Bye bye Studio 1!

 

In 2018, I was heading to Zumba class when I saw "The Brass Barre" printed on the directory of the same building. Immediately intrigued, I looked up the website, started obsessing, then booked my trial class! I was so excited to learn how to dance sexily! (Yes, that was my main motivation, but it doesn’t have to be everyone's.) And, well, we can all see where I am today.

I didn't join TBB to make friends, but it happened anyway. Despite my grumpy face and keeping to myself, I met Esther at Queen Street when she asked for tissue and directions to the toilet, Ishie during her first performance week at Studio 1 looking nervous but killing it, Yibong always being zany in class and singing along during warmups (unfathomable to me), Des and Aileen looking like the coolest devil and angel at the Halloween Freestyle Battle.. I can't keep going because I'll cry.

Change is hard and that's why "change management" is a whole module we go through in the corporate world. So when TBB completely closed the Queen Street studio, I was a little sad. The chill, literal old school vibes of the area were great, like you feel cool when you hang out there, without feeling crowded out like you do on Orchard Road. (Esther wasn't sad though; she was overjoyed to leave the creepy toilet behind.) But I wasn't too sad because the flagship Orchardgateway studio was so nice, with a proper reception area to hang out in!

You know how when we were children, we thought of our parents as superheroes, and we took for granted that they would always be around? It's very crushing the first time we realise how vulnerable our parents are, just like us. I've been attending classes at multiple studios, so I'm not at TBB every term like how I used to be, at the start. But I guess I think of TBB as my parent in the pole world. This closure of essentially half the studio space is a blow to me because it feels like the studio is being injured and I don't want it to be!

And of course, to think of what it means to the amazing instructors who teach there. And the loss of our shared spaces - Studio 1 where we had six performance showcases a year, and many other ad hoc performances besides, plus that one time Toxotic booked out the studio using our Privilege Club credits (?) for a full squad pole prac session; Queens Room where we would also try to book out the studio by individually booking pp slots and mess around together; and the reception and locker area where we'd hang out in between, before, and after classes like we didn't have a home to go back to.

But also maybe I'm just being oversentimental as always. Let's hope this is just a blip and the TBB community can all get through this together and continue kicking ass in the studio.

This was taken just before VK yelled at us because we were holding up her class. I was scared of her for months afterwards! Sorry love you VK!

 

 

 

Pole Practice – The Evolution

 I love going for pole prac because it gives my brain and body the time to process whatever I’d learned in class. Class moments are always slightly panicky, where you barely hear your teacher’s instructions and you’re just instinctively grabbing on with a random limb in order not to fall and die. Or even just to do a pirouette - ugly as it was, at least you turned on cue, right? But you do want to do it the right way eventually. And that’s why I enjoy the space that pole prac gives me.

How it started

The strength and mind-body connection of pole was a struggle for me. I was (still am) overweight and I’d never done weight training stuff consistently. I was dying to nail the moves and I knew that relying on just class time wasn’t gonna cut it. I’m also a compulsive planner. So I made a list of moves I would practise, along with the time I would spend on each:

I started with the exact same warmup the teacher went through in class, then I slowly and nervously started practising the tricks. I then realised the tricks+time to spend wasn’t the best plan, so I made myself do each trick three times on each side. For tricks I couldn’t do yet, like cradle spin or spin climb, I had to do three good attempts per side. After I was done with tricks, I’d run through the class choreo at least twice. I just felt like three times a side was sufficient to prevent half-assing the trick due to penat (tiredness), leading to possible injury. Cradle was especially hard because I couldn’t find the right positioning to avoid overloading my bottom wrist.

Of course, during beginner days, there weren’t that many moves to train, plus I didn’t know how to connect the moves into combos, so I had plenty of time to kill during the standard 90-minute pole prac. It was a lot of do this trick – fail – look nervously around – sit and watch the video playback – try again. These days, I don’t even have time to watch my videos properly until I’m in the bus home.

