CT scan, so I asked for the scan to be done before number 5. It's scheduled for the end of this month because they couldn't get an earlier date, so I get an extra two weeks off before my next infusion! I'm so thankful because maybe my body will feel better within these bonus two weeks. Even though I'm still dealing with the jaw pain, stomach pain, and muscle tear sensations.

I can still dance, though. The pain is not intense enough to distract me when I'm dancing. But the moment I'm in the bus home, it's back to haunt me. Always thankful to be able to dance (and get compliments on my musicality!).

Office 'fit today

Worst part of the cycle

I'm in the worst part of the Enhertu cycle again - days 5-10 of the 21-day cycle. I woke up at 3am on Day 6 (Monday wee hours) with intense stomach cramps. I let them crash over me for agonising minutes before it turned into full on diarrhoea where I had to go three times. Then while I was in the kitchen trying to rehydrate and swallow some diarrhoea meds, I gagged. 

A split second later, I started puking out my fish and chips dinner into the kitchen sink. 

Ya, I know you're supposed to hurl into the jamban and not the sink, but I didn't have enough advance notice to schlep back to the toilet k, and I didn't wanna trip over the carpets in the process. Plus it's been 10, maybe 20 years since I last puked so I kinda forgot the basics. 

As a result, I had to keep puking and then clearing the fish residue out of the sink, and repeat sampai mampos. 

I really really hate throwing up. I find it one of the grossest things in the world. And the pain, the absolute pain in your throat from the force of the hurl - I just can't. 

After that, I still had to go potty twice more before my body finally let me have a break. I took the day off work and then slept the whole day, barely eating because I was afraid of triggering the vomit monster. I know that's not how it works but when you're miserable, you'll cling on to anything that sounds logical. 

Now we're at Day 8, Wednesday, and I'm at my dental appointment. Cancer-related - they want to check that the jaw bones (?) are in order because some upcoming cancer meds might make them weak. Or something along those lines. I haven't had a new puking or diarrhoea episode, which is great, but I can still barely eat. 

I've been having to sleep in a seated position since Day 4 because the discomfort of the trapped air when lying down is too much to bear otherwise. Yet this did not stop the pukes and poops of Day 6, so I really don't know what else I can do. Girl dinners, fast food, salads, water - everything leaves me permanently bloated and eating is just no fun anymore! Even sleeping is no fun since I can no longer lie down for longer than 30 seconds.

Yeah the last few posts have been a lot of self-pity over these GI side effects of Enhertu. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Until I reach Week 3 of the cycle and manage to collect some shreds of happiness till the next infusion.

Eyebrows are back

I'm entering Week 3 of Cycle 2 of Enhertu. Chemo cycles are three weeks long, so it's been two weeks since I got my second Enhertu infusion. 

I was hopeful that the side effects would have lessened as my body got used to the new drug, but sadly no, it was the same old shit.

The nice thing is that my eyebrows and eyelashes have grown back in the last week. What the heck does that even mean? Idk, but it's nice to save 2 minutes of using Brow Wiz in the morning. 

Everything else is not so nice. I had major indigestion and/or diarrhoea daily since Day 5 of this cycle, up to and including today. This makes me not feel like eating because the bloated feeling is painful and nauseating. 

From Days 5 to 8, I was eating nothing for like 8 hours without feeling hungry. But not eating just makes it worse cos there'll be nothing to digest. So I've been forcing myself to eat half-meals, with nothing spicy because spicy food needles my throat. 

It's been lots of Greek yoghurt with granola, Swensen's fish and chips, plain rice with a sausage or two.. Basically picky kid food. Oh, and cereal drinks in the morning. Is that old people food? It's comforting, though. 

I had to bail in the middle of two ballet classes in the last week. I'm not sure if it's due to lack of nutrition/electrolytes? Plus my asthma is back, so my inhaler has to come to the rescue. It's so frustrating to be hindered by poor health when I'm not even 40. I feel it's unfair. 

But I know, someone always has it worse. So why dwell on it, right? On the bright side, maybe I'll lose weight from this unwanted diet. Then I can finally fit into my gingham cheongsam, three sizes too small, that I've been sentimentally hoarding since 2018. 

I should just get a new one tailored, pandai.

I'm feeling better today now that we're in Week 3, so I'm trying to make the most of it! 

These days, cancer-wise, I'm getting increasingly irritated by people who say things like, "When your chemo is over" or worse, "You not going holiday?"

It's Stage IV cancer. Which has spread to the bones. BONES. It's basically a chronic disease so there is no guarantee my chemo will be over. 

I can't go for a holiday with these unpredictable bouts of bloating and diarrhoea. It's gonna be so unpleasant in the plane/coach/car/train! And if these side effects ease sufficiently for me to make any plans, best believe I will get a town crier to announce it for me. Please, don't ask me such questions. (Idk, maybe other chemo patients are happy to answer them.)

Ask me how my dancing is going. I think it's going great! Considering I'm such a Lembek Lass (weak girl) nowadays. My turns are getting better, my ballet combinations memory getting springier, my head is moving less stiffly. I love ballet so much, and although I pole much less now, I didn't die in Estefania's class last Sunday!

