hm. i think lofi suits me better anyway. the other one took a thousand years to get the scrolling bar up.
anyway. 3 topics of discussion. mates, dates and sole survivors. i-feel-like-dying dramafeste week. and i can't believe anyone would tie themselves down at 18!
1. mates, dates and sole survivors is the title of this girlie book i read a couple of weeks ago and never wanted to return to the library since. itz just so identifiable!!! AND recent. itz a 2002 book. i haven't even watched sum great 2002 movies! and this book is so much betta! itz abt this gerl whose frens all haf bfs and she feels out and she wishes she had one too. and suddenly, inexplicably, she meets this guy who seems to be everything she ever wanted in a guy. and he likes her too. then he turns out to be possessive and vain, etc. it takes her a while, then she breaks up with him. and out of her 3 frens, one gets dumped and another dumps. haha. so interesting.
2. okay. dramafeste week. on monday, i reached home at like, 10.15. i wanted to DIE. i did NOT expect to stay in skl so late, and for the first time, i wanted OUT. i was so tired and angry and hungry and behind in my work [which was, by far, the worst thing to be. although i still am behind.]. but i acherli had fun during the rehearsals ah. they were funny and interesting and all tt. thursday rolled around pretty easily. and somehow or other, we were all ready. i really dunno how. i dun feel i did much work doing costumes, but somehow, everyone's costumes were fine to every last detail, and we were just ready to act our butts off. and while getting ready in lt3 and all that, i had this really interesting positive feeling, which lasted the whole night, and all the way to friday night. and i was just wondering what that feeling was.. cos it was such a nice feeling. it was faraway, but familiar. like i felt it before, but a long long time ago. and i finally realised that it was the rgs nite feeling! it was the feeling of anticipationexcitementhappiness that i get while preparing for a big and important performance. i remember sitting curled in a chair at wtc starbucks with nadia rau rai baba nadzi and other ppl stoning and writing postcards and watching the people walk past, wearing a shirt [so i wldn't mess up my hair when i took it off] and almost-full makeup and a tight bun, not caring what others might think of my appearance, killing time before my first-ever rgs nite. i remember taking pictures all over wtc just before that, and all over the dressing room after that. i remember going home with zahirah that night, still feeling high. i remember stuffing myself into a red-cushioned seat in the heart of tchs, watching the self-penned play by elds, this time, not feeling so nervous about dancing infront of lotsa ppl, 3 times in a row, but the high feeling still abound. and how about hijrah seni? i remember getting out a taxi, wrapped in a sweater and already feeling excited about playing my favourite instrument and kak faridah's favourite song to a paying, completely public audience. in victoria theatre! been there, done that. i guess thatz why i felt off for the first part of this year. i missed performing. i simply LOVE performing. and i've had the fortune to be able to do that multiple times a year in rgs. and zero times a year, it seemed, in rj. and it must have been God's will that i performed last night and the night before and revived that feeling that kinda became a part of my entire being in rgs, such that i felt missing without it in rj. i mean, i was in costumes. diden expect to be acting what. expected to be watching. but they roped us in anyway, and i had a blast acting as half-myself, half-bimbo to laughs from the audience. itz great to be appreciated by the audience! it really is! and i found myself almost crying a couple of times, cos performances are great and all, but they have a knack of ending double-quickly, so by the time you realise, itz long over. and that was your last performance. and you know. itz just over and there's nothing you can do. and it made me miss rgs tarian even more! anyway. we were a success, i believe. everyone mentioned how funny it was. and the moment players kicked off, the audience laughed. so yah, i think it went extremely well. the second night was cooler, if possible. they modified the fight scene, and so i broke out the whatevers, which made the audience laugh. that was cool. it felt great. and i kinda think we deserve to win, although i would like to kill the judge for misleading us to think that arts was gonna win. yay. we rock! and i'll treasure that "template test paper" forever..
3. did i say i missed rgs tarian? well i rejoined it today. and i realised that i miss MY rgs tarian. the one with MY people and not all these new ppl. but of course i met sum of my ppl today, and it was a partial rgs tarian, if you will. i like the dance, so far, and it brings back nice memories of rj mld arts feste and phr 2001, of cos. or was it phr 2000? can't remember the year, but it was a great dance, and a nice partner too. for both. and so today we found out about a fellow schoolmate's engagement. yeeks! my blessings to them and all, but.. i dunno. i just find it weird, thatz all. but thatz not necessarily a bad thing cos i mean, people find ME weird. anyway. what i mean is, i think itz just too early to tie yourself down to one person so soon. but baba [hi baba, hope you're still alive, cos now i only hear news about you through 183573rd-party-news, and who knows how long it'll take me to hear newsbreaking news of you?] once sed she wanted to get engaged in jc2, i think. and i diden find it so shocking then, so maybe i'm just split into 2 camps. maybe the engaged thingy is fine. the off part abt it is the getting married next year. like sya sed, what if when you're in uni and some guy asks you out? you have to say, "sorry, i'm married." guy: "wad? married to whom?" you: "he's still in ns." yikes. look here, mugant, you better still be single when you and fana land in the same uni. yah.. anyway just thot it seemed weird. but it takes variety to make the world go round, i believe.

well i'm due to complete 1.5 karangans and 14 bio qns.. so.. itz back to numbers.
1. was walking to the bus stop at my hse.. heard some pattering footsteps behind.. really soft footsteps. after ignoring for about 10m, i whirled around. ... and found myself looking at this.. creature! which was trotting quietly behind me, not 15cm away! for a split second i was like, "oh, itz just a cat.." then the next split second: "what a big cat!" then reality hit. and bit. [no, don't worry, not literally.] it was a DOG! a DOG! at 6.05a.m.! the sun wasn't even out yet! the moon wasn't sleeping yet! do you call that justice? NO! i got a heart attack ah. i was so freaked. i wanted to scream, but apparently, my organs weren't working yet. except, as they proved, my eyes. and my heart, which was trying to break out of my ribcage. anyway, maybe it was a nice sensitive dog ah. cos 2 seconds after my heart attack, it stopped dead in its tracks and kept glancing behind. i'm not sure why. no, really, it kept turning behind. and it had a collar, btw, so when i convinced my heart to continue its prolonged stay in my body, i was ranting inwardly at the STUPID owner who dares to jolt ain so rudely on an early morning stroll. i take it as a personal insult. thank God it was a nice dog. what if it followed me??? i think i would have seriously died of shock.
2. i finished the princess diaries vol III: princess in love in the train on the way to school. i wanted to start bawling there and then [which, btw, i already did on my 3 helping of the 5th harry potter. again.], but it was a public place so i cldn't. but itz just soooooooooo sweet! roses are red, violets are blue, you may not know it, but i love you too... ?!?!?!? i would start crying if that suddenly popped out on a computer screen, never mind having enough time to run away from the scene!
3. was at the surau today and frappe arrived. i think itz a sign from God, saying i shdn't pon classes to see people. ok, God, i'm listening to you. btw, could you bring samit bak? please? i just want sya to see him and how great he is.
4. dramafeste iz oklah. gill n i are extras. really extra extras, if you get wat i mean. dun really like being so extra. but no choice, i guess. for the record--the "hot guy" they picked? not my idea of one. ohyah i just saw the handsomest guy in the world, at pasir ris int just now. wow. i'm really tired. dramafeste is too rushed for my [and its] own good.

why is blogger on lofi again? anyway. i'm really supposed to be doing maths/gp/karangan/bio now. but i couldn't resist. went to the library again just now. i promise it'll be a weekly thing. been down-in-the-dumps-y since friday, as friday was a crap day for us all. but i'll not go into that. so when i was in the library, i was just walking around enjoying the aircon and looking for cool interesting books.. aaand.. i found volume 3 of the princess diaries!!! and this other cool book which has "confused" in the title. itz born confused or something, so i felt an instant connection. seriously. coincidentally, both books are thick and pink. and i realised i'm reading girlie books now. this is sooooooo fun! i swear, girlie books are the way to go from now on. it was just girlie movies last time, but now itz girlie books too. life is gonna be sooo much better.
oh and i watched josie and the pussycats on friday, i think.. and there were 59274307 ns guys all over pasir ris just now.. so i couldn't help wondering if clemmy-memmy and mugant were among them. not a great possibility, of course, but still worth wondering about.
and i read the 5th harry potter AGAIN.. and i was just thinking of what dumbledore sed in the 3rd one. he said that "the consequences of our actions are so complex, so diverse.." that actually doing the what-if will have a totally different outcome from simply contemplating the what-if. i think ttz really interesting. i've always tried to live my life so that i would never regret anything, would never have to contemplate the what-if.. but lately i've been finding myself doing that. and i don't like it. so i better stop doing all these shitty shits. i promise.