Intermediate Ain

Finally got the hang of spin climb, so I moved on to the next level, yay! My pole vocabulary expanded with the ankle grabs and choppers in tricks class and floor moves in chair and exo classes. Suddenly I needed to not be shy and ask random people to spot me during my invert and handstand attempts. (The nicer random people offered to spot me when they saw me struggling <3) Or use the mats, which I found useless for handstands since there’s no wrist support. Unless your mat is extra firm? Idk. Also, inverts are hard so there’s a lot of conditioning required. As my pole vocab grew, I became more interested in creating choreos and freestyling to my favourite songs, instead of the instructor’s chosen songs. So now the second half of my pp time was spent doing dancey stuff – practising class choreos, freestyling, and making up my own choreos.

Home pole

The silver lining in the dark cloud of Covid-19 was the arrival of my home pole in May 2020! Again, a billion thanks to my parents for allowing me to have one in their space, and for helping me put it up! What a game changer. I could listen to my own music all day and practise dumb things without fear of judgement. (Yes, I fear judgement.) I was able to do lunchtime pole prac every single workday! The pole room has no aircon, though, so I would do tricks for 10-15 mins before getting too sweaty and moving on to dance stuff for the rest of the session. Still! I came up with some fun routines during that period.

 I continued to book studio pole prac, maybe once a fortnight, so I could get the floor space, heels slideablity, and aircon that my home pole didn’t allow.

I break down my home pole stuff in this PompanJoget post.

Advent of private practice studios  

My life changed even more dramatically when the first private pole practice studio, Sirene, opened in late 2020! A safe space with proper floors and a proper mirror to climb and dance however I wanted? Sign me up! With careless abandon, I just started doing whole-studio bookings for just myself and.. I’ve never looked back. I did try booking a single pole a couple of times, but I found it mildly stressful to keep the other person(s) in mind spatially and musically and.. Nope. Whole studio it is. Sometimes I invite my friends, if they’re free to join me! But I really enjoy this time to explore by myself and do silly shit like my M Nasir tarian thing and afrobeats warmups and random ballet turns across the floor.

I promise that I’m using the time productively and that I’m not just taking a nap or browsing IG for half the session. Now my general goals had shifted from just “attain the level tricks, clean up class choreos, create your own stuff” to “attain the level tricks, clean up class choreos, film a nice run of class choreos, create your own stuff”. It takes me about three takes to get an okay run of class choreo, so that’s almost a third of the session. Overall, that looks like:

• 15 mins – warmup
• 20 mins – tricks (still doing the three good attempts approach)
• 20-30 mins – run through and film the class choreo
• 20-30 mins – do fun stuff (take cute pics, freestyle, choreograph something)
• 10 mins – pack up and go!

How it's going

As I get more comfortable with pole, my general goals are now in the “do what makes you happy” region. So there’s still a lot more dancing than tricks practice. When booking choreo classes, 70% of the ones I choose are somewhat in my comfort zone so that I don’t really need to spend pole prac time on them. (“Comfort zone” = old school/slinky stuff with no inverts; “Anxiety zone” = anything with inverts, dancing in heels without holding a pole, contemporary stuff.) For home pp, I spend half an hour foam rolling (SO GOOD) then practise mainly tricks and some floor inversions (shoulder stand, elbow stand, handstand), and skip the heels dancing entirely so that I don’t have to remove the foam mats from around the pole.

I still book at least one studio session every two weeks to do the fun stuff. It’s the best form of me-time. Every pp session has a mental to-do list. Last Friday it was:

• 2 chair-pole contemp combos (right side)
• 2 aerial invert attempts (left side)
• Other chair-pole trippy tricks/moves (spiral, soutenu or whatever that turn is called)
• 2 runs of chair-pole, including 1 with the invert combo at the end
• 1-2 runs of Este Old Skool choreo
• 1x PJ bottoms dancing

And I’m happy to report that I managed all of it! Although all the aerial inverts didn’t reach the V-stage. I refuse to dwell on them for the entire session though, because tricks are boring and dance is fun!