Always Alhamdulillah for the ability to keep dancing through this. 

Armpit hair is back

The family wedding on Saturday 1 Nov went pretty okay. We got to the hotel ballroom at 10am, I socialised, ate, but was gassing out by 1pm so we just cabut and I had a nice nap till 5pm. I love napping!

Wedding 'fit pic

Because my Aus-based BIL was in town that period, we still had a family dinner the next day. Somehow I managed to go for ballet in the early afternoon, get Waterloo Coffee, and still get home and to the dinner place in time. I continued eating half-portions of food. Enhertu plus my acne med (Doxycycline) really messes up my digestion. 

The second week of Enhertu recovery was actually supposed to be fine, but my period came back wtf! And it wasn't all neat and clotty like it's been for the past 10 years either. It was super heavy flow, pushing all my mini-tampons out within two hours of use and necessitating a change of my period underwear twice a day. Luckily I was already on some random leave from work on Monday and Tuesday, so I spent Monday loafing around in a pool of my own blood, then dragged myself out on Tuesday morning for pp and coffee then back home to tido.

The rest of Week 2 went well and almost normal, except having to halve my meals and girl dinner everything. I've been having a lot of my Nestum instant cereal and Rockit apples.

Cutes and I saw my oncologist Dr Beh on Wednesday 12 Nov, where she admitted they'd forgotten to book my Enhertu infusion for Cycle 2, so they'd squeezed me in that same Friday. Wow, thanks eh. The fierce nurse from last time did ask, "Are you okay? I can try to shift it to today if you want." But I didn't want to risk waiting forever like I did in Cycle 1, so I said I'd carry on with Friday. We went to Warung M Nasir at Beo Crescent for lunch, then I went home and napped. 

Story of my life. I did some work too, don't worry.

Wed onco pic: Weakforbatik top I squeezed into and my Adidas jeans from CDMX which I had the waist taken in.

My Friday infusion appointment was at 10am, no need to do blood test as they went off my Wednesday one, but I had to arrive at 9am for some reason. The registration counter called me up within 10 minutes, so that was nice. I was at Suite A, so I went to the Suite A/B waiting area which was half empty. Suite A hadn't even opened yet while Suite B was firing the numbers away. There were two ladies chattering away in English and Arabic, which was quite fun to listen in on, until two more people joined them and made me wonder if they were gonna take up the whole waiting area.

Meanwhile, one uncle received a phone call from his wife on speaker. She was telling him to please get her a kopi si - "But kopi si got sugar, I thought you cannot take sugar?" - "No, I want kopi si. And kaya toast but no half boiled egg." 

Uncle: "But the kaya toast and egg is one set. I'll just eat the eggs lah. Why don't you come down with me then we can eat together?"

Auntie: "But I cannot be in crowded places."

Uncle: "Just wear your mask. Okay I see you downstairs."

Okay I know it's boring and mundane but it was entertaining for me at 9.30am k.

They called me in at 10.05am. Everything went swimmingly. Except when the nurse injected the syringe of anti-nausea meds, I felt an immediate sakit perut. That was a signal the bloating was starting UGH. But I powered through it cos I stronkkk. Infusion went much faster because they increased the speed for this Cycle onwards. The nurse told me we were doing 460mg compared to 470mg in Cycle 1. Because I'd complained to Dr Beh about the extreme fatigue, so this was the reduced dose?! Lol.

Arlene the nurse with a delightful British accent did my de-cannulation, and I took the bus home and promptly had another lovely nap. 

Fri infusion OOTD: Uniqlo skirt, Adidas black top, and Big W shirt. I miss you, Australia.

I've been okay. We're only at Day 3 now and the shittiness kicked in on Day 4 yesterday so good luck to me. Digestion has been sucky. I've had to sit upright in bed for 2 hours or so before the discomfort starts to abate. Hate it but what can ya do?

Aside from my heavy period which is back, so is my armpit hair! Wtf. I mean, my head hair has ceased shedding like a husky too but stay away, armpit hair! Dr Beh says the hormones are prolly out of whack due to the two-week break I took after my hospitalisation, and we should be back to no hair and no period when it stabilises. We're looking at a total of four to six cycles of Enhertu. 

Ballet and pole and friends and books keep me happy to be alive. Oh, I had Waterloo Coffee again yesterday and I've concluded it's just not worth it. $10 for 330ml and you still need to wait for some time, no in-house seating area, etc. I'm better off paying $7 for Ayie's iced mocha at pull.in with nice comfy seats and friendly convo. 

Sat at Cypher Pole Studio with my Tox babes

Enhertu kicked my butt

Wow, I haven't blogged in over a week. Yeah, Enhertu just beat the shit outta me and I'm still trying to claw my way back to normal. It's been really hard to stay positive this past week so this will likely be a bitter post. But as always, I am happy to be alive and today, well enough to get dressed and head to the coffee place for my custom.  