i've always loved rhd in rgs.. but it was, of course, a totally different experience in rj. and needless to say, rgs has always done it better. hello! i mean, like, 80% of the school population were in skl uni!!! i dun get it! i mean, i lurve my uniform, but when you get a chance to GET OUT of the uniform and dress up and impress everyone during school hours, you would normally seize the chance. or so i assumed. i mean, okay, mebbe full ethnic costume is like, hot or smthg.. den wear a hybrid thingy larh! itz not tt hard what... and you get to wear dangly earrings and necklaces and bangles and stuff. i always thought dressing up was fun, and i don't get enough chances to, so i guess the 80% who were wearing skl uni get all the chances they want, to dress up. anyway i gotta go read my pw books soon.. so i'll stick to the numbers again.
1. day started well. wore fana's baju, of cos [thanks soooooooo much, fana!] with the earrings she gave me [thanks again, fana!] and the bangles carissa got for us [whee!] and my new hari raya 2003 sandals. as in, i haven't worn them yet. anyway it ended up looking pretty.. coordinated. although i diden really plan it that carefully. it was just a cool coincidence tt my sandals matched my outfit. i did feel like a genie, though, for the first hour i spent in public.. must have been the sandals.
2. thennn.. sya's father was late [thanks, mr. taha!] so she waited for me at the bv bus stop.. and frappe was there!!!!!!! my mouth literally fell open ah.. and i just couldn't stop dying there. haha. then when we were walking into skl, i looked into a car and saw a familiar face and got a seizure. it was... HER. i was just dying of laughter and the like.
3. sluardalam looked sooooooo cute! and happy! i, personally, have never seen him smile so much before! and.. well he just looks like he belongs.. yah.. seksa award goes to latte, though.. woohoo! and decaf gets a consolation for wearing something other than skl uni.. heh.
4. sum angmoh teacher: "this is much nicer than skl uniform, isn't it?" yeah it sure is! sorry, sir, for being very off just now.. i was just feeling abit hot and bothered. mr. kan: "why u dress like pop star today?" i'm sorry sir, but what pop star wears a punjabi suit? although if i ever break into the music scene, i PROMISE i'll make this my own personal style. best part is, i'll be able to afford it! vania: "you look like a diva already!" thanks, along the lines of j.lo, i hope. nizam/andee: "has cikgu said seen you yet?" i dun think so, or he'll probably get a heart attack and have a field day discussing my outfit during ALL malay lessons, as well as report me to MUIS [when he's recovered, of cos]. sum official-looking man: "if only can wear like this everyday ah?" yeah man! you could suggest it to MOE.. i'd back u up all the way...
5. took alot of fotos!!! my fav is the ili-hana-me foto.. itz veh.. full of the bamboo garden essence. took 3 batches of mld fotos. apeee je.
6. went to pasir ris library just now. itz kwite cool ah! i'll be going there every week now!! yay! cos itz pretty empty around 7.. so kwite nice ah.. full of aircon and books.. 2 of my favourite things in the world.. and checked out 2 books on political science.. which is starting to seem kwite interesting--could i major in it, maybe? ..and after trying to both tahan my pee and choose a nice reading-for-fun book, i gave up and grabbed the most eye-catching one. itz abt this girl who's single when all her frens are attached. har. talk abt coincidence.
7. what else happened? ohyah had alot of ppl staring.. hello? watz wrong with pink, a punjabi suit on a malay girl, etc? unfortunately, fana, none of them were army viks.. sorry.. there WAS a funny army/navy officer guy who was sitting infront of me in the train and tried to supress a grin. haha. hez damn farnee.
aaah. okay ttz all lah. bye!

oops maaf shafa.. and everyone else.. for giving wrong info.. but itz in the disclaimer.. i claim no responsibility for implications of my thots.. okay? but i really am sorry..

ohyes if i'm not wrong itz fir's birthday today, so letz all wish him a happy birthday!!! =D

HIIIIIIII!!! i had a really cool time today! it was just soooooo fun! okay, it wasn't like, GREAT, but i still had a nice time.
met fana first, at rgs, and got my yearbook, which is, btw, no longer a cause of excitement. but anyway i'm quite satisfied with the range of pictures of me in the book. heh. then.. we went to eat at nyonya's wok, which is really not bad after all. then.. went to yio chu kang--touch rug nationals! it was so cool! it was all noisy and colourful, with like, m1 balloons everywhere. and people milling about.. and screaming and running and stuff. it was like some sort of YOUNG family day.. well, 90% of the people there were under 25, so yah. and the cool part was like, when we first stepped in, this cute guy like, handed me an icecream. haha. yeah. that was a nice entrance to make. then there was this nick-like guy, with the same sort of kemek face and floppy hair.. from ac.. his name is mark or smthg, apparently. oohyah and alot of really cool viks.. including this one from pj.. who has a really cute nose.. which, according to fana, is "bulbous". don't worry, i attempted to kill her after that. his fren is cool too. then.. ohyah sya's fren was there. i din know the guys wld be there ah. so when i saw badak i immediately started looking around for sya's fren. and don't worry, he wasn't blind, fortunately [for him]. saw daph also.. anyway it was really fun ah.. there was this particular game--jj vs nyj, girls.. it was soooooooo cool, cos they got like 7 whatevers [? sorry i dunno what u call them].. the last one was this interception summore.. she ran like, 90% of the pitch!!! with the nyj ppl in hot pursuit ah.. but she somehow broke away.. that was my favourite, it was just so cool.. that makes it like, 1 touchdown [?] per minute! ohyah by "they", i mean jj. the rj guys' games were.. funny.. it's like, when they touch, somehow they can knock the person over.. but interceptions are cooler with guys.. so it was really fun to watch. i like to watch only. since i suck. hmm.. yah. there were also all these small little boys from sec skls.. haha. so cute to watch them running around and passing and stuff.. really, it was just a huge rugby carnival.. and i'm so glad i went.. only horrible part about it was that it was frickin' hot! and no refreshments besides icecream [which the guy wanted to dispense with as quickly as possible] and 100-pluses.. had a pepsi twist which probably literally has a twist of lemon only. couldn't taste anything BUT pepsi.
ohyah fana lent me her pink baju punjabi! it rox! itz abit tight, but i still love it.. itz really nice.. just hope i dun look extra walking around all day in it, since i'm too malas to bring skl uni to change into. please. dun make my bag any heavier than it is.

'sup y'all! acherli i'm mildly pissed cos i've forgotten half of the cool things i've wanted to say since wednesday. so i'll be in the bulleted numbered mode again, to minimise that damage. okay here goes.
wednesday.
1. reached home soopa early [that was cool]. bummed around abit, ate alot and went to sleep. had a horrible/wonderful dream which left me feeling unsettled, as most dreams do. this one was about mocha. eeeuurgh. freaky!
thursday.
1. the journey to skl was fun.. got sum cute ppl.. this guy called jordan lim.. sum army officer ah. pls note, army OFFICER. not army boy. ohyah and that really cute vik frm ac.. woohoo! i love those reflective surfaces of mrt windows.. got an excellent view. until this aesthetically unpleasing makhluk decided to stand right in my line of vision. for the entire ride! i wanted to shoot him!
2. got bored [and extremely pissed] in chem lec. hello! iz he socially deficient? seriously. thatz just plain RUDE. i hope he never gets married. plus, i hope sum person hez in love with rejects him. cruelly. as cruelly as he sindired us. then he'll know how it feels. stupidstupidstupid. anyway i was just glancing around and caught sight of sluardalam. so i started drawing one on my notes. and started laughing. lyke siao. and continued laughing all throughout the day.
3. finished consolidated timetable during econs lec. outlook is not very good. darn.
4. apparently frappe was at surau again. next week, no pe for me! sorry, udu.
5. but don't worry, udu, i did enjoy soccer! it was damn fun! only the drills, though. i only enjoy drills. hehe. like damn fun man.. i lurrrrrvvvvvveeeeee stopping the ball. itz much easier than kicking it. ha. and i lurrrrrrvvvvvvveeee having latter around to watch. aiyah i juz lurve having stuff to look at..
today.
1. took the late train, cos filza sed she'd be early. [ain's train mechanics--extremely complicated, requires at least a day to understand, so it's easier not to try at all.] den met nydia at bus stop. diden know she takes the bus. latte was on it! woohoo! i got a great unobstructed view. yeah! and ili's fren, who saw me and waved. heh.
2. oh econs tut was damn embarrassing! i was like, waiting for the bell to ring. and then it rang. of cos we still had 20 minutes to go. but frappe was done, as the world knows, so i like, angled myself, and i was all set ah, for him to pass by. and after a few false alarms and about a century, he did. then i heard zhihan call my name [why??].. and anyway frappe passed without looking, and then i thot it was over, then he backtracked! and the people behind me were all looking at me, and i was just fainting on ili. arrrggghhh.. i know i do embarrassing things all the time, but that was just damn.. aaahhh.. it was just abit off.
3. ohyah another cool econs tut incident. i was collecting chem practs.. and i had most of them except pat's jessie's yu-hsin's and sum other ppl's arh. so i turned around to the row behind me [which consisted entirely of guys] and asked in general, "does anyone have pat's..?" and trailed off, cos i forgot what i was asking for. then julian looked extremely shocked and sed, "HUH?" and i was thinking to myself, "what huh?" then i turned back to my seat and mellie told me, "i thot u were asking 'does anyone have pads?' " and i started laughing, as expected.
4. pe was fun as usual. we played captain's ball. i'm a lousy captain, but highlight of the game: ain scores a goal! woohoo! haha. hey itz an achievement, considering we were playing with a FREAKIN' basketball! everyone knows my nose-being-flattened-by-a-bball-in-PRIMARYONE story. so yeah, i'm still skared of the stupid bball.
5. only sya's fren was in skl today. i guess ili's n my frens were busy cleaning that wonderful vik masjid or making bubur there or slaughtering sheep or smthg. anyway we talked to denise for awhile, and then had this cool impromptu mldcs meeting.. which was fun and funny and all that stuff.
okay iz that all? it betta be. i forgot everything else already. cya!