Here's how a typical fortnight looks like for me:

Week	Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat
1	Rest	Class	Studio PP	Class	Class	PP@home	Rest
2	Rest	-Class -Studio PP	Rest	Studio PP	Class	PP@home	Rest

See? It’s not that many pole pracs, right?

BGT - Final Thoughts

 I wanted to blog yesterday - something like a "day before the competition" check-in post, but I completely forgot what I wanted to write about. 

So here I am, 8 hours after the competition ended! 

Here's the "mood board" I created of how I envisioned my performance to be like. Miss Fisher of Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries because I love her forever, Jessica Rabbit in her iconic rendition of Why Don't You Do Right, and Cyd Charisse in almost anything. Beads and pearls and other things that shine, and the China doll cap of hair that Miss Fisher sports. 

And here's what I ended up with in the end. I got my hair cut short to sorta match Miss Fisher's hairstyle, but didn't go for the straight bangs because I sweat a lot, and it would have ruined the look anyway. It's incredible just how many things there are to stress about in a performance - whether your pussy lips will peek out, whether your hair will obscure your face when you're making a cool expression, whether your top might come unzipped. So although I bought two lovely headpieces that matched my mood board, I decided not to wear them for the performance. I didn't want to spend another precious 20% of my brain space fretting over whether a headpiece would stay in place. Also, I would need copious amounts of hairspray to keep my hair looking neat. Malas beb.

Day of

Everyone was really nice and supportive of each other and I loved that. And generally, I didn't feel any nerves, until it came time for me to walk on "stage". They start off asking you to introduce yourself and answer a question like "Why did you start pole dancing?" and "How has pole dancing changed your life, if at all?" I detest public speaking. Like, I really do. You can make me dance anything in front of a bunch of strangers, but for me to talk to them about myself? I hated it. I was trying reaaaalllly hard not to cry, but too bad my voice was shaking despite my efforts. I drew strength from my beautiful smiling friends though - Christine and Cynthia, thanks for showing up for me these past weeks and today!! Toxotic gang is truly one of the best things I have gained from pole dancing. 

Anyway, I performed. Stumbled a bit at the start, but I thought the rest of it was great. I really do adore performing. I like to play a character and shove it in the audience's face. I need to be playing a character on stage in order to feel comfortable - I can't just be me, lol. That's how it has always been. 

When we went back in for the results, I wanted to just schlep in in my Exowear jumpsuit, but Farhana stopped me, thankfully. But I was malas to put my heels back on because I'm not gonna win anything, after all. I even mentally reminded myself to practise my Gracious Loser face. 

So I was really shocked when they announced my name for second runner-up! Immediately started tearing up, which might explain why I look so tortured in my photos with Viv. I'm so happy and proud that my lil chorey and my execution of it got me placed! It was truly all I could have hoped for, after seeing all the amazing performances by the other competitors. 

Y'all wouldn't believe how much money (on sequined top, Pearl's Hill Studio whole studio bookings, random tools like styling mousse and mascara, and of course the headpieces I didn't wear), tears, and brain space (including multi-tasking during work hours to think through my routine) I have poured into this competition. Admittedly, most of this pouring is because of my own standards, and not the studio/judges forcing anything. But.. Yeah this is just how I tackle things - I kind of put my all and more into it. So I'm really thankful for the result, and I would like to compete again someday, but only after I've gotten stronger (as in, can aerial invert beautifully 100% of the time, plus maybe shouldermount). 

Anyway, there's no Exo Gen category for Campy Burlesque Extravaganza yet. 😜

BGT Prep Part 3

Okay, so the first version of the choreo was done. I started in early October and submitted it on 7 November, so I guess the process took about a month, which I was quite proud of, considering I was doing two term classes up to mid-October, and four (!!) term classes from 17 October. Why did I sign up for four classes? Cos I rambang mata, that's why. It did help that I didn't spend practice time on three of those classes, I suppose.