So last Wednesday, 22 Oct, was my first chemo on new kid Enhertu. It's meant to target the bone mets that I've been developing the last few months which Pacli and nab-Pacli didn't work on. My oncologist mentioned that Enhertu would be more intense, but I don't think she sufficiently prepared me for it. She was more concerned about the high cost, last we spoke. 

I had to call up NCCS multiple times to check whether I was supposed to have a blood test two hours before the chemo like I was used to. The nurse grudgingly called me back and said "no need" without explaining shit. 

Okay takpe. So I rolled up at 1.30pm for my 2.30 appointment, as specified in my HealthBuddy app. (I also bumped into my JC friend Joshua in the bus, which was a pleasant surprise. Also bonus, he's a doctor and I was wearing a cancer-looking beanie for kicks so I didn't have to explain much about why I was alighting at NCCS.) I thought it would be very fun and skip-the-line, not having to do the blood test this time. Nope. I waited until 2.45pm to be called up by the screening counter, where the nurse confirmed that I was feeling well after my hospitalisation, then transferred my queue number to the registration counter. Reg called me up at 3pm. And apologetically told me there'd be an additional 1-hour wait because she could only get me a 4pm chair. Like huh?!

Apparently I wasn't alone, because the same faces I'd seen at 1.30pm were still there with me at 3pm. Including one uncle and his family who were demanding to cancel his appointment because they couldn't guarantee exactly what time he would be called in. He actually angrily ripped the plaster off his blood draw site. I'm with you uncle, in spirit.

Anyway, since I hadn't eaten since 11am, I went downstairs for a chocolate waffle (meh) and came back upstairs to continue waiting. They called me to the chair at 4.05pm and.. left me sitting there, so I fell asleep until they finally started the poking at 4.30pm. 4.30pm! I was rather grumpy because I'd forgotten to bring my book - staring at my phone for over 1 hour straight makes me testy. So I texted Cutes and he joined me later at 6.30pm. 

The one great thing was that the nurse did the quickest and most painless IV cannulation yet. What a genius she is! 

The pharmacist came by to give me three days' worth of dexa for the side effects of nausea and vomiting. Like, compulsory, must eat. And optional metoclopramide for additional nausea. That should have been a warning, but I was just too tired and bored to do any good critical thinking then. He also cautioned me again not to eat day-old food to keep the risk of infection low.

Infusion went fine. We were done at 7.30pm, thinking I was the last one but weirdly, I wasn't. So IDK if there was a cock-up at NCCS that day/week or this is the new system, or entah.

Chemo 'fit featuring this short beanie Cutes bought for $3

On Day 2, I was fine but very tired, so I didn't do any coffee run and stayed home all day until my evening pp with Farizan. Which went well too. On Day 3, I retched while eating breakfast, so I had to throw it out and take additional metoclopramide. I was eating half-portions of food by then because my stomach was always feeling queasy.

Day 4, Saturday, I managed to do pp, lunch, and pilates then promptly crashed until 11am on Sunday. Then Enhertu officially kicked my butt. 

Pilates Princess on Saturday

I didn't actually vomit, but I felt both bloated and poopy all the time. All the time! I was too tired to do anything, I didn't want to eat because consumption of anything just made my stomach feel worse, and nothing tasted good, anyway. My right thumb joint has been swollen since Monday. I did sneak out for Salsation which I somehow survived lol. But only because it's at the next block so it was easy to go home and pengsan afterwards.

I thought the pacli side effects were annoying, but the Enhertu ones just took all meaning out of life for me. 

Love to eat? Can't eat.

Love to dance? Can't dance.

Need to work for a living? Good luck focusing.

Enjoy watching TV? Okay you can still do that, I guess. 

As an example, on Tuesday I ate a danish for breakfast, another for lunch, and half a nasi for dinner. 

Oh, pedas food (with chilli) is now intolerable. I had my favourite Ayam brand chilli tuna level 5 with rice yesterday, and it burned so badly, I had to chase it away with an apple. Wtf is the point of eating if the food is not pedas?

I joined the Enhertu support group on Facebook and it seems like all this shit is normal. It's normal to be fine immediately after the infusion and only have the side effects kick in big-time a few days later. Because Enhertu has a longer half-life or whatever. Many people reported feeling better after getting IV infusions, but okay that's US-centric and I have zero idea how to get that here in Singapore. I know I cannot orally consume enough fluids in my current state though, thanks to the perma bloatedness.

My boss Amanda has been great, allowing me to work from home the entire week and rescheduling my physical meetings. (I'm unable to take actual time off because we have a scheme launching on 3 Nov.) And today is my scheduled mental wellness half day off so here I am!

I have been slowly feeling better since yesterday. But eating is still a chore and I don't dare to go for classes yet. We have a family wedding on Saturday so I hope I survive that.

I found a cluster of new acne on my chest too, so that's fun. How long will it bloody take me to adjust? I guess it's a good thing there's no new Enhertu appointment booked yet. I'm supposed to see my oncologist first mid-Nov (with blood panel) and I guess we'll go from there. 

I still don't have enough spoons to give, though. I owe a few people text replies and even now, I don't feel like doing it. I just wanna hide away in this corner and scroll Reddit forever.

Couple's Haircut by Fatcat today!