heyya! better be organised today, gotta rush off homeworking in half an hour.
1. gatal�ly decided to take the late train today. spent the entire ride panicking silently about being late. i wasn't late, after all. it was mebbe about 7.20++. still alot of ppl milling around. spent a less agonising period waiting for the bus. cos this time i realised i wasn't likely to be late. [i seriously have some sort of psychological late-phobia problem, among others.] i was just thinking i wasted time and brain cells worrying, but i changed my stand on that!
2. malay class. my hopes that cikgu fadilah wouldn't be around again so we could share the misery with 3B were unfounded. so i found myself sitting there with ili, getting a ceramah. which was pretty informative, really, and not boring at all. this was one of the better malay lessons. except i felt stupid cos i diden know ANYTHING of what he was telling us. of course our frens passed, and we were ready. i was positioned comfortably on my chair and everything.. they even made things easier by passing as a nice stack. haha. a stack of frens. sounds cool. and making lotsa noise too! sometimes i'm glad i get out of bed in the morning.
3. 5 minutes to go before maths lec and i realise i need to photostat chem tutorial from ili. anyway i have nothing more to lose since my friend already went upstairs. i thot i'd just put us on the same level by going to the photocopy shop. nothing more than that! so i spent a good 2 minutes standing at this retarded machine which was "warming up". i gave up and switched machines, and i was done. it was pretty fun. but i wish i diden hafta waste so much paper. den.. i was just pushing the door open when i caught a glimpse of this person outside and i instantly registered him a toot classmate. then i thot i was being stupid. then suddenly i was looking at my fren.
4. decided, after bio, to sorta make a new timetable by compiling a few timetables together. diden work out that well. but i shd have a perfect consolidated timetable within one month. and itz fun to make, too!
5. took the bus home. had a really good sleep in 105! dunno why. mebbe i was too exhausted. but somehow cldn't sleep in 53. ah whatever.
that shd be all. byez~

heyy! guess what? i got a C for chem! grades now stand at ABBCD.. can't form a word, but i'm not complaining! heheh. so.. even if i fail bio, i haf a pretty impressive [by MY standards] common test scorecard anyway. sorry to boast, but i'm really proud of myself. of course, itz not ALL my doing. i really don't believe so. for the entire month of june i was praying to "do well for common tests".. now, even if i fail bio, i think my prayers have been answered. again. my prayers were answered when i got 6 points... and now they're answered again! itz just so... so great.. i mean, even if all else is lost, including myself [which is a real possibility right now], i can always count on prayer, huh? i never thought finding direction was like this. but i think itz still really hard. really hard. but i think thatz what makes life worth living. trying and seeing if the try was good enough.
anyway my i-thot-was-out-of-point essay on the influence of music wasn't out of point after all! thank you, gp video and eminem.. i got 33! thatz a heeeeeuuuuuuugggeeeeee improvement over my 27 out of 50 [at best] essay marks. but i screwed up paper 2 as usual so i got a b4 in the end. but hey! i think itz still excellent. sorry if i appear to have low standards, but at least i'm satisfied with myself.. and you get what you work for.. which i did.
goodnight. [kristin kreuk roxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!]

ohyah today i realised even more, what a shitass i was in econs yest.. and what a shitass i AM when it comes to mc. so.. yah. guess i haf to buck up. and.. the pasir ris incident.. i feel so calm and unruffled today, itz like it never happened! so.. yeah, thanks, God..!

i cut my hair today! i think it looks good! really! but itz just a really big change from the old hair. she hacked off 3 inches of my lovely hair!!! it was pretty sad watching the locks of hair fall down to my lap. but i think the new hair looks good lar.. itz in a bouncy stage now so.. yah.. kwite fun.. i realised that every time i go for a haircut, i never know what itz gonna turn out to be. thatz cos i dunno what i want my hair to look like, so i dun really give the hairdresser specific instructions. and they end up cutting my hair according to my mom's, my sister's or their own preferences.. so.. yah.. itz kind of a surprise thing. but this time itz a pleasant surprise, i really like it lotz.. my only gripe? i'll need loads of pins to secure the falling fringe when i try to french braid my hair.. but thatz all larh..

chalte chalte! itz tearing my heart out!!!!!!!!!!

ohhhhhhhhhh! they're showing mohabbatein!!! on tvri! or rcti! or whatever it is!!!!!!!

SO many things happened today. i'm still reeling. but i'm glad i still kept the faith. how important faith is at times of need. anyway. i just remembered how weird it is that when i get angry at someone, i'm totally livid, but all the person has to do is say sorry and somehow the anger evaporates into embarrassment. i dunno, i guess i'm just weird like that.
i was a real shite in econs just now. i'm sorry, but i'm really a horrible person at heart. so. yah. i guess it just came out today. i can't understand why she treats us like little kids. itz really not the kind of teaching style we enjoy or benefit from. she really reminds me of umbridge. i knew at one point when i was reading the order of the phoenix that hogwarts life was somehow fusing with my own. but i guess itz going abit too far when i see a teacher in my own life as umbridge. i really hope i'm somehow hallucinating. anyway, i refuse to go into details of what she does, cos it would probably crash the entire internet with its sheer volume. but i was a total attituda [read: person with an attitude problem]. i can't believe myself. but that's not to say i regret being an attituda. i just.. i always looked down on those sorta people and suddenly i'm one myself? itz pretty skary, itz like losing myself all over again. every 5 minutes she was telling us, "jot down these notes.." which was otherwise unnecessary cos everyone else was feverishly copying. yes, everyone ELSE. yes, OTHERWISE unnecessary. i was the attituda who simply sat and there and refused to take down notes and ignored her completely. and playing with my bloat ball. and making faces. and sitting there looking out of both sets of windows, instead of at her. and openly defying what she sed. ohmigod. i'm horrible! i hate myself! but i don't love her either! i dunno how i'm going to survive further econs lessons! i must not be an attituda again! why am i such a bitch? ohnooooo... i'm a freakin' rebel! i'm losing myself again! i detest people like that!!! how could i be one myself? i'm really skared. really confused.
oh den somewhere in the middle of econs, frappe and coffee walked past arh. and they were, um, looking at us. [i already cued sya to look out the window cos they just finished class then..] yah. and. then frappe sed smthg to coffee. and then they went up the stairs. and while going up the stairs, coffee turned to look at us. it might be concerning the you-know-what. they may know!!! or suspect, at least. how??!?!? acherli itz not such a bad thing cos it wasn't a bad thing we did. so yah. itz just.. unreactable to, thatz all.
i surprised myself again today, pleasantly this time, when i voluntarily decided to join them for captain's ball after non-exertion pe. it was fun! and tiring! but fulfilling! no, really! i had alot of fun! it was munyuk pat daph gill jessie ili yanling and me, and later julian and jiahan joined us. woohoo! it was really fun. but the consequences.. i dunno if it was all that worth it after all.
decided to take the train home cos i wanted to walk to mrt with pat gill and yanling. so. i took the train. nice lim, who got in at tm, got off at tampines. it was raining buckets! really! [359 was at a traffic light, and i was next to the window, and i was looking at the window, water was just FLOWING down, not spattering the window, as if someone was slowly pouring a giant bucket of water over the bus. it was cool. cos the window was clear ah, can see outside. saw a cute vik running in the rain. heh. ok enuff digressing.] so i was listening to my coffeehouse compilation and just having fun walking under the shelter, maneuvering [sp?] myself around the people walking past. and then towards the end of the shelter, i noticed this group of people. relatively short ah. and i was like, "hey, that one looks like matlim!" but with slightly longer hair and who knows if i can trust my judgement since it has been a couple of years since i last saw matlim. anyway. yah thatz it. further details are not for public viewing.
and i just threw a tantrum. i swear i'm losing myself. and if were not for prayer, i would have completely slipped away a long time ago. OHNO! i'm turning into harry [potter]!
oh and to my lovely door, sorry for slamming you. i love you soooooo much. itz just that i forgot that in the face of rage. please forgive me, and continue to serve me as well as you have done thus far. and i will treat you with kid gloves. i'm really sorry k?
pray for me, y'all.

today we played soccer during pe. it was so farnn!!! seriously. or mebbe that was mostly due to the fact that i was the goalie. wahaha. but it was fun ah, i loved the drills and the passing practices and stuff. it was really cool but still damn tiring even though i wasn't running up and down the field. and i like to cool down in the toilet afterwards. itz kwite satisfying. haha.
oh. latte's hair is growing [literally n figuratively] worse. it really does look like a pillow attached to his head. haha. oh and apparently frappe decided to pray today. sheesh! takpe. kalau itz not meant to be, i shall not fight fate.
anyway i'm being really merepek today, so.. bye. ohyah there was this really cute and EXTREMELY tanned ac guy in 53.. wow! seriously! hez sooooooo tanned! but not black! but tanned!
ohyah i realised in MC's civics class that i'm really extremely superficial. talldarkhandsome and sweet? haha. as if! dream on, ain.

i'm losing my mind, i really am. see.. i was going home just now.. and i saw infront of me this group of people. for 5 glorious seconds i thot one of them was latte. i swear, i saw latte, with floppy hair and lanky build and funny walk and all! but u noe wat? it wasn't! it wasn't him! it was like, one of sluardalam's classmates.. it was just a whole group of sluardalam and his classmates.. no latte! no nothing! and there i was, panicking cos i thot latte somehow vaporised when i wasn't looking.. so yeah, that kinda confirmed to me that i was losing my mind.
btw, mrs chee, remember you said, "you don't miss what you don't have.." or never had.. ? well, i beg to differ. just because you haven't had something, you can still miss it. yeah, you don't know exactly what constitutes whatever that something is, but you do have some kind of idea, whether itz mostly supplied by your imagination or by others' information. but because you can acherli visualise the something, itz very possible to miss it ah. the only difference is maybe for these people, you don't miss the something as much as someone who once had it. you either miss it more or less. but you can miss it, nevertheless.
i'm sorry. i'm rambling. but i believe i'm right.

heyya! went for class outing today, against my better judgement. but guess what? it was fun fun fun!!! well.. we went for lunch first.. at breeks.. i was freaking full.. had an iced hazelnut latte.. just cos i was thinking of the coffees.. then we went to swensen's at crown prince for ice cream. den.. ohyah met about a thousand people! ermm.. after swensen's we--not, not WE, THEY--decided to split up.. so the guys went LANning [whateverr.] and us gerls [mellie gill me munyuk jessie pat] went to cine, where i saw zac and sed hi to wei ke [yipes i dun think she even remembers me!].. and then we went to annex.. ALOT OF LIMS ALOT OF LIMS! okay.. den taka.. in the middle of the road i met sadaf.. diden see shan2 cos it WAS the middle of the road, but apparently she was there too. ohyah saw peiying ard crown prince.. can't remember anyone else.. OOHYAH.. i was waiting outside this weirdish skary piercing-and-tattoo place.. and then i saw fathrul.. so i called out to him.. he looks even better now, if thatz possible. so i was wondering why i diden notice loong before pri 6.. den i realised it wouldn't have made much difference, would it? anyway hez in ngee ann now, doing mass comm.. for info purposes.. den.. ohyah pierced my ears again! so now itz 3+2 holes. i lurve it! i'm having such a great time with multiple holes, now muz get more earrings plak.. yah. so yeah, i had alot of fun today, and i'm glad i listened to amir and went for the class outing.. oh did i mention we saw cup of coffee and her? ee. dun like her. sorry. but i think shez abit extra. as in, extra in general, not extra as his gf. den.. ohyah saw shafa also, for a fleeting moment. sorry my thoughts are abit haphazard today. munyuk mellie gill pat got tattoos.. henna ones. not bad lar, but i wasted kwite alotta money today so i thot i better opt out. ohyah met diyanah with huifang. and trish! and rach and nurse. stupid zhaf i just realised i absentmindedly donated alot of my coins to him. haha. takper, they were just 10-cent coins. i hope. ohyah. i just reminded myself. at swensen's, stupid QT brought up stupid [ok, LOVELY WONDERFUL] orals and my fren and my sitting position. dammit larh! hahah. so everyone else at the table was like, "eh, who are you talking about?" dolmat. nevermind. they forgot about it soon enuff. hahah.
ok thatz it. bye.