Costume-wise, I was envisioning a beaded 1920s-style top with a kain wrapped around me slinkily to look like Jessica Rabbit's dress, and I just rip off the kain at the start of the piece. But when I tested it, my legs were fucking trapped by the kain, so I reduced the cloth size to just a scarf around my neck. I was looking for something to match my ASOS top, and realised that the gold headscarf my mom bought me earlier this year is the perfect colour, so in it went. It's just draped on my neck at the start, and I swish it a couple times, then I ball it up and throw it away, as if I'm disgusted by you, the lover I'm pursuing.

Anyway, okay, submitted. I was so afraid that I would immediately be rejected at the preliminary judging round, because I don't have any aerial tricks in my piece. But I generally felt better than I did in October, as it was a load off my shoulders regardless.

The judges' comments came back within the week and.. Colour me shocked - they didn't say "Hello please add more tricks into your piece!" Instead, they basically wanted me to milk my moves and interact with the audience a bit more by moving away from the pole. Okay, that was totally unexpected to me. My brain started frantically thinking of which bits I could cut out to make room for the whole "let go of the pole and flirt with the audience" thing. At the same time, I was also wondering, But it's a pole competition, how come I have to let go of the pole? Also also, Tania was like, Don't throw away the scarf, you should reincorporate it later in the routine. I was like, Crap, why did I pandai-pandai go and include a prop?

But then! I started watching the Invert Bend and Balance Symposium videos from 15 November, where many of the speakers basically echoed whatever the judges advised me. They shared that the key to a successful pole performance was not a bunch of powerful tricks but instead making the audience root for your character. And that if you have a prop, you need to be interacting with it for most of the time that the prop is on stage. Otherwise, the audience will be distracted by wondering what's gonna happen with the prop. I learned so much from the symposium, and I'm glad I took time out to watch the videos.

I was sad, though. I really liked this one Kira Noire archback-slide-to-shoulderpike move that I put in the piece, and I was loath to remove it. But ohwell, we want to win this competition, do we not? Take it out and put it in another future choreo lor. 

So yeah, scrapped maybe 30-40 seconds of the piece and replaced it with me rolling to the front and glaring (jeling, in Malay) at the audience, strangling myself with the scarf, standing up sexily, whipping the imaginary lover with my scarf, etc. I did think it looked waaay better after the changes, and I submitted it to the judges in early December during the feedback clinic. They also thought it looked better, and started giving me technical notes this time. So yay I guess!

Since then, I haven't practised the routine as much as I'd like to - only five pole pracs (2-3 full runs per prac) based on my calendar. It's partly because I'm starting to get tired of the song, I'm afraid I will lose the emotional engagement if I overpractise, and all the practising is starting to feel artificial without an audience. I find that for class choreos, even though I have it down pat for in-class performances, the moment I get to showtime, I forget some shit or end up doing other nonsense moves. So.. haha I'm so scared I will do it for this!

Also the scariest part I think is the "standing up sexily" part. Ya I can stand up fine in a static practice, but in the momentum of the choreo, sometimes I lose my balance. And if I lose my balance, I lose my face. I haven't fallen down yet but oh my God is it my biggest fear for this piece. 

I made a list of the elements which I might screw up and ended up with ten things! Ten! And me with no more private studio pracs until the competition!

Okay so. Whatever. I will try not to overthink this. If you're catching the competition, I hope you enjoy the performance and know that I tried my best to stay calm for you, the audience. Lol.

BGT Prep Part 2

 

I'm back! Feeling slightly better after my midweek angst. I did cry last night at It's A Wonderful World, but who wouldn't, eh?

I took the above photo last night. It's the hardest trick from my BGT piece, and it's clearly inspired from Ceci's Old School choreos. I went through dozens of entry and exit attempts before I found one that (mostly) worked. I also added leg circles before the exit at Ishie's suggestion, which is another risky move because if I don't engage my core enough, I'll fall out of it. 

