Yesterday the Department of Psychosocial Services at NCCS called me to share their offerings - ad-hoc workshops, support groups, financial counselling, psych counselling, et al. I already knew all these, actually, because their poster outreach is pretty good throughout the building. But I never felt I needed any of these.
We're a year on from the diagnosis and I've been through around 11 months of chemotherapy and its fun side effects, so by now I'm pretty cool with my cancer at its current state. I don't need counselling because I'm no longer lamenting "Why me?" at regular intervals. I'm dealing with my cancer and it's become routine now.
What I need counselling for is being the cowardly child of a dementia patient. I just can't deal with it. I thought dementia was your loved one forgetting who you are. Turns out it can also be them having delusions that make them angry/sad, and reporting them to you as you teeter helplessly between reassuring them and correcting them. Because they're talking shit about someone else you love!
So yeah I've been avoiding my mom. But I wrote the three opening paragraphs on the bus ride home from visiting her in the hospital. It was really depressing and I felt useless.
Chemo Tings
I had my 3-weekly NCCS day today. Full blood panel, see oncologist, chemo infusion. I managed to squeeze in 75 mins of pole prac after my 8.10am blood draw. I'm so proud of myself for trudging to Kampong Bahru and back on foot (based on bus timings, bus option wasn't viable)! I'd like to try again next cycle.
NCCS apparently has a volunteer-run cafe at Level 16 which operates weekdays, 10am to 3.45pm. I wanna check it out next round too.
NCCS days are now oddly more active than my office days, go figure! Well, no need to think so hard - the day is furthest from my last infusion so I generally feel my best and want to squeeze all the productive things in before I crash again.
Side Effects News
I got a clear gel manicure two weeks ago and it's reduced the painful nail splits and snagging from multiple times daily to once a week! This is life-changing! Let's see how it holds up till the next appointment.
There was zero vomiting this week, yay! I took one metoclopramide every morning on Days 4-7 and it seemingly kept vom urges at bay. Amazing. Please continue to work.
Had mad joint pain in my hands and knees on Days 18-20 which coincided with some intense pole sessions with Subby Souza and also a weird nasal blockage infection thingy I suffered over from Friday evening to Monday. Self-medicating didn't work, so I went to the GP who gave me cetirizine after scolding me for not going straight to NCCS after recording a fever of > 37.5 earlier.
"But they told me only go A&E if it goes above 38. And there's no more fever now."
Hate this bawah block GP but I was desperate and needed the nearest medicine-giver.
For the record, my bloodwork today came back great w.r.t. white blood cell count. So there, meanie GP.
Happy Ending
Bumped into a dear old friend today at the park connector in front of my balcony! I ended up giving her a summary of my day which was cathartic and her response was healing. So I'm less bawling-in-the-bus now and more quietly-guilty-gal.
TL;DR
Had a productive morning, recovered quickly enough from some nose infection to have a normal chemo infusion, less side effects last cycle, got depressed/distressed AF visiting my mum, did Bus Therapy, met old friend who lifted my spirits.