"you have beautiful eyes."
tonight is romantic movies night. not consciously, of course. i finally finished d/ling she's all that, after like, a week. and being ol' impatient me, i decided to just start watching it straightaway. aaaarrggghh! itz just so much nicer than bridget jones's.. and much better quality, of course.. this time i decided to get divx, no matter how long it took... and it paid off! i'm never gonna delete this movie, it rox too much. freddie prinze jr looks really good, and i lurve tamara mello and rachael leigh cook.. anyway, yarh. and i'm watching the wedding planner [again!], on sum indonesian channel. reception will suck, but this looks set to be a nice romantic movies night, so who am i to argue with fate?
ok i'm crapping. just need to pee real bad. so. seeya!

hi. itz been like, 3 days since i was last online, and my mailbox is full again. i really appreciate all these entertaining forwards, but seriously. i'm a pack rat, remember? so my room is always messy, not to mention my handphone inbox and my email inboxes. yarh.
anyway, finally finished watching mohabbatein yesterday. itz sooooooo.. well, itz just really nice. one of them reminds me of decaf, another of my fren, and the other is just good-looking on his own. sigh. baba is right about stories based in schools.. they're the best kinds..
well. i've acherli been stalling my goings online, cos i diden really wanna give a blow-by-blow account of my encounter with my fren. haha. so yeah, i'm still not gonna do that now. but yah, orals on friday were fine larh.. stupid moment, though: ili and i were at mac's then sidekick walked past and paused and like, grinned at a person offstage, and ili was grinning at ME, and i was trying not to laugh while shivering lyke siao in mac's.. incidentally, person offstage was decaf.
oh and "fir" wasn't there during my last day at the tuition place.. ohwell. seeing him once should be enough for me larh.. wat to do.. itz not fated, apparently.
till the end of my life, i'll be waiting. waiting.. waiting.. waiting.

ok this is my second real gif, made from scratch. really proud of myself. anyway, today was my last actual studying day at the airport. diden stay long this time--left at 12-plus, cos i was getting really crampy. anyway. den.. ohyah i've started doing something worthwhile with my life. helping out my sister with her tuition. itz not bad lar.. if nothing else, it should help me realise if i DO wanna end up teaching. there's this guy at the jurong west branch.. i was teaching sum gerls sum maths and he walked in ah. he was like, freakin' tall! i swear! and i was like,"omigod firdaus!" but it wasn't, of course. he is probably the same age, though, cos he's retaking o's.. and yah. but he seriously looks like fir! i wanted to die. then he had to write a compo about music and he plunged right into dikir barat, and started talking IN DEPTH, all about it! i was just dying. i mean, hello! firdaus clone! or mebbe itz just my imagination that all these people look like fir. whatever it is, itz freaky!
ohyah speaking of freaky, last last nite i had this horrible dream about baba having a bf who's plump and fair and short, and abit too friendly. and [in the dream] i had the impression he was fairul, so i was like, talking about him to a fren and the fren sed, no thatz not fairul, they broke up a long time ago! thatz another guy! then i was soooo shocked and pissed with the new guy and i was like, slamming him and saying how sorry i felt for fai. watever. stupid dream rite?
oh another one. just last night. involved latte telling me, "acherli, i'm skared of you." and me replying, "please lah, stop lying!" scathingly and watching his face fall.

actual blogging on my head; my heart will be temporarily suspended due to technicalities. blogging should resume by the end of the month.

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
hahahahaha

dependent


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Blue Eyes


What Color Eyes Should You Have?
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Christian


What Moulin Rouge Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You come from the Future. Your soul came from a
different time, far in the future. You're just
a little bit a head of everyone else and you're
constantly wondering what lies ahead.


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

Attached At the Hip - you and your locker are very
needy of each other. Your locker is your crutch
and your friend. Go hug it today!


How Dependent on your school locker are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How Much Freshman Do You Have In You? HIGH SCHOOL STEREOTYPE QUIZ (for girls, with images!)
brought to you by Quizilla
whatever.

1950's Chevy Bel Air is the classic car you should
be Sportin'


What Classic Car Should You be Sportin'?
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Raver Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
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Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
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You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.


What Kind of Smile are You?
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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yeah! quiz spree!

You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

yeah the great news is that i finally passed my pft!!! i'm so happy. thank you God, for your grace. i have a cool blow-by-blow account, but first..
i was talking on the fone with fana.. so i could just watch the ac ppl walking past without feeling stupid.. saw shamima.. and a sandwich of the cute ac vik-with-cool-cropped-at-the-sides-hair-and-adam-sportsbag, a lim and hichael, who looks as if he cut his hair. haiz. haiz. den my fren came ah.. and other normal ppl.. and sluardalam also.. then frappe came!!!!!! so i started singing to fana, "oh rahmat allah, kau telah tiba.." and stupid shit liddat. den of course i purposely sat kat depan [anyway itz easier for me and my big bag].. so like, my fren sat perpendicular to me and his fren sat beside me. and then fana, once again, asked who it was sitting next to me cos his voice was nice. haha. den frappe was like, listening to his earfones and he shared it with sluardalam.. they were like, kwite happy-looking, but im not sure why. wow. i mean like, frappe is just too good-looking to be walking around in public! anyway my fren sed hi to me, of cos.. and he, as well as other ppl around me, seemed amused by my half of the conversation. maybe i talk louder than others, but hey. do you know that you reveal your true self when you're talking on the fone to a fren? so yah. meet the real ain, everyone. den.. reached skl and i was still dying over frappe. i thot he was going to the canteen, so i was launching into this i-love-frappe-hez-so-hot expose... den i realised he was behind me! yikes. haha. we walked about 100m together. so farn! hehe. he was going to his locker, btw. 6th from the right, kat bawah. [hey syurga, stop signing in and out!]
oohyah and we took about a thousand pics of frappe cos he happened to be sitting at the bamboo garden in full view of the world.
anyway we were going for pe then mellie sed, "no pe today." so i was like, "are you lying cos i'm gonna punch u if you are." and she was like, "really.. pft retest will be rescheduled.." or smthg liddat. so i screamed. in happiness of cos. the entire gym looked at me. ha. so i got ready to go home, and i was all ready when i met ili who told me that retest was still happening. so i was like, waddeshit. and i diden wanna go, so i looked around for a second opinion. so i found denise and asked her, and she confirmed it. so i was just so pissed off ah. and i was seriously considering not going ah. but i thot, hey, i'm given a chance to pass before the hols, might as well give it a shot. so i got changed and went to specs gall. fortunately mun yuk and gill were just walking towards me so i diden haf to look stupid running around looking for them. we transited through the indoor gym to go for shuttle run. and i saw.... a few of our classmates.. sum random guys.. and LATTE!!! he was rite in the middle of the place, barefoot, tshirt out, hair unkempt, with his shoes sitting beside him. i diden know whether to smile or cry. i mean, i diden wanna embarrass myself infront of... a hot coffee. anyway. adamz class was playing bball on the same court as our shuttle run. i had fun watching him. my time improved too--11.9 instead of 12.0.. den.. situps were oklah. duh. i never had a problem with them, thankfully. and gillian passed. then it was sbj. and thatz when the guys came back in from their shuttle run. and i saw latte walking in holding his shoes. u mean he ran barefoot? he looked kwite alone for once. then i was really skared about having to pass sbj, with latte in the house! but i passed. thank you, God. and then while the rest were jumping, i watched latte do his situps. he was totally breaking the hands-in-contact-with-your-ears rule. summore hez so lanky and stuff rite.. so i was kwite amused ah. and i was just watching him do his situps, and smirking. cos i was really amused.. and glad to have him around. the boys finished first.. and so latte left.. i wonder about the whole barefoot thing, but to each his own. i passed the rest too.. so.. yah. the atmosphere was really different this time. it was quiet.. peaceful.. kinda carefree.. and i guess thatz why i generally performed betta.
ohyah forgot to mention, there was this weird moment where i was exiting the lt with sya and met my fren and his classmates who included toot classmate and alot of gerls. and my fren smiled at us ah, and i smiled back, and he was like, "this is the richest girl on earth." i was like, HUH? sorry, wrong number, i kinda didn't catch you there.

itz funny. when i see some things on tv, i feel like i can smell them. there was a clip of peach-coloured roses.. and i somehow imagined i could smell their sweet scent..
anyway.
the day was.. weird. it was ok with plenty of horrible bits. it left me numb eventually. i had an ok time, colouring my beautiful 2 pages of bubblegum kids during bio lec.. and cooling away in ts 5.. and doing sum of chem tutorial and maths tutorial at the bench depression.. and there was this weird peristiwa where mocha was like, walking across the lt and i was sitting down watching him and so i was like fainting.. skali i opened my eyes and saw latte, walking past me!!! aargh. i really embarrass myself sumtimes. yah den there were horrible parts.. like the hothothothotHOT day. and the absence of frappe cos of the common test. and stupid cup of coffee n his gf parading ard infront of me. and others. and there was this baaaad empty feeling in me. again. it felt so so so tragic. den yahlah. but i had a nice calming time at the airport. and maybe i'll go back sumtime.

took the bus today.. sat RITE behind frappe. i wanted to die. haha. he smells really good.. seriously! haha. he smells of sum nice soap or powder or smthg.. sighh.. den.. he really does look good ah.. he has a great profile, and nice hair, and stuff.
and i shd go, b4 i melt now..