I took the above photo because I wanted to prove to myself after the last post that I can still take great pictures. To remind myself that we have our off days, but most of the time, we can still excel in things we are good at. And to appreciate those moments when we have them. 

Let's now talk about a happier sub-topic of this BGT experience - the choreo creation! I usually pick the song before I start choreographing, and I did the same here. I made a shortlist of the songs I wanted to use, and their corresponding themes:

• Apa Sia by Fariz Jabba - cool hip-hop exo 
• Your Heart Is As Black As Night by Melody Gardot - sexy sensual showgirly 
• Oh Na Na by Masia One - flirty hip-hop exo
• Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse soundtrack (What's Up Danger or Scared of the Dark) - fierce/emo hip-hop exo
• Why I Still Love You by Missy Elliott - groovy exo
• Almost Paradise by Mike Reno - barefoot contemp

I actually really wanted to try Almost Paradise because it would be fun and challenging to try to emote everything into a Vanda-like contemp choreo with cool shapes. But I eventually plumped for Melody Gardot, because (a) I've been wanting to do a broody injured-Catwoman music video to it for like a year; (b) the costume would be the easiest to identify with - I was thinking Miss Fisher fan dance meets Jessica Rabbit; and (c) the song duration was like 10-20 seconds above the 2.5 minute requirement, and those extra seconds could be cut easily without losing the song's feeling. 

So then I had to work on the actual moves. First I had to decide what cool tricks I would put into it. Inverts and handstands are out, since I can't do those during peacetime, let alone in the middle of a full choreo. But I can do shoulder stands and some pirouettes! Those are considered technically difficult, right? So in went the Ceci shoulder stand split. Also it had been more than six months since my last shoulder stand split, so I had to teach myself to do it again. It was painful, especially for my obliques and butt, and I still get bruises on my supporting shoulder now, but beauty is pain. Then there was one sax-y music interlude that I had to insert the Daphne Lux 16 Shots twisty-grip "step back many times" move into - it's my favourite part of the piece. Then I just filled in the rest by freestyling and seeing what worked. 

I did most of this first part with my home pole, in socks because I couldn't be bothered removing the foam mat from the dance area. The first time I brought it to the studio, I nearly died because a lot of the socks move did not translate to heels, at my prevailing level of flexibility! So I had to revise some moves in the studio. From then on, aside from the shoulder stand combo, I just choreoed in the studio, because I didn't want to lose precious time from this whole socks-heels ability gap. 

But I totally appreciate my home pole for giving me the extra time and space I needed to create the choreo early! I am blessed.

Okay the tone of this post is much happier than the last one, so I'm glad I managed to fight my destructive thoughts. More on the choreo process in the next post!

BGT Prep

I've been on the verge of tears for the past couple of weeks, which is depressing to admit, considering my birthday was yesterday, and you're supposed to be happy on your birthday (!). 

I can't pinpoint why exactly I feel this way. There's some loneliness because I've literally been alone for most of this past week, there's some disappointment because I was hoping to have moved into my new home for my birthday - my ID promised, back in March! - but I suspect it's the whirlwind of emotions surrounding my recent decision to join Breathe's Got Talent. 

Yeah, it started out normally, with the usual pit of nervousness gathering in my stomach every time I thought of the competition, and the restless energy involved in my choreography process, etc. But with the competition less than a month away, I'm feeling feelings that I'm sure are unhealthy.

We had an informal photoshoot the other day to take the promo pics that the studio would post on Instagram. I didn't feel nervous at all, because aren't I used to photoshoots? Don't people always comment on what a natural I am at posing for the camera? I let myself feel buoyed by those past positive comments, and assumed I'd do just fine this round. But then the studio texted me that evening to say, Hey, the photos on your Instagram have much nicer lines, would you wanna use those instead? And I felt really disappointed and betrayed by myself. How could I have failed something as simple as a photoshoot? How could a random photo taken with a self-timer in Pearl's Hill Studio be nicer than a photo taken by someone else? Am I really as capable as I think I am? 