I wish....
You happiness on a cloudy day.
Blue skies to chase your cares away.
A breath of fresh air when you are feeling down.
Anything to get rid of that frown.
A sprinkle of rain,
And a life free of pain.
I wish you warmth from the rays of the sun
And a lifetime of joy and fun.
Just keep your eyes to the sky.
And know I am always nearby. stolen from some forward

wat a shitty day. plus, i switched on my comp, i stress again, MY comp, only to discover that my sister totally changed it! i wanted to cry. no, really. i wanted to cry. wat a shit. my really nice rhd wallpaper was gone, and replaced instead by this stupid baby who has nothing to do with me or my comp at all. and there are these really irritating baby sounds being played when alerts pop up. fucking annoying sia. i did not come home to meet a strange baby-obsessed comp larh, please. gimme a break. no one modifies my brother's comp, which, i must state, makes much more noise than mine does, so don't come and modify MY computer! since itz mine and all.. itz not that hard to understand. i mean, my dad uses my comp too, but he doesn't violate my rights by changing the wallpaper and adding fucking irritating sounds. whatever man. and all the fonts and sum icons have changed. i want my carebears, if you don't mind. go and put your babies on your laptop larh. and stop bothering my comp. i feel violated. this is the last straw. next time, i complain. i've been shutting up all my life, so nowz the time to make some noise. people in bad moods are not to be trifled with. people in perpetually horrible moods should not even be looked at in the eye.
anyway, just wanted to add smthg. smthg less angry and angsty. was in ghim moh mac's and found a new person.. he cracks me up the way sluardalam does.. haha. will look out for him.

okay started the day out cool. eh wait, i'll tok abt yest first. hm. hmm. ohyah. we were at mac's during the break, and i saw this tudunged lady who reminded me of cikgu suryani, so i was like,"can that woman please leave? she looks like my pri skl teacher.." and later she saw me and she waved at me! so yeah, it was her after all. i was so shocked and surprised. ok ttz the same thing. i meant pleasantly surprised. anyway, then we were about to spend a couple of minutes more in mac's when frappe arrived!!!!!!!!!!! he ponned skl in the morning ah, so he was wearing pe tee and skl pants and his cute blue bag with the even cuter cd on it. hehe. den.. yah he was with my fren, cup of coffee and... pleh. yah. it was kwite cool. hez too perfect. he is, he is. hm. wat else. ohyah was waiting for the stupid buses to come and take us to police academy, but they were apparently gonna be late so we were free to take a cab. i mean, duh! itz our money wat. stupidity. den.. ili sya and i took cab ah. we saw adam and his frens trying to get cab also, and kak adila. we were the only ones, btw, who did that. yah. umm.. it was an extremely cool game. got a great view, a sore throat and a sore body at the end of the game. but it was soooooooo fun! final score, 13-11 to ac. but i state here and now tt we cld have won. we got more trials than them, ttz for sure. shafiq and asrie played of cos. asrie still looks like marie. den... ohyah ac number 11 is soopa cute. anyone has details on him, pls tell me. haha. oh apparently hichael got 6 points. aaaaaaaargh. y diden he go rj? we cld be going to SKL together!!!! -spitz- hm wat else. oohyah there were 2 cute guys. one has a cool unique face.. yayz! then... frappe arrived! and my fren came with his uncle/father/cousin/brother/friend. and he waved at me. oh, im SOOOOOOOOO surprised. frappe was standing RITE behind our bags. keeuuut! but dee2 doesn't think so. takpe the less fans the betta. aiyah i can't remember any more impt stuff abt yest.. so that'll be it.
den today was cool. i was running late ah, cos left the hse at 8.30. then i was in the train, and this familiar-looking guy went in at raffles place, so i was like,"hm, iz tt raihan?" but it cldn't be, cos i mean, he takes the train frm jurong east wat. so i was trying to bend over and get a good look at his face, but it only made me think that it really was him. anyway dun worry abt my eyes, in the end, it was him ah. yeah. den we went to delta hockey pitch.. and it was still the vj-ac game.. so yah. i saw hichael, and jane chan, and adam, and aidil, and syah and alotta other ppl. and lims! lotz and lotz! and there was this really cute njc vik i was looking at.. and later after prize presentation, he came back upstairs, and i saw his shoes, and they were MY shoes, and so i realised i found my RAHUL!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah! im soooooooooo happy!!!!! he has curly hair, medium height and iz in nj hockey. alrite. ohyah i screamed like siao again during the game.. it was fun, especially coupled with the fact tt we won! but frappe diden play. sluardalam diden either. but sleeping guy did, and i diden know he was so good ah! hez extremely good. yah. aj got a 2-0 lead really early in the game, and i was sooooooo skared we wld lose, but we racked up the goals slowly, one by one. pretty cool. latte is amazing. hez great. wonderful. haha. ermm.. ohyah saw my fren hugging thousands [i exaggerrate, pls remember..] of girls. whatever. seriously. wad a... womanizer. hm. yah then we left and dropped by at skl, then too 105 and 53 to airport. we passed police academy, and there was this cute vik police guy ah. and he was staring at us, and i was staring at him, and his nametag, trying to read it. itz acherli readable, except i was skared to look at it. i cld only get his middle name, which is hafiz. hehe. he has a frappe smile. the frappe half-smile. so it was kinda unnerving. but he's cute! the airport was cool. i made some progress. saw ali from bara. told fana he looks betta in real life, and she sed she doesn't care. i was laughing like siao. OHYAH sya like, msged latte and told him congrats or sum shit arh, and that he played super-well.. and he sed,"hey sha.. thanks a lot.. thanks for coming down.." and i went all crazy and started hugging her fone. haha. yah. hez sooooooo cute, even on sms! i wanted to die. anyway tt should be all. so.. bye! ohyah, the ac hokkers are really noisy and rowdy! sheesh. hichael's calm and mature face really belies that.
oh everyone read straits times sports section. denise is mentioned, and so is raihan. but they glorify acjc rugby, so pls disregard tt. we are the true champions.

okay firstly.. on today larh. had a horrible horrible horrible day! i wanted to cry by the end of it! i dunno why im such a shitass who kan't even clear 1.51m for standing broad jump.. itz like, 10cm less than my height! im such a loser lorh. now i haf to repeat every single thing. i must be sum kinda subconscious masochist. anyway, yeah so i was having a baaaaaaaaaad baaaaaaaaaaaaad day.. and i finally made up my mind to go to the airport and get a frappucino. i was having just as horrible a time in 105 and 53.. but at least i got to sleep and stuff. anyway, yah.. and itz still bus therapy wat, so i was just soaking it up as much as i could. then.. yah got to the airport and went to starbucks [i diden get lost!!! =D] and ordered a grande mocha coconut frappucino.. then while waiting i found a whole new set of pamphlets and i took one on starbucks frappucinos.. itz sooooooooooo cool! anyway, then she gave my my frappe.. and guess what? it was piled HIGH with whipped cream and BURSTING with coconut flakes. i was just dying of ecstasy.. itz damn nice of her larh.. cos the other time the person gave me normal amt of cream with minimal coconut flakes.. oh wow.. it just RAWKS! so by the time i went back to the bus terminal, i was happy and well-fed. yes, i sed happy. i couldn't believe it either. the wonders of coffee and airconditioned buses, huh? i can now face the world again.
okay i did a mini-outline for the rest of the blog so..
on abstinence.. i fasted on monday and tuesday last week, and this week also. kwite successful, in terms of puase itself. yah the days were bearable and generally diden miss a sembahyang. den.. last week i got alot of lifts frm my sis.. so managed to abstain from THAT ONE as well. haha. den.. i dunno somehow alot of things been happening these past two weeks.. lotsa skl activity.. so abstinence was kwite easy to follow up on.. but then anyway this week, i decided that itz simply not possible to abstain. im telling myself to abstain, but i don't acherli WANT to, so.. yah itz not been successful in terms of that ah. so i decided to scrap complete abstinence and replace it with partial abstinence.. or mere detachedness. itz kwite easy to do larh.. just smile when you need to and NEVER raise your hand to wave. and think about other stuff alot [thatz the easiest part]. so.. yeah. i wouldn't say the abstinence period was without itz merits. i think of it as a form of detox. and yah, now itz much easier to view things. things to do with THAT ONE ah, i mean.
i wanted to write all about how i detest skl and why jcs are the bane of my existence, but itz just too depressing to deal with, since i've just brought myself out of the dumps anyway. so... maybe next time when im out of material. but the surau has been my haven, my escape from reality, my refuge. i live for the surau these days. [of course for the next 5-7 days i kan't but nvm.] but seriously, yar. itz the only place i feel completely myself. and so i should just spend the bulk of my outside time there. yes.
ok last thing. yesterday i was watching dian 2: hidayah [what does hidayah mean in malay?], and then during one of those heart-tugging scenes, they played this bg music ah. which sounded SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO familiar! so i tried to remember where i last heard it from, and why i knew the tune so well, as if i'd heard it all my life. and then i remembered! it was theme song. you know, the music piece they used to play at orchard mrt, when i was hanging out at jp alot.. i wanted to CRY. i was about to cry anyway. it was just so sad. it brought me back to the time when i was happy and relaxed and settled in with life completely. when i diden really have to study [in perspective], but did anyway cos i wanted to be promoted to sec 3. i was so so so sad when i heard the song, and the tune was playing in my head, and i knew exactly what the entire song sounded like even before the rest of it was played. i'm really sad ah. then, we were such good friends and nothing really tore us apart. and we used to just sit there and people-watch, and do our hw, and talk, and eat sushi, and... omigod itz just so sad. i still remember this one day baba n i were sitting there and there were these pl lims.. haha.. and later we took the straws they were using [when they were gone, of cos] and washed and kept them. oh and remember loner? who could forget her? and slash.. and... ohh... i miss being great friends with all my pbl group.. -sigh- if i could just go back in time to a secondary school era, i'd choose that one. then one day, they stopped playing the song. in fact, they stopped playing anything at the mrt stations. except for this stupid period where they played nature songs. ............................................... i do not know the title of the song, nor the composer [itz just an instrumental piece]. i do not know anything about the song except that it never failed to calm me then, and it never fails to tug at my heart now. i do not know if any of the other people who shared the song with me actually place it in a special place in their heart as i do, but i do know that i will never forget the notes, the tune, the essence of the song, and how it will always remind me of the happiest time i have possibly had in my short lifetime so far. i miss you all, my pbl group. i miss all of you, baba, fana, diyanah.
on a considerably brighter note, i've been making up a whole range of mini-literary works.. which include, among others, a mini-script, mini-timetable and mini-fairytale. maybe i'll post them up sometime. till next time yah..