But I mean, it could just have been my off day, right? People are allowed to have those. So I just buried those feelings as best as I could, and moved on with life. 

Then this week, the studio started posting the series of promo photos, and everyone so far - three ladies - look fucking phenomenal, and all the photos are taken in the studio, so won't I be the only dumbass whose promo photo is taken in a totally different pole studio? And why do they all look so good, while my shots didn't pass muster? I'm never gonna get enough likes on my photo to prop up my scores. 

I'm so angry with my body for betraying me on photoshoot day, and so sad that I didn't get a chance to make it right, and now I don't even want to see my promo photo if and when it's ever posted. Why didn't the studio offer me another chance to shoot again? Why do I care about this so much?!

Well, who joins a competition not wanting to win? Of course I want to win. I know I'm not the strongest and trickiest pole dancer there is, but I am a good performer. I like engaging the audience while I dance. And just like the photoshoots thing, multiple people have told me that they enjoy watching me perform; they enjoy the expression I put into the dance, and I suppose it helps that I can usually remember the choreography, so I'm not distracting the audience or myself by watching for cues from another dancer. So.. these comments also made me think that I might be in with a fighting chance! 

I love dancing so much. Like, I just do. And it's a bit like that time in kindergarten when we did some "mama hen and her chicks" dance - I was jealous of my friend Norlian, who got to be the mama hen in a shiny satin costume, while I was just another chick in a generic chick costume. I want to be the star! I want to capture the audience's attention! I want them to leave the venue with lingering thoughts of how amazing and captivating I was on stage! 

Is that the same as winning the competition? I know sometimes it's not. During TBB's Amateur Night competition, Lily won the competition, but I still think about Rachie's Pink Panther performance the most. 

I keep having to stop typing because I need to cry. I wish I wasn't such a crybaby. 

I struggled with wanting to join this competition, because I hate rejection, and not winning will just equal a rejection to me. But I joined anyway, so it's too late to shy away from imminent rejection now. I just.. don't see a chance at winning this thing. And I will take it personally because it's just who I am, plus I haven't competed enough to develop a healthy lack of attachment to the piece. This piece is a woman flirting with a potential lover, teasing them, smacking them playfully, but really wanting them to want her. Putting a bold face on it all, but inside she's insecure and just wanting approval. I too want the audience's approval. So I guess.. this piece is me. 

And now I have to stop crying and tahan two more weeks and just go out and try to entertain the crowd. 

This post is so self-pitying, but I want to publish anyway, because after 7 January, I might forget all these emotions, and I might make the mistake of joining another competition. 

Don't be skeevy

I'm back after, wow, five years of silence. I've really missed writing, and I guess I neglected it in favour of posting dance videos on Instagram? IDK.

So we're in the middle of COVID-19 years now, which gloriously means we get to work from home (WFH) and attend courses from home too! I attended a CSC course in early Feb this year, to fulfil a requirement of my learning plan on policy-making or whatever. It was a mornings-only course, over three days, and conducted on Zoom with the request to turn on our video so that the lecturer could assess the class engagement better. 

The course was fine - lecturer clearly knows what he's talking about, and I thought the hands-on activities did aid my understanding. He also seems to love talking, and he likes to ask us questions when he thinks we're too quiet. He'd call on people at times, as well. If we had our own questions, we could ask them orally or in the chat. All good, all fine, I could deal with that.

Anyway, on the last day of the course, I was just minding my own business and listening to the content, when I saw a chat pop up, saying something like "You look familiar, are you my neighbour? Blk [redacted] [in neighbouring town]." I was shocked. I thought that the sender had put this in the full chat, but when I calmed down slightly, I realised that he'd messaged me privately. On Zoom. A fellow course attendee, from a different agency, messaged me privately on Zoom. 

Okay, no biggie, it's fine. It's an innocent question. Just because I don't know what any of my neighbours look like, aside from the families living next door and across from us, doesn't mean that other people are as unfriendly and unobservant as I am. So I replied him: "Haha no, I'm in [my town]." 