this will be a shitty entry, so please leave now. i'm just tired and lazy but i still wanna chronicle my life, since i'm getting back into the blogging thing [so there!].. ok letz start from the beginning. yesterday. oh shit i forgot what happened. ohyah. short wednesday. bearable and all. got a lift from my sister. but there was sum accident off normanton park, so there was a whole traffic buildup thingy.. and i reached school at.. 7.39? haha. the bell rang the moment i stepped in, or thereabouts. then.. like i sed, bearable short wednesday. wednesdays are excellent. so iz decaf. neway, den fana msged me asking if i wanted to go out, so i was like, alrite! cos i'd acherli prayed earlier to have sum form of activity to do after skl. den.. yah, after skl i took 198 and waited at the jj bus stop ah. then i went inside, met lyn and saw the pic of her extremely good-looking brother [who, btw, still cannot top frappe lah].. den.. went to orchard ah.. ate at jon's salon. took picture card at far east also. saw dell n her bf again. umm.. ohyah took bus to police academy. reached around 4.15.. it was like, sa vs ac. i wanted to kill ili for giving me wrong info. i thot rj played already or smthg. luckily i met grace, den she told me it was prolly afterwards. so we watched while standing, then we sat down at the steps near the toilets. there were these 3 cj guys ah. 1 vik, 2 cins. the vik was, i'm sorry to say, NOT cute. one of the cins was not bad and the other was extremely cute. they're the sort who dun exactly look cin ah. i like that type. i also like rosy cheeks, speaking of which, i saw him yest too! he's as adorable as ever, and i think his name/surname is kong or khong or watever. anyway. the cin guys were both wearing glasses, the cool kind. both tall. all 3 prolly ruggers, after getting trashed, decided to learn a thing or two from the other matches. the cute one was filming the sa-ac match. he was hot literally, so he unbuttoned a button. i was dying! hahah. extreeeeeeeeeeemeeeely sexay... he also carries a crumpler and has a gf [i think]. the ok one reminds me of khairul [haha] which is definitely not an insult rite? yarh, hez acherli great except his pants are abit too short and they have two holes in the left knee. hey, that kinda reminds me of RH! how i miss rgs tarian.. it was a cool match. i, of course, cheered only for raihan since cheering for adil also is kinda funny. as i was leaving early from there, i saw this tudunged lady sitting alone, cross-legged on the ground, watching. dunno whose mom. badak wasn't playing. he had mata tembel and so he bandaged his eye. anyway then i went home so the end.
today. i diden get a lift today. i diden see hichael today. but i got a nice corner seat and a good nap in the morning. then took the bus with frappe [!!!!! woohoo!!!!] and -ugh- my fren, who, fortunately, did not greet me in any way. frappe is too hot, too cool, too excellent. but i was suffering from pe anxiety, so i diden haf very great a time for the most part of the day. however, i did manage to appreciate this short ac lim who was at council invest just now. not very appreciable, but hey. i take what i kan get. speaking of which, saw a jp lim in the train! yeah! not cute acherli, but yah. strangely, carrying only a notebook and wallet or smthg. not even pencil case. weeeeird. then pe anxiety ended as we started the run. i wanted to/was about to die already, from the 1.5th round onwards.. but i persevered. people started lapping me from 3rd round onwards, but i wasn't like, despirited ah. -wtf my spoiled brat of a cousin is messing up my house- anyway, yah after i finished my 5th round, i started walking. i'd already promised myself tt if my 5-round time was satisfactory, i'd get to walk for the last round. so yah. it was 12:37 or smthg.. so i walked and walked and walked. den ran for the last 100m. then took my card and paced up and down the semi-D about a thousand times, feeling like shit. [well acherli i felt as if my intestines were shrivelling up.] i thot my time was like, in the 17th or 18th minute ah.. and i got a really pleasant surprise when udu read out my time as 15:40. wow! itz great! come on larh, i think my best time was 15:57 in sec 3.. or was it sec 2? last year it was 16:40, or thereabouts. so. yeah. thank you, God. this is Your grace. please let me pass the rest of the test too. [for statistical purposes, my time was a C grade. yeah!] anyway when i was done i went to pray [i love the surau with every passing day] den my sister picked me up. and now im home! and ruben has won!
take kare y'all.

my sister sent me to skl today.. so i managed to successfully avoid all unpleasant encounters, at least for one day. also, i got thru the day without eating or drinking, so i'm pretty proud of myself. ooh. and i managed to focus on obsessing over non-coffees [except frappe!] today, so thatz cool. btw, adamz class is S01B. okay now we know.
throughout the course of the day, i discovered i was lost many many times. there were times i saw or felt myself slipping away, letting another self take its place, and all i could do was observe. passively observe myself slipping away into God-knows-where. there were moments of clarity, of course, but such times were few and confusingly, they were mostly the time i spent at the surau. i mean, i know therez nothing wrong with that, but itz just.. skary.. you don't know how skary it is to be on the inside looking out. sure, everyone knows how it feels to be on the outside looking in, but not the other way right? itz so so skary. i thought i'd never find myself again. i found myself forced to watch and listen and disintegrate as i rejected help from well-meaning friends. and i couldn't do anything to stop it! i felt so defeated. and.. yah.. i dunno.
maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

I can't get out of bed today or get you off my mind
I just can't seem to find a way to leave the love behind
I aint trippin, I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying, you know what I mean
You kept me hangin on a string why you make me cry
I tried to give you everything but you just gave lies
I aint trippin, I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying, you know what I mean yeah

Every now and then when I'm all alone
I'll be wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothin I can do
I'm such a fool for you

Chorus:
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can't stop thinkin of you
It's true
I'm stuck on you

Now love's a broken record that's been skippin in my head
I keep singin yesterday,
Why we gots to play these games we play
I aint trippin, I'm just missin you
You know what I'm saying, you know what I mean yeah

Every now and then when I'm all alone
I'll be wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool

Chorus:
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart's still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can't stop thinkin of you
It's true
I'm stuck on you

Every now and then when I'm all alone
I'll be wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothin I can do
I'm such a fool for you

Chorus:
I can't take it
What am I waiting for
My heart still breakin
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can't stop thinkin' of you
It's true
I'm stuck on you--Stacie Orrico's Stuck

i hate you. how could you be so mean as to do that to me? i mean, think about it. i've never done anything mean to you. not a single time. not willingly and not unconsciously. because i've never done a single mean thing to you. you know what i should have said to badak the time he suaned you abt me? "why, are you jealous? don't worry, he doesn't go for malay girls." isn't that true? it is rite? you know, i'm SO stupid. the day i saw you last year, the month of my birthday, at pizza hut, when you were with 2 other guys and 2 or 3 girls, i should have immediately GUESSED you were triple-dating! but you know what conclusion i came to? i thot they were your COUSINS! now, ain't that dumb of me? a 6-pointer, but with absolutely no common sense. that's me. i just can't believe my stupidity. and i guess yu kan't too, seeing as you never bothered to say bye just now. and you know what else? i acherli had clues about your actual self waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before this. i think it was 2 or 3 years ago when i first thot you were cute and i voiced it to fana, who told me about the time at sinda awards where she and nita heard you checking out girls. i never forgot that little bit of information, acherli.. but i guess i didn't or couldn't come to the conclusion that you were like THAT. i don't acherli want to come to that conclusion now, acherli. but i'm faced with no other choice. now, doesn't that prove that i'm about the dumbest human being on earth? i have no idea how i live with myself.
actually i'm not exactly sure why what yu did [or diden do, maybe] bothers me so. itz not as if i really really like you or anything, the way i do a certain someone else. so theoretically, i shouldn't be bothered by just now at all. in fact, i'm not even sure WHAT i'm bothered about. but i know for a fact that i am bothered. maybe itz cos i never thot of you as that kinda "havoc" [in fana's words] character.. and now that i've realised that, i feel dramatically paled, since i'm a reject [in my words]. i can't believe u made me cry. i don't know WHY you made me cry. but you did! you did! itz all your fault. y be so friendly, amicable and baik-baik from 6.45 am to 5.45pm, when you turn into sum sorta... pai viknesh like the rest of them, hanging out with aimees and all that? doesn't that kinda show that the latter is your real self? y hide it from the 645-545 world then? we wouldn't have persecuted yu, yu know. ohmigawd. i just can't believe it. you destroyed my visions! how dare you? how dare you? i would believe it of them, but you? you're just another two-face. dun try and tampilkan two different versions of yourself larh. you'll be found out in the end. do you know that? do you KNOW that? i have found you out. itz a matter of time before the rest of the world does. why can't you just be true to one self? i just don't get it. i thot only confused-looking people were like this. but i guess i was wrong.
i suppose i should also blame myself. i've been in a horrible state these past few weeks. and therefore quite volatile. it's just... i don't like my dreams to be destroyed. and you have succeeded in doing that. and i know i should just try to forget it, but i have this knack for being unable to forget the very things that upset me. i'm not sure why. but it is beyond my control, this special ability. i cannot turn it off. and so i will have to endure weeks [at least] of visions of today haunting me. and the empty feeling you left me with. no, really. it was an empty feeling. i was eating, yes. but i was emptied as well. the moment i walked in and registered that initial picture, my head said, hancur hatiku. kaoz. i wasn't exaggerating. it broke at first, and then you crushed it under your feet. while still talking. not to me, of course. not to me. after that you sorta brushed away the minute fragments with your feet and walked away. and so i still feel empty now.
at first i went all out. i sed, ok. i'll ignore!!! i'll avoid talking, eye contact, and waving. all forms of communication will be avoided. feign permanent selective deafness. and all that crap. but seriously. me? do all that? come on larh. i couldn't even do that to mr. crap [ok ttz cos of kesianness, but still.]. so i settled for simple abstinence. ok in truth itz not as simple as the phrase suggests. but itz definitely simpler than the first knee-jerk response. i'll change carriages. maybe change train, cos i'm gonna pray subuh from now on. to hell with white slips for lateness. i'll fast this mon and tues. i might skip the normal bus, just in case. or sit at the far end seat. cos you'll never venture there. or hang out in the toilet until.. 7.20. stuff like that. stuff like... never venturing into the canteen. never staying back after skl as far as i kan. hanging out at the surau if i really need to stay back. mostly looking down, and not looking up [like from tables, out of the classroom, etc] unnecessarily. and since i kan recognise your voice, i know when especially not to look up. not wandering out of the lt before econs lec, so i dun haf to enter and maybe have to lalu you. not obsessing over my list for at least a week, to lift the sanctions that latte has appeared to place on me. so that next time, his attn won't be drawn to me and so won't yours. and what else is there? ohyah never looking out for your class, even if i somehow become badak's bez fren or smthg. oohyes one more thing. abstaining from all things vik/aimee for at least a week. acherli that doesn't have much to do with you, but itz ok. i'll just take extra precautions like they did with sars. they were kwite successful with that, so i might be too.
i don't know WHY i had to even venture back west today.. gatal sangat tanak balek rite? nak share your joy abt kaw with fana rite? inilah padahnye. but it must be God's will that i had to face such a cobaan today. bye.