And he replied something like, "Oh, wonder why you look familiar."

I don't fucking know, get off my back. I ignored him after that, but it crossed my mind that he might have seen my pole content on IG? Oh well, whatever, he's not the boss of me. 

So that was that.

But it wasn't! A couple of days ago, an unknown account messaged me on IG, saying I looked familiar. This private account had 1 post, was following 80ish others, and had 80ish followers itself. It wasn't actually following me, though. From the profile pic, it looked vaguely like this CSC course guy, so I replied, "Haha are you the [agency he's from] guy?" And yes, yes he was. 

At first he was just asking normal innocuous things like am I still working from home, etc. He mentioned that my IG posts were cool. Then he went ahead to say "if you don't mind we can continue talking on WhatsApp" and gave me his number. 

And it just really bothered me. 

A while later, I replied, "Oh but you know I'm married, right?" 

And he said, "Oh I'm married too. It's only if you don't mind talking on WhatsApp," or something to that effect.

I'm still disturbed, actually. Why does it bother me? After all, my IG is essentially a pole dancing account, so I get creeps and randos following me etc. Let me try to puzzle out why, or if I'm just being a prude. (Which is quite ironic, considering the type of person I was 10 years ago.)

I don't like "work people" on my socials
When I was working with some regular volunteers, one of them sent me a Facebook friend request. I ignored it. He's a really nice guy who's always polite and respectful, and very generous with his knowledge. But I just didn't want to interact with him on a personal level. Same goes for most of my colleagues, unless we're already friends. 

I don't want to be friends with men
Not sure if this has anything to with being married, but I have heterosexual male friends from before I got married, and we don't even chat unless there's something to chat about! Okay, actually I don't have many such friends hahaha. There's Zul and Mizi who were Cutes' friends first. I interact with Zul on IG over his adorable kid, and Cutes and I hang out with Mizi sometimes. There's Suff, whose rising writing career I support sometimes. 
Chatting with strangers is so tiring to me. I can't think of why I would chat with anyone, male or female, on the regular, unless we already have something in common. My school friends, my pole friends, my Zumba friends, some friends I met through a crisis work project, etc. These friendships were formed organically after we participated in activities together and found common interests. That's what holds us together, right? I mean, we talk about other topics too, like families and stuff, and we find out things that are different from each other, but then we laugh about those differences, and we bond together even more. 
I'm not the most popular person in the world, but I don't feel the need for more friends. My life is full and busy with work, endless classes, and time with Cutes. Even if I did want extra friends, I would make them at the ballet or pole studio. I'm not about to seek someone out from a work-related event and start getting to know them. Please, Cutes and I didn't even stay in touch with the people from our Spanish class!
I guess this turned into I don't want to be forced to be friends. This isn't kindergarten anymore, I can choose who I wish to be friends with. 

I think I'm disturbed because this incident implies that this married men in particular is just going around trying to make friends with random women he encounters in his daily life. Just.. giving out his number and wanting to get to know women through texting. Or, ugh, possibly calling. (I hate calling people. It's been this way ever since I was in primary school, when my friends would write their numbers in my autograph books and I would do.. absolutely nothing with that information.) It's skeevy, isn't it skeevy? I would not be happy with my husband if he was doing that. I hope he's not doing that. 

Isn't it so achingly painful and awkward to do that dance of "what's your age? what are your hobbies? favourite food? favourite music?" (By the way, most of these questions can be answered by scrolling through my public IG feed.) What is the intended payoff of that? We can visit each others' houses for Raya? Our kids can have playdates? We can go have lunch and talk about.. What? What do we have in common?!

I don't think I'm isteri mithali or anything, but I don't want to chat with any man on the regular, unless it's my husband. He's the only man I find interesting right now. Except for, y'know, dashing celebrities like Jason Momoa and Sonny Bill Williams. So don't try making friends with me. We hit it off at our shared activity, or we don't, and that's the end of it.