well. i'm stuffed. after the match my sister picked me up from vj and we picked my brother up and we went to breeks at tm to eat. *now playing, Girl On TV by LFO... as a tribute to raihan, for his great performance today and in the preceding games..* anyway, yah. then.. ohyah my brother has a wolverine hairstyle today!!!!!! i couldn't stop laughing initially.. itz horrible! how cld he go to skl liddat? apparently everyone in his skl thot it was cool. i have to say this for him, he does exactly what he wants.. so he'll never ever shortchange himself. unlike yours truly. WHY DIDEN I JUST SMILE AT WEI? nvm. anyway. pe was acherli pretty cool. it kinda rained, so we did a mock pft.. situps and sbj and shuttle run. i passed all 3, for ur info.. surprisingly i managed to maintain my A for situps.. yay! and shuttle run was 12.1.. oklah... as long as i pass, i'm happy ah. then we rushed out and got a cab [sya, ai mei, me] and went to vj. it was still 0-0 when we arrived [around 4.22], and... well, it was still 0-0 when i left, to put it less harshly. thing was, raihan got this really cool header that was BOUND to get in! and the goalie managed to knock it out! i was crying. it was just SO sad. so so so sad. i was very sad. sorry to seem like, overly concerned about soccer when im usually not, but i really did feel that sad ah.. it was simply horrible. anyway, yah. i can't believe it. but itz over. itz totally over now.
tmr is the iq quiz. i sincerely hope we get thru to the finals.. please, God. let us get thru. den i hope i'm going for the rj-cj rugby match. itz been a long time since my [first and] last rugby match. so.. heh. hope it'll be cool. well. cya then.
ohyah. breeks was oklah. but i mean, it was all creamy and stuff.. cos i had sum fish n pasta thingy. which was creamy. then dessert--brownie [heart-shaped!] with choc syrup, cream and choc ice cream. it was GREAT. haha. should last me till tmr afternoon. but im still gonna haf breakfast.

yesterday was what i thought to be the worst day of my life. acherli it went fine ah, for the most part.. but there was a major screwup, 1km from home. how shitty is that? i went to bishan mac's after school with sya. so we sat there and ate and studied econs [which was, btw, unnecessary cos.. well i'll elaborate later..] and waited for baba. then wei ming came in and we sed hi to each other. then baba came and the st nick's gerl came in.. i still dunno her name, and she doesn't know mine, but itz okay ah.. i haven't seen her since last year!!! so we sed hi and she was like,"wow you're in raffles? so smart? wat's ur o level aggregate?" anyway she's in sec 3 now, taking double science and art.. she's so bubbly! haha so nice to have friends... haha.. den... i went home ard 4.45.. dropped by loyang point.. heeeuuuge mistake there.. it was acherli raining lightly then.. by the time i came out of loyang point [around 10 mins later, maximum], it was really huge buckets of water crashing down on pasir ris. i was drenched to the skin, and this morning i had to wear other shoes cos my fila ones were still wet. and my unprotected papers n notes were all pulpy and sticking to my bag!!! i was having a horrible time! i was like, crying of rage and sorrow. mann.. i love rain, but there is a point where i enjoy it at home, instead of being out in it. then at 8 i was already half-asleep when my sister woke me up and asked if i wanted to go out for dinner with the rest of the family. tired and sleepy as i was, i was still myself, so i stupidly sed yes.. got home around 9-plus, ended up sleeping at almost 11. beats the purpose of going home early duncha think? anyway but yest was kwite cool also cos i saw screw and alex... heh. alex was on crutches.. haha. oohyah and i took the bus with decaf badak and my fren! whee!~ ohyah n i stared at hichael who was staring at me too! alrite!
ooh and TODAY, after skl i took 156 to bishan with sya. she went for training and i went home ah. it was like, 6.05 then. so the queue was full so i thot i'd get fries or smthg first.. nancy took a shittily long time!!! i wanted to kill her. so by the time i got back, the queue was half full already. whatever. i joined it.. then i saw jeremy!!!! he talked to me for awhile.. i kan't believe he quit council.. i would never do that, if i was IN council.. but i guess he wants a more relaxed jc life.. sigh.. to be in council.. nevermind. like mun yuk sed, mebbe better things are in store [although at this point i can't be too optimistic about that].. ohyeah the econs test. it was the Automobile Association qn lorh!!!!!! i cannot believe it.. i diden even consider consumer surplus and consumer sovereignty as part of dd and ss.. well.. whatever. i just gave in 1.5 pages of crap, complete with 4 diagrams. hee. yah well.. that's about it... i gotta go do... erm.. chem malay bio. in that order.. maybe a few qns of each. haha.
byez!~ wish me a great journey to skl tmr!

fuck it sum asshole just screwed either the OD website or my comp.. just what i need right now.. anyway.. tomorrow im sending the kalashatvam pics [courtesy of sya] for printing! heh. gonna get 5000 copies printed.. can't wait! ohyah sorry for the sudden craze for quizzes.. i was bored and yah..
ever felt soopa pissed? itz a normality of my life. i can't believe i won't be able to watch fir tomorrow. i was really really counting on it. and now i can't. well, acherli i can, but an unaccompanied rj girl at jj watching a match between sr and ny is really not a normal sight, i.e. it might attract things i'm not emotionally capable of handling. so... i'm really soopa pissed right now. and there's no outlet. aaaaaaaarggh! one day... one day i'll be mean to my friends.. and then they'll know how i feel. i know i'm already mean, and not just mean, but mean, but i'm only mean to non-friends or people i really dun like [acherli the latter is a subset of the former.]. so one day i'll be mean to my friends. no, then that'll make them non-friends too. aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggh. time for rasuk therapy. the only way of calming me at the highest point of internal unrest.
bye.

You are Wolverine!

A loner by nature, you feel uncomfortable when
around those you don't know and even those you
do. You are awkward when it comes to
relationships, but fiercely loyal to those you
love.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the good ol' classic sunset. Romantical
and serene, you're genuine nature will
guarentee you an incredible amount of pain in
this life as you realize how many phony
hypocrites are out there. Sooner or later
you'll decide to stop hating them and start
helping them. Don't expect anything, give your
love without abandon and you will reap
countless rewards.

You are not greedy. Thank you for your flexibility
and willingness to compromise. Yeah you can be
stubborn, but for the most part, you're willing
to hang loose.

Know this...that no matter what, you are loved.


-~Which SUNSET are you? (v.2)~-
brought to you by Quizilla

it was a cool game larh.. i cheered myself hoarse.. rj got the first goal.. sum guy called isaac.. then sa got a goal in the 2nd half. i was just dying. of disappointment, heat, etc etc.. hmm... who was there.. sum indonesian sa guy... 2 persons away frm dee2.. saw the sa guy from friday.. the one i thot was cute.. den.. adam.. and his frens.. sorry the coffees weren't there.. yah that was about it.. raihan's parents and adil's mom came too.. isn't that cool?
yah anyway.. we probably won't get thru.. but don't tell anyone i said that. bye.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb

Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

-CHORUS-
[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I can't wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I cant wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me
To life

-CHORUS-
[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I can't wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I can't wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing I've become

{Bring me to life}
[Ive been living a lie..Theres nothing inside]
{Bring me to life}

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

[All of this I, I cant believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me]

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything

[Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul]
{Dont let me die here}{You must be sacrificed}
Bring me to life

-CHORUS-
[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I can't wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I can't wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life
[Ive been living a lie.. Theres nothing inside]
Bring me to life
by Evanescence.

Where the boys are, someone waits for me
A smilin' face, a warm embrace, two arms to hold me tenderly

Where the boys are, my true love will be
He's walkin' down some street in town and I know he's lookin' there for me

In the crowd of a million people I'll find my valentine
And then I'll climb to the highest steeple and tell the world he's mine

Till he holds me I'll wait impatiently
Where the boys are, where the boys are
Where the boys are, someone waits for me

Till he holds me I'll wait impatiently
Where the boys are, where the boys are
Where the boys are, someone waits for me
Connie Francis' Where The Boys Are, resurrected by Kimberley Locke. You go, girl!

Siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan
Tak menarik hati, tiada memikat
Kalaulah memang tak mungkin aku tertarik
Kalaulah sungguh tak mungkin aku kan jatuh

Aduhai... lemah lembut gayanya
Serta manis senyumnya
Hitam pekat rambutnya
Ayuh ambil si dia

Di antara gadis gadis seluruh dunia
Tiada yang sehalus mulus oh setulus dia
Di antara gadis gadis seluruh dunia
Tiada yang sehalus mulus oh setulus dia
Budi bahasanya, pandangan matanya
Sentuhan jiwanya membuatku terlena
Othman Hamzah's Gadis Melayu. not too many of those around these days, are there?

i can't believe itz been 20 days since i last blogged properly. it was SO painful, i can tell you. and it's kinda a little hard getting back into the game. i'm still mad at her for making me give up blogging for so long. and if she finds this one, i'll kill her. i swear i will.. i'll get beer to kill her. and her friends, to boot. how dare she continue to bother me.
anyway, i was at the bus stop this morning.. feeling kinda sad cos hichael was nowhere in sight. anyway then 198 came and i was looking out for frappe, but only his sidekick stepped out. darn. then mag came.. and then hichael walked past.. then i turned around and frappe was there with sidekick! i was simply dying. haha. silver headfones and all... wow... and hichael looked just as good.. so nice to see him.. he looks good even from 100 metres away, and even better 1 metre away.. hahah.. well.. bye... don't worry, i'll get my flair for blogging back soon..

You still scared, I'll be scared too, it's cool though just holla back aight.

(Verse 1)
All alone I'm not feeling wanted
Try to wait but my body's calling
You're the one so why don't you come and, rescue me
I'll be here while you're on your way
Counting down till I see your face
Hurry up cos i love the way you rescue me
Now you're here come on out the rain
Soaking wet body's glistening
Finally we can do something, so rescue me
Can't believe how it's going down
I'm, so obsessed with this love I found
It got my head spinning round and round, just rescue me

(chorus)
All night long take me away to another place
Rescue me, save me, save me, save me
All night long take me away to another place
Rescue me, save me, save me, save me

(verse 2)
I come alive when i feel your touch
And i could drown in this pool of love
You could get what i'm thinking of, come rescue me
What you think couldn't be replaced
If you was gone i would find a way
To get you back cause i love the way you rescue me
Laying here with you in the dark
I always knew that you could shift my heart
When I'm with you i don't wanna stop, so rescue me
Only you can fufill my needs
Take me away from this agony
I wanna live out my fantasy, just rescue me

(chorus 4x)
All night long take me away to another place
Rescue me, save me, save me, save me
All night long take me away to another place
Rescue me, save me, save me, save me
damn pro song.. "rescue", by ashanti..

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, virtues and
vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do.

One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide and seek!" All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!"

And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..."

As Madness counted the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage. Fondness curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the centre of the earth. Lie said that it would hide uder a stone,
but hid at the bottom of the lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And Madness continued to count: ". .seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love. Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..."

Just when Madness got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid. And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of the earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."

Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rose bush. Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes. Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have left you blind! How can I repair it?"

And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide." And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

i had a lovely time at school today. it wasn't what i was dreading.. and since it WAS wednesday today, all the klasses were more or less relaxed. anyway, yah so i had a bearable time in skl today.. and plus after skl, it already stopped raining.. so i walked to the mrt station with sya.. and like, from about 100 metres or so away, i saw this guy ah. and i thot he was latte.. then i asked sya. and then we decided he wasn't.. so we continued walking. and when we reached the nearest-to-mrt carpark, i saw the guy again with his friend.. same distance, but i realised whose grey sportsbag he was carrying. it was adam. then he walked towards this white 2-seater sports car with his friend.. and he stood there admiring the car for so long, we managed to catch up to him. sigh. i felt like buying the car then, just so he could have it.. he was really in love with the car.. even as he walked away, he kept turning back to look at the car.. wow.. i just felt so.. heartened for him.. sigh. anyway.. i was really running late then so i walked faster and overtook him and went to meet rachel who was waiting next to the today stand. and as we made the "transaction", i felt like we were doing some sort of drug deal, cos 2 of her friends were standing there with her while she sat on the ledge.. and sya was buying the new paper then [adam already bought it! presumably in ghim moh..].. and adam came walking up.. alone, this time.. i guess his friend takes the bus or smthg. and he was looking at us, making the transaction. at least, in our direction, so i like to believe he was.. sigh. he's really too hot for words. i realise he's acherli not good-LOOKING at all, but somehow.. he's just appealing.. haha. whatever rite? im just nuts. anyway i was in a great mood, basically.. except that i never figured out which train he took.. darn.. nvm.. i shall find out another time.. i have the rest of the year to find out..
anyway.. here i was, in a great mood for the first time in weeks cos i finally got my crumpler and a barrierless viewing of my biggest crush at this point of time [i've had bigger], THEN this nora person had to spoil it. first she called me. when i answered, she put down the fone. k, whatever rite? so many unidentified people, especially mimlims, somehow get hold of my number and try to "make frens" with me.. i know there's always an ulterior motive somewhere, but i usually can't see it at first.. so i just play along or ignore them.. anyway, this nora person msged me, asking "hi is this ain?" so i asked who that was and she sed i probably don't know her [damn right i didn't!] so i asked for her name and she told me.. den she told me that my ex is her ex too.. and that's when i went, -sigh-. i really don't understand why these people refuse to give me a break. i consider all that a huge mistake that should never really be part of my colourful history. and i've tried so hard to forget it. and i've succeeded, most of the time, and i'm leading a great life now, without having to remember that mistake of mine. then someone comes along and gives me a call or a message, therefore succeeding in bringing back that stupid mistake into my mind. it's not fair. i'm trying to be a good girl now, and they come and try to mess up my life. why do they have to do that? what's so special about me that someone physically one year younger and emotionally 5 years younger cannot forget OR get over me? i'm just so pissed. i'm getting on with my life so why can't these people get on with theirs? it's been 2 years. just forget it. and leave me alone.

the whole of yesterday and the bulk of today, i was online. but i wasn't chatting. i was updating my webbie. no, make that REVAMPING my webbie. i realised it was a real mess.. really ugly and noisy and basically gross, with all those hideous cloud buttons extraing around.. so i decided it was high time i got rid of the ugly old thing and make a nice new one. ok, the new one is not THAT nice, but it's definitely nicer. it's simpler. and easier to navigate. so. yah. i got rid of the stupid lyrics and poems pages too. i mean, WHO wants to read my poems? really! it's preposterous. haha. so now it's frames, which i've been wanting to do for a long time, and the links are to this blog and pictures. that's about all. i'm really proud of it. hee. especially the frames part. i typed in a search string and found a nice webbie that gave the code for frames.. so.. yah.. and my mousetrails stay.. i've always loved my mousetrails.. ooh and i made a new test! it's called "who's your vik?" and the viks are... well, if you've taken the test you should know at least 4 of them. haha.. yah and plus, today i updated my acgs webbie, which is, i think, my best one to date. it just looks so organised and sounds so professional. and it sounds mature too. i decided to throw away the silly school creed and school song.. it just looked and sounded so dumb.. and it's all in frames too! so.. yah i'm proud of my achievements.. but i won't link to the acgs webbie. it could incriminate me really badly. ha. bye.

sum guy from council.. the secretary.. forgot his name but his initials are wm.. haha.. anyway he called me just now.. told me my interview date and time and all.. and now im just so skared.. i mean, i dunno, with the unfortunate circumstances these couple of weeks i kinda fell into this reassurance tt i'd never have to go through the interview.. and stuff.. and that somehow when skl finally reopened, there wld be no such thing as council elections anymore.. now the realization has hit me.. and i just dunno how im gonna get through the interview.. and the campaigning.. and all that.. alone.. im too much of a coward to ask rachel or whoever if i can run with them.. so.. yah i'll be going through this alone. im really not sure why im doing this when i won't be voted in anyway.. but i have to get through it anyway, not because everyone in the council exco will hate me if i pull out now, but because i refuse to disappoint myself. like i sed, i've wanted to be in council since EVER, and i owe it to myself to just give it a try. if i die trying [you can die in many ways], at least i can say i tried. and then i'll know it wasn't me who disappointed myself. but im still very skared. and im not like, dying for skl to reopen now..
so im glad they decided to extend the closure by 2 days [for jcs, tt is].. it'll give me time to think in peace.. plus i have a few extra days to try and run and complete 2 more pages of econs essay..

it was such a long long loooooooonnng downpour.. and i was just chilling, pickling myself.. watching a horrible confused movie on rcti.. and reading.. reading.. reading.. i dunno i guess i realised how much i really love reading.. i've loved it since i KNEW how to read.. and i just forgot about that love until i finished my 4th novel of the holiday today.. and im so grateful for the break.. for making me realise my first inanimate love. ha.
oh ive been feeling extremely restless lately.. itz been such a nightmare trying to sleep. i went to bed at 12.05 yest.. and i was still tossing and turning at 2 am.. i have no idea when i acherli fell asleep, but im glad i finally did. but even in sleep i was restless.. i had this funny dream about being at sum skl where fana was watching 2 bball teams playing.. anyway it was a horrible dream.. there was a girl on the other team [i.e. the one we weren't supporting], she was playing opposite the guy fana liked [who, btw, was NOT cute!], and she wasn't wearing underwear!!! and she was wearing a netball skirt! or smthg! yarh.. and then i could hear mvp valentine songs playing.. sheesh.. stupid dream!

in case itz hard to read, itz
a Noticeably Obliging Romantic who Adores Incredible Niceness..
yah well.. im gonna go now..
oh wait. i discovered that victoriassecret.com really does have incredible stuff to ogle at!!! wow!